


This Life

by hglndlassie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Castiel and Dean Winchester Being Idiots, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean in panties (sort of), Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Kid Fic, M/M, Mpreg, Mutual Pining, Omega Dean, Protective Castiel, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-09-15 08:22:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 138,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16929783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hglndlassie/pseuds/hglndlassie
Summary: After graduation, Cas leaves Kansas for Harvard, leaving Dean at KU.  Dean knew it was for the best, but when he finds out that Cas left him with a parting gift, life takes a different turn.  Dean struggles to raise his daughter on his own and just when he feels like the ground is solidifying under his feet, Cas appears in town again.  Will they have a second chance at happiness?  And what will happen when Cas finds out he has a daughter?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thanks for reading my first fic! I have no one to proof the work so please let me know if you find any mistakes. I like to switch tenses, sorry! I took a few liberties here and there with reality and how things might actually work but since you guys are reading an A/B/O story about a pregnant man I thought you'd be able to deal. My goal was to post something by the end of the year, so here goes. I'll try and update regularly, but we'll see!
> 
> Also, I don't own these characters.

Dean glanced around as he shut his locker. Cas should be meeting him any minute. It was their routine to spend a few minutes together before first period. Just as he was slinging his backpack over his shoulder, he smelled him. His scent was so perfect. Every time Cas got close to him he wanted to bury his face in his boyfriend’s neck and just breathe forever. Dean smiled to himself. Cas’ crisp fresh rain and sunshine scent was beginning to smell more and more like home. Home. 

They had been dating for almost two years now. The only good thing coming out of him presenting as an Omega was that Cas was already an Alpha. The natural progression from their childhood friendship into dating happened almost without them noticing. Dean wasn’t fooling himself that the progression into mates would be the same. Cas was way, way out of his league. He knew it when he met him in 3rd grade and he knows it now. Cas’ family was from money. Old money and a successful business empire with trips to Europe and dinner jackets for Thursday nights. Dean’s whole apartment could fit into Cas’ room alone. Cas never mentioned it, but Dean was well aware. He knew that Cas’ family had plans for Cas and those plans certainly didn’t involve an Omega who wore shirts from the Goodwill and ate mac and cheese out of a box three nights a week because that was all they could afford.

Dean was distracted from his thoughts by a soft kiss on the side of his neck. Right where a mating mark would go someday. Dean shivered at Cas’ touch and bared his neck to his Alpha. Regardless of what the future held, Cas was here now and he was Dean’s Alpha for however long he’d have him. Long, tan arms corded with muscle snaked their way around his waist as Cas leaned his chin on Dean’s shoulders. 

“Hello Dean,” Cas greeted him in a growly voice. It was still early and Cas’ voice was always deeper in the morning. 

“Hello yourself,” Dean replied tilting his head to lay alongside of Cas’. They stood there a moment just breathing in each other’s scent and reacquainting themselves with each other. They had only parted last night after dinner, but for Dean, it was getting harder and harder to be alone at night. Sure, he had his dad and Sammy to take care of, but he was lonely without Cas. His dad had stopped smelling like home a long time ago, which only made the way Cas smelled even more pronounced. Sammy stilled smelled like home too, but gross, that was his baby brother. Different home, different comfort. 

Cas sighed and pulled himself away. Dean reluctantly pulled his head up and turned around. Cas was immediately there claiming his mouth with a sweet kiss. Dean sank into it, inhaling their combined scents. Home, home, mate, mate, home, mate, home, mate. His hindbrain was chanting a steady rhythm in his mind. Cas ended the kiss and stepped back smiling at Dean. His eyes were a clear blue, as beautiful as the ocean and as complex. He was staring at Dean with affection and Dean smiled back.

“Ready?” Cas asked holding out his hand. Dean nodded and smiled again grabbing Cas’ outstretched hand. They had almost all of their classes together. Dean may be poor but he was no slouch when it came to his education. He knew that it was his ticket out and he worked hard to maintain his 3.7 GPA. Lawrence wasn’t a bad town, but he didn’t want to be here forever. Dean wanted to go to college. He wanted to be a teacher. It was something he was looking forward to and thought he’d be good at. His Omega instincts would be perfect for taking care of pups all day long and his natural enthusiasm for teaching anyone new things would be an added bonus. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to have a flexible schedule and time off regularly when he had pups of his own. 

He looked up at Cas again as they were walking down the hallway. What would pups with this man look like? Maybe they’d have his untamable black hair or his squinty eyes when they smiled. Maybe they would be a strong Alpha like Cas, taking leadership like a second skin. Whatever their orientation, they’d be beautiful. Dean sighed because his dreams were all he’d ever have of Cas’ pups. College was looming and Dean wasn’t fool enough to think that he and Cas would be going places together. For one, he still had Sammy to think about. He couldn’t go far with him still at home. 

More often than not, Sam and Dean were on their own for their money and food and whatever else they needed. John worked enough to keep the lights on, but whatever else he made went straight to the booze. He’d work then drown himself in alcohol the rest of the time. His dad wasn’t always like this, but it had been so long now that Dean had only a few memories of a better time and he wasn’t even sure those were real. 

Dean had a part time job at the Roadhouse, a local bar. Ellen and Bobby owned two businesses and the Roadhouse was one of them. Dean had been bussing tables there since he was able to get a learner’s permit and get to work. It wasn’t much, but it gave them what they needed for food and clothes. Now that Sam was 14, he had been begging Dean to let him work too, to share the burden. So far Dean had refused a regular job, though he did let him mow grass and rake leaves and do the occasional odd job or fill in for Ellen if she needed it. Sam was on his way to bigger and better things. He was a genius and Dean would do whatever he could to make sure that Sam had a successful life, even if it meant that he had to put himself on the back burner for a while.

The only reason he was even thinking of college was because when Bobby got wind that he wasn’t going to apply because he needed to stay and take care of Sam he just about lost it. Dean had never seen him so angry both at himself and at John. Bobby had gone on and on about how Dean had a life too, and it wasn’t his job to raise Sam and keep him. Plus, Sam was getting older and could do more for himself. He wouldn’t want Dean to sacrifice himself. Bobby had asked him if he thought Sam could enjoy college and a life it would lead to at Dean’s expense. Dean was all set to just brush off the conversation but Bobby played dirty. He called Ellen and then Sam. Both of them were on his ass light lightning about applying to college. In the end he agreed to apply to in state colleges only.

Which brings him back to looking at Cas. He squeezed his hand as they walked across the threshold to their first period. They had biology and so were able to sit together at a table. Cas squeezed his hand back before letting go to put his backpack on the table. The bell rang just as they were seated and Dean settled in for a lecture and note taking. Dean really liked biology. At this point they were learning about how weres had evolved after the devastation of the first world war. Dean was interested, especially because as a male Omega, he was the part of the species that had changed the most. The class passed quickly as did the day. They separated for third period but came back together for lunch. Jo, Ellen’s daughter, was already at their usual table when he and Cas approached. 

“Hey nerds,” she said, not looking up from her phone. 

“Hello to you too sunshine,” Dean replied. He and Cas took seats next to each other at the table. Cas shifted and pressed his thigh against Dean’s. Dean pressed back, hiding a smile while taking his first bite of sandwich. Aaron, Gabriel and Sam walked into the room together and joined them. 

“Hey bro,” Gabe said as he passed. He ruffled Cas’ hair like he knows he hates and just jumped away smirking when Cas took a swipe at him. He grabbed his chair and turned it around laying his hands on the back. Dean never understood how Cas and Gabe were related. Gabe was only a year younger, but in every possible way they were different. Where Cas was dark hair and blue eyes, Gabe was sandy blond with bright light brown eyes. Gabe was also a good six inches shorter than Cas. Seeing as how Dean had an inch or two on Cas already, Gabe was tiny when he stood next to Dean. Dean was large for an Omega, but Gabe was a beta. 

“So, Cassie,” Gabe started stealing a fry from Cas’ tray. “Did you spill the big news?” Gabe looked up smiling around the fry he had stuffed in his mouth. Dean looked up just in time to see Cas glare at Gabe and feel his leg shift in what must have been a kick under the table. If Gabe’s wince was anything to go by, Cas had hit his mark.  
“No, Gabriel, I have not. I wanted to wait and make sure that things were actually going to go through.” 

Cas’ scent was beginning to change. Dean breathed in as subtly as he could. He could smell that Cas was irritated with Gabe, but just looking at him would confirm that. Under that though, Dean could smell excitement and worry. What was going on?

“Cas?” Dean asked, tentative. He wasn’t sure he was going to like what was coming. All of a sudden his heart was beating a mile a minute. He knew his scent was beginning to show alarm, but he couldn’t reign it in. He knew this was it. He had been waiting, waiting for something, and now it was here. He wished they had eaten in the courtyard today instead of inside. Maybe then Gabe wouldn’t have found them and whatever this was would have waited for another day.

Dean jerked a little when Cas’ had closed over his wrist. He looked up to find everyone looking at him. The worry and anxiety his scent was putting out must be strong if everyone was focused on him. He looked at Cas. He wasn’t aware he had looked away.

“Dean,” Cas began softly. He was gently moving his thumb around the inside of Dean’s wrist, right on the pulse point. He was trying to sooth Dean, he realized. The combination of the gentle movement and the scent marking was deliberate. Cas was trying to calm him down before he told him what was going on. That realization hit Dean and made him panic even more. Abruptly he stood, knocking his chair over and pulling his hand free. 

“I just remembered that I need to see Mr. Smith before next class, so I have to go. I’ll see you after school.” He all but ran out of the lunch room. He thought he heard Cas call his name but he didn’t stop. Cas didn’t follow him. He knew by now that Dean needed some space to calm himself down. That and he probably was going to murder his brother. Dean headed outside to the stairwell. He landed heavily on the last step and put his head between his legs. He was being stupid, he knew that. He knew that things with Cas were always temporary. He knew that Cas was expected to be someone and that Dean would just be a burden to him. He would never make a good mate for Cas. They were from two separate worlds, and though they could pretend here, he knew that Cas would never mate him. Dean crossed his arms over his stomach and put his head on his knees. His forehead making contact with the skin on his knee only further proved to him that he wasn’t good enough. Dean’s jeans weren’t ripped because it was fashionable. They were ripped because who knows how many people owned these before him. He heaved a heavy sigh and tried to calm himself down. 

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there before he smelled Cas approaching. His scent was wary, laced with guilt and left over anger. Dean sniffed and wrinkled his nose. The scent was sharp and bitter and Dean hated it when Cas smelled like that. It was his fault, too. If he hadn’t freaked out and ran away, Cas wouldn’t be here now, wouldn’t have fought with Gabe, wouldn’t feel guilty about whatever it was that was exciting to him before. God, Dean was so selfish. He took another deep breath and Cas stopped before him. He could do this. He would act like the almost adult he was and be happy for Cas, even if it meant that there was a finite end for them.

Dean sat up and looked at Cas. He was standing close but not touching. Dean moved over on the stair and gestured for Cas to sit down. Cas sat with some space between them, not sure of how Dean was feeling. Dean closed the gap and laid his head on Cas’ shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I ruined whatever it was you were going to tell me.”

Cas’ arm came around his waist, solid and secure, squeezing him slightly before answering. “It was not my intention to spring this on you at school in the middle of the day.”  
“Cas, you’re making it sound like it’s a life altering event. Just spit it out.”

Cas chuckled and rested his head on top of Deans. “I got accepted to Harvard. I also got accepted to the internship for next summer.”

Dean closed his eyes. This was it. New England. Cas was going to New England in August. He would be spending Christmas break in Europe then Spring Break in the Bahamas as usual with his family and then the summer would be spent in an internship in Boston. This is what Cas wanted. It could be years before he returned to Lawrence.

“I won’t go Dean. I won’t go if you don’t want me to.” Cas words were spoken softly, but Dean heard and jerked his head up, staring at the alpha.

“What? No way, Cas. This is what you want. You worked on that intern application for weeks! Why would you not go? There is no reason to stay here.”

Cas jerked back like he had been slapped. “No reason?” He whispered. Dean cupped his jaw and shook his head.

“Cas,” he smiled a sad smile. “You knew this would only last as long as high school. We both knew it. You’re off to bigger and better things. I’m stuck here. There was never a future for us. You don’t need me to drag you down. You need someone who can talk to your fancy friends and host dinner parties for your business people. I have to put marshmallow fluff in the mac and cheese to keep things interesting enough to eat.” Dean was looking right into Cas’ eyes, a smirk on his lips, trying to deflect how much he was hurting. Cas could always see right through him.

“I love you Dean,” Cas whispered. He put his hand over Dean’s. “I love you so much and I don’t want to leave you.”

“I love you too Cas. We still have time. It’s only March.”

***

Later that night Dean was in his room alone. His dad was already passed out in front of the TV. Dean would go down soon to start dinner and clean up the beer bottles. He was laying on his back in bed, tossing a ball up in the air. He was trying to focus only on the ball and not think of anything. There was a light knock on his door before it opened to reveal his brother.

“Can I come in?” Sam asked peaking around the frame. Dean nodded and sat up, placing the ball on the nightstand. Sam came in and sat next to him. He was growing so much lately. He was already looking Dean in the eye. He glanced down and noticed that his jeans were a little short. He mentally made a note to call Ellen to see if he could pick up a shift next week. “Dean,” Sam began, but Dean cut him off.

“Look Sammy, I know everything you’re going to say, so you can save it. I knew what I was getting in to and so did Cas. I knew this wasn’t going anywhere.”

“Oh yea, then why did you freak out at lunch?” Sam asked. He gave him his best bitch face and Dean smiled a little at the sight.

“Because I’m a stupid Omega who can’t control their emotions.”

“Dean!” Sam’s voice was sharp and Dean stiffened a little. Sam ran his hands through his hair and sat down next to Dean. “Dean, you love Cas and he loves you. What is this really about?” His voice was softer.

“I just-“ He broke off and rubbed a hand over his face. He took a breath and began again. “Sam, look around. The only reason we even have this house is because Bobby and Ellen made sure that Dad used the insurance money after mom died to pay off the mortgage like she and dad had agreed. It’s my responsibility to feed and clothe you and who is going to take care of you if I take off to New England with Cas?”

Sam immediately shakes his head. “Dean, I’m fourteen. I can fix my own mac and cheese by now.” He smiled at Dean trying to lighten the mood. “This isn’t just about me.” He paused. “And if it is just about me, you’re an idiot.”

“Hey!” Dean exclaimed. “I’ve taken care of you for so long that I don’t know how NOT to take care of you. And besides. Cas will get up there with all his fancy rich people friends and realize that he didn’t really leave anything behind after all. It’s better this way.”

“So you’re going to give up on him before you even give him a chance? You know Cas isn’t like that Dean. You of all people show know that.”

“No Sam, I’m not giving up on him. I’m just being realistic. Like it or not, I’m staying here to go to KU and he’s going to Harvard. End of story.” He sighed again before looking sideways at his brother. “Did he tell you he got the internship as well?” Sam nodded his head. “Ok, so you know what that means, right? That means that he won’t even be back in Lawrence for a break before Sophmore year. Maybe spring break, but probably not. You know his family usually goes somewhere for the break. So, yea, not sure how a long distance thing would work when you can’t see your Omega in person for years at a time. I’m not sure that Cas can do that.” I’m not sure that I’m worth it, he adds silently to himself.

“Dean, people do long distance relationships all the-“

“Stop right there, Sam. No. Just…no. This is the way it has to be. Now,” he says standing. “Do you want hot dogs in your mac and cheese or on the side?” Dean was done having this conversation. The decisions were made before he and Cas ever met. It’s just the way it was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos! I hope you like it!

Dean and Cas certainly did make the most of the next few months. They were inseparable in school and out. When Dean’s heat came at the end of April, Cas texted him and sent his favorite foods and Gatorade through Sam. Dean did his best, but this heat was much worse than normal. Maybe it was the knowledge that he would never actually get to spend a real heat with Cas. By the third day Dean’s cries were broken by his sobs calling for his alpha.

In May, school was wrapping up. Exams were upon them and graduation was drawing near. It was all anyone could talk about. Dean and Cas didn’t talk about the end of the summer, wouldn’t acknowledge the good-bye that was coming, but they clung to each other. There were constant little touches, never being near and not together. Cas kissed him every time like it would the last time. 

Cas had Dean up against the Impala kissing him senseless one day in May when Dean realized that they had already started saying good-bye.

All of a sudden it was the first week in June and it was graduation. For something that took its sweet time getting there, it felt rushed in the end. 

Dean threw his cap and gown in the Impala while Sam chatted on behind him about Ellen and Bobby picking him and dad up and promising Dean that their dad will be there and be sober. Dean snorted through his nose as he got in the car. Who knows, maybe his dad will pull it together for his eldest son just for this one day. Dean saluted Sam and was pulling away from the curb while Sam was still talking. 

Dean arrived at the school on time. He grabbed his things from the back seat and moved into the gym where they were supposed to gather. It was hot and stuffy and it smelled of excitement and relief and nerves. Dean tried to see around people and spot Cas, but he couldn’t see him. He slowly walked through the crowd until he found him. He was talking with some other students Dean had met before but were not in his circle. They were definitely Cas’ people.

“…the Gould Internship.” He heard Cas say. A sense of pride swelled in his chest hearing Cas say that he got the internship. Dean didn’t know all the ins and outs, but he did know that it was competitive and that Cas was selected over a lot of other students.

“And is your Omega going with you?” A petite brunette asked him. She gently laid a hand on Cas’ arm, her big eyes looking earnestly at him.

Dean began to walk closer as Cas looked down bewildered at her hand. He cocked his head to the side in true Cas confusion before stepping back slightly and saying “Ah, no, unfortunately. Dean is staying here and going to KU.” The brunette’s eyes never left Cas’ even at the gentle brush off.

“Oh, that’s too bad. Well, if you’re lonely up there, I’ll just be across the way at Cornell. Maybe we could get together some time.” She smiled sweetly at him but Dean had had enough.

“Talking about me are you?” He asked stepping into Cas’ side and sliding an arm around him. He looked at Cas and winked. Cas smiled back softly.

“All good things,” he replied and leaned over to kiss Dean’s forehead. Dean played the role of the confident boyfriend but on the inside he was measuring himself against this girl. Cas started talking about the internship again and Dean took in her styled hair and designer dress. Her nails are manicured and she exuded a confidence that could only come with always having the best and never wondering where your next meal is coming from. Dean couldn’t help but feel that this girl would be a better fit for Cas in his world than Dean would. Just more proof, as if Dean needs any, that he didn’t belong in Cas’ world.

Cas shook hands with the guy and the cute girl before he steered Dean away from them. Cas let out a breath. “Thank you for rescuing me,” he said once they were out of earshot.  
Dean laughed. “Cas you knew she was flirting with you, right?” Dean looked up at Cas from under his lashes and bated his eyes dramatically.

Cas chuckled before responding. “Yes, Dean, I did pick up on that when she put her hands on me. But don’t worry, you’re still my best gal.” He winked at Dean, used to the familiar joke.

“Oh, Cas, you sweetheart,” Dean continued in a false, high pitched voice.

Cas stopped them by the wall where there was a clear space. “Let me help you into your gown.” He put his bag on the floor before taking Dean’s. He unzipped it and pulled out the graduation gown and the collar and tassels. Cas gently fingered them. “You know, Dean, very few people are wearing these chords today.”

“Yea, yea, no chick flick moments right now, ok?” Dean joked, hoping to deflect. He knew exactly how many people were going to wear them today. Seven. He, Cas and five other students would wear the orange and maroon chords that signal they carried a 3.8 or higher GPA for the entire senior year. Dean could at least feel proud of that. He may not be naturally smart, but he has good work ethic and learning was interesting. He had worked hard for this and he was proud of himself, and Cas and those five other students.

“I’m so proud of you, Dean,” Cas continued while helping him into the gown. “You have worked so hard this year and taken excellent care of me and Sam while keeping up an insanely high GPA. I love you and I’m so happy you have this today.” Cas finished zipping up the front and smoothed the shoulders out. His eyes found Dean’s and they locked together. Dean could feel the heat from where Cas’ hands were resting on his shoulders. He could feel Cas’ pride and love pouring through his scent and right through his eyes. Dean let himself be happy in that moment. Nothing else mattered except that Cas was proud of him. Cas had told him he had done something that HE was proud of Dean for. 

Dean took a deep breath before replying. “Thanks Cas. I’m pretty proud of both of us. I’m ready to get this show on the road though, aren’t you?” And with that, Dean put on his cap, helped Cas into his own outfit and lined up to graduate.

***

Sitting in the chairs on the lawn in the late afternoon heat was comfortable. Though the gown was a bit itchy, the temperatures were cooling off as the sun was setting. The principal spoke briefly about hard work and bright futures. The valedictorian spoke about how tomorrow was a new day full of promise and blah, blah, blah. Dean tuned him out about the time the “anything is possible” part started. He looked around at his classmates. Most of these people he had been in school with all of his life. Now, most were heading off to college. It was strange to think that after all this time together, they would just move on after today. 

Dean tried to subtly crane his neck to see Cas several rows in front of him. He could just barely make out the untidy waves of his hair. He seemed to be focusing on the speaker and listening. What a good student, right to the end. Dean smirked. He just wanted this to be over so that he could get out of the robe and move on to the party. By the time his name was called, almost lastly, he was beyond ready. 

When the vice principal called his name, the stands erupted in a section close to the front. He turned to see his family, familiar with the area since Jo got the same treatment. Everyone was hooting and hollering and it looked like Sam even had an air horn. His gaze fell on his father and he was shocked into a smile. His dad was not only there, but he looked like he had shaved and showered and he might even be sober. Dean saw his father smile back at him before his attention was pulled back to the principal, ready to hand him his diploma. Dean took it and shook the man’s hand. 

As he walked to the other side of the stage he grinned. This was a moment that he would remember forever.

Later, after the caps were thrown, (Dean didn’t actually throw his, he wanted to keep it, so what) Dean was looking for his family in the crowd.

“Hey you idjit!” he heard a rough voice call. Dean turned to see Bobby waving at him. He quickly changed course and headed to meet everyone. Ellen embraced him first.  
“You did us proud Dean.” Dean squeezed her back, inhaling her scent. It was the closest thing to a mother’s scent he could remember. She released him only to have Jo punch him in the arm before tackling him in a hug. She was six inches shorter than he was, but she was an alpha all the way. His arms instinctively wrapped around her as she launched herself into him. She had already discarded her own cap and gown. Dean quickly gave Sam and Bobby hugs before turning to his father. 

“I’m proud of you, Dean,” John said reaching for him. Dean was almost too stunned to move. That his dad would be proud of him was something in itself, but Dean couldn’t remember the last time his dad had physically touched him. 

Dean remembered back to right after he had presented. Cas wasn’t really his Alpha yet and Sam hadn’t presented. Both of them had given him touch time, but his Omega side needed his alpha and that was still his dad. The first few months after presenting were hard for him. Sam and Cas tried to be there for him, to soothe the omega need for calming and protective touch, but he still felt so starved for it. The first time Cas held him and his omega recognized him as Dean’s alpha, Dean had cried with relief. Cas had just stood there and hugged him, stroking his hair and connecting as much of their bodies together as he could. After that, he didn’t need his dad so much but that didn’t mean he didn’t miss him patting his back or giving him a fist bump for an achievement. So for his father to be hugging him right now was significant. Some of the tension Dean had been holding in melted. With a final pat on his back, John released him and stepped back. Dean shook his head to clear it. 

Before he could say anything, Cas’ scent enveloped him. Dean turned to see Cas right behind him. He smiled and launched himself into his arms. Dean didn’t care that they were surrounded by his family and all the students and probably Cas’ family too. Cas’ strong arms came around his waist and lifted him off of the group with a laugh. They shared a brief kiss before there was throat clearing behind them. Cas broke the kiss and smiled at Dean.

“We are going to the house. Will you come later?” His words were spoken softly to Dean as Cas drew his knuckles across Dean’s cheek. Dean smiled and turned into the caress.  
“Yea. We’re going to the Roadhouse, but I’ll be over in a few hours.” Cas nodded and leaned in for another chaste kiss. 

“I can’t wait.” Cas leaned in and scented Dean, lightly marking him before pulling away with a soft smile. Dean turned back to his family after Cas departed with his.

“Well, looks like it’s time to party!” he cried. Jo let out a whoop and everyone joined in, excited that the formalities were over and they could relax and celebrate.

***

Cas and Dean made the most of the summer, as promised. Dean soaked up every minute of Cas’ affection and attention knowing that there was a fineite end that was rapidly approaching. They went to the pool and took day trips. Cas endlessly spoiled Dean and Sam and they generally made the most of the time they had left.  
Dean was disappointed when he realized that his heat was going to hit right before Cas left for new England. Dean had never let Cas share his heat with him in all the years they had been together. The intimacy would be too much for Dean and he didn’t want to put Cas in a situation where he might be uncomfortable after. Dean wouldn’t know what to do it he accidentally mated him during a heat or rut. It would ruin Cas’ life and Dean didn’t want to chance it. Especially since he knew he would probably be begging Cas for his bite every second.

Cas continued to reassure Dean that he would be there and they would make it work, but Dean knew better. He was bracing himself for the loss of his mate. He was going to be fine and Cas would be too. Dean was determined to make the most of the time they had and that’s what they did. 

When his heat came he spent three days holed up in his room wishing he had asked Cas to share this one with him.

***

“Jesus, Dean, did you even shower?” Cas was all over him the minute the door opened.

“Of course I did,” Dean said, voice muffled in Cas’ shoulder. Cas was scenting him, drinking in the end of the heat scent. Dean relaxed in his embrace.

Cas growled low in his throat, gripping Dean’s hair to hold his head in place. He licked a stripe up the side of Dean’s neck, tasting and marking together. Dean shivered. Cas could be very possessive when the mood struck him. Guess Dean should have seen this coming when he bolted out of his house as soon as he thought the heat was over. “Dean,” Cas panted. He was scenting him heavily now, his mouth open, taking long deep breathes. “Bedroom. Now, please.”

At Cas’ words Dean felt a little trickle of slick. Cas’ voice always had been a thing for Dean. Dreaming of his alpha knotting him for the last three days didn’t hurt either. Cas released Dean and spun him around towards the stairs. Dean practically ran through the house to get to the stairwell. Cas was hot on his heels. The devil on Dean’s shoulder came to life and whispered how much fun a chase would be. Dean really took off in earnest then. He rounded the corner and hit the stairs two at a time before sprinting down the hallway to Cas’ room. He knew he had to make it to this bedroom or else Cas would end up knotting him in the hallway. That was the price for the chase. They had been caught like that before which made for an awkward meeting with one of the maids. Not wanting a repeat, he put forth a last burst of speed and barely got over the threshold of Cas’ room before he was tackled to the bed. 

Cas was fully on top of him kissing the back of his neck and scenting him while whispering sweet nothings into his skin. “My Omega…so perfect…so sweet…I love you Dean.”

Dean felt himself go limp. The combination of Cas’ body weight and the praise from his alpha made submitting easy. They lay there like that for several minutes before Cas started rocking his hips. Dean began to meet those shallow thrusts with ones of his own. 

“Cas, please,” Dean begged. He had had enough teasing and waiting.

“Yes, Omega. I’m going to take care of you Dean, trust me.” Cas’ breath was hot on his neck, his weight a solid presence on top of him. Dean sank down further into the mattress. That was just what he needed right now.

***

Dean sighed as he pulled on his t-shirt. Cas looked up from buckling his belt and gave him a sad smile. Dean met his eyes. “So, tomorrow, huh?”

“Tomorrow,” Cas replied.

“Looks like you’re ready,” Dean observed as he looked around. There were boxes sitting packed and waiting, already sealed. There were a few bags around with things hanging out of them, but Cas’ room was stripped bare except the bed. Dean glanced over to it and squeezed his eyes shut, willing the tears to stop. Cas was there, as always. 

“I love you.” Cas stroked his hair as Dean turned fully into his embrace. He was trying to keep it together. He didn’t want Cas’ last picture of him to be a sobbing mess.

“I love you too, Cas,” he whispered. They stayed like that for several minutes. Dean couldn’t pull himself away. He was clinging to Cas. This was it. Cas was having a family dinner tonight and then leaving early in the morning. Dean took one more long inhale. He felt Cas doing the same and knew he had to step back or he never would. Cas let him go when he felt him shift. They stood there, so close, but not touching. Dean couldn’t look away from Cas. He wanted to remember him this way. Flushed and hair a mess. So strong and determined, full of life. Dean could see the sadness in his eyes, smell it in his scent. Dean thought his probably matched. 

“I’ll walk you down,” Cas said finally. Dean shook his head slightly.

“I think it might be best for you to stay here. I don’t know…I can’t…” He stopped, shutting his eyes and turning his head. He took a deep breath. 

“It’s ok, Dean,” Cas said quietly. Dean looked back at him. Cas looked so sad. Dean’s body sagged. “I’ll let you know when I leave tomorrow, ok?”

Dean nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He took one last look at his beloved before he made his feet take the few steps to the door. He opened it and walked across the threshold, not looking back. He heard Cas whisper a final good-bye and then Dean was running. Down the stairs and out the front door, startling a maid crossing the foyer. Dean didn’t stop until he was in his Baby, gunning her down the long driveway. He finally pulled over when he couldn’t see anymore, the tears clouding his vision too much. He let his head drop to the steering wheel, hands gripping it tightly. He let all the sadness and anger out through his sobs. He let go of his hope of a future with Cas and the vision of a house and his beautiful pups. Everything that he had built up inside of him was suddenly being wailed out of him into his Baby.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, but as his sobs were beginning to quiet down and exhaustion was falling over him, there was a quiet knock on his window. He startled a bit but looked up into the gentle eyes and understanding smile of the sheriff. Dean brushed a hand down his face and rolled the window down.

“Hey, Donna,” he croaked. His voice was hoarse and still thick with tears.

“Hey yourself Dean,” she replied. Sheriff Hanscome was a family friend. She had helped Dean out any number of times when the heat was going to be shut off or there was trouble at school. She even failed to get him in trouble the night he was caught shoplifting. He had driven the Impala to the grocery store when he was 13. Sam was just nine at the time, sitting in the back seat buckled up. Dean needed to feed him and he didn’t want to let Ellen and Bobby know just how bad it had gotten so he took the keys to the car and they had gone. 

Every time Dean thinks about that night, he feels embarrassment and gratitude all over again. He thought for sure that it was over. That he and Sammy would be sent off to CPS, separated for good. Instead of just calling in a shoplifting, the old man at the store had called Donna personally. When she got there and saw the bread and peanut butter on the counter, the fear in Dean’s eyes, and Sam in tears next to him, she kneeled down and gave them both a hug. She bought them two full bags of groceries, the old man throwing in a few candy bars too, and drove them home. Of course, she called Bobby right away and he met them there. Got the boys settled and Sam to bed before he roused the old man. 

The shouting that night was bad but Dean learned that there were people in his corner after all. Bobby tried to convince Dean for them to go live with him. Dean told Sam to go but he was going to stay. Sam and Dean both stayed and made the best of it. Bobby made them promise that they would never let it get that bad again. Of course, Cas had been livid too. He had been hurt that Dean hadn’t asked him for help. Even then Cas was trying to provide for Dean, protect him and take care of them. 

Thinking of Cas brought him back to the present. Donna was looking in the car, her eyes on Dean.

“So, you’ve been out here for a while. You ok?”

Dean barked out a laugh while his cheeks flushed. No, he was most definitely not ok, but he was embarrassed to realize that Donna had been watching his meltdown. Dean hung his head and sighed. “I just left Cas’ house. He leaves for college tomorrow.” Dean’s breath hitched on the last word and he curled his hands in to fists on his thighs.

“I figured,” Donna replied. She leaned her forearm on the open window and ducked her head down to look at him closely. “I know how hard this is for you, Dean.”

“’m fine,” Dean lied. He gave her a fake smile. She quirked one eyebrow at him. “Ok, not fine, but I will be.” He swallowed hard, giving her a nod. “I’ll just head home.”

“Alright Dean,” Donna gently said. She removed her arm from the window and stepped back. He cranked the engine and slowly pulled off of the shoulder. 

When he arrived home no one was there. He was glad that it was Friday and Dad was at work and Sam was at nerd camp. Dean pulled his boots off and went to the fridge to grab some water. He chugged it before refilling the glass and heading to his room. He wrinkled his nose at the heat smell before cracking open the window and stripping his bed. He felt better keeping his hands busy, so he pulled out the vacuum cleaner and vacuumed the whole house. He cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen. He straightened up, took out the trash, remade his bed and sprayed the scent neutralizer. 

When he was done the house was sparkling and no trace of his heat was left. He still had a buzz of energy so he headed out to the garage to Baby. He threw himself into checking her over, giving her an oil change she didn’t really need, cleaning her inside and out. He even threw a new coat of wax on her before he was completely exhausted. He was sweating, and not just from the heat outside. It probably wasn’t the best idea to exert himself this much straight off of his heat. He needed to eat and drink, but he was too tired. His knees felt weak as he dragged himself upstairs to the shower. 

As he stood underneath the spray, the warm water brought him back to himself and with that, the realization that Cas was leaving in the morning. That it was over and everything he knew was changing. He began to cry again, tears quietly running down his cheeks. It wasn’t just Cas, though that was heart wrenching enough. It was that this was the first part of the huge changes that were coming. He was leaving his home, Sammy, even his Dad. Dean knew it was coming and was ready for it, even looked forward to parts of it, but right now…right now he felt lost and hollow. Dean knew some of it was the lingering emotions of his heat as well.

“Ok Winchester, nut up,” he mumbled to himself, grabbing the shampoo. He cleaned himself up and threw on his pajama pants and a faded t-shirt. He threw himself on the couch and turned on the TV. The next thing he knew it was dark and there was a key scraping in the lock. 

“Hey jerk,” Sam said flicking the light on.

Dean flinched before rubbing his eyes. “Hey bitch. Where have you been?”

“I sent you a text. I went to dinner with some friends from camp. I brought you some leftovers,” he answered holding out a box to Dean as he sat next to him on the couch.

“Hey, thanks Sammy.” Dean took the box and put it on the table. He saw Sam frown at him. “What?” He looked over.

“Nothing, just wondering if you’re ok.”

“I’m fine, just tired.”

Sam didn’t look like he was buying it, but decided to let it go. His next words were like a punch in Dean’s gut. “So what time is Cas leaving tomorrow?”

Dean swallowed several times before he could find his voice. “Oh, uh, early. Early. We said our goodbyes this morning.” Dean hung his head and crossed his arms over his shoulders. As he deflated Sam sat bold upright and whipped his head around to face Dean.

“What? This morning? Why didn’t you tell me? You’ve been alone all day, Dean!” Sam was agitated, running his hands through his hair. “Shit, Dean. You shouldn’t have been alone!”

Dean looked up at his brother. Not that he didn’t appreciate the concern, but Sam was making a big deal out of this. They both knew Cas was leaving, it wasn’t news. “I’m ok Sam, stop worrying. You don’t need to freak out.”

“Dean, seriously,” Sam leaned in to scent him. Dean drew back from the craziness of his brother. “Dean, stop.” He inhaled and then sat back. “Ok, I think it’s ok.” He seemed to be talking more to himself than to Dean.

“What the hell?” Dean was confused. It was nice Sam was looking out for him, but there was no need.

“Dude, you could go into another heat. I was doing some research. So get this, when a bond is broken it can send the omega into a spontaneous heat. It’s to try and lure the mate back. I was-“

“Hold up there, Sam.” Dean put his hand up to signal to his brother. “First, Cas and I were not mated. Second, I just finished a heat. Third, I feel fine. Don’t worry about it. What do you want for dinner?” Dean tried to change the subject as a distraction but it didn’t work. Sam laughed at him.

“Dude, you are already messed up. The reason we are having this conversation is because I already ate and brought you leftovers. You seriously telling me that you’re fine?” Sam bitch faced him. Well, he had Dean on that one. He sighed, leaning his head back on the couch and folding his arms across his chest.

“What do you want me to say, Sammy? That I’m heartbroken? That I don’t want Cas to leave? That I was stupid enough to forget for a while that he’s too good for me? That I feel like my mate finally realized that and is high tailing it off across the country to get rid of me?” Dean’s chest was heaving and tears were rolling down his cheeks. 

“Oh, Dean, I’m so sorry.” Sam leaned over and put his arms around his brother. "I’m going to help you through this. You don’t leave for another week. I’ll be here. It’s going to be ok.”

Dean turned into Sam and scented him. Sam’s woodsy scent was calm and familiar. Dean’s breath evened out and his shoulders loosened. “Thanks, Sammy,” he whispered.

“You’re my brother Dean. I’m here.” Sam squeezed him tightly.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Dean woke up with a bad headache and his limbs shaking. He felt feverish and when he tried to push himself to sit up he couldn’t. He lay in bed for a while just trying to breathe. He felt miserable, almost like he was going in to heat again, but that couldn’t be right, he just finished his heat. 

He must have dozed because when he woke up he could feel the slick running down his thighs. He groaned and shifted around. His eyes caught his nightstand. There was a big bottle of water along with two granola bars and a Gatorade. Dean made himself sit up and grabbed the water. He drank half of it in one go before seeing the note that was underneath.

Dean,   
Headed to the store. Drink and eat. I’ll be back ASAP.  
Sam

If that kid doesn’t present as an alpha Dean will eat his leather jacket. Dean remembered Sam’s words from last night. Spontaneous heat. Great. Hopefully this wouldn’t last too long. Dean grabbed the granola bars and quickly downed them with the rest of the water. He felt feverish, but for now, clear headed. He decided to grab a shower while he could, so he got up.

***

The heat only lasted about 18 hours. Dean was happy about it but Sam was confused.

“It’s done already?” he asked the next morning. They were eating cereal at the breakfast table like usual.

“Yea, why?” Dean was shoveling in the food as fast as he could. He hadn’t had time to replenish his calories before the second heat hit and he was famished.

Sam frowned into his cereal. “I just read that they can sometimes last ten days and they can be super painful. Omegas die during these heats Dean.” Sam looked up at him. Dean paused at his words, spoon half way to his mouth. He blinked a few times before putting it down.

“Oh, well, guess that means that we weren’t bonded that well.” He pushed away from the table and put his bowl in the sink, suddenly not hungry anymore.

“Dean, I don’t think-“

“So, what are you up to today?” Dean interrupted Sam. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore. Dean knew what was happening, what was going to happen. Cas was going to continue on without him. Cas would be better off and Dean would be fine too. Dean began to empty the dishwasher while talking to Sam. He must have decided not to push Dean this early because he launched into his Saturday plans without further ado. Dean glanced at the clock. It was 9:12. Cas had arrived at Harvard the night before. He had sent Dean a text showing him at his dorm “safe and sound.” Dean could barely type out a response. He didn’t want Cas to know what was going on. He didn’t want the alpha to feel guilty, and he knew Cas would. Dean wondered what he was doing right at that moment.

He was snapped out of his musings when his hands his the empty dish rack in the dishwasher. He had put away all the dishes without noticing. He pushed the racks in and closed the door as Sammy was still chattering away. Dean nodded and smiled at him at the appropriate times but his mind was still far away in Cambridge.

***

The rest of the week crept by slowly. Dean packed his room up and the small pile at the closet door was depressing. Everything he owned that he wanted to take with him fit into two boxes and a duffel bag. He thought about all the boxes and bags Cas had in his room the last day Dean was there. Just another contrast to the way their lives were.

John had not been back to the house the entire weekend. Dean asked Sam if he had come and gone while the second heat had hit him but Sam just shook his head. Dean was starting to become worried that his dad wouldn’t show up before he had to leave. What would Dean do about Sam? Yea, the kid was fourteen, but still, he couldn’t just leave him on his own, even if he was only across town. What if something had happened to their dad? What would he do then?

“Hey jerk, wanna- good grief Dean! What is going on?” Sam had opened the door and took one step in before he covered his nose with his hand. The scent in the room must be pretty strong for his unpresented nose to react that strongly. Dean sniffed the air and recoiled himself. The scent of sadness, guilt, worry and fear were like a thick blanket in the room.

“Sorry Sammy,” Dean said getting up to crack the window open. 

“What’s gotten to you?” Sam asked as he slowly advanced into the room. Dean reached over and turned on the overhead fan. It helped immediately to dissipate the smell. Sam took his hand off of his face and sat on the bed.

“Just wondering where Dad is, is all. I can’t leave you here alone if he’s not back by Saturday.”

Sam gave him a thoughtful look. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this, Dean,” he began. Dean tensed up. Nothing good ever came from someone saying they had been meaning to talk to you about something. “Uncle Bobby asked me to come and stay with him when you left.” Sam looked at him with puppy eyes, apology and hope all in one.

Dean’s eyebrows raised as he looked at this brother. “Oh yea? And when, exactly, were you going to inform me of this? What did you say?”

Sam looked down at his hands resting in his lap. “Um, he asked me before the summer started.” He looked sheepish.

“Excuse me? He asked you months ago and you’re just now telling me?” Dean wasn’t sure if he should be offended that his brother and Bobby kept this from him for so long, or impressed that they knew him so well that they waited until Dean couldn’t do anything about it.

“Yea, well, I wasn’t sure, you know? I just wanted to make sure that if I decided to go, you’d be ok.”

“Me? Why is this about me?” Dean tried to sound offended, but he knew what Sam was getting at. He would mother hen him to death about the opportunity to get away from their dad and pressure Sam into accepting just because Dean wanted him to.

“Because you’re the one that has so much change right now, Dean. I know you hate it when I say things like this, but biology is true. You’re an omega and it’s harder for you when someone in your circle makes changes.”

Dean huffed and readjusted his hands folded on his chest. “Damn right I hate it when you stereotype me.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Biology is not stereotyping, jerk.”

“Bitch, you literally just sat there and told me that you withheld information that was important because my omega brain can’t handle it.” Dean was glaring at his brother.  
“I’m sorry Dean. We didn’t want to worry you or make you crazy until I knew what I wanted.”

“And now you have?” Dean was curious. His brother surprised him sometimes.

“I’m going to Bobby’s until I graduate. If you want me to be here for breaks and things, I will, but otherwise I’ll be with Bobby.” Sam took a big breath, like he wasn’t used to putting his foot down. 

“Ok, and what happens when Dad finally turns up again and we are both gone? What then, huh?” Dean couldn’t believe what he was saying.

“Oh, don’t worry. Bobby has that covered.” Sam smirked.

“How?” Dean asked.

“Bobby got Dad sober enough a few weeks ago to agree to a temporary guardianship for me. I’ve got the signed papers in my room. Bobby and Dad have copies too. But regardless, I’m going Dean.”

Dean stared at his brother. He was growing up. Dean wasn’t sure what to feel right now. On one hand he was relieved that Sam would be taken care of. That he wouldn’t be worrying every day that their dad wasn’t home, that there might not be food for Sam. That he would be safe. This might mean that he wouldn’t need to take on so much extra work during his freshman year. 

On the other hand, Sam was right. His anxiety was already through the roof. Dean liked consistency. His life had been pretty consistent, even if you counted the constant inconsistency of his dad’s presence. Going to college, even in the same town, was a big deal for him. Leaving home, branching out, all of it. Add in Cas leaving- well, Dean knew that was going to be painful. Now, even though Sam would be better off by far, Dean was still not sure about it. He sighed. It made no sense to the rational side of his brain. His omega side was whining at him about it, but he knew that Sam would be safe and could finish out high school like a normal kid. 

He looked back to his brother, still standing just inside the door. He looked like he was holding his breath. Dean sat up from the bed.

“Alright, bitch. Just don’t keep things like this from me, ok?”

“Ok, Dean. Sorry.” Sam looked down at his feet.

“Hey, it’s ok. What’s important is that you are going to live with Bobby. I’m going to college and we are all moving on.” Dean smiled a small smile. Sam’s answering grin made Dean feel even better.

***

Turns out their dad didn’t make it home and Bobby showed up on Saturday morning with a pick up truck to load up Sam and Dean’s stuff. They made quick work of it before locking the door and piling in.

Sam was vibrating in his seat between Dean and Bobby. Dean squirmed away from him as much as he could as Bobby drove out of the neighborhood and on to the main road to get them to the dorms on the other side of town. Half way there Bobby had enough of Sam’s ridiculousness.

“Damnit, boy, calm down!” He told Sam. He gave him an annoyed glare that both boys knew was put on, but Sam calmed himself enough that he was still. Dean huffed a laugh under his breath while watching the town slip by out of his window.

When they arrived at the dorms, Dean popped the door open and got out slowly. Sam followed him and Bobby circled the back of the truck to pull out his stuff.

Dean looked up at his building. It was nice. There were many people milling around, cars parked on the side of the road, people crossing the street and yelling out of the windows. Dean took it all in. He didn’t think that he would ever make it here, yet, here he was. A small satisfied smirk sat on his face. He wished Cas was with him. Cas. Damnit, and there it was. The pang of loss, the ache in his chest. His mood deflated and he turned to his brother while absently rubbing his chest. 

Sam’s expression took in the motion and Dean could see him scenting the air for the change in his scent. Sam gave him a small smile and launched himself into Dean’s arms.

“Love you De,” he murmured so only Dean could hear him. Dean squeeze him back.

“Love you back, Sammy.”

“Alright you idjits,” Bobby said behind them, “break it up. You’re just going to be on opposite sides of town, not the country.”

Dean and Sam pulled away from each other.

“We know, thanks Bobby.” Dean turned to face him fully. “Bobby, I-“

“Save it, boy,” Bobby interrupted. He pushed on his cap on his head. “No need for anything else. I’m proud of you, Dean. You worked hard to get here. Now, you go and enjoy this. I’ve got Sam now so don’t worry. We’ll see you next weekend for dinner.”

“Yea, alright, thanks Bobby,” Dean replied. They looked at each other for a moment. Dean was so grateful to Bobby for stepping up and taking Sam. 

“Alright then. You need help with these?” Bobby gestured to the small pile on the sidewalk.

“Nah, you guys go on and get Sam settled. I’m just on the second floor. These aren’t too heavy.”

With a last hug from both Sam and Bobby, Dean watched as they piled into the truck and headed down the street. He turned back to this small pile of belongings and slowly made his way into the dorm with them in his arms. 

Dean lugged his duffle and two boxes up the two flights of stairs to his hallway. He looked for room 207 as he moved awkwardly down the hall. There were already a few people hanging out either in the hallway or with their doors open. When Dean finally spotted his number, he swung the door open and walked in. 

“Oh hey! Are you Dean? I’m Kevin Tran, I’m your roommate. I just got here an hour ago- oh no. No, no, no, no.”

Dean had set the boxes and bag down while Kevin was introducing himself and had turned to face him with his hand out. Dean stood their awkwardly for a beat before withdrawing his hand. He eyed Kevin warily. They had emailed back and forth a bit over the summer. This was not the greeting Dean had envisioned. Kevin seemed like a good person. He was polite and seemed kind. He was an omega, like Dean, too.

“Uh, it’s nice to meet you Kevin,” he said rubbing the back of his neck. “Is there something wrong?”

“Uh yea. I can’t have this much drama already.” His words were firm and clear, but not mean. Dean looked at him with a furrowed brow.

“Come again?” He asked. What was this guy talking about? He literally just walked in the door. There is no way he’s judging on his two boxes and one bag. By the looks of things this kid brought everything but the kitchen sink.

“Drama. You have pining sickness. I can see it and smell it. I can’t deal with this. Where is your alpha?” Kevin was looking right at him.

“Uh, in New England. Not really my alpha anymore,” Dean told him. He could smell his scent souring with the admission. Dean had thought he had a handle on it. He thought that maybe the smell had faded, but maybe he had just gotten used to it.

“Of course,” Kevin said with a sigh. He moved past Dean and shouted down the hallway. “Hey Charlie! Get in here!” He pulled his head back in and turned to Dean.  
“I need reinforcements,” he proclaimed.

Dean looked up to see a tiny red head dash into view. “What’s up bitches?” The omega crowed.

“My roommate has pinning sickness.” 

The girl’s smile faded as she looked closely at him. “Well damn. Guess we need to do some damage control, right?” She spun around and turned back to Dean. “You alone?”  
Dean could only nod a knot forming in his throat made it impossible to speak. Alone. Yep, that about summed it up.

“Ok!” The girl cried clapping her hands together. “I’m Charlie by the way. I am just down the hall. This is a completely co-ed dorm meaning there are both alphas and omegas on the floor, but roomies are gender specific. So, we can do this one of two ways. In with pizza and Harry Potter, or out with some very responsible nonalcoholic drinks.” She looked expectantly at Dean who glanced back and forth between her and Kevin for a minute.

“Dude, I met her an hour ago. I think this is just who she is.” Kevin was also looking a little shell shocked. Charlie snickered.

“Sorry guys. I just jump right in without thinking. We can totally do something later if you’d rather unpack and get settled.” She smiled, ducking her head a little. Dean found it charming.

“Uh, no, no, it’s good. I think pizza and movies actually sound good.”

She clapped her hands together. “Great! Alphas or no? You know, sometimes the scent of an alpha can ease the symptoms, even if it’s a stranger.” 

“Oh, uh, I think that, uh, no alphas for tonight.” Dean wasn’t sure why he was stammering. He definitely knew that having another alpha around right now, especially one trying to comfort and touch, would be a bad idea. Kevin and Charlie looked at each other before turning back to him.

“Ok then, to my lair!” She cried marching off down the hall. Dean turned to Kevin with a questioning look on his face. 

“Her lair?”

“I think we just go with it,” Kevin replied. Dean nodded and followed him out of the room.

It turned out to be a pretty good first night. Charlie snuggled up as closely as she could to Dean, hoping that her floral omega smell would help calm Dean. They ordered pizza from a local place and watched the first three Harry Potter movies. Charlie went on and on about how the movies were great, but only true fans knew the amazing things that the movies had left out. Dean readily agreed with her, though he was a little shy in proclaiming his opinion. Kevin, who had read the books but never seen the movie was in awe.   
“Wait, don’t people usually see the movie and not read the books?” Dean asked.

“Yea, well, my mom thought that watching the movies was a waste of time that could be spent studying. I barely got her to let me read them. I finally convinced her on the basis that educated scholars had to know at least some pop culture and current best sellers to be able to connect with other people.” Kevin shrugged. “My mom is a wonderful woman, but she is a little scary about education.” Dean and Charlie nodded. “So, it’s just me and my mom. What about you guys?”

“I’m the oldest. My kid brother Sammy is a sophomore. My mom passed away when I was young, but my dad is still around. He’s not the greatest father, but he can be there when we need him.” Dean thought back to graduation and how he had that memory of his father now. It was good. Something to hold on to. His thoughts drifted to the rest of the night when he and Cas met up after the family celebrations. Dean’s scent began to sour and he tried to shake off the memories. Charlie laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“My mom is in a coma in the hospital. It’s one of the reasons I stayed here. I need to be close to her.” Sorrow and confusion shifted through her scent. She blinked hard a few times, the visibly shook herself. “Well, on that cheery note, I think we should sleep. You guys can crash here with me, though it’s only about 10 feet to your room.” 

Dean took a look around. He just noticed that this was a single. “Hey, how did you get a single? And…is this really all of your stuff?” He looked more closely and saw a monster computer set up with three screens and towers and boards. Things were linked together and connected in ways Dean would never understand. He turned to Charlie who had a grin on her face. 

“Yep. I am a bit of an enthusiast. And to answer your question, yes, I got a single. Yes, it costs more and yes it will be worth every penny.” Dean nodded. He didn’t doubt it.  
By the time they had helped Charlie clean up and restore order to her room it was past midnight. Dean was exhausted but still needed to make his bed. Kevin followed him in their room and shut and locked the door. Dean reached into one of the boxes and pulled out his sheet set. It was soft and worn. They smelled like fabric softener and his house. Dean’s shoulders slumped remembering how they used to smell like Cas. He held them to his nose trying to see if there was anything left of the alpha’s scent. All he got was a nose full of fake floral fragrance. 

“I’m sorry Dean.” Kevin had come up behind him. 

“Not like we mated, you know? I’ll be fine. I’m just gonna make this up and crash, ok?”

Kevin nodded. “Do you need some help?”

Dean gave him a small smile. “Thanks, I think I got it. You go on, I know you’re tired too.” Kevin nodded again and turned to head into the bathroom that connected their room with another dorm. Dean quickly made the bed, throwing on his comforter and pillows. He dug around in his duffle for his bag with his toothbrush and headed in when Kevin came out. By the time he had brushed his teeth and washed his face, Kevin was rolled up in his blankets fast asleep. Dean quietly padded across the room and cut off the light. 

He crawled into bed and rolled to face the wall. He was tired, but he knew he was in for a long night. He hadn’t been sleeping much since Cas left. He constantly wondered what the alpha was doing. They had texted constantly and talked at least once a day. Dean had called him on his way over to campus. In hindsight, that was probably why the pining sickness was so clear to Kevin. Cas seemed to be doing well. He said that he had a good roommate- someone who was an acquaintance that was connected to his family. He’d been put in touch with several other family contacts there who had invited him to dinner and had given some advice on navigating the town and grounds. Dean was glad that he had someone to help him while he was getting settled. Dean just wished that he was part of it too. Stop it, he told himself rolling over again. 

He punched the pillow and lay back down. Go. To. Sleep. He commanded his brain. Dean tried counting sheep, he tried going over his lengthy to do list, he tried to think of what his dad and Sammy were doing without him tonight, anything he could to keep his mind off of Cas. God, he missed him so much. Finally, the exhaustion won out and Dean fell into a fitful sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

The sun was shining brightly through the window when he woke up the next morning. He looked over his shoulder around the room. Kevin was sitting at his desk, laptop open in front of him. He looked up and over at Dean.

“Hey, good morning. I was trying to be quiet.” He gestured to his earbuds now hanging on his shoulders.

“Nah, you’re good. What time is it?” he asked as he ran a hand down his face, scrubbing away the sleep. He let out a jaw cracking yawn before stretching his arms above his head while pointing and stretching his legs.

“About 8 or so. I haven’t eaten yet. Do you want to go down to the hall together?”

Dean didn’t feel that hungry but food would probably be a good thing. He nodded before sitting up. “Just let me brush my teeth and change, then we can go.” He heaved himself up off of the bed and headed for the bathroom. When he came out Kevin was still at his laptop but now he had on a pair of well-worn chucks and a different shirt.

“You ready?” Dean asked. Kevin closed out his program and rose from his chair. 

“I’m starving, let’s go.”

As the entered the cantina they heard someone shout across the courtyard. They turned together and saw Charlie dashing up to them.

“Hey nerds,” she greeted giving both of them no time to respond before she breezed through the doors. “I’m meeting some other people from our floor for breakfast, you should join us!”

Dean and Kevin looked at each other. It occurred to Dean that they had done this several times in the last twenty-four hours. Charlie seemed great, but she was full stop all the time. Dean turned back to her and smiled.

“We would love to. It will be good to meet more people.” They moved into the service area, both choosing their meals before heading to a large table in the center of the seating area. There were several people already there, including Jo.

“Dean!” she cried when she saw him. She jumped up and slugged him in the arm before enveloping him in a huge hug. He returned the hug as soon as he set down his tray. She smelled familiar and comfort flooded through him. Man, he hated being weak like this, but it felt good for an alpha to be comforting him. She was definitely pumping out the good stuff. He could feel himself relaxing as she held him tighter, angling her neck a little more so that he could scent her. He inhaled deeply several times, then gave her a gentle squeeze and let go. He stepped back and offered her a grateful smile.

“Hey Jo. Thanks.”

“No need! Come sit down and meet the rest of these guys.” She waved him to an empty seat beside her where he had put down his food. She returned to her seat and Dean took his. When he sat down he looked up to see two more alphas he didn’t recognize. Charlie and Kevin were seated and had already starting eating, talking about registration and the club fair that would be happening on the lawn this afternoon. “Dean, this is Benny and Victor,” Jo continued. She gestured to each in turn. Benny was a bear of man with a gentle smile and a southern drawl. Victor was dark skinned and lean, hiding muscle and strength inwardly where Benny was built like a linebacker. They exchanged greetings and began to eat. 

Dean was comfortable with these new alphas. If Jo was introducing him, he knew they were good guys. I couldn’t hurt to know a few alphas in a new place. He hadn’t had to worry about unfamiliar alphas sniffing around him for a while. Pretty much since he presented he and Cas smelled like each other. A few times before they actually got their act together Dean had had to shake a few unwelcome advances, but for pretty much forever, he smelled like his alpha. Dean suddenly lost his appetite when he realized that he smelled completely like himself and there were no traces of Cas left on his skin. He felt alone and scared all of a sudden, sick to his stomach. His scent must have changed because he had three alphas sniffing the air and looking at him questioningly. He tried to offer a weak smile.

“Sorry guys, I’m just not good company right now.” He pushed his food back on to the tray uneaten.

“It’s alright, cher,” Benny said. “We’re here if you need us, right Vic?” He turned to Victor who was nodding. 

“Just say the word. If you’re Kevin’s roommate then we are only two doors down.”

“Thanks guys. I don’t think I can just yet, but I’ll let you know. I really appreciate it though.” His shoulders slumped. Maybe he just needed to talk to Cas. Maybe that would help. Dean decided that he would try and call him right then. He excused himself from the table and stepped outside. He found a shady spot on the patio and pulled out his cell. When he unlocked the screen he saw his favorite picture of him and Cas. They were laughing and holding on to each other. Dean couldn’t remember what had been so funny, but it was a good picture. Candid, capturing the pure joy that was radiating from them. It was taken in the spring but Dean felt like it was a lifetime ago. He pressed one and the phone began to ring. Cas had been his number one since he got his first phone. It rang three times before a breathless Cas answered.

“Dean!” he cried. “I’m so glad you called!” Dean felt immediate relief. Just hearing Cas’ voice calmed him. His omega brain settled. Dean took a deep breath before answering.  
“Hey Cas. I miss you.” He leaned back in the chair and looked up into the bright blue sky. There were gorgeous white puffy clouds moving lazily through his view through the pergola.

“I miss you too.” Cas’ voice was deep and serious. He relaxed further. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Right now? I’m sitting outside of the cantina on the porch. The sky is so blue,” Dean continued in an overly sweet voice, “just like your eyes.” 

“Oh, Dean!” Cas cried, equally dramatic. “You are such a poet!”

“And you’re a dork,” he replied in his normal voice, laughing. Cas’ answering laugh on the other end of the line was like music to Dean. His inner omega was practically vibrating with joy at talking to his alpha. “But I love you and miss you,” he continued.

“I love you and miss you too,” Cas said. There was a shout muffled by the phone on Cas’ end. Cas shouted a “be right there!” before uncovering the mouthpiece. “I was just about to head out with some friends for breakfast. Can I call you later?” Dean deflated.

“Oh, uh, yea, sure. I um, don’t want to hold you up.” Dean leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. 

“I’m sorry babe, I’ll call you later, ok?” Cas did sound like he was sorry. That made Dean feel a little better. And besides, he wanted Cas to be happy. He wanted Cas to make new friends. He knew that Cas was going to meet people better than him. He was going to meet omegas better than him. Omegas that were small and delicate. Omegas that had better manners and didn’t wear hand me down clothes. Omegas who were Cas’ equals. Dean knew that, was expecting that. It’s why the pining sickness was so strong. Dean was mourning his mate already. He swallowed thickly before answering.

“Yea, Cas, I know. I understand.”

“I love you Dean. I miss you so much. I am so happy that you called. I want to hear all about your first night, ok? I’ll call you later.”

Right, Dean thought. His first night was a blast. The first morning wasn’t shaping up to be too much better. “Sure thing, Cas,” he managed to say. He thought he sounded pretty normal. “I love you too.”

“Have a good day, Dean. Good-bye.”

“Bye, Cas.”

Charlie found him sometime later still slumped over with his head in his hands. She didn’t say anything, just sat down in the chair opposite and waited for him. When he had control of himself he took a deep breath and sat up. He forced a tight smile on his face when he turned to Charlie. The returned smile told him that he wasn’t fooling her. He knew his scent was sour with sadness and his eyes were still swimming and probably red and swollen. She leaned forward and pushed a small bag towards him.

“Here,” she said. “Thought you should eat something.” 

Dean reluctantly took the offered bag and opened it. Inside was a bagel and cream cheese- chive and onion, his favorite. “Thanks, Charlie, that’s my-“

“Favorite, I know. Jo told me what to get.” He felt a surge of affection for Jo. She was like a little sister in so many ways, but she was still an alpha, still trying to take care of him. 

As Dean began to eat Charlie talked about the club fair and her upcoming classes. Dean didn’t have to say much in response, but he appreciated Charlie’s attempts to distract him. When he had finished and put the trash back in the bag Charlie launched herself from the chair. “Alright,” she said rubbing her hands together. “What’s first?”

***

Turns out that the campus was pretty big. There were buildings spread out everywhere. The university was home to a large hospital as well, so the campus branched out in one direction toward the medical center, while the other direction was the fine arts buildings. Dean was excited to check out the education buildings. He knew he was moving into the right career.

The club fair was held on the lawn, a large yard surrounding a famous building, with student dorms on the perimeter. There was everything from fraternities and sororities to omega rights and the health clinic. Dean wasn’t sure that the health clinic counted as a club, but information on where to go when he was sick or in heat was always good.

Later that night he talked to Cas for hours. They exchanged stories of moving and getting settled. Dean told him about the club fair and how excited he was to see the education buildings. Cas told him that he had run into family friends and was thinking about joining a fraternity. His parents were on board as his father had been a member of the same one.

Dean fell asleep that night content. He thought that maybe his scent wasn’t so sour either. Perhaps things would work out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kudos and comments! Here is the next chapter! Poor Dean. What now?

Dean knew this wasn’t going to work out. 

He had just finished a call from Cas, if you could call it that. He looked at the time flashing on his cell. 4:21. He talked to Cas today for four minutes and twenty-one seconds. Three days ago he talked to him for just over five. Every time they seemed to get started, something came up. Well, something on Cas’ end came up. He seemed to be really busy. Sometimes it was legitimate. Dean hadn’t learned his class schedule yet, so had called right as Cas was walking into the building for his lecture. Today though, it seemed like Cas just wanted to go. He didn’t really even get a reason. Dean sighed. He had been at KU for three weeks. He liked his classes and he had become closer friends with Charlie and Kevin. He even hung out with Benny and Victor sometimes. But neither of them was Cas. Dean sighed again just as the door opened.

“Hey Dean, wha- oh no. What happened?” Kevin dropped his stuff on the floor and came to sit next to him on his bed. His nose was wrinkled against the smell of Dean’s misery but he put his arm around the other omega.

“I don’t think that Cas-“ his voice broke. He cleared his throat and swallowed hard. “I don’t think my alpha wants me anymore.” He closed his eyes as tears spilled over. He knew this was going to happen. He knew that eventually Cas was going to realize that Dean was nothing and he needed someone better. It didn’t change the fact that it hurt that his alpha was rejecting him. Kevin put both of his arms around Dean and hugged him. Dean laid his head on Kevin’s shoulder and silently shook with sobs. He had known this was going to be the outcome, but it hurt so much. He loved Cas so, so much. His heart hurt, breaking the scent bond hurt, but knowing this was it was the worst part.  
“I’m sorry Dean.” Kevin was good at just being there. Dean wasn’t sure if they were going to get along at first, especially since Kevin’s reaction to his pining sickness was so negative the first day. But things were good. He had turned out to be a great friend the last few weeks. Dean wasn’t sure what he would have done if he hadn’t had his and Charlie’s support.

“Thanks, Kev,” Dean replied as he pulled himself together. They sat there like that for a few minutes before Dean shook himself and sat up straight. “Ok, enough. I need to get some work done.” Dean moved to his desk and sat down heavily wiping his face with his hand. He opened his textbook and tried to read the assigned chapters. He couldn’t afford to get behind. He wanted to graduate and get a teaching job. Cas and their relationship was going to be what is was or was not, and Dean couldn’t control that.

***

Over the next week, Dean didn’t initiate any calls to Cas. He thought that if Cas wanted to call him, he would. Otherwise, Dean was going to just let him go. He couldn’t go on like the way they had. He wasn’t sure that Cas still wanted him and the distance was hard. Mates almost never lived apart because their pull was too strong. Were relationships were strongly based on scent and touch and you couldn’t continue that when you lived hundreds of miles away from each other. He and Cas had been kidding themselves that this would work. 

The thing that hurt the most was that Cas hadn’t tried to contact him either. There was one text with a picture of him and his friends. They were studying outside and Cas had taken a selfie and sent it to Dean. There were several people in the picture and though Dean couldn’t know their secondary genders, he knew that no matter what, any of those people would make a better mate or even friend for Cas than he would. Dean had sent a short reply telling Cas to have fun and not work too hard. He got a thumbs up in response. That was all the contact they had had for a week. 

Dean could feel it. He knew that Cas would move on and things would change. That’s what he wanted for Cas. He deserved better than Dean. So if Dean couldn’t give him the life he deserved by being with him, then he’d give him one without him.

Dean got up and went to class, studied and slept. He was so tired. The pining sickness had advanced. Dean thought it made sense as he was having almost no contact with his alpha and his mind was beginning to wrap around the idea that Cas wasn’t coming back. His body followed and the pining sickness escalated. He began to feel sick to his stomach. Most days he began his morning with a trip to the bathroom to puke up anything still left in his stomach overnight. He couldn’t eat and he was so lethargic he could barely get out of bed for classes.

After two weeks of this, with no contact at all from Cas, he was laying in bed staring at the wall. His stomach, for now, was still. He wasn’t tired enough to go to sleep, but he was tired enough that the idea of moving at all, even to try and read his assigned chapters for class was too much. Dean lay there, slowing watching the sunlight creep across the room. Kevin would be back soon. He’d have to get up and shower, try and make an effort. He knew his friends were worried about him, but Dean knew the deal with pining sickness. It would fade soon and he would be fine. It was already the end of September and by Halloween he’d be himself again. He was just contemplating getting up to shower when the door opened. Dean looked up to see Kevin and Charlie entering the room. Charlie gave him the Vulcan salute and sat down on his bed. Kevin sat down on his own bed opposite, both of them staring at him. He shifted until he was sitting up against the wall.

“Uh, hey guys. I was just getting up.” Dean was a little unnerved by their entrance. They looked serious. He looked back and forth between the two of them. They were having some kind of silent debate back and forth. Charlie had her eyes wide and was trying to signal something with her head. Kevin was looking at her with narrowed eyes and shaking his head no. “Did someone die?” Dean asked. He was half way joking, but there was clearly something wrong. Charlie made a face at Kevin and turned to Dean. Whatever was going on, she had lost the battle. She laid a gentle hand on his, resting on top of the covers.

“Hey Dean, no one died,” she said with a smile. It wasn’t a true smile though, so the uneasy feeling Dean had did not go away. She took a deep breath and asked, “When is your next heat?”

Dean startled at the question. His eyebrows shot up and he jerked back a little. Of all the things he thought might be going on, it had nothing to do with his heat. What was going on? “Um, about 6 weeks, why?” He looked at Kevin. His mouth was turned down in a frown and he wouldn’t meet Dean’s eyes. “Charlie, what’s going on?” He turned back to her. She squeezed his hand and looked into his eyes. Her eyes were a little shinny and she cleared her throat.

“Your scent has changed.” She said it so quietly Dean almost missed it. What? His scent had changed? That was not possible.

“Charlie, that’s not possible. The only way an omega’s scent changes is if they are mated or pregnant, which I am neither.” He gave her a “so there” look, but the uneasy feeling in his stomach grew a little bit. Charlie just stared back at him, holding his hand. His face slowly fell into a frown. Could he be…? He flared his nostrils and scented the air. He closed his eyes breathing deeply. Two large breaths in and he could tell. It was sweeter. His normal apple cinnamon smell was richer, more like pie than an orchard. He took another breath, then another. Charlie continued to hold his hand. She and Kevin were quiet, waiting for him. 

His scent had changed. His scent had changed. Sweeter, not different. Sweeter. Omega’s smell sweeter when they are bred. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Dean began to sweat. His eyes flew open to meet Charlie’s. She squeezed his hand again.

“Are you sure?” she asked kindly. Dean exhaled and blinked away his tears.

“I think I might be pregnant,” he whispered. Suddenly the bed sagged and Kevin was there too. He was gripping Dean’s leg on top of the covers. Dean appreciated the contact. It felt as though they were anchoring him, their warmth on his skin and their scents that had become familiar and comforting.

“Ok, then,” Charlie said getting up. “You should shower so we can go to the clinic.” Dean looked at Kevin who hadn’t moved.

“You should go and see for sure,” he said. “We will go with you or wait here, whichever you want.” 

“Ok,” Dean nodded. “I think…go with me?” He felt small and scared. This could not be happening. It was just pining sickness, that’s all. However, deep down he knew that the bravado was just that. He already knew he was pregnant. He could feel it now that he was paying attention. A blood test would just prove what he knew.

“We’ll both be there,” Kevin assured him. Dean nodded again and swallowed. Suddenly his mouth was dry. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair before he grabbed the water bottle sitting on his nightstand. He chugged half of it in one go then set it down and got up. 

“Right, then. I’ll just go get ready.” Dean grabbed some clean clothes and headed into the bathroom. He was shaking as he tried to brush his teeth. When he stepped under the warm spray, his hand smoothed down to check his stomach. He could feel a small swell at the base. It was firm, not really changing his shape, but he could feel it. He leaned his forehead on the cool tiles and cradled his stomach in his hands. What was he going to do? His mind was both screaming and unusually quiet. One side was yelling at him for being so stupid. He knew he should have waited to go to Cas after his heat. He knew better. But he also knew that they had no more time. Even if he had known this would have been the outcome he wouldn’t have changed getting to have that last time with Cas. The quieter part of his mind was already steps ahead. He had already weighed the cost and decided. Any part of Cas he could keep he would. This would be hard but he would do it.

He straightened up and finished his shower. He emerged from the bathroom ready to go. Charlie and Kevin were sitting side by side on Kevin’s bed talking. Dean flashed them a tight smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Ready?” he asked. He pulled his boots on and stuffed his wallet in his back pocket. The walk to the clinic was silent. Charlie and Kevin had surrounded him as they walked. Dean appreciated the support. He thought he was going to need it.

When they reached the student health clinic, Charlie and Kevin took seats while Dean went to sign in. He told the receptionist that he needed to verify a pregnancy and she gave him a cup with his name on it. She smiled and directed him to the bathroom. Dean quickly emptied his bladder and washed his hands. He took a deep breath before returning to the waiting room. Charlie was playing a game on her phone and Kevin was looking through a medical journal when he walked back in. 

“Good?” Charlie asked as he sat down between them. He nodded, not trusting himself to say anything. His leg began bouncing and he couldn’t stop it. He tried wiping his sweaty hands down his thigh in an effort to both stop the bouncing and dry his palms, but neither worked. It felt like forever before a nurse called his name. 

“Dean?” 

“Yes ma’am, that’s me,” Dean said standing. She led him through the door to the hallway to get his height and weight.

“You can call me Missouri, sugar,” she told him over her shoulder. Dean could tell she was a beta. She was middle aged with beautiful dark skin and a warm smile. Dean nodded and stepped on the scale when she indicated him to do so. She jotted down his weight and then took his height measurement. Dean was shocked to see he had lost more than five pounds. She led him further down the hallway to one of the exam rooms. “Sit here,” she instructed. Dean hopped up on the table and waited. 

Missouri was efficient and kind. Dean was shaking like a leaf but she calmly took his blood pressure, temperature and pulse. “Dean,” she said softly. She sounded both stern and concerned. He looked up into her eyes. “It’s going to be alright. You and that pup are going to be fine, don’t you worry.”

Dean’s vision suddenly blurred. His eyes swam as he tried to process her words. It wasn’t really that it was a shock, he knew already that he was with pup, but to have a stranger acknowledge it and encourage him, it was too much. Her strong arms enveloped him and he pressed his face into her shoulder. Her scent was calm, like orchids on a hot day. He breathed in her scent and found it comforting and he was calming down. He pulled away to wipe his eyes. “Thanks,” he said thickly.

Missouri patted his cheek and pulled back gently until he was looking at her again. “Dean, you’re a wonderful person and you’re going to be an amazing father to this pup. You’ll see. Things will be alright.” She sounded so sure, Dean could almost believe her. He also thought she might be a little crazy. She didn’t even know who he was, how could she say these things? Missouri smiled at him and patted his cheeks as if he had said those thoughts out loud. “Don’t’ you worry about that, alright? I just know.” She pulled her hand away from his face and grabbed her laptop. “The doc will be right in,” she said as she pulled the door closed.

Dean didn’t have time to worry about her words before the doctor was walking in. A beta with short brown hair walked in with a laptop open. She smiled at Dean before washing her hands. She introduced herself as Dr. Jody Mills. She shook Dean’s hand and looked over his chart on the computer sitting on the counter. “Well Dean. Tell me what you’re here for.” She looked back up at him.

Dean squirmed on the table. He was, after all, an unmated omega. Though he was perfectly fine with his lifestyle there were still old-fashioned Weres who thought that unmated omegas should not have pups. He really hoped that Dr. Mills wasn’t one of them. He took a deep breath and let it out all at once. He was nervous again. His stomach had begun to feel queasy again. “Well, uh, I think that I’m pregnant.” He looked at the floor. Dr. Mills made a humming noise but Dean couldn’t tell the tone she was using. He saw her shoes come into his field of vision. He looked up slowly.

“Dean, my job is to provide you with adequate health care and other services if needed, such as mental health or information. There is no judgement here.” She smiled kindly at him. Her face was soft and open. She seemed friendly enough. Dean nodded again. He had suddenly lost the ability to do much more than that. “Ok, so, the urine test is positive. You are with pup.” Dean’s shoulders sagged. He had known it, but the confirmation continued to make it real. “Now, obviously this is new news, so let me go over some questions then we can talk about how you want to proceed.” She raised her eyebrows looking for confirmation from Dean. 

“Sure, go ahead.” Pup. There is a pup in my belly. For sure. I’m going to have a pup. His brain was on repeat and he felt like he was floating.

“Ok, when was your last heat?”

“Six weeks ago, right before moving here.”

“Great. Was your partner your alpha at the time?”

Dean flinched. The pining sickness smell was lessened now that he was paying attention to his new smell, but he thought it was probably still pretty strong. 

“Yes,” Dean managed to get out. Dr. Mills looked at him with sympathy.

“And your alpha is not here, correct,” she continued. Her voice was soft and gentle.

“Correct. He is in New England.” God, would that ever stop hurting, saying that Cas was so far away?

“Dean, I can smell the pining sickness. Were you blood bonded or scent bonded?”

“Scent bonded. We were together for two years.” Dr. Mills nodded and typed in a few things.

“Ok, well, knowing the dates are good. We can predict when you’ll be delivering. Right now it looks like the end of May.” Dean absorbed this new information. Ok, well, maybe he could make this year work still. He could take classes in the spring and then deliver the pup. After that though, he had no idea. “Now,” Dr. Mills continued as she opened a drawer. She withdrew several brochures and handed them to Dean. These are all the options available for you right now. I would suggest that you take these with you and look them over before you decide anything.” 

Dean took them but looked at her. “I don’t need these. I know I’m going to keep the pup. I can’t…I just-“ He took a breath. “I’m going to keep it.”

“Alright then.” She took the brochures out of his hand and set them on the counter. She filtered through them and withdrew two to hand back to him. “These have information about the services offered through the school as well as local ones. Take them and look over them. There is lots of support for you here Dean.”

“Thank you,” he said looking down at the front cover. There was a newborn pup on the cover, wrapped up with a tiny hat on his head. Dean traced it with his finger. 

“Alright, well, make sure to call these places and check them out. Make an appointment for six weeks when you head out. Since we know your dates from your heat we can wait a few more weeks before we poke and prod you with an ultrasound.” She smiled as she said this. Dean perked up a bit at the idea of seeing his pup. 

“Right, will do. Thanks doc.” They shook hands again and Dean followed her out of the room. He made his appointment for six weeks and returned to the waiting room. Kevin and Charlie were there, just where he left them.

“So, what’s the verdict?” Charlie asked unfolding her legs and getting up from her chair.

“Preggers,” Dean replied. He tried to sound joking, but it fell flat. He sighed and ran a hand over the back of his neck. “I’m pregnant.”

Charlie nodded then spoke. “Ok, then. Is this a celebrate with pie and Star Wars kind of thing or a take my mind off of this pie and Star Trek kind of thing?” Dean huffed a laugh and looked at her. She was smiling brightly at him. Beside her, Kevin was also smiling. Dean was suddenly so grateful for his friends and knew it was going to be ok.

“Thanks guys. I think it’s a celebration thing.” He smiled softly. I’m going to take good care of you sweetheart, he thought. I love your Alpha dad so much and I’m going to love you too.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are amazing with your wonderful comments and kudos!

Despite Dean’s optimism, the next few weeks were difficult, to say the least. Omegas need their alphas while they are pregnant. They need the safety and comfort of their alpha. Dean knew that pregnancies for omegas without their mates were challenging, but he wasn’t prepared for the kinds of challenges that he was facing. 

By his eighth week he had lost eight pounds and was having trouble keeping anything down. He had been back to the clinic to see Dr. Mills twice and was given IV fluids to re-hydrate him. His classes were impossible. He could barely make it out of bed because he was weak, but he was also suffering emotionally. He felt abandoned and scared. He knew he had been the one to make the decision not to call Cas any more, and who knows, maybe Cas was waiting for him to call too, but his body was craving his mate. The pining sickness was back in full force and Dean was hardly able to concentrate on anything at all.

***

When he woke up, he laid in his bed with his eyes closed. He thought he could lay there all day and not need to move. Dean felt overcome with warring emotions. His brain was telling him that he was fine. The pup needed him to be strong and to get on with things. He knew that he was the one that had let things go with Cas, and Dean knew it was the right thing to do for him. His body though, it was pining for his mate. And right now, his body was winning over everything else. 

Dean curled himself into a ball and tried to breathe deeply. He needed to get up and shower and try to make it to class. He had an appointment with Dr. Mills later and he needed to be there on time. Dean sighed and burrowed his head back into his pillow. He missed Cas. He missed his mate. Dean didn’t realize he was crying until a gentle hand on his shoulder made him startle. He turned slightly to see Kevin’s worried face.

“Hey,” he said softly. 

“Hey,” Dean croaked. He scrubbed his face with his hand and turned over on this back. Kevin stepped back but not away from the bed. Dean wiped his eyes with his hands and sighed.

“It’s one Dean,” Kevin was saying. His voice was still soft. Dean knew that his friends were worried. They always talked to him in soft tones these days. Like he might break if there was too much noise. Dean supposed that they weren’t far off the mark.

“Yea, I’m trying man. Thanks.” Dean really was willing himself to get up out of the bed, but he just couldn’t do it. He stared blankly at the ceiling in front of him for an undetermined amount of time. He found himself floating off a lot these days. He wasn’t aware of the time passing but was once again startled by a hand, this time on his leg. He blinked and looked over.

“When did you get here?” Dean asked confused.

“About ten minutes ago,” Charlie replied. She was whispering too.

“What time is it?” Dean asked looking at his nightstand. Three fifteen. Wasn’t it just one? Didn’t Kevin just say it was one? He looked around but Kevin wasn’t in the room.  
“It’s three fifteen,” Charlie told him even though she had seen him look at the clock. “Your doctor’s appointment is at four, so you need to get up and shower so we can go.” Charlie’s voice was still soft, but it was firm underneath. She meant business with that tone, Dean knew. He also knew that Charlie was looking out for him and they were all worried about him. Dean nodded. He closed his eyes and was met with a gentle tap on his thigh. He cracked the lid of his left eye and looked toward Charlie.

“Nuh-uh,” she said. She grabbed his arms and pulled him upright. For a small omega like she was, Dean must have been in bad shape if it was that easy to get him up. He was an omega, but he was six feet tall. He was big for an omega. He sat there, in his bed, hands resting on his lap while Charlie began to chatter on about her sociology class and how interesting it was, and how there was a girl, Gilda, that sat close to her that she was thinking of asking out. As she talked she began to move around the room. She picked up trash on Dean’s side, put his dirty clothes in the laundry and tidied his desk. She then pulled out a pair of worn jeans along with his favorite ACDC shirt and threw them at him.   
“Get dressed,” she commanded and flopped down on his bed again, pulling out her phone. 

Dean slowly gathered the clothing and made his way to the bathroom. He need to get to the doctor to make sure that everything was going well with his pup. He needed to see her for medical advice. Maybe Dr. Mills could help him with this. The last time he had been in he had scoffed at her when she tried to explain what was going to happen while he was pregnant and away from his mate. He knew already, though. Dean resolved to talk to Dr. Mills about this when he saw the relieved look on Charlie’s face when he got out of the bed. She tried to hide it, but Dean saw it there.

Dean managed to brush his teeth and pull on the clean clothes. He ran a hand through his hair and pronounced it good. They left as soon as he was ready. He felt silly, having to have an escort to these appointments. Sure Charlie and Kevin tried to play this off as “just being good friends, Dean, geez!”, but Dean knew better. He knew they were carefully watching him and waiting. He also had a sneaky suspicion that Charlie and Kevin had been doing a lot of research on how to care for unmated pregnant omegas without their mates.

As they sat in the waiting room, Dean realized that it was almost Halloween. There were cute bats and witches all around the waiting room walls. There were pumpkins and fall leaves adorning the side tables and the pens at the reception desk were topped with fun Halloween erasers. Dean hung his head. Halloween. How did he miss so much? 

He pulled out his phone and scrolled through to see Sammy’s icon on his messages. He looked to see the last time he had talked to Sam and was appalled at himself. Sam had been texting him regularly, but his replies were random and did not always make sense, even to him. 

He leaned his head back and thunked it on the wall. He let out a gust of breath. Charlie turned towards him, but before she could ask what was wrong, they were calling him. Dean vowed to call Sam as soon as his appointment was over. He would need to visit his dad too. Suddenly he grabbed Charlie’s hand. She looked startled but immediately turned it so that she could link her fingers with his. She had an inquisitive look on her face. 

He felt so alone all of a sudden and blurted out, “Will you come with me?” 

Charlie was standing before the last words had even left his mouth. She gently tugged him with their linked hands.

“Of course, Dean. Come on, they’re waiting.” Dean stood and followed the nurse back to the exam room. She took his vitals, including his weight and jotted down everything on the computer before leaving. 

A few minutes later Dr. Mills knocked on the door before opening it slowly. She gave Dean a gentle smile, but Dean could tell that it wasn’t her usual bright, glad to see him smile. He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. 

“Hello Dean, how are you?” she reached out to shake his hand and then turned to Charlie. “I’m Doctor Mills.”

“Charlie Bradbury,” Charlie replied taking her hand. “I’m a friend of Dean’s.”

“Nice to meet you,” Dr. Mills replied. “Ok, Dean, let’s see what we’ve got.” She sat on the stool and rolled forward to meet him. She took a look at him. She stared at him for so long Dean began to squirm. She took a deep breath before she spoke. “Tell me, Dean, how are things?” She phrased it as a question, but Dean could tell she already could see how things were going. He didn’t have the strength to put up a front or joke his way through this conversation. That alone made him a little scared.

“Honestly, not great,” he began. “I know I look terrible and I feel about the same. I’m so tired all the time I can’t get out of bed. I’m going to flunk my classes because I can’t concentrate when I do drag myself to them. I don’t want to do anything. I loose time, big chunks and small chunks. I didn’t even realize that it was almost Halloween.” Dean shook his head and looked at his hands. He could feel both women looking at him.

Dr. Mills rolled closer to Dean and gently placed a hand on his knee. “Dean, look at me.” Her voice was gentle but Dean struggled to look up. When he finally did, she smiled at him. “I know this is difficult. Pregnant omegas without their mates suffer terribly during pregnancy,” she began.

“We weren’t mated,” he said softly. He could feel his eyes filling with tears. Even though he didn’t have a bite, he knew that he and Cas were mates. He knew he wouldn’t be feeling like this if it weren’t true. Jody must have understood because she continued.

“Regardless Dean, the pining sickness is getting worse. I have to be honest with you. The escalation of pining sickness while pregnant poses a strong risk to the pup.” Dean’s head snapped up and his arms reflexively wrapped around his stomach. Jody nodded and continued. “You’re malnourished and underweight. The pup is taking everything you’re managing to get in you and there is nothing left for you Dean. Without proper nutrition you and the pup are both at risk. You’re borderline dehydrated again, I can see it. Your scent smells like distressed and abandoned omega, which, while true, is not getting better. If anything it’s getting worse. I’m concerned that if things don’t start to improve, and pretty rapidly, there is a great risk that you will lose this pup.” 

Her voice continued to be gentle, but Dean could tell she was deadly serious. He heard a whimper and realized it was him, his wolf was whining inside his head. A tissue was thrust at him by Charlie and he took it blindly. When had he started crying? 

“Charlie, will you sit with him, please?” Charlie moved to sit next to Dean and gently pulled him to her. He could smell her familiar scent and it was calm and soothing. He turned his head and scented her. She arched her neck to give him better access and he was able to take deep breaths and calm himself. Charlie’s arms were around his shoulders keeping him tight against her. His arms were wrapped around her waist. Dean wasn’t sure how long they sat there like that, but finally Dr. Mills spoke again.

“Good, Dean. That’s very good. Now,” she stood while talking. Dean pulled away from Charlie to sit up but she didn’t let go of the arm around his shoulders. Dean was silently glad for the extra comfort. He didn’t know what was coming next. “Since Charlie was able to help you this time, I would encourage you to have this help more often.” Dean looked at her, puzzled. “Do you have any alpha friends, Dean?” Dean nodded his head. “Great. So, I think one way to help you with the pining sickness is to have an alpha, or alphas that you know and trust be close to you and let you scent them. If you can share sleeping space as well that would be beneficial too. The scent of an alpha, even if not a mate, that you trust will help to strengthen you. It will provide a sense of security and comfort and will let your brain know that even though your alpha is not around, there are alphas that will protect you and comfort you.” 

She pulled out a pad and pen from her coat pocket. She began to write as she spoke. “So, alphas first. Then you need to up your intake of fluids and protein. I know that you don’t want to eat anything, but you need to. Lean meats that are bland to start. Nothing rich because it will come right back up. Lots of water. Fresh fruits and veggies too. Those have a higher water content and lots of vitamins. Are you taking a prenatal vitamin?” Jody paused her writing and instructions to look at him. Dean nodded, sort of. Jody’s brows rose in question.

Dean cleared his throat, “Ah, yes and no. Sometimes I can’t keep them down and sometimes I don’t remember if I’ve taken them or not.” Dean realized at that point how bad things had gotten. His scent began to turn sour to reflect his self-loathing. He knew this wasn’t going to work. He didn’t get to keep things he wanted, why would this pup be any different? 

Suddenly he heard his father's voice in his head. You’re nothing, Dean, he heard his father’s voice say. Just an omega. You’ll get knocked up and claimed, or just knocked up. Who would want you for a mate anyway? Look at you! You’re nothing like an omega. Nothing like an alpha either. So just…nothing.

Dean came out of the fog with his head between his knees and someone counting, encouraging him to breathe in and out. He focused on the breathing for a few minutes before he took one final deep breath and sat up slowly. Dr. Mills backed up from where she was crouched. She must have been the one counting. He could feel Charlie’s hand on his back rubbing in circles. He blinked and look to each of them.

“There you are,” Dr. Mills said. “How are you feeling now?”

“Good, I’m fine. Sorry about that.” Dean felt himself flush. He hadn’t had a panic attack like that in a long time. Jody looked at him closely, obviously trying to see for herself. Dean let her look.

“Alright. Has this happened before?”

“Ah...yes. Not in a while though.” He shrugged sheepishly. “I’m ok. Thanks for the help, though.” He could see Dr. Mills’ lips press into a line.

“Dean, if this is something that regularly happens, it may be worse now during the pregnancy. If there are certain triggers you need to let the people around you know. Not everyone, but the people who will be spending the most time with you should know what could set you off. I am not sure what even happened here. One minute we’re talking about vitamins and the next thing I know you’re hyperventilating and I’m ready to hit the panic button for oxygen.”

Dean slumped, his shoulders bowing. “I just realized I’ve been doing a shit job as a dad already and I’ve just proven my dad right about everything he ever thought about me.” Dean looked down at his hands. They were pulling on a thread of his shirt. Charlie was still next to him rubbing his back, but he could smell the slight change in her scent. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She was upset. “Sorry, Red,” he mumbled into his lap. She just pulled him to her and kissed his temple.

“I’m not upset with you, Dean,” Charlie told him, “But I think the good doc here has a point.”

“Right. Now, food, water, alphas, triggers. I want to see you back in two weeks. We’ll be able to do an ultrasound then and you can see your pup.” She handed him the small paper with the directions. She also handed him a prescription paper for vitamins. “Dean, I have to say one more thing before you go. As your doctor I need to treat you as best as I can. I know that things with your alpha are difficult. I don’t know the situation, but I encourage you to reach out to him or her. The best way to get better, for you and your pup, is to have your alpha around. Even to talk to. You’re pining for YOUR alpha. Others will help, but ultimately, this pregnancy will be difficult without your alpha. There are certain dangers that are beyond just the ones we are dealing with now.” She paused to let her words sink in.

“Yea, I know doc. I’m aware of the risks and effects, but my alpha is gone. I’ll do whatever I can to minimize the risks and work around them. I’ll talk to my alpha friends today and fill this prescription.” Dean was determined to keep this pup. It needed him to stay healthy.

“Dean, there can be certain legal ramifications if your alpha isn’t notified of the pregnancy,” the doctor continued.

Dean was aware of those too. An omega was legally required to alert an alpha in the event of a pup, intended or not. The alpha retained control over pups and could demand the omega hand over the pup or never speak to the pup or omega again. There was no legal requirement for the alpha to financially take care of the pup if the parents weren’t mated. Most alphas were decent enough, though and every relationship was different. Unfortunately, Dean knew that if he told Cas about the pup, Cas would immediately come home out of duty. Hell, he may even mate Dean for real because of the pup. While Dean wanted Cas to be his mate more than anything, he didn’t want him to do it out of obligation, not to mention it would ruin Cas’ whole life. And on the off chance that Cas did want the pup and not Dean, well, he just couldn’t bear the thought of having his pup taken from him. Either way it was best that Cas just not know. 

“I understand,” Dean told her. They stared at each other for a few minutes before Dr. Mills sighed and turned to her computer. She typed in a few things and then shut the lid.  
“Check out on your way and make an appointment for two weeks.” She smiled at him when he nodded and exited the room.

Dean took a deep breath and hopped down off the table. He held the papers in his hand and he and Charlie made their way to the checkout window. He made the appointment for the week before Thanksgiving and they were out in no time. They were silent on the walk back to the dorms. The weather was nice enough, but Dean pulled his jacket closer around him. When they got to their floor Charlie spoke.

“So, what now?” She looked at him earnestly. He could tell she was worried but was trying not to pry.

“I guess I need to talk to Jo and Benny and Vic,” Dean replied. They had reached his dorm room and stood outside of the door. “I’ll try and see if I can catch them later tonight in the common room,” Dean continued. Charlie nodded then threw her arms around his neck. He let his arms circle her waist and rested his head on top of hers. He heard her mumble something but didn’t understand. He pulled away slightly looking down at her. “What was that?”

“I said you’re a stubborn bastard,” she told him. Dean was shocked into a laugh. That was about the last thing he thought she was going to say. “I’m serious Winchester. I don’t know if it’s going to be a good or bad thing yet, but you’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.” Her arms tightened around his neck and she reached up to kiss his cheek. “I need to study, but let me know if you need anything else, ok?”

“Charlie, you’ve done more than enough. Thank you. I…I’m going to be better. I need to be better to make sure I can keep my pup.” Dean was serious too. He had to snap out of this or he would quickly lose all control of himself. She gave him one last squeeze then pulled away giving him the Vulcan salute before walking backward down the hallway to her room. Dean chucked and let himself into his own room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas' POV. This part begins when the final phone call between he and Dean end.
> 
> Don't be too hard on these idiots. Remember, they are only 18.
> 
> I wrote this super quickly today, so let me know of any mistakes or inconsistencies. Hope you all are still interested with all the drama!

Cas hung up the phone and turned the ringer on silent. He gripped the phone tightly and closed his eyes, inhaling and exhaling several times to get himself together.

God, he missed Dean so badly. It seemed like every time they had a chance to talk something came up. They missed each other half the time just because they hadn’t gotten each other’s schedules down and there were two times this week that Dean had called right when he was headed into class.

He turned and glared at the restaurant behind him. He was having an early dinner with his family who had come into town unexpectedly. Not only did he not have time to stop everything to placate his mother, but he had to rush Dean off of the phone. 

He could see his mother talking to his father just inside the glass doors. The look she had given him when he stepped out to take Dean’s call said everything that he needed to know about how she really felt about the omega. His father hadn’t said anything but his mother’s message had been loud and clear. She did not approve of Dean.  
Cas vowed to make it up to Dean and call him later and explain. Although, telling his boyfriend his mom hated him was not going to be the nicest thing to talk about, but it might explain why Cas was a bit shady and rushed off of the phone. 

He took one more deep breath and opened the door to join his parents. Tonight was going to be miserable.

***

By the time Cas got back to his dorm it was after ten. He could do nothing except fall into bed, kicking his shoes off the side before he was out. His parents had stayed and insisted that Cas take them on a tour around campus before dragging him to a cocktail party acquaintances were hosting. He was tired and out of sorts. He felt itchy and grumpy and off. He fell into a fitful sleep.

A shake woke him the next morning. He rolled over and growled lowly in his throat, baring his teeth. His alpha was right at the surface. Balthazar brought his hands up in surrender and stepped back once.

“Nothing to worry about, Cassie. Just making sure you’re ok. You’re making noises not yourself, love.” Balthazar looked worried about him.

Cas ran a hand down his face and rolled over. He suddenly became aware of a situation below the bedsheets and flushed. Balthazar chuckled and backed up again, further into his space in the room.

“I’m fine,” Cas told him running a hand down his sweaty face. He wasn’t sure what was going on actually, but he would be ok. He just needed to get up. 

He tried to sit up but a lightning bolt of pain shot through his head while heat pooled in his groin. He did moan out loud when he felt those things. He knew those signs. He was heading into a rut. He was so far gone already that he was slightly humping the sheets even as he lay on his back. 

“Balth, I think I need some help.” Cas’ voice was low and gravely. It was painful to talk, to swallow, to breath. He felt Balthazar stiffen close to him and Cas detected a chance in his scent. One that went from concerned roommate to protective friend in a few seconds.

“Alright, Cassie. What do you need me to do?” Balthazar asked. 

***

Cas spent seven days in the campus clinic with the worst rut he’s ever had. His eyes were ringed red the entire time, his temper was out of control and his physical needs were painful. 

The campus staff was able to take it in stride and replaced the pillows and sheets he shredded as well as fed him and kept him hydrated. What they couldn’t do, though, was bring him his mate. Cas shouted and whined and demanded Dean, but he didn’t come. It was driving Cas into a frenzy of longing and despair and eventually, by the last day, the pining sickness took over.

Somewhere deep in his brain he knew that Dean was miles away and had no idea what was happening but Cas was too far gone to do anything by the time Balthazar had gotten him up and to the clinic. They put him in a rut room just in time.

When Cas finally came to he realized he was in a hospital bed. He turned his head and saw Balthazar sitting next to him in a chair flipping through a magazine. Cas must have made enough noise because he glanced up and smiled.

“Welcome back darling,” he said brightly. Cas grunted at him, shifting his legs under the thin blanket. Balthazar moved to pour him some water and Cas accepted it gratefully, taking a few careful sips.

Once his throat was wet he spoke carefully. “What is going on?”

The look Balthazar gave him was one Cas had not seen on his new friend before. It was much softer and understanding than he thought Bal capable of.

“You had the worst rut in the history of all ruts then when your hindbrain realized that your mate was not coming it started pining which led to your organs starting to shut themselves down. Seven days of an intense rut will challenge any strong alpha but then put severe pining on top of it and it was a bad combination. They took you from the rut room and sedated you to get you hydrated and medicated.”

Cas stared at him. He was silent for several minutes trying to process what Bal had just said. 

He was in the hospital now. He had a terrible rut. He was pining. 

Suddenly his head snapped up. “How many days have I been out?”

Bal took a second to count and said, “Ten, I think.”

“WHAT?” Cas sat up straight in bed and tried to push the covers back. Balthazar was there trying to prevent him from getting out of bed and pulling his IV and monitors off when a nurse bustled into the room.

“Mr. Novak! I’m so glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?” She took a look a him before she pulled her stethoscope from around her neck and began to take his vitals.  
“I’m ok, I think. I need to contact my family and –“

“Not to worry,” the nurse told him moving to the computer. She smiled at him reassuringly. “We contacted your emergency numbers.”

Cas slumped a little on the bed. His parents were his emergency contacts. While he was glad that they knew what was going on he was sure that his mother had not contacted Dean to tell him he was sick. Dean must be frantic with worry by now. 

“Your mother is here. I understand she was already in town and when it became clear that we would need to keep you sedated to get your vitals stable she stayed on. Your father had to return to work though.” She typed in a few more things. “Everything looks good now. The doctor will be in with you shortly and we can see about next steps.”

She left the two men alone and Castiel looked at Balthazar. “Dean must be worried sick, Bal. I need to get my things.”

“I think your parents have them, Cas. Sorry, I didn’t know what to do.”

“It’s ok, Balthazar.” Cas rested his head back on the pillow. He was tired and achy. He could feel how the rut had taken everything out of him. Even now he could feel the nausea in his gut, the pining, the need for his mate. He barely suppressed a whimper at the thought of Dean. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply.

***

The doctor arrived a short while later and gave Cas all the details about his illness. He had suggested a trip home to be with his mate and Cas considered telling his parents that he needed to transfer to a new school closer to home. He was lonely and out of sorts without Dean.

He had to stay another night but the nurse brought his parents in shortly after the doctor left and Cas was able to have his phone. He powered it on and waited anxiously for the notifications to load. 

When nothing came in from Dean he was sure there was a mistake. He checked his missed calls and voicemails, but nothing. There were a few things from other friends and family but nothing from Dean.

He scrolled through the texts, wondering if he had overlooked something and his heart sank with the realization that Dean hadn’t contacted him in ten days. He had just gone through the most terrible rut he’d ever had and had to be sedated because he was pining for his mate and Dean hadn’t called or texted to check in or…anything.  
Cas remembered how he had to rush Dean off the phone and how hurt he must be. He hated himself for not just telling Dean then that his parents were there but he didn’t want to upset Dean further and didn’t want to make it worse to get off the phone. He was an idiot.

Cas thought back to quick conversations and the short texts sent in the last few weeks. He realized that Dean had never sounded sad to end their phone calls, always amenable with whatever Cas needed to do. Cas also thought about how Dean encouraged him to go to Harvard, didn’t ask him to stay even when Cas brought it up. About how Dean never talked about mating and pups, how he had never given Cas any signals that he wanted to mate him.

Suddenly, a hand was on his shoulder. He looked up to see his mother standing over him looking at him questioningly. He realized that he had been staring at his phone while he was lost in thought. His scent must be broadcasting his anxiety and sadness.

“Castiel, are you alright?” his mother asked him.

He nodded, throat tight. “Yes,” he managed to grit out. No, his alpha shouted. He could feel his wolf at the front of his mind prowling and growling, howling for his mate.

“Alright, well, you’ll be right as rain in a few days. You’ll have to contact your professors about extensions, but I’m sure there are procedures for this kind of thing.”

She sat back down on the chair and picked up her phone once again, effectively dismissing him. Cas looked back down at the phone in his hands.

He decided that he would wait and see if Dean contacted him and let him set the pace.

***

After another few days of no contact with Dean, Cas resigned himself to the fact that his mate really didn’t want him and let his dreams of mating Dean and having a family with him go.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 was supposed to be Chapter 7, so you got a bonus!

The phone rang three times before Sam picked it up. Dean was nervous. He was wiping his free hand on his thigh while he was waiting. The contrast of the clammy palm and the rough fabric was keeping him grounded. He knew he was about to get an earful.

“Hey jerk, nice to finally know I’m someone important again.” Sam’s greeting was full of cheek and sass. Dean could imagine that he was getting a pretty decent bitch face right now.

“Hey bitch, I’m sorry I’ve been MIA.” That was an understatement. Judging by the snorting coming from the other end of the phone Sam agreed.

“MIA. Well, that’s one way to put it. What the hell is going on Dean? Jo won’t give us any information on you and you’re just not answering any of us. What gives?” Sam’s voice managed to sound accusatory and worried at the same time. Dean took a breath. He had to say it out loud.

“I’m pregnant Sammy. I’m going to have a pup.” Dean waited, still feeling his hand move automatically down his thigh and back up. There was shocked silence on the other end of the line.

“How pregnant are you?” was Sam’s first question. 

“What? That’s the first question?” Dean was a little shocked. 

“Yea, the first of many, so get on with it. How pregnant are you? You haven’t been hiding this all summer have you? Geez, am I the worst brother in the world for not knowing about this?”

“Jesus Sammy, take a breath.” Dean took his own advice before he continued. “I’m eight weeks. I wasn’t hiding anything, it happened right at the beginning of the semester.” Dean had decided he would be as vague as possible with everyone about who the alpha was. Eventually the pup’s smell would be strong enough to overpower the general sweet pup smell and people would be asking and assuming, but for now, vague was his strategy.

“Who’s the alpha?” Sam demanded. Though Sam had not presented yet, it was only a matter of time before he did. Dean was certain his brother was going to be an alpha. He was strong, tall and determined. People already took notice when he walked into a room.

“That, bitch, is not your problem.” He knew he sounded like he was trying to hide something and he knew where his brother’s thoughts would be headed.

“So, Cas’ pup and you’re too stubborn to tell him so he won’t come home.” Sam was practically growling into the phone. Damn his smart little brother. 

“I said that you don’t need to worry about it and you don’t need to know. It was some guy I met at a party at the beginning of the semester.” Dean was almost growling himself.

He could hear Sam huffing on the other end of the line and decided to change the topic. “So, how’s school? Meet any pretty girls or boys?” Dean would fall back on his sass and sense of humor. He could feel himself gathering it around him like a shield.

“No, not really. I’ve met some nice people but just friends. I haven’t presented yet so everyone still smells about the same.” Dean could still hear the strain in his brother’s voice, but was grateful he allowed the change of topic. Dean needed to tell him and move on and Sam had a tendency to want to talk about feelings and shit until Dean wanted to scream.

“Yea, well, it’s not all bad having a limited smell,” Dean replied.

“Yea, well, not for long. So that means I’ll be able to smell that pup. Who’s it going to smell like?

Dean groaned and let his head fall into his hand. He knew Sam wouldn’t be distracted.

“Sammy, listen-“

“Am I going to recognize the scent? Shit! Dean! Did you- are you- wait a minute! This is Cas’ pup! Is that why your second heat was so short?” Dean holds the phone away from his ear slightly as Sam’s voice continues to rise.

“Sammy-“ But Sam cuts him off again.

“Dean, don’t. I won’t tell him if you don’t want me to, just. Just don’t lie to me. Is it Cas’ pup?” Sam’s voice was gentle and coaxing now. Dean runs a hand through his hair and down his face.

“Yea, Sam. It’s Cas’ pup. But I don’t want to tell him. I don’t want him to come back and give up everything because of me. It would ruin his life.”

Sam growled on the other end of the phone. “And what about your life, Dean? You have put everyone first except yourself your whole life. This was supposed to be your chance! You were supposed to be able to just be a college kid. You were supposed to get a degree and become a teacher! Are you even going to be able to finish school?” Sam was indignant. He was shouting again and Dean was so tired all of a sudden.

“I don’t know, Sammy. I’m still kind of processing and figuring this out too, you know? Just, please, don’t call Cas and just leave it alone.”

There was a terse silence on the other end of the phone. Finally, Sam spoke. He sounded controlled, like he wanted to keep yelling. “Ok, Dean. I promise. But, you know eventually, he’s going to find out, right? I mean, you are going to see him at some point and he’s going to wonder what the hell is up.”

Dean’s eyes filled with tears and he chuckled wetly. “Yea, about that. It’s been a few weeks now and Cas hasn’t really been communicating. He’s got a lot going for him. He doesn’t need me anymore. It was fun in high school, but we both knew it was temporary.” His voice cracked on the last word and he knew that Sam wasn’t buying it. He blinked away his tears and continued. “Besides, we’re so far apart and there were no plans to see each other. If that wasn’t a clear message to me, Sam, I don’t know what else he could have done. So no, I’ll not be telling him. And before you get on your high horse, I know the risks and the legalities and I’m still not going to tell him. I’ve got it handled here.” Dean tried to put as much strength into his voice as possible. This was the way it was going to be. There was no turning back. He heard Sam sigh on the other end of the phone.

“Alright, Dean. I’ll be here though. For you and the pup. I’m going to be the favorite uncle!”

Dean laughed softly as tears rolled down his cheeks. “Yea, Sammy. The most favorite.”

***

The next morning Dean was woken by his alarm. It took everything he had to get out of bed and into the shower, but he knew he needed to get moving now or else he’d be sucked into the bed again. He scrubs his body vigorously, trying to get the blood flowing. He gently rubs over his lower belly and smiles to himself. Ok, sweetheart, he thinks, here we go. I’m going to take better care of both of us.

When he exits the shower fully dressed, shaved and awake, Kevin is at his desk on his laptop. He glances up to greet Dean and his eyes go wide. “Uh, hey Dean. I was just going to go to breakfast. Want to join me?”

Dean glances at the clock on the wall. He has time for breakfast so he nods to Kevin and they grab their backpacks. Kevin leads them out of the room and pauses to pound on Charlie’s door on the way down the hallway. They don’t stop, Kevin just yells at her to get up and meet them downstairs.

They grab their food and make their way over to where they can see Benny and Jo already sitting. Benny glances up as they approach and a broad smile lights up his face.  
“Holy shit, if it isn’t Dean Winchester!” Benny stands up and envelops Dean in a hug. Dean squeezes him back, inhaling his alpha scent. It calms him slightly. He didn’t realize he was nervous about meeting his other friends.

At the same moment that Dean’s brain registers safety and care and begins to sag into the embrace, Benny’s brain registers what he is smelling too. Dean can feel him go still and tilt his head into his neck slightly. Dean mirrors the stillness, all sense of comfort gone. Benny pulls back slightly, a shocked look on his face. Before he can say anything Jo is pushing between them and shouting at Benny to lay off since he was her friend first. Jo plows into him, knocking him back a step. He grabs on to her to steady himself and just as he’s trying to gain his balance back he feels Jo jerk back.

“What the hell? Dean?” She’s holding him at arm’s length, staring at him with her mouth hanging open.

“Uh, hey Jo,” Dean begins. He can feel himself flush.

“Hey Jo? That’s all I get? You’re practically comatose for the first half of the semester then when you do show up, you’re-“

“Jo! Can we not shout my business across the cantina, please?” Dean looks at her wide eyed, silently begging her to be cool and not stress him out. He can smell her alpha protectiveness and it’s making him light headed.

“He’s right,” Benny says from behind her. “Come on, cher, sit down.” Benny takes Dean’s tray and gently puts it on the table next to him, effectively putting Jo and Kevin on the other side of the table. Dean looks at Benny with a grateful smile and sits down. Jo finally sits across from him. Her arms are crossed over her chest and she is scowling at Dean. He knows he’s in for a round or two with her. Fortunately, they’ve known each other all their lives, so he can predict down to the minute, how long it will take her to stew herself into an explosion. Trying to head that off, Dean begins talking.

“So, yea, turns out I pupped.” Dean can see Jo’s leg start to shake where she has them crossed under the table. Benny nudges his shoulder and points to his food. Dean picks up his fork and eats some eggs before continuing. “So, I thought that I was just having really bad pining sickness, but turns out it’s also morning sickness. Great fun for me. I went to the clinic yesterday and the doctor told me that I need to eat more and get more strength. So, here I am.” Dean paused and took another bite before he was going to speak again. This time he was interrupted by a crazy red head flying into the cafeteria.

 

“Did I miss it?” She cried flopping down in the empty chair at the next table. “Did Dean spill the beans?”

Dean glared at her. “Well, if I hadn’t that would have been a great way to start, thanks Red.” She looked a little sheepish but shrugged.

“I just want to help.” Dean shook his head and went back to his eggs. He blew on his oatmeal to cool it while eyeing the orange on his tray with distain. He looked at Jo. He knew she wouldn’t be able to hold it much longer.

“Alright, Jo. Out with it. What do you want to know?”

Jo looked at him. “Who’s the alpha?” she asked. He voice was calm, but Dean could see her tension. Dean looked at her. He could try and lie, but she knew him so well.  
“You know who it is,” Dean said quietly. 

Jo growled and slammed her hand on the table. It made Kevin and Charlie jump as well as himself. He could see the angry alpha emerging and he shrank back. Benny’s arm was immediately around his shoulders.

“Jo that’s enough!” he barked at her. He must have put enough alpha in his voice for her to register the tone and she glared at him. “You’re scaring Dean and everyone else.” He nodded to Kevin and Charlie who were looking down, not making any eye contact. Jo pulled up short and cleared her throat.

“I’m sorry. Sorry, guys. Dean, I can’t let you do this by yourself. You have a mate out there-“

“No, Jo. I’m not mated. Besides, he doesn’t want me and I won’t call him. I won’t do that to him. He’s better off.”

Jo snorted and leaned forward. “Just because he’s a No-“

“Jo!” Dean surprised himself at the way he raised his voice. He needed to keep Cas’ identity a secret. The Novak’s were wealthy and well known. He needed to keep as many people in the dark as he could about who the pup’s alpha was. They glared at each other for a minute before coming to an understanding. They both resumed eating and it wasn’t until after the tension had been released that he realized Benny still had his arm slung around his shoulders while he ate with the other. Dean looked up at him questioningly.

“What?” Benny said pulling back slightly. “Am I doing something wrong? I thought-I thought Omegas needed touch when they were pupped.” He had such an open expression on his face Dean couldn’t help but smile. 

“Thanks Benny. It’s good. You’re right, I was just surprised is all.”

Benny shrugged a shoulder. “My sister’s a few years older than me and she pupped last spring. Her mate is always touching her and keeping contact with her. He told me it helps to sooth her if her mate is close by. Thought it woudn’t hurt with you either.” He looked a little embarrassed.

“Thanks Benny. You’re right, and this makes what I’m about to ask of you a little less embarrassing for me too.” Dean huffed out a laugh. The table had returned to a more neutral atmosphere and everyone had turned back to their food. At this statement Jo paused and looked up. Dean cleared his throat. “So, ah,” he began. Turns out it was embarrassing after all. “So, the doctor suggested that I ask my alpha friends to help out with touch. Since I don’t have a mate the touch and scent of other alphas that I know and trust will help me and the pup.” Dean shuffled awkwardly in his seat. Benny squeezed his shoulder where his hand was draped.

“Sure, no problem. You just let me know, ok?” Dean looked back at Benny.

“Thanks, Benny.” He looked across the table at Jo. She was looking back at him. He couldn’t quite get a read on her expression. Her scent was all over the place. He could tell she was angry and worried, but there was also protectiveness and underneath it all Dean could faintly smell happiness. “Jo?” Dean’s voice was timid. Jo could make this very difficult for him if she chose.

She sighed and leaned forward to grab his hand. “Whatever you need, Dean, you know that.” She squeezed his hand and sat back. “Have you told mom and Bobby?”

Dean frowned at his oatmeal. “Ah, no. Just talked to Sam and then you guys. Going to have to talk to my dad too.” Benny pulled him close again and Dean leaned his head on his shoulder, turning into his neck.

“Dean, don’t worry. Mom is going to be fine. Bobby too.”

“Yea,” Dean mumbled from inside Benny’s neck. “I’m not as worried about them as I am about my own dad.” Dean could tell his scent was turning.

“Yea, well, what the fuck ever. He’s never done a thing for you so he can go screw himself.” Jo held no punches, literally, when it came to John Winchester. Dean lifted his head from Benny’s shoulder and looked at Jo.

“Thanks Jo.” As Dean looked around the table at his friends he felt better. He knew he wasn’t alone and Jo and Sam’s reactions were a good indicator of the rest of his family. He breathed a small sigh of relief. He wasn’t going to do this with Cas, but he wasn’t going to do it alone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are killing me with your comments! Did I mention that I promise a happy ending? And I won't drag it out forever?
> 
> Also, I used Zachariah twice, oops.

Halloween was Dean’s favorite holiday.  The realization that it was upon him without knowing it was approaching was a good indicator of how far he had withdrawn from the world.  He knew that he should be excited, but the pining sickness was still present along with the morning sickness.  Dean couldn’t tell which one was worse right now.

Currently he was leaning his forehead on the cool porcelain of the dorm toilet focusing on his breathing.  He’d been ok for a few minutes, he just wanted to make sure before getting up.  Last week he made the mistake of moving too quickly and had hit his knees again to make it in the toilet and not on the floor.  His knees had still not forgiven him for the damage and he didn’t want a repeat today.

There was a light knock on the door to the bathroom and then it gently opened.  Kevin handed him a bottle of cool water, which Dean took gratefully.  He took small sips and when it looked like nothing was coming back up he took a larger swallow and sat back against the cabinet.  Kevin was leaning against the doorframe, hands in his pockets.

“So, not too bad this morning?” he asked.

Dean snorted and ran the cool bottle over his forehead.  “Every morning is bad, but this wasn’t as bad as it has been.  I guess that’s something to be grateful for.”

“Yea, I guess.”  Kevin was a little uncertain about the whole pregnancy thing.  Though he was happy to be an omega and looked forward to one day having pups of his own, he was watching Dean go through this with a modicum of horror.  He definitely wouldn’t be ready for pups any time soon.  “We still good for 6?”

They had tentatively made plans (barring any weirdness with Dean’s body) to go to the Halloween party at the Roadhouse.  Dean hadn’t seen his family, mainly Ellen and Bobby, in weeks, and he hadn’t gotten up the nerve to call them and tell them about their impending grandpup.  He figured that tonight’s party was as good a time as any. Dean remembered telling Jo his plan.

_Jo had smirked when he told her what he was going to do.  She slung her arm around him and grinned at him before whispering, “You know that having a bar full of people will not protect you from their wrath, right?”_

_Dean had glared at her.  “That’s not why I wanted to do it then, Jo.”  She had laughed right in his face.  She knew him too well._

_“Ok, prego, whatever you say.  I’m just kidding anyway.  You know they are going to be ok.  Surprised as hell, but they’ll support you.”_

Dean nodded and Kevin left.  Dean eventually heaved himself up off of the floor and shuffled into the dorm after brushing his teeth.  He laid down on his bed and curled onto his side cupping his belly.  His clock said it was just after 11 in the morning.  He knew he had studying to do.  He was behind still and working double to catch up but his teachers, for the most part, had been understanding.  They were understanding about the pining sickness and even more so about the pup.  Well, most of them.  Professor Adler was old fashioned and the idea that omegas were at college at all, let alone at college and pregnant without a mate had him nearly apoplectic. 

Dean was glad that Vic had that class with him.  Dean hated relying on an alpha for protection, especially if it wasn’t Cas, but he had to admit that Vic seemed to deter the professor from picking on Dean too much.  He wasn’t interested in giving Dean much leeway with his work though, which put Dean’s grade in the toilet, so he was working extra hard to make up for it with his other grades.  Fortunately, it was a standard math class, which he had no trouble with.

Dean rolled over and grabbed his phone.  He set the alarm for two o’clock and burrowed under the covers.  A nap was in order.  He needed to study, but he’d have three hours after his nap.  Besides, after emptying his stomach he was tired and he’s probably just fall asleep over his books anyway.  Might as well give in and actually get rest in his bed instead of over his books and desk.  Dean yawned once and then was out.

***

When Kevin returned he found Dean at his desk working on a paper.  He pulled up short when he saw him, his face dropping.

“Oh, um, are you not going after all?”

Dean frowned at him and shook his head.  “No, man, I’m ready.”  Kevin stood in the middle of the room and stared at him.  “Uh, hey Channing,” Dean greeted.  She had come in after Kevin and was standing next to him. 

She was a pretty girl with long black hair, which was currently pulled back into a ponytail with a halo on top of her head.  She was wearing all white with a set of angel wings on her back.  Dean smiled sadly at her, an ache starting in his chest again when he was reminded that Cas was named after and angel. 

_The Angel of Thursday, Dean. It’s supposed to be my day, whatever the fuck that means.  My parents are crazy._

He could hear Cas’ voice in his head and picture the shrug of his shoulders and the twinkle in his eyes.  Dean closed his own eyes against the wave of grief that threatened to spill out of him.  He tried to control his scent, but he must not have been doing a good job because Channing darted over to him and pulled him into a hug. 

Kevin had met Channing at a study group a few weeks ago and they had hit it off.  Kevin was a little shy because he had never dated before, but Channing was helping to pull Kevin out of his comfort zone.  Truth be told, she was a little scary sometimes.  She was even more driven than Kevin, and that was saying something, but she had proven to be a great support for Dean the last few weeks.  As soon as Kevin had mentioned that alphas would help Dean she had offered up her number and, after clearing it with Kevin, plopped herself beside of Dean on his bed to study.

“I’m ok, Channing, sorry about that.  It just caught me off guard.”  Dean pulled back and wiped his eyes with his hands.  He shook himself and stood up.  “Alright, let’s go!”

“But, Dean, what about your costume?”  Kevin looked genuinely confused.  A grin split Dean’s face and he held his hands out wide.  He had only told Jo about his idea.

“This _is_ my costume!  I’m going as the knocked up, unmated omega stereotype!  Great, right?”

Kevin and Channing just stared at him for a moment before bursting into laughter.  Dean joined them and it felt so good to laugh.

“I think that might be the winner this year, Dean,” Channing said once she had her breath back. 

“Yea, well, I figured that a costume wasn’t going to cover anything up, so I might as well embrace it.  Besides, I’m not ashamed of this pup.  I love it already and I love its alpha.”  Tears sprang to Dean’s eyes again, but he pushed them down, clapping his hands together.  “Ok, enough!  We need to get going.  Ellen’s going to give me an earful already, I don’t want to add fuel to the fire.”  Dean ushered everyone out and they caught their Uber down to the Roadhouse.

***  


When they arrived at the bar it was lit up outside with Jack-o-lanterns and orange lights.  Dean could hear the rock music pouring through the walls and the parking lot was already filling up.  Channing paid the driver and the three of them went inside. 

There were many people crowded around the bar and several of the tables.  The dance floor was mostly empty, but Ash was setting up his system in the corner, so Dean knew it wouldn’t be long before the dancing would start.  They made their way to a table with a reserved sign on it.  Sam and Bobby were already there along with Jo, and surprisingly, Charlie. 

“Hey guys,” Dean called as they approached the table.  They all looked up to see the three moving in to say hello with hugs and handshakes.  Dean introduced Kevin and Channing to Bobby and Sam before sitting down.  He looked pointedly at Jo then Charlie.  He lifted an eye brow at them.

“So, didn’t know you would be here this early Red.  Thought you were doing something else before the party tonight so you couldn’t come with us?”  Dean leaned in on the table to get closer to her.  Charlie blushed and didn’t meet his eye.

“Well, um,” she stammered. 

“Stuff it, Dean,” Jo said as she put an arm around Charlie.  She blushed deeper but didn’t pull away.  Dean grinned broadly and chuckled.

“Hey, I’m just teasing.  I’m happy for you guys,” he said as he sat back.  And Dean was.  He was happy that they had found each other.  Just like he was happy for Kevin.  It didn’t mean that the sharp pain in his chest wasn’t still there when he thought of Cas.  The smile slipped from his face as he stared at his hands.  He took a deep breath and looked back up.  Sam was looking at him from the other end of the table and gave him a tight smile.  Dean nodded to him signaling that he was ok. 

“So what’s your costume then, Dean?  You look like an idjit in your regular clothes.”  Bobby took a drink from his bottle eyeing Dean. 

“Just so happens that I have the perfect costume,” Dean told him, all bravado.  Inside he was nervous.  Next to him, Channing put her hand on his arm.  He stilled and took a breath. Bobby’s eyes narrowed, taking in the gesture.  Dean decided to get it over with and stood up.  The scraping of the chair on the floor seemed exceptionally loud in the crowded room.  As he was making his way from his seat to Bobby’s, Ellen came over.

“Dean!  I’m so glad to see you, honey.  Where have you been? We miss you.”  Ellen gave Dean no chance to answer before she had enveloped him in her arms.  Ellen was a Beta, but a strong one and the closest thing to a mother he had had since he was four.  Dean started sweating as she squeezed him.  Betas had a less sharp nose than Alphas and Omegas, but he was far enough along that she would smell it on him.  Especially if he was sweating like he was.

It took Ellen just a second before the arms enveloping him stilled and her whole body went taut.  Dean held his arms around her waist and waited, his body as still as she was.  The music faded and all Dean could hear was her inhaling and scenting him.  Dean closed his eye and tried to calm his scent.  He was nervous about telling them, but he didn’t want them to mistake it for being unhappy about the pup.

“Dean,” Ellen began softly, just in his ear.  She kept the embrace, tightening her arms. 

“Yea, Ellen.” 

“Oh, Dean.  Does Cas know?”  Dean tightened his hold on her against the longing he felt at Cas’ name.  He took a breath of her minty scent and relax a little.

“No, he doesn’t.  I didn’t know until a few weeks ago.  The pining sickness was bad and it covered up some of the other signs.  I haven’t called him.”  Dean sounded tired and he slumped against her a little bit.  She held him up and smoothed her hands against his back.

“That’s alright, honey.  That’s alright.  What can we do?  Do you need some money to go up there?”  She pulled back and looked him in the eye.  He gave her a sad smile and shook his head.

“No, El, I’m not going anywhere.”  Confusion flitted across her face before resignation settled in her features. 

“Alright, Dean.  But you’re not alone in this, you understand?  You’re not alone.”  She patted his check and stepped back.  The table had resumed talking and Dean turned again towards Bobby.  He caught the motion and moved to stand up. 

“Hey boy, we missed you.”  Bobby moved in to wrap his massive arms around Dean’s shoulders.  He sunk into Bobby’s embrace, scenting him and wrapping his arms around him back.  He relaxed a fraction at the familiar smell of an alpha.  As he relaxed, Dean felt Bobby tense.  He was still and Dean knew that he and Ellen were silently communicating over his shoulder.  Dean waited until Bobby pulled back and looked at him.

“How long?” he asked.  Dean kept his gaze on the ground.  He didn’t scent any anger from Bobby, but Dean didn’t want to risk riling him up.  “Dean,” Bobby continued, voice gentle.  “Look at me, son.”  Dean lifted his eyes to Bobby but kept his neck slightly bared.  “How long?”

Dean kept his eyes on Bobby’s forehead, not looking him in the eye when he answered.  “About 10 weeks.”  Dean saw Bobby’s eyebrows fly up and went on to add, “The pining sickness is pretty bad and it masked the pup for a while.  I just found out.”

Bobby regarded him silently for a few minutes.  Dean stood there, not meeting his eyes as he waited. He knew that Ellen was still there next to him; he could smell her and he was grateful that she was there.  Whatever Bobby was trying to find, he either found it or decided to drop it because his next words changed topics.

“Well, that still doesn’t explain the costume.”  Dean let out a breath he had been holding and smiled a little.  He felt Ellen pat his shoulder as she moved away and he looked at Bobby.

“I’m a stereotypical unmated, knocked up Omega,” Dean told him with a rueful grin.  Bobby didn’t look impressed and just shook his head, muttering under his breath as he took his seat again. 

Dean relaxed.  If Ellen and Bobby were ok with this, he would be fine.  He knew he had them to lean on, and they were as close to real parents as possible.  Dean was not looking forward to the confrontation with his father, because it would be a confrontation, not a discussion.  Dean shook off the thoughts as he sat down again.  He would worry about that later.

“Dean,” Charlie implored, “best Halloween movie of all time.  What’s your vote?”

Dean let himself be drawn into the conversation and relaxed further.  He would have a lot to think about and prepare, but if his family and friends were behind him like this, they would be ok. 

***

As November progressed Dean began to feel better.  He moved into the second trimester right before Thanksgiving and his morning sickness symptoms lessened.  He was also taking better care of himself and was putting on some weight.  The pining was still there, still in his scent and his heart, but Dean was handling it. 

Dr. Mills was pleased with his progress and the first time he heard the baby’s heartbeat he was filled with such joy and awe.  Seeing his and Ca’s baby made it more real and he only increased his efforts to have the best pregnancy he could.

He was grateful to all his friends for their support.  Dean was rarely alone these days and most evenings he could be found in a dorm room curled up with an alpha studying.  His pregnancy scent was just slightly stronger than the pining now.  Dean was managing and his friends were always there.  He had even spent a couple of nights with Benny in his dorm. 

Benny had turned out to be a great source of comfort for Dean, always sitting close and letting Dean scent him.  When Dean voiced that he was beginning to feel bad because he was taking a lot of Benny’s attention, not to mention the fact that Benny often smelled like pregnant Omega, Benny quickly told Dean not to worry.  He was happy to help and, with a wink, told Dean he could express his thanks by naming the pup Benjamin if it was a boy.

By the time Thanksgiving break came Dean was in a much better place.  He had his friends and family supporting him and his pup was growing well now, even if Dean still smelled sick most of the time.  Dean was planning on staying with Bobby and Sam for the entire break and he was going to pick up a few shifts at the Roadhouse over the week.  Dean was happy to get the work.  He hadn’t been able to do much since the end of the summer and Dean was hording every penny he could for the pup.  He had looked up some figures online about how much pups cost per month and what to expect for medical bills, etc. and he was shocked.  He didn’t know that pups cost _that_ much!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sweet alpha support for Dean!

Dean woke up the Friday before Thanksgiving in his dorm alone.  Kevin had taken a flight home last night after his last class so Dean was solo this morning.  He stretched and yawned, his back cracking as he raised his hands above his head.  He grabbed a quick shower after eating an apple and granola bar and grabbed a pair of faded jeans.  He went to pull them up and button them and found that they were just shy of being able to close. 

Dean raced back into the bathroom, dropping his pants and boxers to look in the mirror above the sink.  He turned sideways and a bright smile lit his face as he saw the small swell at the base of his stomach.  He gently cupped the roundness, sighing.

“There you are,” he whispered.  Dean knew that as the pregnancy advanced there would be people who would frown upon him being unmated and pregnant, but he didn’t let those thoughts bother him.  This pup was a gift, created with a man he loved deeply, so everyone else could just fuck off.

Dean had also done research about clothing and knew to grab a rubber band and pull it through the loop on his jeans and around the button to get it secure.  He shook his head while doing it, mentally recalculating his monetary goal for the week to include a few pairs of maternity jeans.

He had been reluctant at first at the thought of wearing maternity clothes.  When he expressed this to Charlie and Kevin, Charlie gave him a funny look.

“What?” Dean had asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.  They had met in the cantina for lunch.

“I never understood that mentality,” Charlie told him.  “I mean, you are eventually going to have to purchase new clothing, right?  That shit is expensive, so why not get them early and get as much wear out of them as possible?  Plus you’ll be more comfortable.  I can’t imagine making due with too tight pants is going to be fun.  Especially sitting three hours in a lecture,” she finished, cocking a brow at him.

“Fair enough,” Dean told her.  “But I think that some people just have a mental block about it.  I know I’ve heard other people express that they don’t want to have to buy more clothes as they head into the end of the pregnancy, so they wait and get a size bigger to last the whole way.”

“I think I’m definitely in the “comfort” part of clothes,” Kevin chimed in.  “I think Charlie is right.  Comfort.”

Dean had nodded, thinking about their comments.

Now, as he sat down in his lecture, he _knew_ that Charlie was right.  The front of his pants didn’t feel comfortable and they were digging in his sides in a weird way that was not necessarily uncomfortable but definitely noticeable.  He tried not to squirm while the professor talked, but he was distracted.

The professor must have noticed that Dean was definitely not the only one having trouble focusing because he dismissed them thirty minutes early.  Dean let out a breath as he stood up and gathered his things.  He was going to head to Bobby’s after he grabbed his duffle from the dorm. 

By the time he had walked back across campus he decided that he needed to change his pants.  There were nice comfy sweats that were in his drawer that Dean knew would still fit.

He had just come out of the bathroom in said sweats when there was a knock on his door.  He opened it and Benny was there holding his own bag.

“Hey Benny, what’s up?” Dean asked, stepping back and letting the larger man into the room.

Benny let his duffle fall to the floor and smiled at Dean.  “Just thought I’d see if you needed a ride across town before I head to the interstate.”  Dean smiled with genuine warmth and affection for the big alpha.

“Thanks Benny, that would be great,” he told him.  “Let me just tidy up a bit and then I’ll be ready to go, unless you need to get going now?”

Benny shook his head and sat on Dean’s unmade bed, back against the wall, boots hanging over the edge.  “Nah, cher, I got time.  You go ahead and do what you need to do.”

Dean made quick work of the small mess in the dorm before throwing his things in his duffle.  He swatted Benny’s boot to get his attention.  The Cajun had closed his eyes a while ago. 

“Ready?” Dean asked.

“Let’s go,” Benny replied easing off the bed. 

The drive across town was quick.  It was still early enough in the day that people were working, even with the weekend approaching.  Dean thanked Benny as he hopped out of his truck and waved once before he opened the door to Bobby’s house. 

Dean was immediately hit with the smells and comforts of home.  Bobby’s house smelled like whisky and old books and Dean had come to associate this smell with comfort and security.  Bobby may not be the touchy feely type, but Dean knew that he loved both him and Sam and the feeling was mutual.

“Hey jerk,” Sam greeted from the couch.

“Bitch,” Dean snarked back smiling.  He tossed his duffle onto the landing in the stairwell and made his way over to the couch.  He pushed Sam’s outstretched legs off of the cushions so he could sit down.  Sam huffed, but adjusted his body.  Once settled Dean spoke again.  “Why are you here?  Don’t you, like, go to high school?”

Sam gave him a bitch face, glaring at him and heaving a put upon sigh.  “Yes, Dean, I do.  I had a midterm this morning, so I got the afternoon off.”

“Jeesh, what kinds of classes are you taking?  That sounds like college level crazy.”

“Yea, but it’s good, you know?  I like the challenge,” Sam told him, eyes glued back to the TV screen.

“Nerd,” Dean muttered under his breath.

“I’m glad you’re here too, Dean,” Sam told him, a smile lifting the corners of his mouth.  Dean gave him a light punch in the arm, a matching smile gracing his face.

They sat and watched several episodes of Kitchen Wars before Bobby came bustling into the house.  Dean helped him get dinner ready and they ate while catching up on the last few weeks.

Dean mentioned that he was going to be going shopping over the weekend and both Sam and Bobby looked at him like he was crazy.

“What?” Dean asked, forked paused half way to his mouth. 

“Shopping?” Bobby repeated.

Dean felt himself flush.  He put his fork down.  “Uh, yea.  I need to go to the maternity store in the mall and get some clothes.”  He peeked up at his brother from under his lashes, gauging his response.  Either Sam was maturing or he knew this was not something he should be picking on Dean for. Sam was silent but he had a smile on his face.

“That’s great, Dean!” Sam enthused.  Now it was Dean’s turn to stare.  Bobby had switched one dumfounded look to another in Sam’s direction.

“That was…not the reaction I was expecting,” Dean told him slowly, still staring.

“I just meant that if you need new clothes then that means that the baby is doing well, right?  Growing and all that?  It’s a good thing, right?  And you’re into the second trimester, so it makes sense.  Omega men don’t tend to show early, especially the first pregnancy.”

“Sammy, what the-“ Dean stopped mid sentence.  He didn’t even know what to say.  He was shocked that his brother knew all this, had apparently learned it all at some point, but on the other hand, this was Sam.  Dean shook his head.  “Yea, Sammy, you’re right.  I gotta say, sitting in lecture this morning with a rubber band around my jeans was a bitch.  Not comfortable at all.”  Dean shoved another bite of pasta in his mouth to cover the sudden awkwardness.  Bobby remained silent and continued to eat. 

Thankfully, Sam started talking about his classes, launching off of Dean’s topic about lectures.  Dinner passed uneventfully after that, as did the cleanup and movie later.  Dean headed up to bed when the movie was over, grabbing his duffle on the way.  He smiled when he opened the door to the room that he always thought of as his.  Bobby or Sam, or maybe both, had put fresh sheets on the bed and Sam had brought some of the things Dean had left in the house in August.  Dean threw his bag on the floor and lay down on the bed, sinking into it.  It was a much better mattress than the one he had in his dorm that was for sure. 

He didn’t mean to fall asleep, but the next thing he knew the sun was streaming in his window and he could hear voices downstairs.  He ran a hand over his face to try and wake up some more, glancing at the clock on the nightstand.  He had slept for twelve hours. 

The last time he had that much uninterrupted sleep was in August when he and Cas…  And just like that, he felt the clench in his gut and his throat closing around the sob threatening to escape.  He rolled over and buried his face in the pillow.  He tried to breathe in through his nose and out through his mouth, controlling his breathing and focusing on that.  Schooling his mind to count his breathes and narrow his focus helped to calm him.

Though he still smelled of the pining sickness, his pregnancy pheromones were getting stronger.  It was not as noticeable but still there.  Dean had come to a place where he felt much the same about missing Cas.  It was a constant that he carried with him always in the back of his mind, but it had become a part of him so much, that when something unexpectedly refreshed the pain it was crippling.  He was still trying to catch his breath when there was a slight knock on his door.

“Dean?  Are you ok in there?” It was Sam.  His scent must be super strong if Sam could smell it down the hall or downstairs.  Dean took one more long breath before answering.

“Yea, Sammy, I’m ok.”  His voice was scratchy and not believable in the slightest.  There was silence for a moment before Dean heard the door quietly open.  He kept his head buried in the pillow, hoping that Sam would just leave.

He sighed and turned his head when he felt the bed dip as Sam sat down. Dean looked up into the saddest puppy eyes he’d ever seen.

“I know you probably don’t want to talk, and that’s ok, but I just wanted to check on you.” 

“Thanks, Sammy.  I’m ok.”  Sam narrowed his eyes and regarded him for a moment.

“Have you talk-“

“Sam,” Dean bit out, a warning.  He was not going to talk about it.  “No.  I’m fine, we will be fine.”

“You’re not fine, Dean.  You need your alpha!”

Dean sat up, frustration and sadness warring in his scent.  “I’m not some pathetic omega who needs an alpha to take care of them, Sam!  I made my choice and it’s done.  I’m better than I was.  I’m getting better, but sometimes something happens or reminds me and it makes it harder.  Now, I’m done talking about this.  I appreciate your concern, and I really appreciate that you’re trying to help and learning about omega pregnancy, but stop it.  The best way for you to help is to let me focus on the pup and taking care of it.”

There was a tense silence, and Dean was afraid for a moment that his brother wasn’t going to drop it, but eventually Sam’s shoulders sagged and his face looked resigned. 

“Ok.  If you say you’re ok, then I’ll believe it.  You tell me what you need and I’ll do it.”

“Thanks bitch,” Dean replied trying to lighten the mood.

“You’re welcome, Jerk.  Now, let’s go get some food.  My niece or nephew needs something to eat.”

***

Several hours later found Dean at the mall with Sam, walking into the Omega maternity store.  He was glad of Sam’s request to accompany him, because even though Dean was comfortable with his situation he wasn’t sure about how others would treat him.  Sam hadn’t formally presented yet, but he was a welcome presence anyway.

Dean walked slowly into the store taking in the racks and racks of clothing and accessories and even a few baby things.  He paused, not sure what to do or where to even begin.  He must have looked as lost as he felt because a young blond sales woman approached them with a smile.

“Hello!  Can I help you with anything?”

Dean smiled back feeling out of place.  “Yea, uh, I need to get some new clothes, my jeans are getting too tight.” 

She smiled again and spoke.  “Well, you came to the right place.  Is this your first pregnancy?”

“Yea, it is,” Dean told her, feeling calmer.  He was doing this without Ca- an alpha, but he was doing this for his pup.  “I’m right into the second trimester.”

“Hmm, ok.  Let’s see what we’ve got.  I think you’d like what we have that’s specifically for male omegas, unless I’m mistaken?”  She arched a brow at Dean and he chuckled.

“Nope, lead on.” 

Dean and Sam followed her into another section of the large store.  She showed them jeans and graphic t-shirts as well as sweaters and coats.

“So, you’re due in May, yes?” she asked as she sifted through a rack of jeans.  Dean nodded.  “Ok, here’s what I suggest.  You need some things that will get you through to the end.  I don’t want you back here in April when you’re suffocating in your winter gear.”  She pulled several t-shirts off the table with a few pullovers and sweaters.  “You’re going to want to layer a bit, but most omegas feel hotter during pregnancy anyway, so I would recommend that you mostly get t-shirts now that you can put something over but will last you until the end.  What do you think?” she asked holding up the pile of clothing.

“Sounds good to me,” Dean replied as he took the pile. 

“Now, those are just tops.  I can’t do much about the pants unless you’re interested in the omega leggings and skirts?”

Dean shook his head no.  He had nothing against them for other people, he just had never felt comfortable in a skirt.  Many male omegas chose to wear them because it felt more feminine, but Dean didn’t like it.  He tried once, in a store, just to see what it would be like, but it wasn’t his thing.

“It’s ok, I am a mostly jeans guy in the summer too, so it will be fine.”

After a few more rounds of questions, Dean was sent to the dressing room while Sam waited outside on a plush chair.  Dean was grateful the sales associate knew what she was doing because he had a pile of clothing that fit, looked good and felt comfortable.  His wallet would be a bit lighter for it but he should probably get used to shelling out the bucks for this pup.

He began to put his too tight jeans back on when he stopped and poked his head out of the curtain.  “Hey, uh, can I just wear a pair of these pants out?  I can pull the tags off and give them to you.”

“Of course.  A lot of people do that, actually,” she told him with a wink.

“Hey Dean, give me the stuff you want to buy and I’ll take it up to the counter, ok?”  Sam was holding his hand out through the curtain.  He had been mostly silent during the trip, only commenting when he was asked.  His quiet support was exactly what Dean needed though, so he was grateful.

“Thanks Sammy,” Dean replied hefting the clothing into his brother’s arms.

When he finally pulled the curtain open and made his way to the counter he was greeted with two full bags of clothing hanging from his brother’s arms.

“That was fast,” Dean muttered and went to move around Sam.  “What’s the total?” he asked the sales woman.  She smiled at him, but Sam answered.

“Nothing,” he said.  Dean turned around, a confused frown on his face.  “Uncle Bobby and I wanted to do this for you, so, here you go.  It’s taken care of.”  Sam held out one of the bags to Dean to take. 

“Dude, no.”  Dean was staring at his brother.  This was easily several hundred dollars’ worth of new clothes in the bags.  “No.”

“Yes, Dean.  It’s done.  Bobby and I knew you wouldn’t accept it as a gift, so this is how it’s going to be.  Everything is paid for and we are ready to go.”

“Sam-“

“Actually, there is one more thing,” the sales woman spoke up behind Dean.  She came around the counter with another bag in her hands.  She gave it to Dean.  It was a light green bag with paper handles and when he peaked in there were many different things in the bag, all for pregnancy.  “It’s a free gift to congratulate you.  There are samples and coupons in there for a variety of items.  I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly.  Come back if you need anything else or something doesn’t work out, ok?”

“Thank you,” Dean whispered.  He was strangely emotional.  It wasn’t like he hadn’t been given gifts before, but he felt overwhelmed all of a sudden.  She smiled and patted his shoulder as she wished them a good afternoon and then he was following Sam out of the store.

***

Later, as Dean was getting ready for bed, he couldn’t help tearing up again at the sight of the full bags of clothes sitting on the floor.  He shook his head and crawled under the covers.

When they had returned to the house Bobby was watching a football game, firmly settled in his chair with a beer.  Dean had dropped the bags and walked right up to him and put his arms around him, burring his face in his neck, scenting him softly.  Bobby was surprised but relaxed quickly and patted Dean’s arm.  There was no need for words, Bobby understood how Dean was feeling.  Dean had continued to show his thanks by making dinner for everyone.

Now, in his room, under the covers, he relaxed.  He gently cupped the small swell of his belly and with a final promise to love his pup and care for it as well as he could, he drifted off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourself! John Winchester ahead. Also, time starts moving a little quicker. There will be another couple of chapters then a time hop.
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos! They make me so happy!

Dean woke up to the smell of coffee and the clank of pans on the stove.  He stretched and smiled, feeling happy and safe, feeling like he was home.  It had been a stressful few months, to say the least, but he felt like he was handling things much better.  He was feeling better and the pining sickness was lessening as he had his pup and school to concentrate on.  Thanksgiving was in a few days and he was going to eat a slice of every different pie that was available to him.  He knew that Ellen would make her apple and pecan pies and Dean was planning on making cherry and pumpkin.  There would be no shortage of pie.

With that happy thought, he got out of bed and slowly ambled down the hallway and stairs.  As he got to the bottom of the stairs he heard voices in the kitchen.  He couldn’t make out what they were saying, but there was another voice that hadn’t been there last night.  Dean stiffened and froze on the last stair, scenting the room.

It smelled faintly of whiskey and leather and motor oil.  John Winchester was there.

Dean crept forward as quietly as he could.  This was not what he wanted to deal with.  Not today and not ever.  There was no way this was going to go well.  Hell, it had an eighty percent chance of not going well if Dean wasn’t unmated and knocked up, but with those two things going for him, it was all the way at one hundred.

“…vacation, John.  I’m going to let the boy sleep.  He needs it.”  Dean could hear Bobby talking.  Dean crept as close as he dared, staying away so his scent couldn’t betray his presence.

“I’m telling you, Bobby.  He needs to be the one cooking.  It’s his place and he knows it, vacation or not.  He shouldn’t even be on vacation.  This is where he should be until I can find him an alpha.”  John’s voice was rough and firm and Dean’s heart stopped. 

He knew his dad held on to old ideas about where omegas were supposed to be and where their place was, but he had no idea that his dad thought he was going to find Dean an alpha.  He smirked when he realized that that problem was already taken care of.  There was not a chance his dad was going to find an alpha that would take another alpha’s pup.  Dean patted his stomach as Bobby replied.  His voice was sharp and Dean could smell the burnt edge of his scent into the hallway.

“Stop right there, John.  That boy is not your property and he is of age.  He can find his own alpha and lead his own life.  This is not nineteen fifty-two.  Besides, he’s got a lot on his plate right now and he needs to rest.  I have cooked for myself for a long time, I know how to do it.”

“Bobby,” his father continued, “that boy has always been wild.  He needs someone to look after him and teach him to learn his place.  I tried when I could, but every time I came back Dean was in a mood.  I never knew which omega I would get while walking into the house.”

Dean rolled his eyes.  Yea, he never knew which he would get.  Usually it depended on how much Dean could scrape together and work to keep the heat and lights on and to feed him and Sammy.  He had had enough of this. 

He took a deep breath, reminding himself that Bobby was on his side and if it came down to it, he knew which Winchester would be out on their ass and it wasn’t him.  He was not ashamed of his pup and he was not going to be afraid of his father anymore.

When he stepped into the kitchen he could see when his father scented him, and by the way his shoulders tensed and his body froze, Dean knew that his pregnancy scent had carried into the room with him. 

“Mornin’,” he said casually as he made his way to the coffee pot.  Bobby went to smack his hand away, but Dean jerked out of his reach.  “Chill, old man.  One cup isn’t going to hurt.”  Dean methodically added cream and sugar into the coffee, trying to keep his scent calm and unruffled.  When he turned around he felt he could face his father.  He leaned against the counter blowing on his coffee, watching his father.

John Winchester looked much the same as he did when Dean saw him at his graduation.  Bobby had seen him since then, but Dean had not.  That stung a little, knowing that his dad had been in town over the summer but hadn’t seen fit to come home to see his sons.  He had known, logically that had happened when Sam told him that he had signed the guardian papers with Bobby, but it didn’t really connect with him until now.  He hadn’t seen or heard from his dad in almost six months.

And just like that, any remaining thoughts about his duties as a son, omega or not, evaporated.  His dad was standing next to him at the stove quietly fixing breakfast.  He was the one that made sure that there was enough for them when John left.  He was the one that encouraged Dean to go to college and let nothing hold him back.  He was the one who silently bought him new maternity clothing.  Dean looked at Bobby and gave him a smile.   He knew his scent was radiating comfort and safety and home.  He just hoped that Bobby knew it was because of him, not the alpha sitting at the table.

Bobby lifted a corner of his mouth as he plated eggs and bacon and handed it to Dean.  Dean returned the smile as he took the plate and sat down.  He could feel John’s gaze on him, could smell the anger starting to build but Dean just began eating his eggs.  Bobby sat down between them with his own plate, his father’s plate already empty.  There was silence for a few moment as the two men ate.  Finally, John spoke.

“Does someone want to tell me what the fuck is going on here?”  Dean glanced up to meet his father’s gaze without flinching.  He settled a hand over his stomach protectively before he spoke.

“I’m on break from college and I thought it would be better for me to come here with Sam, so here I am.”

“Dean,” his father growled.  Dean clenched his jaw, willing himself to be still and not to give in to his father’s anger and try to placate it.  He kept his head still, deliberately not baring his neck.  That seemed to only infuriate his father more.  “What trouble have you gotten yourself into now?  See,” he said turning to Bobby, pointing a finger at him, “this is what happens!  Omega’s can’t control themselves!  I knew him going to school was a waste. Probably couldn’t wait to dump Sam here with you and take the first knot he-“

Dean’s fury broke a second after Bobby’s.  “Enough!” Bobby roared before Dean could get any words out.  Dean did stop at Bobby’s command, though Dean knew it was more for John that him.  His father looked at Bobby incredulously.  “You haven’t been around, John.  There are a lot of things that have happened.  Dean is a good man.  He’s working hard in college and he’s fine.”

“Fine?” his father asked.  He glared at Dean.  “He pupped!  Jesus, he’s only eighteen!  And college or not, no alpha is going to want him now! I’m going to have to find an alpha that will take another’s pup.  Incredible.  Just, incredible.  Of all the irresponsible, stupid-“

“I said that was enough!” Bobby yelled.  His scent was spiking in anger along with John’s and Dean was right there with them.

“Are you kidding me?” Dean yelled, standing up and overturning his chair. 

“Don’t you be disrespectful to me boy, I know how to take care of that attitude.”  John’s voice was low and dangerous.  At one time Dean would have been on his knees with his neck bared to spare himself and Sammy whatever punishment his dad thought was warranted.  Not anymore though.

“Respect?  You?  You don’t know the first thing about respect!  You haven’t been around, Dad!  You have absolutely no right to judge me or anything about my life.  You’ve seen me once in six months!  You waltz in here like everyone owes you something, spouting sexist bullshit about omega’s knowing their place.  Well, you know what?  Alpha’s have their place too and it’s with their family.  It’s supporting their family, their pups.  You’ve given me a pretty shitty idea of what that looks like and I know I can do better.  I practically raised Sam because you wouldn’t!  I pupped and that’s on me, but it’s not because I was irresponsible or took any knot that was available to me.  You don’t know the first thing about me and you know what?  I don’t want you to, not anymore!”  And with that he stormed out of the room, banging the back door on his way outside.

Dean walked down the steps and moved into the scrap yard, finding an old Nova to lean against.  He could still hear raised voices from inside, but Dean concentrated on calming down.  He was alternately angry and sad, kicking his slipper on the gravel. 

It was so typical of his father to just come in and be an asshole.  To think that he knew best about everything and everyone else should just fall in line.  Not to mention that his ideas were miserably outdated, even archaic. 

“Find me an alpha,” Dean muttered kicking more of the gravel.  He shook his head.  “Asshole.”  He huffed and crossed his arms.  “Sorry, pup.  I should probably start watching my language, right?”  Dean rubbed his belly softly as he heard the front door slam.  The roar of an engine and the sound of gravel churning alerted Dean to the fact that someone was leaving.  He hoped that Bobby had pissed his dad off enough to make him leave and not come back.

He stood there for a few more minutes before he heard someone walking towards him.  He smelled Bobby before he saw him.  Dean’s nose wrinkled at the smell of angry alpha, but he knew it was not directed at him.  Dean kept his gaze down, hand over his belly as Bobby approached.

He leaned against the Nova beside Dean.  They were quiet for a few minutes.  Bobby finally broke the silence.  “He’s gone.”  Dean grunted in acknowledgement.  “I told him not to come back until he was ready to apologize to you and treat you with the respect he is so demanding of for himself.”

Dean looked up at Bobby blinking.  “Thanks Bobby.”  It was his turn to grunt.  Bobby shifted and pulled something from his pocket.  Dean looked down. 

“He might be an asshole but he left this for you.”  Bobby’s scent was evening out now and it was carefully neutral.

Dean scoffed at the money Bobby was holding out.  “I don’t want his damn money, Bobby.”

Bobby pursed his lips and nodded but kept his hand out.  “Just take it.  Call it even and use it for the pup.”

Dean looked at him but Bobby wasn’t moving.  “I don’t want it.  Keep it for me.  I’ll use it if I have to, but I don’t want it now.”

Bobby nodded and laid his free hand on Dean’s shoulder.  “Your father is who he is, Dean.  I’m sorry that you had to go through that.  You deserve better than to be treated like that.”

Dean smiled at Bobby, one corner of his mouth lifting.  He looked him straight in the eye.  “I do,” Dean told him quietly.  “I do.  But he’s not been my father since I was four.”

Bobby sighed and took his hand off of his shoulder to run it through his hair, lifting his ball cap before settling it back on his head.

“But that’s ok,” Dean continued, “because do I have a father who has taken care of me and Sam the way a father has supposed to, and I learned how to be a good dad from him.”

***

Fortunately, the rest of break was fairly uneventful.  Dean and Ellen cooked the meal on Thanksgiving and Dean was able to spray himself down with enough blockers to work at the Roadhouse a few times.  Dean was pleased with the amount of cash he made and made a deal with Ellen for a few more shifts before the semester break and he was home again for Christmas.

Dean registered for Spring classes and was able to finish out the semester with a 3.4 GPA, which wasn’t bad considering how the semester had started.  By then he was really showing and anyone who didn’t know there was a pregnant omega in the dorm knew by then. 

Dean’s friends and family were supportive in every way possible.  Dean spent a lot of nights curled up with his alpha friends and the hovering continued.  Dean didn’t mind though.  He knew that he would be on his own in just a few short months, so he was soaking it up.

By February Dean knew that he wasn’t going to be able to return to school in the fall.  He had been going around and around about how he was going to continue to go to school and have his pup.  Bobby and Ellen had tried to convince him to let them help and Dean was happy to let them to an extent.  He was not going to let them pay for college while he moved home with Bobby, which was the current situation on the table.  Dean loved his family for their support and willingness to help him, but he needed to figure out how to live on his own.  His pup was his responsibility and he was not going to put it off on someone else.

While Dean did the best he could in school, it was hard.  He could see the gap between his life’s direction and those in his dorm.  Though everyone still included him and helped him, he could see how he was growing up rapidly while they were still in college mode.  Dean didn’t begrudge them for it, but it did ache to know that the people he had bonded with so much this year would be moving on in June without him.

Sam had been a wealth of information and support for Dean during the spring.  He constantly fed Dean articles to read on pregnancy and pups.  Sam had been on several trips with Dean to the baby stores to scope out prices and brands.  One of the articles Sam had sent Dean was about what items newborns would need.  Dean almost had a heart attack at the crazy long list.  Did pups really need a bathrobe?  Dean did his own research and found a much more reasonable list of practical things pups would need right away.  Dean slowly purchased some of the smaller items and Ellen eventually bullied him into creating a registry.  When Dean protested that he didn’t need other people to get him stuff Ellen fussed at him about how it wasn’t always for the omega.  People liked to help and celebrate a new pup, so let them.

Which brought a baby shower in April.  Ellen had it at the Roadhouse and Dean was surprised there were so many people there. His friends from college and a few friends from high school as well as Bobby and Sam.  They spoiled Dean and filled out most of his registry with presents.  Bobby stored them all for him, including the things Dean was purchasing himself.

In May, Dean was beginning to feel uncomfortable a lot.  He had had a good pregnancy after the first trimester and he had been able to eat and put on weight like he was supposed to.  He was tired, but he was making it ok.  Dean was due towards the middle of June, so he had about three weeks after the semester ended before the pup would come.  He finished the semester with a comparable GPA to his fall semester and Dean was pleased.  He was sad that instead of figuring out what classes he was going to take in the fall he was looking online for apartments that he could rent within his budget.

Dean had continued to work as much as he could at the Roadhouse and he had saved every penny he made.  He had quite a nice nest egg in the bank and it would allow him to live in an apartment for several months before he would need to get a full time job.

Dean found a small apartment in a decent neighborhood that was in his budget.  It was close to both Bobby’s and the Roadhouse.  While it was small and Dean would have to share a room with his pup, it was clean and in a safe neighborhood.  Dean felt good when he signed the lease.  He could move in on May 25th, right after classes ended.

Dean was surprised when Bobby told him that he should move the bedroom furniture from his room at Bobby’s house into his apartment.  Bobby told him he didn’t need it if Dean wasn’t going to be staying there anymore and he would rather Dean continue to use it than it sit and gather dust.  Unexpectedly Dean found himself with a full bed with a decent mattress, a nightstand and a large dresser.  Dean scoured the online ads for other furniture.  He couldn’t afford to spend a lot of money on his apartment but he knew that he would need furniture to live.  Bobby convinced him to take the money John had left him and put it into the apartment.  Dean did and was able to get a living room set, a small TV and a dining room table with chairs.

Dean was overwhelmed with the generosity of his friends and family in other ways, too.  Charlie and Jo bought him much of the kitchen things he would need, Kevin and Channing gifted him a bunch of household things like cleaners, paper towels, lightbulbs and toilet paper and Benny and Victor had gotten their hands on the rest of the registry and had finished purchasing everything. 

The morning of his moving day Dean woke up in his bed in his dorm.  Kevin had left yesterday, so his side of the room was bare.  Dean felt a pang of regret that he wouldn’t be roommates with him next year, but it was quickly replaced by excitement because today he was moving into his first apartment.  Sure it wasn’t like he had planned, maybe after college was finished, or, even (in his dreams late at night before Cas left) moving in with Cas, his bite clearly displayed on Dean’s neck…

Dean threw off the covers and got moving before thoughts of Cas could bring him down.  He had managed the whole pregnancy without him.  It had been hard in places, but he was ok now.  Dr. Mills told him that he would not likely get rid of the slight pining smell he now carried, interwoven with his own smell so intricately that Dean wasn’t sure those close to him could smell it anymore.  Dean knew it was there though because people who didn’t know him eyed him sympathetically, even though they could see he was also unmated.

Dean had packed everything yesterday, so there wasn’t much to do but get a shower and throw the last things in his duffle.  Most of the stuff was at Bobby’s so he’d be heading there to supervise the moving.  Dean hopped in the shower, gently rubbing bubbles over his enormous belly.  He smiled and hugged himself.  His pup kicked him and he laughed.

“Ok, ok.  Get a move on dad, I hear you pup.  We’ve got things to do today, right?  We are getting our house set up.  I’m going to make it a real home for you, ok?  You’ll always know I love you.”

Moving into the apartment took the entire morning.  Dean was glad that he had so much help and Benny, Victor, Sam and Jo and Bobby were able to get things loaded and unloaded in record time.  Dean was exhausted by the time all the furniture had been put in place and his tiny apartment was overrun with alphas.

Ellen and Charlie arrived loaded down with many different bags and sent Sam and Bobby to get more from the car.  Dean was overwhelmed by the amount of food they had bought.  Not only did they bring lunch for everyone, but Ellen had purchased enough groceries to get him started on all the basics he needed and then some.

After lunch Benny and Victor headed out, but Sam and Jo worked on getting the crib put together.  By pushing Dean’s bed against one wall and the crib against the other, there was just enough space for Dean to put his nightstand and dresser in there too.  Later, as Dean pulled the sheets over his round belly, he sighed.  He wasn’t happy, not by a long shot, but he was going to be ok. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's baby time (finally)!

Dean had been in his apartment for two weeks and his due date was quickly approaching.  He was nesting hard.  He had washed, folded and put away all the clothes he had in carefully neutral clothing.  He had scrubbed every surface, vacuumed everything he could and reorganized the kitchen cabinets three times.  He whined to Sam that he needed a shirt from him to put in his bed and got the same from Bobby, Ellen, Jo and Charlie. 

He was vacuuming his nearly new curtains when the first pain shot through his belly.  It wasn’t very strong, but Dean had not had any false contractions the whole pregnancy and it was more shocking than anything else.  Dean caught his breath and finished vacuuming the curtains before he put everything away and went to get something to eat.  Dean knew that the early stages of pregnancy could last many, many hours, so the plan was for him to call someone as soon as he thought he was going into active labor, or before that if he felt like he needed someone with him.

Dean ate a light snack and decided to lay down for a while.  It was only early afternoon and just as he got comfortable on the couch another pain ran through him.  He looked at the clock and noted that it had been about 20 minutes.  He tried to relax and dozed for a while.  He was woken up another 20 minutes later with another contraction.

This pattern went on for several hours, the timing slowly decreasing between contractions.  When Dean finished a light dinner and his contractions were coming regularly at about ten minute intervals he called Ellen.  She was the first contact point and everyone else would be fed information by her.  The plan was for Dean to only have to focus on labor.

Dean got in the shower after he hung up with Ellen and brushed his teeth.  He got his bag from the closet in his room and double checked everything.  He made sure that the baby things he would need were in there too and made sure that all the lights and appliances were turned off before he went downstairs to wait for Ellen. 

He was beginning to be anxious and uncomfortable and he needed someone with him.  Ellen pulled up at the curb and hopped out to help Dean get into the front seat.  She put his bag in the back and got back in.

“Ok, baby, here we go.  Now,” she told Dean as she pulled away from the curb.  “Everyone has been notified but they will stay home until further notice.  I’ll stay with you like we planned.”

“Thanks Ellen.”  Dean was holding his belly and breathing through another contraction.  He was ready to get to the hospital.

Dean wanted to have as calm of an environment as possible.  He knew that labor without his alpha was going to be long and difficult and several sources that he had found online suggested limiting the people at the hospital to create a more calming environment and one that wouldn’t get overwhelmed with different smells.  There would be plenty of time for people to be there and see Dean and the pup.  He just hoped that things would go well.

Dean was hooked up to a monitor and a doctor he didn’t know checked him when he got there.  She smiled reassuringly and told him that he should get comfortable and try and get some sleep.  Dean slept for several hours while the contractions continued.

By the next morning Dean’s water had broken and he was prepared to get things moving along.  He wanted to meet his son or daughter.  Dean labored through the morning and into the afternoon, not making much progress, but becoming tired.  He was doing well with minimal pain medicine, but things weren’t going anywhere.

He agreed to try more medicine in the hopes that it would help his body relax and move his labor along, but by dinner he still wasn’t making progress.  Dean knew that this was what he had read about.  His body needed his alpha for comfort and reassurance but his alpha was nowhere near.  Dean didn’t even know if Cas was in town, back from college.  There had been no attempts to contact him.

Ellen was wiping his forehead again with a cool cloth when he looked at her with tired eyes.  He had been in labor for more than 24 hours and nothing was happening.  She smiled at him and brushed his hair off of his forehead.  She was just about to say something when there was a knock on the door and Dr. Mills poked her head in.  Dean was relieved to see her.

“Hi Dean,” she greeted him softly.  “How are you feeling?”

Dean huffed.  “Tired,” he replied.  Ellen ran her hand through his hair again in comfort.

“Ok, well, I have some good news and bad news.  The good news is that this is going to be over soon and you’re going to get to meet your pup.”  She smiled softly at him, pausing before she continued.  “The bad news is that I think that it’s time we discussed other options for delivery.”

Dean also knew this was coming.  He knew that omegas who gave birth without their alphas had a harder labor and a higher rate of c-section.  He had hoped that he would be able to do this without problems, but he was already half way resigned to it before he went into labor.  He was also so tired.  So tired.

“What does that mean, discuss?” Ellen asked.  Dr. Mills looked at her and Dean before speaking.

“It means that while Dean is still in the safe zone of natural labor, he hasn’t been progressing at any rate, even after his water broke.  We have a few options to move forward.  The first is that we do nothing else.  We just wait and let you labor as you have been while it’s still safe to do so.  The second is that we increase the pain meds, giving Dean an epidural to help him relax and hope that that speeds thing up.  That may or may not happen, but it would relieve the pain and let him rest for a bit.  On the other hand, it may be just what your body needs, Dean, and you would deliver the pup in no time, gaining no rest.  The third is that we change our plan to a c-section.  This would mean that labor would be over quickly and the pup would be here without any problems.”  She paused to let those options sink in.

“If I wait, what happens?  What could happen?  Could I end up with the c-section anyway?”  Dean was gripping Ellen’s hand. 

“Honestly, you could Dean.  And if we wait and something happens, like the pup being in distress, or you having labored so long you have no energy left to deliver, you would end up with an emergency c-section, which could create more complications for you both.” 

Dean nodded as he listened.  He looked to Ellen, but she shook her head.  “Baby, it’s not my choice.  I think you should listen to your doctor and I’ll be here whatever you decide.”

“Dean, have you read anything about c-sections?” Dr. Mills asked him.  He nodded.

“I read about it.  I know what to expect.”  He sighed and closed his eyes as a wave of pain began again.  Once it was over he was panting.  He opened his eyes and nodded his head.  “I’m ok with what you think it best, and if that is a c-section now, let’s do it.”

***

Emma Mary Winchester was born at 6:23pm on June 13th after a very quick c-section.  Dean couldn’t believe she was here.  Her light hair and fair skin were reflections of Dean, but the piercing blue eyes that opened the first time were all her alpha’s.  When Dean was cleaned up and back in his room, holding her for the first time, he cried and cried.  His phone was in one hand, Emma in the other as he debated calling Cas.  He put the phone down when Emma began to cry, rooting into his chest.  He didn’t pick it up again.

Bringing Emma home was surreal.  Dean was confident he could raise his pup, but he was a little shocked that the hospital just packed him up and sent him on his way without any instructions or manual or anything.  Ellen drove them home and helped them to get settled.  Dean was sitting on the couch holding Emma when Ellen came out of the bedroom, having put his bag and Emma’s things in there.

“Thank you, Ellen.  I can’t tell you how much.”  Dean reached for her with his free hand.  She took his hand in both of her own, smiling at him.  “We are good here.  You can go ahead and go home.  I’m sure you’re exhausted.”  Dean knew he was, for sure.

“Dean,” Ellen began, releasing his hand and sitting next to him on the couch.  She brushed her hand through his hair again.  “Honey, I’m not going anywhere for a while. You need someone here with you to help, especially with those stiches in your belly.  Now, I’m going to fix something for you to eat and then we can get you and Emma changed and fed.  Then I think you should try and sleep.”

Ellen was true to her word and ended up staying with Dean for almost two weeks.  He protested that she had a business to run and he didn’t expect her to stay with him, but she shushed him and told him this had been the plan all along and that it was taken care of.  _‘You would have been too stubborn to listen to anything before, so I made arrangements without you.  It’s done.  Jo and Charlie are taking care of the bar and Bobby is helping if needed.  If there is a true emergency then someone will switch with me for a while and I can take care of it.’_

Dean was overwhelmed with the support and love of his family and friends. Everyone had given him a few days to heal and rest before visiting, but he was happy to see them.  It was a reminder that even though his life had changed dramatically, he still had people around him, and those people were going to stay.  It was at times like those, when he remembered that there was one person that wasn’t there and the longing for Cas increased.  He knew there were several times that Ellen had come into his room because she could smell the pining and sadness, never saying anything other than trying to distract him and help him to think of other things until he scent smoothed out.

Because of Ellen’s care, Dean was able to rest and heal quickly.  He ate well (Bobby appeared with groceries several times, despite Dean’s protests) and Ellen gave Emma a bottle for one of the night feedings, letting Dean sleep for several hours in a row.  Nursing helped Dean and Emma to bond and it helped Dean to heal physically.  Each day he became more and more besotted with his pup and more comfortable in his role as a dad.  He had made the right decision in keeping her.  He couldn’t imagine life without her, even if he was bone weary.

***

Dean held Emma in his arms as he scrolled through the online job listings at the public schools.  Dean was certain that he was supposed to be working with pups and he needed a job.  He looked down at the sleeping little girl in his arms and smiled.  He was so happy to have her.  She was growing and developing well.  He was still living on the savings he had from before Emma was born, but those were dwindling quickly.  He would need to get a job.  Emma was 10 weeks old.  Dean was healed, Emma was nursing well and she was starting to sleep for longer periods of time. 

Ellen told him he could pick up shifts at the Roadhouse again, but he knew that he was going to need something more than that.  He didn’t want to be away from Emma all night, and besides, he needed something during the day that was consistent if he was going to find a place to put her in daycare.  He wasn’t excited about the idea of putting her someplace, but he couldn’t afford someone to come privately, and he wasn’t going to ask his friends and family to care for her full time.  Dean knew what he was getting in to when he decided that he was going to keep her, so he was prepared.  Didn’t make it easier thinking about being away from her so much though.

Dean continued to scroll past all the teaching openings until he got to the hourly jobs.  For these you only needed a high school diploma and he was hoping that having a year in college with the intent to become a teacher would look good on his resume.  He was hoping there was not a policy against hiring unmated Omegas.

As he kept looking one caught his eye.  It was a posting for an aid position at a close elementary school.  Dean clicked on the link and looked at the requirements.

_Alright,_ Dean thought _.  Let’s see…high school diploma, some college preferred, experience with pups preferred, hardworking, and willing to sign a contract for a year…I can do all that._

Dean scrolled down the site to see the “apply” button and clicked on the link.  He filled out the preliminary information and attached his resume before sending it off.  He looked down at Emma who was beginning to squirm in his lap.

“What do you think, huh?  Maybe Daddy will have a job!  What are we going to do with you, though?”  He nuzzled the top of her head, inhaling her baby scent.  She still smelled like him mostly, his milk and the newborn scent that all pups had.  Dean could sit there and scent her all day, but he knew she was probably in need of a change and would be interested in food soon.  Dean turned away from his laptop and walked into his bedroom.  He lay her on the changing table and quickly changed her diaper.  Her eyes opened and she slowly blinked at him. She waved her little fist at him while he swaddled her, so he had to try it several times before he perfected the burrito. 

He carried her over to his bed where the pile of pillows were.  Dean had been fortunate to get most of the things he needed, but a rocking chair was not one of them.  He was still on the lookout for it, but for now, he had his nest and he just piled pillows up under his arms.  He pulled his t-shirt up and Emma latched on quickly.  The little grunting and squeaking noises that she made while she was eating always made Dean smile.  She had worked her hand out of the swaddle again and was resting her closed fist on his chest.  He smiled down at her and rubbed one finger gently over her fist.

“I love you so much, Emma.  Daddy loves you so much.”  He smiled at her and she opened her eyes at the sound of his voice.  Her deep blue eyes had lightened some over the last week or so, and Dean was hoping that she would have her alpha father’s eyes.  Cas had beautiful eyes. 

The pain in his chest was not as pronounced these days, but it was still there.  Doctor Mills said that there was a chance that it would never go away unless he found a new alpha or reconnected with his.  Dean couldn’t even think about another alpha now.  His world revolved around Emma, and the chances of him finding an alpha who wanted to mate an omega who had a pup, especially a pup out of a mating, was low.  Dean wasn’t worried about it now.  He could still smell his pining for Cas and he still missed him so badly.  He hadn’t contacted him even when Emma was born.  He had heard that his brothers were in and out of town, but Dean kept to himself and didn’t mingle in the same social circles, so the chances of meeting them somewhere were rare.  He didn’t think they would assume that Emma was Cas’, but he didn’t want them to go back and tell Cas that Dean had a pup, whether he thought it was his or not.

Emma finished her meal and dozed off.  Dean just stared at her for a while, watching her sleep.  He couldn’t understand how he could spend so much time just watching her sleep.  In his pocket, his phone buzzed.  He pulled it out and checked the text notification.  It was from Sam.

**SAM** : Hey jerk. Can I c u tonight?

**DEAN** : Sure, u comin here?

**SAM** : Yea, can get a ride with Bobby.  Time?

**DEAN** : Come for dinner at 6

**SAM** : Cool.  C u then.

Dean pocketed his phone again and gently slid off the bed.  He put Emma in her crib that lined one side of his bedroom wall.  He turned on the monitor and quickly left the room shutting the door quietly behind him.  He moved through the small living room into the open kitchen and looked in his cabinets.  Spaghetti and meatballs sounded good.  Dean had some cheap ground beef and some pasta and red sauce.  He could add some spices to the meat to add flavor.  He pulled it out of the freezer and threw it in the microwave to defrost it some.  He pulled out the red sauce and spaghetti from the cabinet, noticing that he would have to go to the store soon.  He was eating almost as much as he was when he was pregnant.  He knew it was because of Emma nursing, but it was still eating away at his budget.  He was going to have to ask Ellen if he could pick up some shifts soon.  He hoped he was called for an interview for that school position.  It would be perfect.

Emma slept long enough for Dean to put the meatballs together and get them in the oven.  He had the water on the stove for the pasta and red sauce in a pan on the stove beside it.  He hurried into his bedroom at her cry and lifted her from the crib.  He nuzzled her cheek just as the doorbell rang.  He put her over his shoulder and walked to the door, carefully peering out of the peephole before unlocking the chain and deadbolt.

When he opened the door, Sammy stood there with a grin on his face.  “Hey Dean!”  Dean returned his smile, opening the door wider to let him in.

“Hey bitch,” he greeted.  Sam crossed the threshold and Dean noticed there were bags in his hands.  “What’s all that?” he asked, following Sam into the kitchen after closing and locking the door again.

“Oh, nothing, just some extra things.”  Sam set the bags down on the floor of the kitchen and Dean could see that they were groceries.  Sam began to pull things out and set them on the counter.  He had brought eggs, ground beef, chicken, crackers, oatmeal, granola bars and lots of fresh fruit and veggies.  All the things Dean found out he actually liked.  Berries, carrots, spinach, corn, bananas and apples.  Dean frowned.

“Sam, you know I can take care of my own shopping, right?”  Dean had been through this before with Sam.  And with Ellen.  And with Bobby.  They all had conspired against him to do his grocery shopping for him at least once a month.

“Yes, we do, Dean.  But we keep telling you that this is something we want to do.  For you and for Emma.”  He reached down into the last bag and pulled out a bakery box, showing it to Dean with a triumphant smile.  “Dessert!”  Dean couldn’t help but smile.  His family was awesome and he loved them.  Sam had brought him a whole pie.  Cherry, too, his favorite.

“Thanks Sammy,” Dean said.  And he meant it.  He stepped forward and gave his brother a one armed hug.  “Now, wash your hands so you can hold your niece while I put this stuff away and finish dinner.”

Sam sniggered but moved to obey.  “Didn’t know you’d turn into a germaphobe when she was born.”

“Haha, joke’s on you, Sammy.  I turned into a germaphobe _before_ she was born.”  Sam shook his head and wiped his hands with a paper towel.  He made grabby hands at the baby and Dean handed her over.  Sam cradled her in his arms and cooed at her.

“Hey pretty girl.  You know your Uncle Sam, don’t you?  That’s right, I’m the best one, don’t let anyone ever tell you different…” Dean chuckled at his brother as he moved into the living room and sat down with Emma. He was still talking softly to her while Dean put away the groceries and drained the pasta.  The oven timer went off and he pulled the meatballs out and set them on top of the towel on the counter.

“Sam, dinner’s about ready.  Why don’t you put the peanut in her seat and she can sit while we eat?”

Over dinner he told Sam about the job application and his brother was encouraging.  Sam had continued to be a source of information and comfort to Dean in the last few months.  He was grateful to his brother for the support, especially with the other alphas he was friends with were gone for the summer.  Sam thought he was being sneaky about it, but Dean knew that he was trying to do things that Dean’s alpha would be doing for him, like grocery shopping.  It didn’t make it easier to be away from Cas, but he didn’t feel as alone as he might have otherwise.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little filler, but I like this scene. Also, I write out of order a lot, so if there are continuity issues, please let me know.

Dean returned home from the interview hopeful.  Things had gone well and the teacher that he would be working with had sat in on the interview.  They had a few minutes to chat before the formalities started and they seemed to get along well.  They both discovered they were fans of the same author.  He genuinely liked Becky so far and he hoped that she had liked him. 

He wondered if it was intentional that things were “running behind” so they had a few minutes alone to talk.  Good way to figure out if the two people could work together.  He was curious about how much say Becky had in who was hired.  Dean opened the door and loosened his tie while he walked in.  Jo and Charlie looked up from the couch when he entered.  He could hear Emma cooing and he assumed that she was between the two of them.  He walked over and looked over the back of the couch.  He smiled. 

Laid out between the two women was his pup.  They had dressed her and put a bow in her hair and she was currently on a soft blanket sucking on her fist.  “Hey sweet thing,” Dean said.  His voice was soft but she immediately turned her head.  “Did you have a good time with Auntie Jo and Auntie Charlie?”  Dean pulled off his suit jacket and threw it and the tie over the back of the table chair.  He rolled his sleeves up and leaned on the back of the couch.  “Was she any trouble?”

“Nope,” Charlie replied.  “She was a perfect angel, just like usual.”  Charlie turned back to the pup and gently patted her stomach.  Dean watched Charlie smile at the pup and Jo smile at Charlie. He was glad these two had hit it off and that they seemed like things were going to work out.  They had scent bonded for sure.  Dean wasn’t sure if they were waiting until college was done to mate or not, but he wouldn’t be surprised if there was another pup in the next few years. 

“Alright, well, I’m going to change and wash up.  Then I’ll tell you about the interview.  I think it went really well.”  Charlie gave him a thumbs up and Jo told him to take his time.

When he reemerged from his room Jo and Charlie were sitting on the floor with Emma and some toys. 

“Hey Dean, I think she’s about ready to eat.  I wanted to try and hold off so that you could nurse her,” Charlie said as soon as he walked around the side of the couch.  She picked Emma up and handed her to Dean.  “I just changed her diaper.”

“Thanks Charlie,” Dean said as he sat down. He pulled up his shirt and helped Emma to latch on.  He sighed back into the cushions while she settled in to nurse.

“So,” Jo began, pushing herself onto the couch, “tell us about the interview.  Did you get the job?”

Dean ran a hand through his hair before he spoke.  “I don’t know.  I was able to talk to the teacher I’d be working with and she and I seem to get along great.  She’s a fan of Carver Edlund too, though I think maybe a bit more than me.” Dean smiled remembering her enthusiasm.  “I think it went well.  Told them about Emma.  Didn’t want that to be a problem down the road.”  Dean’s mouth turned down as he looked at his baby girl.  “Not that you are a problem, pup.  If they don’t want us, well, screw ‘em.  We’ll be fine.”  He squeezer her a little tighter before looking back up at his friends.

“What did they say?” Charlie asked.

Dean shrugged.  “Nothing.  They said that they were more interested in me as a person who was going to be qualified and a good fit in the school.  They told me that they were in the business of children, so the fact that I had one was just more job security.”  Dean chuckled at the memory.  It was really not what he was expecting from the place, but the principal seemed down to Earth and the school felt welcoming.  It was a place he could see making a career out of.  Maybe one day even having his own classroom there.  He sighed.  He was getting ahead of himself.

“Well,” Jo said.  “All that sounds great.  I’m starving, so who wants pizza?  My treat!”

Dean gave her a warning look.  “Jo, I can afford to buy my own dinner, you know.”

“I’m not buying because you can’t, I’m buying to celebrate.  This was your fist interview and it seems like it went pretty well, right?”  She turned to Charlie who was nodding her head and smiling.

“Totally,” she agreed.  Dean was outnumbered and he knew it.

“Fine, but I’m buying next time,” he conceded. Charlie and Jo nodded at him immediately. Dean narrowed his eyes, but the effect was ruined when Emma pulled off and started wailing.  Dean quickly moved her to the other side and she quieted down.  Jo had gone to order the pizza and Charlie came to sit closer to him.  “Hey, Red,” he said.

“Hey yourself,” she replied.  She smiled down at the pup greedily drinking.  “She’s so perfect, Dean,” Charlie continued with a small sigh.  “She’s a little miracle.”

“Yea, she is,” Dean agreed.  He looked at Charlie.  “What’s up?” he asked.

“I want one,” Charlie told him.  His eyebrows rose up into his hairline.  “Not this minute, idiot,” she continued seeing his expression.  “I just, I see her and I see Jo and I think, I want that.  I want that with Jo.”

Dean swallowed around the lump in his throat, trying to get himself under control before his scent gave him away.  He was happy for his friends and he didn’t want them to think he wasn’t.  He also didn’t want to make everything about him all the time.  But sometimes he couldn’t help it. 

Dr. Mills said that the pining sickness would linger because of Emma, and it would pop up at times like this.  Times when he was reminded that other people would get their happily ever after and he wouldn’t.  There wasn’t anything standing in the way between Charlie and Jo.  And he couldn’t have asked for better friends.  He was happy for them.  Dean took a breath and opened his mouth as Charlie looked up at him. 

Her face was horrified.  _Guess I need to work on controlling my scent a bit more_ , he thought.  He reached for her with his free hand.  She grabbed it and pulled it to her, wrapping it between her other hand.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” she said.  There were tears in both of their eyes.  “I didn’t think,” she continued. 

“Charlie, no, stop it.  I’m sorry.  I feel like I always make things about me.  You don’t need to watch what you say around me.  I don’t want you to think I’m not happy for you two.  I love you both and I’m so glad that you found each other.”  Dean was fighting the tears in his eyes.  Charlie’s eyes swam too.

“I wish you would find your alpha,” she said quietly, looking him in his eyes.  “I wish you would let yourself at least try and be happy.”

“I am happy, Red,” Dean told her.  “I have my pup, my friends who are treating me to pizza and maybe a job.  I have a place to live and I’m ok.”  He gave her a sad smile.  “It’s better this way.  Cas was always too good for me anyway.”

“Cas?”  Charlie’s hand tightened around his.  She raised her eyebrows.  Dean’s wide eyes met hers in a panic.

“Charlie-“ Dean began, but Jo interrupted coming back into the room.

“Ok, pizza’s ordered and should be-what is going on?”  She stopped in front of them when she saw their faces.  Charlie’s was calculating and Dean’s was terrified and the lingering scent of sadness and longing was hanging in the air.

“So, Cas, hm?” Charlie asked Jo.  She cocked an eyebrow at her girlfriend.  Jo stood there looking between her best friend and her girlfriend.

“Umm…”

“Charlie knock it off,” Dean commanded.  He had regained some of his balance and he was not in the mood for Charlie to start digging.  He couldn’t believe that he had let that slip.  “I don’t want him to know, so drop it.”  Outwardly Dean tried to remain calm.  He tried to keep his scent even and not disturb the pup.  Inside he was freaking out.  _Shit, shit, shit, shit.  What can Charlie do with relative location and a nick name?  Shit, would that be enough?  Shit, shit, shit, shi-_

“Calm down, Dean,” Charlie was talking to him.  He came back to himself.  Both of his friends were looking at him with concern.  Apparently, he hadn’t been concealing it too well.  “I won’t do anything without your permission.  I don’t have a lot to go on anyway.”  Dean sighed and looked at his friends.

“Thanks.  I know you think I’m being unreasonable, but it is for the best.”  He looked down at his pup who had fallen asleep.  He gently pulled her from his chest and held her up over his shoulder to burp her.  She let out a small burp and a heavy breath before snuggling into Dean.  He reclined on the sofa after he put his shirt back down and patted her back gently.

“It’s ok Dean.  We just want you to be happy.”  Jo was smiling at him.  Charlie nodded in agreement, patting his knee.

“I am guys.  I really am, I promise.”  And Dean was, mostly. 

Later that night after Emma was down and Charlie and Jo had gone home, Dean lay in bed alone.  He stretched out his arm across the empty space and let himself pretend that Cas was just finishing up some studying in the other room and was going to come to bed soon. 

Dean didn’t let himself pretend like this often.  He knew that they were just dreams, and probably not helping his mind to get over the fact that Cas was actually gone, but Dean was lonely.  Most of the time he could push it down.  Emma required a lot of care and time and he was exhausted most of the rest of the time, so it didn’t leave much room for feeling lonely like this.  But tonight, the conversation with the girls had opened the wound. 

He gently lay his hand on the other side of the bed.  The sheets were cool to the touch and Dean pretended that Cas would be in any minute.  If he tried hard enough he could hear the faint sound of pages being turned and a marker gliding across a textbook highlighting important parts.  He could imagine Cas finishing up and turning off the lights, checking the deadbolt and coming into the room.  Dean could see him strip his clothes and feel him crawl into bed beside of him.  Cas would take him in his arms and kiss him and hold him until they both fell asleep.  He could sometimes hear Cas tell Dean that he loved him.  Dean fell asleep curled into himself, wishing so hard that Cas was there and not just a dream.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Cas' POV and time hops from his freshman year until after graduation.

By the time Cas finished with his last exam he was exhausted.  He had officially finished his first year of college and he should be elated but he just felt tired.  He trudged back to the dorm where Balthazar was already waiting.

“Cassie!” he exclaimed when he walked through the door.   “How did it go?  Officially done, yes?  Let’s celebrate!”  Balthazar was playing on his phone while sitting on his bed.

“No thanks, Balt, I just want to sleep.”  Cas dropped his bag and kicked off his shoes before crawling back in bed.  He pulled the covers over his head and drifted, relieved that he had a week to do nothing before the internship began.

The year had been difficult to say the least.  He would be eternally grateful for Balthazar’s friendship and support.  He would have probably ended up in the hospital again if the beta hadn’t been there to make sure he ate and showered and took care of himself.

Cas had been released from the hospital in the fall and had thrown himself into his schooling after he realized Dean was done with him.  He kept a strict schedule for his studies and not much else.  He didn’t have friends outside of his roommate and he didn’t go anywhere.  He attended the required functions for school and family and then retreated to the dorm room to work or sleep.

He spent Christmas with his family skiing, wearing blockers every second of the trip to make sure his family didn’t know what was really going on.  He knew that his father and Gabe at least would be sympathetic but Michael, Uriel and his mother would not.  Cas didn’t want to deal with them on many levels, but he knew that he was barely hanging on and if there were any comments made he would lose it completely.  It was better for everyone if they just thought he was tired from the semester and needed some time to reenergize himself.

When the spring semester began he went back to the routines he established during the fall.  Eat, sleep, study, go to class, repeat.  He knew that Balt was worried but he couldn’t bring himself to snap out of it.  He knew his scent was perpetually sour and anyone who came across him knew that he was pining.

Now that he had finished his last exam, Cas wasn’t sure what he should do.  His mother had been after him to come home for the week between his last exam and his internship, but Cas wasn’t sure he could.

He knew that if he was in Lawrence there would be no way he could stay away from Dean and he wasn’t sure if he could stand the rejection he was sure would be forthcoming if he showed up on his doorstep.  Dean had made it clear that he didn’t want anything to do with Cas because there had been no contact.  If that wasn’t a clear message to Cas he didn’t know what would be. 

Balthazar had tried to convince him to at least call Dean, but Cas wouldn’t.  Balthazar threatened to call Dean himself and Cas lost it.  He deleted Dean’s contact from his phone and made Balthazar swear that he wouldn’t contact Dean without his permission.  Dean had made it clear that he didn’t want to talk to Cas, and no amount of arguing from Balthazar could convince him of anything different.

In the end Cas stayed in Massachusetts for that week, working on getting settled into the apartment the internship provided for him and working out a new routine that was shockingly similar to the previous one.

Cas spent the summer working hard, eating when necessary, sleeping and putting all his effort into not thinking about Dean.

When he returned to school in August he and Balthazar were rooming together again.  After a few days of Cas continuing with his single minded focus Balt had had enough.

“Cas, this is enough.  I can’t watch this again.  You’ve been doing this for almost a year now.  It’s not good for you.  You can’t keep living like this.”

Cas just stared at him from his desk chair, highlighter in hand.  “Do what?” he asked.

“This,” Balthazar told him gesturing in his direction with his hands.  “This constant focus on nothing but school.  You’re wasting away, Cas.  You haven’t been back to the doctor in months, you’ve suppressed two ruts and you talk to no one but your parents and me and only when you have to.”

“I’m fine, Balt.  I just need to study.”  Cas made to turn back to his desk but Balthazar stopped him with his raised voice.

“No you’re not Castiel!”  Cas was surprised to hear him use his whole name and he looked up to find his friend genuinely worried about him.  For the first time in days he really engaged in what was going on.  Balt was radiating distress and concern through his expression and scent.  Cas’ nostrils flared at the scent. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, it’s no healthy.  I’m worried about you.”

“What do you want from me, Balt?” Cas asked.  He could feel the walls he had constructed shaking.  This was why he didn’t engage.  His small world with his carefully constructed walls and order was what he needed.  He couldn't participate in any more.  He wasn’t strong enough to put up the front.

“I want you to get better.  I want to help you, Cas.   But you won’t let me or anyone else.”

“I’m fi-“

“So help me, God, if you say you’re fine I’ll throw my shoe at you.  You’re not fine.”

Cas pressed his lips together and looked away, breathing deeply.  “I’m not fine,” he said quietly, still talking to the wall.  “I don’t know that I’ll be fine ever again, Balt.  My omega doesn’t want me, he-“ Cas broke off, his through closing as grief washed over him.

Strong arms circled him and Balthazar’s soothing beta scent enveloped him, helping him.  He clung to his friend and let himself feel for the first time in months.  A sob escaped his throat before he could swallow it back and then the dam broke and he was weeping against the bulk of his friend.

***

That had been a turning point for him.  When he looked back on that day it was painful to remember.  Cas had been in a terrible place and he had put himself into a deep depression and sickness by not working through any of his pain.  It scared him to think what might have happened if Balt hadn’t been there to kick him in the ass.

He raised his glass of scotch to his friend next to him.  They were sitting at the bar the night after graduation having a final drink before Balt headed back to England and Cas headed back to Lawrence.

“To my friend.  I’ll be eternally grateful for our friendship Balt.”  Cas looked at him earnestly when he tipped his glass against the other.  “I don’t know what would have happened to me if you hadn’t been there for me.”

Batlthazar tipped his head in acknowledgement and sipped his own drink.  “I’m glad I was there,” he said simply.  “So,” he continued putting his empty glass down.  “Headed back home tomorrow?”

Cas nodded, looking into his own empty glass.  “Tomorrow. I fly out in the morning and I’ll be headed back to the estate.  I start work on Monday.”

When the weather had started to warm Michael called him and asked him what he was interested in doing for the company.  Cas didn’t really have any particular interest in anything and was toying with the idea of going overseas, possibly to England with Balthazar but he wasn’t feeling anything particular calling to him.

Michael had asked him how he felt about coming home to the main branch of the company for a while.  At first Cas had been reluctant, but the more he thought about it the more the idea grew on him.  He had been thinking for a while now that perhaps it was time to go home.  Maybe it was time to try and find Dean and see…he wasn’t sure what.  Maybe Dean was single and they could renew their relationship.  Maybe not and he could get some closure.  Either way, it had been four years since he’d been home and he was ready.

He accepted Michael’s offer and the details were settled for after graduation.  He would have several responsibilities in the community, including filling a vacant spot on the school board, but he could handle those things.  Cas had had to work very hard at getting better and not reverting back to his disengaged half comatose self and he knew that he would need to work extra hard if he were to return home.  He was confident that he was well enough that he could do it, regardless of what might or might not happen with Dean.

“I hope it goes well,” Balt told him.  Cas nodded, smiling slightly.  He hoped so too.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Dean's POV. This starts the story again 3 years later. Emma's language might be a bit mature, sorry. Also, people from the Superintendent's office are in my building/classroom on the first day every year. It drives me nuts, but it was good inspiration!

“Ok, Emma, today is the big day!”  Dean was brushing his three year old’s hair into a pony tail.  She was seated on the edge of the sink in her small bathroom.  Dean was holding her favorite pink bow in his mouth as he talked around it.

“I know, Daddy!  I’m so excited to go to your school today!”  Emma clapped her hands and swung her feet.  Dean finished the pony tail and clipped in the bow.  “Oh, Daddy, thank you!  It’s perfect!”  She pulled him in for a kiss on the cheek and Dean smiled.

“Anything for you princess.”  He winked at her before swinging her up into his arms.  She giggled and they made their way down the stairs to the kitchen.  He deposited her in the booster seat where her milk was waiting.  She grabbed her cup and began to drink. 

“Save some for breakfast, pup,” he told her.  Dean had her oatmeal ready to pour into the bowl and heat up.  He added milk and stirred it before popping it into the microwave.   He hit the one button and the timer started the one minute countdown.  Dean smiled.  It was a small thing, but Dean loved the new microwave.  When his dad had died the year before, Sam had insisted that he move back into the house.  Sam was headed into his freshman year of college and he had told Dean that he didn’t have any interest in the house.  Even though he decided to stay in Kansas and attend KU he didn’t want it.  What did he need a house for?  Dean and Emma needed it and Dean wanted it.  Sam was happy if Dean was happy.

They had cleaned it up, painted, and moved Dean in the summer before.  Dean had been scraping by in the apartment, but moving in to the house that was already paid for was a miracle.  He had to save for taxes, and there was always something to be done or fixed, like replacing the microwave, but Dean loved it.  He was happy knowing that there was a solid place for Emma to grow up.  She had her own room and there was a yard for her to play in.  She and Dean had shared his one bedroom until they moved here.

This year, Emma was 3 and because of that, was eligible for the school’s low income preschool.  Dean qualified and Emma had been accepted in the spring.  Dean breathed a sigh of relief because this preschool was free.  Emma would be going to and from school with him and half of his paycheck no longer went to childcare.  Dean had cried when he got the notice she had been accepted.  Becky had assured him that employees got priority, but Dean wasn’t going to get his hopes up.  There were still too many weekends that he tended bar or served tables for Ellen to make sure that Emma had a new coat or the electricity bill got paid.  He needed to be realistic, but he was so relieved.  He had been working so hard for so long that he forgot what it was like to have his head above water.

“Daddy, my oatmeal please!”  Emma’s sweet little voice brought him out of his memories.  The microwave had stopped.  Dean pulled out the bowl and blew on it while stirring and adding a little more milk.

“Here you go, princess.  Now, eat up so we aren’t late!”  While Emma enthusiastically ate her oatmeal, Dean cleaned up the kitchen.  He unloaded the dishwasher and loaded the few dishes he had used from his own breakfast. He poured his travel mug full of coffee and threw both of their lunches together in the lunchboxes.  Dean sat them side by side on the counter.  He smiled.  Emma had wanted Super Girl and insisted that Dean get his favorite too, Batman.  He pulled her water bottle out of the fridge and put it next to the lunchbox for Emma.  He put the milk back in the fridge and grabbed a wipe to clean up her face.  When he was done, he plopped her down from her chair, handed her her lunchbox and water bottle with instructions to get her shoes on.  While she did that Dean did a final sweep of the kitchen before grabbing his own lunch and coffee and making his way to the door.  Emma was there with her shoes on, having put her lunchbox and water bottle in her backpack.  It was resting on her back and she was bouncing on her toes in excitement.

“Come on daddy!  Hurry!  We don’t want to be late!  Ms. Stone told us that it’s important to be on time!”  


Dean chuckled and laced up his boots.  He was glad that the dress code was relaxed at his school, but today he was still wearing a nice polo and khakis.  It _was_ the first day of school.  He had long ago stopped worrying about what the people at school thought of him as an unmated omega, and he had a champion in Becky, for sure.  She had told more than one parent that she would not tolerate any nonsense with Dean while he was in her class. 

There had only been one parent who had been nasty in all three years Dean had worked with Becky.  Dick Roman was a real dick.  When Dean declined his advances, the very mated Alpha had tried to say that Dean had come on to him and that his behavior around the pups was unprofessional and even dangerous.  Dick said Dean had shown what kind of omega he was because he already had a pup and no mate.  Dean was really scared at that point, but Becky was incredible.  She turned everything right back on him and defended Dean to the principal.  Becky never raised her voice but Dean had never seen her so angry.  He almost felt sorry for Dick.  Almost.  He hadn’t known what he was getting in to and the matter was dropped. 

Dean felt sorry for the pup though, because Roman had pulled his son from the class and put him in private school immediately.  Dean knows he still bad mouths him all over the place, but since they don’t run in the same circles anyway Dean isn’t worried.

Once Dean was ready they locked the door and headed to the Impala.  Dean still smiled when he saw his Baby.  Dean loved this car and he was glad that it had been in tact enough for him to be able to restore her and drive her.  Bobby had helped Dean work on her in small increments and they had only just finished her during the summer. 

Dean buckled Emma into her car seat in the back and gave her a kiss.  She giggled and hit her feet against the back of the seat.  Dean chuckled and adjusted the mirror so he could see her from the front.  He knew it was best to keep her rear facing as long as possible, but he would be so happy to see his pup facing forward one of these days.

Dean started the engine and backed out of the driveway.  Dean loved the first day of school.  It was exciting for everyone and he couldn’t wait to get to know his new kids.  He remembered the day after his interview more than three years ago.  He had gone to bed with an ache in his chest and tears in his eyes but had woken up with hope and a new energy.

_Right after Emma had woken up from her afternoon nap there was a knock on the door.  Dean was surprised to see Missouri at his door.  When he opened it up he was even more surprised._

_“Well don’t just stand there catching flies, boy, let me in!”  She had pushed right past him and into the house with a whole cherry pie in her hands.  Dean startled out of his fog and closed the door.  By the time he had made his way back to the kitchen Missouri was slicing the pie into pieces and plating them with ice cream she had found in the freezer._

_When Dean first met Missouri she had freaked him out, but over time and their friendship, he had learned to roll with it. He had continued to see her during his pregnancy at the clinic, but then she somehow began to be a part of his life.  She had told him that she knew the day they met that he needed someone and that someone was going to be her.  She just started showing up and things went from there._

_“I woke up and I knew it was a celebration day,” she said as soon as she saw him enter the kitchen.  She paused plating the pie and looked up at him.  “This job is going to be so good for you.  Both of you,” she told him.  Dean smiled down at Emma in her seat on the floor of the living room._

_“I have to be offered the job first,” he told her.  She smirked at him and handed him his plate._

_“Don’t worry about that,” she told him.  Dean shook his head at her, trying to tamp down the excitement he felt.  In all the months they had been friends, Missouri had never been wrong.  Dean hoped that she was right and he was going to be offered the job.  Just as he was about to follow her into the living room to enjoy the pie his cell phone rang.  He checked it, just to make sure it wasn’t Sam and was surprised to see the school’s number flashing on the screen.  He quickly put the pie down on the counter and turned to Missouri.  She had a happy smile on her face and nodded to him to answer the phone.  The principal said that they wanted Dean to start that fall.  When Dean hung up the phone he sat down next to his friend._

_She had nudged him in the shoulder and said, “I told you, this job is going to be the best thing for both of you.”  Dean had laughed with relief and joy._

As he pulled in to the school’s parking lot, he knew that Missouri had been right as she had been about so many things over the years.  She had been the one to help Dean when Emma got colic, appearing with gas drops and aid with walking before Dean even knew that something was wrong.  She had been the one to show up ten minutes before Dean got the call from Bobby that his father had died.  She had told him that he needed to move the bench in his room and he had.  The next day Emma fell, right where the corner would have been.

This job had been so good for him and his pup and now she would be in the same place as him all day.  There were so many little things and big things that were lining up to make his life just a bit easier.

“Alright, Em, you ready?”  Dean looked in the rear view mirror and he could see her reflection from the mirror on the seat.  She clapped her hands and squealed her agreement.

***

Half our later Dean was in his own classroom with Becky, waiting for the bell.  Dean had dropped Emma off earlier that day because he wanted to be in his room to help Becky with the last minute things before the bell rang.  He was nervous but excited.  He also knew that the first day of school meant that people from downtown and the School Board would be walking around. 

He never understood why they came on the first day.  As if there wasn’t enough nervous energy in the halls, they had to add the pressure of the big wigs into it.  Dean had been wearing scent blockers more and more and today he had liberally applied them.  Since the confrontation with Dick Roman, Dean was more cautious. 

Becky told him that he shouldn’t cover up if he didn’t want to, but Dean told her that he felt a little more in control when he had them on.  People didn’t immediately know that he was an omega and that he had a pup.  The blockers didn’t completely mask his scent, but someone had to be close to smell him.  He hoped that he wouldn’t sweat through them before the board members walked in.

The bell rang and he could hear excited voices filling the hallway.  Becky was at the door greeting the first graders while Dean was at the cubbies, helping the students to stow their backpacks and lunchboxes.  The students moved to the tables to color and greet each other while everyone arrived.  Dean helped as needed, walking around the room.

The morning was going smoothly.  The students had a great start and they had just finished snack.  Dean was helping to clean up while the students went back to their art projects when the door opened and the principal came in with several other people.  Dean didn’t have time to worry about them, as he was focused on cleaning up the spill from snack.  It wasn’t until he was washing his hands at the sink that he noticed the prickly feeling on the back of his neck.  He stopped, mid motion, water running and sniffed the air.  His mouth went dry and it took every bit of effort and concentration to rinse his hands and dry them.  He steeled himself before he turned around.

There he was, crouched down next to a boy drawing a picture of the beach to show what he had done over the summer break.  Dean couldn’t breathe.  He stood there immobile until the principal came over to Cas.  She gestured to Dean and Cas stood up to face him. 

Dean knew the second Cas registered that it was him.  His eyes widened fractionally and his nose scented the air.  _Blockers still working, then_ , he thought absently. 

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said.  His voice was even lower than it had been four years ago and it took everything in Dean not to whimper and bare his neck.

“Oh!” Mrs. Xavier exclaimed.  “You know each other, then?  Splendid!  I’ll just leave you to catch up.”  And with that, she left them alone, going to chat with another adult.

Dean wasn’t sure what to do.  He stood frozen on the spot.  “I wasn’t aware that this was your classroom.  I must be confused.  I thought we were in Ms. Rosen’s room.”  Dean looked at Cas, who looked like he was trying to figure out a puzzle.  His eyes were squinted and his head was cocked slightly to the side.  A wave of longing fell over Dean and he was eternally grateful for the blockers this morning.

“Oh, ah, yea…yea, you’re in the right room.” Dean stumbled over his words.  He ran a hand behind his neck in his habitual nervous gesture and Cas tensed.  Dean could see him trying to work something out, but Dean couldn’t concentrate on anything other than his alpha being here, in front of him. 

Wait. 

His alpha.  _Get a grip Dean_ , he thought.  His omega was whining and wanted nothing but to move closer and bare his neck to his mate.  _Stop it!_ Dean admonished himself.  _Get it together Winchester_.

“Is this not…your classroom?” Cas finally asked.  Cas’ eyes bore into Dean’s.  He had missed those eyes.  It was interesting how much a person could miss one aspect of someone else.  Especially when Dean looked at those eyes every day in his daughter. 

Dean felt like a bucket of ice water had been thrown over him.  _Shit_. Cas was _there_.  In his classroom, on the board, _in Lawrence_ there.

“Oh, uh, no.  No, this is Ms. Rosen’s room.  I’m her aid.”  Dean smiled tightly and put his hands in his pockets.  He didn’t know what to do.

Cas squinted again.  “Dean, I-“

“Hello, there, I’m Ms. Rosen!” Becky bounded over and stuck out her hand to Castiel.  He looked at her confused for a moment before he took her hand and shook it.

“Hello, Ms. Rosen, it’s nice to meet you.   I’m Cas Novak.”

“Nice to meet you Mr. Novak,” Becky continued.  She released his hand and gently drew him into conversation, turning him toward the students and away from Dean.  Dean let out a breath he had been holding.  He was going to owe Becky for that one.

Dean pulled himself together and headed across the room to help a student who had glue everywhere.  He tried to forget that Cas is in the room.  That the father of his child was right there.  That his mate- no.  No, no, no.  After all these years, why does his body still think he’s mated to Cas?  Dean swallowed down another lump in his throat and tried to focus on the student.  Soon, it was clean up time and Becky called everyone over to the carpet for a story.  Dean was cleaning up and wiping down the tables as they moved to the carpet.  The board members were heading to the door.  Dean would feel better when they were all gone.  He moved to rinse the sponge out in the sink and when he turned back Cas was standing right there.

“Oh, hey Cas.” Dean said in surprise.  They were very close.  Cas was looking at him like he was a puzzle again.  “Can I do something for you?” Dean asked carefully.  If Cas got too close he would be able to smell him underneath the blockers.  Dean wasn’t ready for that.  He took a step back.  Cas leaned forward slightly as if he was going to follow Dean, but checked himself.

“It’s good to see you, Dean.”  Cas’ voice was even and there was a hint of a smile in the corners of his mouth.  Dean took a deep breath, inhaling Cas’ scent. It was the same, deeper, richer, but it smelled so good.  Dean had to fight to keep his eyes open and focus on the conversation.

“It’s good to see you too, Cas,” Dean managed to get out. 

“I’ve returned to run the offices here in town,” Cas said suddenly.  Dean’s eyebrows rose and his eyes widened.  He knew that Cas was going to work for his family, but he never thought he would be back to Lawrence. “Michael wanted a change, so he’s going to Europe.”  Dean nodded like it made the utmost sense.  “I volunteered to come back.”  Dean kept nodding. Cas looked over his shoulder.  “I should go. I just wanted to say good-bye.”  Dean met Cas’ eyes and couldn’t read them.  His mouth was set in a line and his face was expressionless.

“It was nice to see you, Cas,” Dean whispered.

Cas’ smile increased.  “You said that already,” he told Dean.  Dean could feel himself flush and looked down at his shoes.

“Well, it’s the truth,” he mumbled.

“Is it?” Cas asked.  Dean’s head shot up.  Cas sounded hopeful.  Dean tried to read his expression again, but the openness was gone.

“Yea, Cas.  Welcome home.”

 

Soon after Cas left to find the other board members and it was lunch time.  Since it was the first day they ate with the students, so he and Becky didn’t have any time to talk until after the bell rang.  Emma’s teachers were going to bring her to Dean’s room so that he could finish up, so that left a few minutes for him and Becky to be alone.

As soon as the last student was out the door she rounded on Dean and stalked over to him.  Her hands were on her hips and her eyes narrowed.  “Spill.”

Dean sighed.  He knew this was coming.  He also knew that as great of a friend as Becky had become, she was like a dog with a bone and wouldn’t be satisfied until she got something out of him.  He decided to go with as much truth as possible.

“Cas and I went to high school together.  He’s from here.”

“Mmhmm.”  Becky began to tap her toe.  “So is that why you were struck dumb and couldn’t speak?”  She raised her eyebrows and crossed her hands over her chest.  “Come on Dean, what is the deal?”

Dean hesitated.  “Cas and I have history,” he told her.  He nervously put his hands in his pockets.  He could feel the stray crayon in there and he rubbed his thumb along the edge in a nervous gesture.  He wouldn’t meet Becky’s eye, but he knew the instant that she put it together.  Her arms dropped from across her chest and she drew in a sharp breath.  She took a step forward and laid a hand on his upper arm

“Dean,” she said gently.  Dean lifted his eyes and met hers.  “Is he Emma’s alpha father?”  Dean deflated.  He felt the tears forming in his eyes.  His first instinct was to deny it, but Becky had been with him after Emma had been born.  She knew of the lingering pining sickness.  She knew he was an unmated omega with a child.

Dean bit his lip and nodded.  “Yea,” he told her, voice cracking.  “He is her alpha father.”  He continued to fidget with the crayon in his pocket.

“Dean, I won’t tell anyone.  I know that you have guarded that information closely and I know that you have reasons for that.  I won’t tell anyone.”  Dean sighed again and looked up to Becky’s earnest gaze.  “Now, let’s clean up and get ready for tomorrow.  Your sweet girl will be here soon.”  And with that she was off to wipe the board and set up for the next day.

***

Dean was never so glad to get home as he was that day.  Emma was full of nonstop chatter as they drove home, and Dean was listening but he kept being distracted.  He was feeling off.  He didn’t like unpredictability.  He needed his routine.  He got dinner started and he and Emma ate at the kitchen table, like usual.  After dinner, she played with her toys while he cleaned up.  They called Sam to tell him about their day and then it was bath time and bed.  Dean read three stories to Emma, much to her delight, before tucking her in sound asleep. 

Dean made his way to his room and stripped out of his clothes.  He stepped into the shower and turned on the cool water.  He felt itchy and uncomfortable.  He was exhausted but keyed up at the same time.  He washed his hair and as he was rinsing he felt it.  The little bit of slick running down his thighs brought Dean to awareness of what was happening. He let his arms fall from his hair and his head fall forward onto the cool shower tiles. 

“This cannot be happening,” he whispered to himself.  He tried to ignore the increasingly hot ball of tension in his stomach as he quickly rinsed his hair and scrubbed his body.  Once he was done, he dried quickly and dressed.  He checked on Emma, grabbed some bottles of water and his cell phone and shut himself into his room.  He called Jo first.

“Hey man, how was the first day?” she asked as she picked up the phone.

“Jo, I’m going into an unexpected heat.  Can either of you come stay with Emma?”

“Of course, Dean, what is going on?  Why are you in heat?”  Jo’s easygoing tone was gone.

“I’m not sure,” Dean lied.  He drank half of one of the bottles of water.  He was already so hot.  “Please, Jo, I need to keep Emma safe.  Can you help me?”

“Of course, idiot, I’m already getting myself together.  I’ll be there in ten.”  With that she hung up.  Dean threw the phone on the bed and laid back.  Jo had a key and he knew she would let herself in.  Dean waited for her to appear at his door. 

“Alright, let’s get you into bed,” he heard a voice tell him.  Dean lifted his head from where it was laid in the middle of the bed.  His feet were planted on the floor while his upper body was laying the wrong direction on the bed. 

“Jo?” he croaked.

“The one and only,” she replied.  “Come on, Dean,” she continued maneuvering him into the bed.  Dean really didn’t do much to help, Jo’s alpha strength doing most of the work.  She maneuvered him onto his pillow and pulled the sheet and blankets down but didn’t pull them back up over him. She sat next to him on the bed when he grabbed her hand.

“I saw Cas,” he blurted out.  Jo stopped and stared at him.  Dean tried to blink away the unexpected tears.  “He was in my room today.  I couldn’t believe it.  God, Jo, I- I-” Dean broke off into sobs. 

Jo was alarmed.  She didn’t think that Dean was as over Cas as he had lead everyone to believe, but she wasn’t prepared for this. 

“He smelled so good.  And he looked so good.  And it was him, he was so close, Jo.  So close,” Dean sobbed.  “My mate was so close.”  Jo sat on the bed next to Dean and ran her hands over this forehead and through his hair.  He was burning up. 

“Shhh,” she crooned.  “It’s alright.”

Dean continued to whimper.  “I miss him so much, Jo.  Every day.  I look at Emma and I wonder if I made the right choice.  Would she have been better off if I had told him and he had taken her?  Would she have had a better life?  Who wants me?  No one, that’s who.  And all this time, I’m still waiting for him.  Pining for him.  And my body still thinks that he’s my mate.”  Dean continued to sob into his pillow. 

Jo sat quietly with him, stroking his hair.  She knew that soon she wouldn’t be able to comfort him, but right now, they were both ok.  She could smell the heat starting in him.  She hoped it wouldn’t be too bad for him.  If Cas had kick started his heat, it might be bad.  She pulled out her cell phone and fired off a group text.  She hoped that Dean wouldn’t be mad, but she might need some help.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos! I'm so happy you're enjoying this fic!

It turned out that the heat was excruciating.  It lasted for six days and Dean was so tired by the time it was over he slept for 36 hours straight.  Charlie called Missouri and she told her that it was normal for him to sleep like this after a heat like he had just had.  She told them to make sure to have him drink and eat as much as possible when he woke up because he might go back down for another long stretch.  Dean’s family had been taking turns taking care of him and Emma.  Sam called every morning and night to check in, unable to get across town with the start of the semester.

Finally, a week and a half after Dean had seen Cas, he emerged from his bedroom showered and fever free.  He shuffled into the kitchen to find Ellen cooking.

“Hey,” Dean greeted, throat scratchy and raw.  He cleared his throat and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Hey yourself,” Ellen replied, dumping three eggs on to a plate with bacon and raspberries.  “Breakfast is ready,” she told him.  She set the plate down on the table and gestured for him to sit.

“Oh, uh, thank you,” Dean said quietly as he sat.  He was famished, but he tried to eat as normally as possible.  When his plate was almost empty, Ellen grabbed it and filled it again.  Dean smiled up at her and squeezed her hand.  She squeezed back.  They didn’t need to say anything out loud.  Dean knew how lucky he was to have a family that took care of each other.  He sighed as he spooned some egg on his toast.  He just wished Cas felt the same way.  When Dean was finished he put his plate in the sink and turned to Ellen who was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee.

“Where’s the Peanut?” he asked leaning against the sink with his arms folded.

“She’s with Bobby.  They should be back soon.  He took her out for donuts.”  Ellen smiled at him.  Bobby had taken to being a grandparent like a duck to water.  He had spoiled his little girl rotten.  She would probably come back from getting donuts with a stuffed unicorn and cotton candy on top of it.

Dean chuckled and crossed the kitchen to lean down and kiss Ellen on the cheek.  “Thank you for helping.  I’m sorry, I didn’t have any warning.”

Ellen patted his hand and turned to look at him. “It’s no problem.  I’m just glad we can help.”  She paused and looked at him.  Dean shifted under her gaze.  “Why don’t you sit down for a minute?  Bobby and Emma won’t be back for a while.”  She phrased it like a question, but Dean knew she wanted to talk and she meant to talk to him.  He should be grateful she waited until he had finished eating.  Dean took a seat, sitting down heavily and folding his arms across his chest.

“Alright, let me have it,” he sighed looking her in the eye.

“Don’t sass me, boy,” she said lifting an eyebrow.  “Care to tell me what brought on this heat?”

Dean shifted around uncomfortably.  He didn’t want to have this conversation with her.  She waited for him to speak. 

“I saw Cas.”  He said it softly, looking down at the table.  “I’m sure you probably already know by now.  I don’t remember much of when Jo got here, but I was probably in pretty bad shape.  Not sure what I actually told her.”  He huffed a short laugh blushing while he imagined what he might have let slip.

“I did know that.  What I want to know is why it sent you into a mating heat?  You haven’t had a heat like that since you first presented.”

“I don’t know, Ellen.”  Dean glanced up to look at her.  She was frowning at him.

“You can lie to yourself honey, but you can’t lie to me.  I know you’re still pining.  You’re good at covering it up and you’re good a putting on a happy face, especially for Emma.  But don’t forget that I’ve been helping you through the worst times in your life for most of it and I know something about your scent.  You can’t cover up the longing all the time.”

“Ellen,” Dean began, but she held up a hand.

“I’m not saying you’re not happy.  I’m not saying that you’re still puking your guts up.  But I am saying that you haven’t been on many dates, you have put everything you have in to taking care of that little girl and put yourself second.  Now, that’s what parents do.  Or should do,” she continued frowning. “But I know that you never really moved on.  Got used to it.  Covered it up.  Found _some_ happiness, but it was still there.”

Dean didn’t know what to say.  Ellen had pretty much stripped away all his walls and defenses hitting everything true.  She leaned forward and grabbed his hand.

“When you saw Cas, what was it like?”

Dean squeezed her hand before he spoke.  The emotions that had been ripping through him for the last six days tore through him again.  “It was like coming home.  Only, not being able to open the front door and go in.  I could see what I wanted, but I couldn’t have it.  I don’t know what to do now.”

“Sounds to me like you know what you want though,” she said kindly.  Dean looked up at her shaking his head.

“I burned that bridge, El.  And once he finds out that I kept his child from him it will really be over.”  He gave her a sad smile.  “There might be some unfinished business, but I’m pretty sure that there is nothing that he would want of me anymore.”

“Dean, now you listen-“ Ellen began but she was cut off by the front door opening.  Suddenly, Dean had a small blond haired child in his lap.

“Daddy!  I missed you!  Grandpa said that you were sick and had a fever.  I’m sorry you were sick.”  She gently patted his cheek and smiled at him.  Dean squeezed her to him and planted a kiss on her head.

“I was sick, baby, but I’m ok now.  Grandma made me some breakfast and I feel much better.”  Dean smiled at Emma, who still had her little hand against his cheek.  “Did you have a good breakfast?  Donuts, hm?”

Emma’s eyes lit up and she nodded vigorously.  “Oh, yes, Grandpa took me to the fancy place with the bacon on the donuts.  It was sooooo good!”

Dean pulled back and pretended to be offended.   “And you didn’t bring Daddy ANY?  Have I not taught you better than that?”  Emma giggled.

“We knew you would want some!” She exclaimed as Bobby set a bag down on the table in front of them.  “Surprise!”  Her little face was alight with joy at doing this special thing for her father.  Dean melted.

“Thank you Peanut.  You’re so thoughtful.”  He gave her another kiss on her head and she jumped down to go into the living room to play with her Barbies.  Dean watched her settle in and begin to play.  He thought that maybe he needed to think about introducing Cas to his daughter.

***

Later that night, after calling his principal and Becky to let them know he’d be back tomorrow, he allowed himself to pull out the box from underneath his bed and open it.  It was covered in dust, but Dean gently wiped it off before opening the lid.  Inside were mementoes of his and Cas’ relationship.  Dean kept these things, but very rarely pulled them out to look.  It was painful and tonight was no exception.  He recognized that this was probably not a great idea.  Exhausted and emotionally drained, it was a disaster waiting to happen, but he felt like he needed to see the pictures tonight.

He gently pulled the stack of photos from the corner of the box and began to slowly go through them.  There were pictures of the two of them when they were pups still and as they grew older.  There was a sweet one of Dean holding mistletoe above Cas’ head and giving him a kiss on the mouth.  There was another one from Prom their senior year.  One taken at the lake the last summer they were together.  There was another one with Cas and Sam and one with Cas in the front seat of the impala.  Dean had loved this one a lot.  Cas looked so happy and relaxed.  He had his aviator glasses on, and his window was down, messing up his wavy hair as it blew in.  He was wearing a black t-shirt and had his arm slung over the back of the seat.  He was giving Dean a bright smile that crinkled his eyes and showed his gums.  It was the perfect picture.  Dean traced Cas’ smile and gently put it back in the box. 

Dean was surprised to find that he was crying when he finally put the lid back on.  He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and gently slid the box back to its place.  He dusted his hands off and stood up taking a deep breath. 

The ache in his chest was back.  It had mostly faded before the heat.  He could feel the tug every now and again when he saw mates that were really linked, or when Dean got a whiff of Emma’s developing scent.  She smelled like Cas.  Fresh spring rain with a bit of Dean’s apple scent.  She smelled more like apple blossoms than pie, and Dean wasn’t sure if it would change as she got older.  She was just beginning to come out of the baby smell that all pups have when they are born.  As her omega father, Dean had been able to discern her smell, and therefore attachment to himself, since birth, however, others around them wouldn’t be able to smell it until she was a bit older.

Dean rubbed his chest as he stood up.  He went across the hallway to check on Emma and then headed downstairs. He was hungry and thirsty.  He had been surprised by the heat and his body was still catching up with hydration and calories.  He grabbed a granola bar, yogurt and water before heading back upstairs.  He threw the wrappers in the trash when he was done and finished the water in three gulps.  Dean sat on the side of the bed and hung his head, dropping his clasped hands between his knees. 

He didn’t know what to do.  Clearly there was unfinished business on his end.  He wasn’t sure about Cas though.  Through all six days of his heat he had thought about the hopefulness that Cas seemed to have when he asked Dean about his life. 

Now, Dean wasn’t sure if he had imagined it or not.  _Probably_ , he thought to himself.  Dean sighed and threw back the covers.  Ellen had changed the sheets and aired out the room and he could only faintly smell the lingering scent of heat as he crawled beneath the covers.  He was tired again.  He probably should take one more day off, but he had missed so much already.  He wasn’t planning on taking time off, and though the school gives him heat leave, even emergency heat leave, he was still an hourly employee and didn’t get paid if he didn’t work.  Dean made a mental note to ask Ellen if he could pick up a few shifts to try and make some money bartending.  Christmas was coming too, so he would need to start planning and budgeting for that.  Dean punched his pillow into place and closed his eyes.  Before he could worry more about it he was asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

The next week went by quickly.  The start of school was always busy, but since Emma was at the same place, Dean was not as frantic during the beginning and end of the day.  He was pleasantly surprised to find that not having to worry about getting Emma by a certain time, or not being able to drop her off before a certain time was a relief of stress he didn’t even know he was carrying.

When he went back to work Becky had just lifted a brow and shook her head.  She was smiling as she turned away though, so Dean knew that she was teasing him.  He was also positive that she was going to corner him for the details as soon as she got a chance. 

As the week progressed and the students became more comfortable in their new classroom with Dean and Becky, things started to settle down.  Emma loved her new classroom and her teacher, Ms. Stone, and had made several friends.  Emma’s best friend so far was a little girl named Lexi.  Her dads, Ceasar and Jesse, were nice guys who worked security at the hospital.  Dean had their older son in his class the year before and knew them a little bit.

He was glad that Emma was settling in.  He felt guilty about going into a heat on the first day of school.  He wasn’t able to get her settled properly, especially in a new school.

“Hey, Peanut,” Dead said softly crawling on Emma’s bed one night.

“Hey Daddy,” she said happily.  She was ready for bed in her Batman pajamas, teeth brushed and hair in a braid.  She scooted towards him with her book. He took it, laughing softly as she grabbed her lovey and stuck her thumb in her mouth.

Dean opened Emma’s book and began reading.  This one was her favorite and Dean had it practically memorized, he had read it so many times.  When the book was finished Dean shifted and tucked the covers up around her chin.  She smiled sleepily up at him.

“Hey,” Dean began. 

“Yes, Daddy?”

“Is everything going ok at school?  I know that you like your teacher and you’re making some friends, but I wanted to just check in and make sure.”  Dean brushed the hair back off of her forehead and around her ears.

“Yea, Daddy.  I love school!  Ms. Stone is so nice and we paint and sing songs!  I can’t wait to go tomorrow ‘cause she said we were going to make playdough!”

Dean smiled, feeling the tension in his gut relax a little.  “That sounds like fun, sweetheart,” Dean said.

“It-“ Emma began before being interrupted by a huge yawn, “will be.”  She turned on her side and closed her eyes with her thumb back in her mouth.

Dean leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on her hair.  “I love you so much,” he told her.

“Love you Daddy,” she replied sleepily.  Dean touched her shoulder briefly before he turned out her light and put the book on the shelf on his way out.  Her nightlight shown brightly in her room as he pulled the door shut.  He smiled again at his sweet girl.  No matter how hard things were sometimes, he wouldn’t change anything.  If he and Cas couldn’t be together, he had his little girl. 

A twinge of guilt passed through his stomach at the thought of Cas.  He had been able to put aside any guilt because Cas didn’t know about her and he never would.  He would be free to go about his life and not be tied down with Dean and an unwanted pup.  But now that Cas was back, he didn’t seem so sure.  He sighed.  That was an argument he would have with himself another day.

As he closed Emma’s door, he heard his cell phone ringing downstairs.  He hurried down the stairs to the kitchen just in time to pick it up.  He smiled as he put it up to his ear.

“Hey, bitch,” he greeted, the smile clearly coming through in his tone.

“Hey, jerk,” was the immediate reply.  “How are you feeling?”

“I’m good, Sammy.  I’m good.  Thanks for checking in on us so much last week, man.”

“Of course, Dean.  I wanted to make sure you and Emma were ok.  It sounded like it was a bad one.”

Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  “Yea, it was pretty miserable.”  That was still an understatement.  It was just as bad as the heat he had when Cas had left.  Only that one was stopped by his pregnancy, so he really didn’t get a full taste of the misery.  The high fever and itchy skin was bad, the desire that was out of control was non-stop, but the loneliness and the pinning and the rejection that he had felt were the worst. 

“Uh, so Ellen told me that you ran into Cas?” Sam’s voice was hesitant.  Dean knew this was coming.  He also knew that he was going to have to talk about this.  He had practically forbade anyone from talking about Cas until now. 

Part of it was that he needed to keep Emma’s alpha’s identity secret, but mostly it was because it was too painful for him to talk about Cas.  He had boxed up all his feelings and emotions with those photographs and mementos.  He had thrown himself into taking care of Emma and didn’t have time for anything else.  Between making sure she was clean, fed and happy, and working to provide those things for her, he didn’t have time for much else.  The one time that Sam had brought up Dean trying to find someone to share his life with had resulted in an epic fight.  No wonder Sam was hesitant to talk about this.

“Yea, Sammy.  I saw him.  It…I don’t know what it was.”  Dean began to load the dishwasher while he was talking. 

“It’s ok, Dean.  I know.  Was it…was it like the last time you saw Cas?”

Dean chuckled mirthlessly as he rinsed a plate.  “Yea, only this time it was six days, not two.  No pup to stop it this time.”

“Are you alright?”  Dean knew Sam was asking about more than just his physical health.

“I don’t know, Sammy. I’ve just buried all this stuff for almost four years now.  I don’t know what to do.  Emma’s getting older.  It won’t be long before she starts asking about her alpha and even though things are ok as an unmated omega, there are still plenty of people who will look down on her and me because we don’t have an alpha. 

“I just, I don’t know what to do.  I knew some of these issues were coming, but I wasn’t prepared to see Cas.  Especially out of the blue like that.  Jesus, Sam.  If I hadn’t been wearing blockers, I would have embarrassed myself.  As it was, just seeing him sent me into the worst heat of my life.  How am I supposed to process this?  And now there is the guilt about Cas being so close and not knowing about Emma.  I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I’m not so sure.  I feel like I know him so well, but I don’t really know him at all anymore. 

“What if…what if he takes Emma away?  The reason I kept her away from the Novaks in the first place was because they have the means in every way to fight for her and provide for her in a way that I don’t and won’t ever be able to.  I don’t even have a college education!  But the idea of keeping her a secret now doesn’t sit well with me.  And if he’s here, he’s going to find out that I have a pup and then what?  He’s a smart guy, he’s going to know the timeline and he’s going to wonder.  And her scent is changing, it won’t be long before everyone knows who her alpha is by scent, even if they don’t know the alpha personally.  Sammy, I just-“

“Ok, Dean, take a breath.”  Sam cut Dean off before he could go further into his head.  Sam could count on one hand the amount of times Dean had opened up to him like this.  And Sam was pretty sure that he was the only one Dean opened up to besides Cas.  Dean must be reeling if he’s talking about all this.  Sam knew he needed to get over to see them this weekend.

Dean took a breath and looked down.  His hands were still and sitting on the sink and the water was running down the drain.  He washed his hands quickly and turned off the faucet.  He walked into the living room as his brother continued talking.

“I can’t pretend to know how this all feels, but I do know that you love Emma more than anything.  That you’d do anything for her.  You have to figure out what you think is the right thing to do for her and for you.  There is no one here that would judge you, Dean.  We all know that you only want the best for her.  We want the best for both of you.  If that is Cas in your life, then great.  If not, then we will all do what we can to support you. 

“I think that Emma is going to ask you soon about her alpha and you need to have something prepared to say to her,” Sam continued.  “If not, she’s just going to keep asking questions until she gets an answer that satisfies her.  And she’s your daughter Dean.  Yours and Cas’.  She’s going to ask questions.”  He huffed a laugh and Dean echoed it. Sam was absolutely correct.  “And I think that it’s significant that Cas sent you into the ‘worst heat of your life’, Dean.  The fact that Cas lives here again is going to cause some complications.  Lawrence is still a small town.”

Dean laid his head back on the couch listening to his brother.  When had he gotten so smart?  “What did you get so smart, Sammy?”

“Ha!  Well, I am a lawyer, Dean.”

“Yea, yea.  Almost.  ALMOST a lawyer.”  Dean was teasing him, but there was nothing but pride in his voice and a smile on his face.  He was so happy for his little brother.

 

***

  
After his conversation with Sam, Dean continued to second guess himself as a parent. All the thing he had laid on Sam were true and worrying him. Though Emma was doing well in school still, he couldn’t get over his concern about being an unmated omega, and what it would do to her. What his heat had done by not being able to be there for the first few days of school. When Dean expressed this concern to Ellen while picking up a shift at the Roadhouse on Friday, she just rolled her eyes.

  
“Dean, that little girl had more than enough people “getting her settled” don’t you worry.” Ellen looked at him sternly over her shoulder as she washed glasses behind the bar. Dean was leaning against the counter on the opposite side with his arms folded. It was still early and fairly quiet. There weren’t many people out yet for the bar scene, it was still mostly the dinner crowd. Dean knew that in about an hour he’d be running his tail off and he was glad for it. Being without pay for more than a week was bad. Dean hadn’t been in a situation where he was able to put away any kind of money for a while, so his bank account was painfully low after the summer. “Besides, Charlie and Jo are with her right now. She has other omegas and enough alphas around to take care of her and show her different types of families.”

  
Dean nodded, listening to Ellen. Just as he was about to reply to her, the door to the bar opened and in walked a small group of people still is suits and business attire.

Dean stood up straight as they make their way to the bar, catching sight of a tall man in a navy suit with familiar blue eyes. Dean’s heart started to beat wildly in his chest and his breathing sped up. Ellen looked up, saw who’s in her bar and immediately dried her hands to come stand next to Dean.

  
“Do you want me to handle this?” she asked before Cas had a chance to see Dean.

  
“No, Ellen. I’m ok. I’m here to work, right? Gotta earn my money!” He plastered on a fake smile and moved to the end of the bar where the four or five people have gathered.

  
“Welcome to the Roadhouse,” he said as he approached. “What will you have tonight?” Dean laid out napkins and tried not to blush when Cas looked up and stared at Dean. “Hey, Cas.”

“Dean. I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” He frowned and tilted his head to the side in classic Cas fashion. “I thought you worked at the school?”

  
Dean felt his cheeks turn bright red and hot. He swallowed his embarrassment and nodded. “Yea, Cas. I work both places.” Cas’ frown deepened. Before he could speak again, Dean turned to the others in his group. “You guys want to order here and grab a table or stay here?” he asked indicating the bar.

  
“I think we want a table,” one of the guys said. Dean nodded and grabbed their orders. Once everyone had their drinks they moved to one of the large tables in the middle of the room. Cas stayed, looking torn for a moment before he sat down on one of the bar stools. Dean tried not to let his excitement show. Even though he still didn’t know what the hell he was going to do, his omega was running circles because his alpha had chosen to stay close. Dean shook his head slightly to try and get himself together.

  
“Are you alright?” Cas asked. Dean glanced up at him in surprise. Apparently he was not as smooth as he thought he was.

  
“I’m good, sure.” Dean said. He grabbed a bar towel and began to wipe the clean surface. Cas took a drink from his bottle and set it down.

  
“So, you’re still working here?” Dean looked up sharply. There was no judgement in Cas’ voice but Dean still felt like he’d been slapped. Cas looked horrified at Dean and held up his hands his scent matching his face. “I’m sorry, Dean. I – I didn’t mean it like that.” He grimaced. “I am happy to see you, and I don’t know how to talk to you. I thought it would be a good way to start a conversation, but I see now how that question could be incredibly insulting. I’m sorry.”

  
Dean looked at Cas and smiled tightly. “It’s cool, Cas. I wasn’t expecting to see you either, so I guess we’re both…I don’t know…nervous?” Dean wasn’t sure what made him confess this but was relieved when Cas relaxed and nodded.

  
“Yes, that is accurate. I’m very nervous.” He took another drink and Dean wished that he could have one too. He inhaled and almost groaned. This close to Cas he could smell him again. It seemed that Cas didn’t wear blockers at all. It wasn’t unusual for alphas to go without them seeing as how they were, well, alphas, and there were no worries about safety and everyone just assumed they were in charge.

  
Dean was, however, glad for his blockers. He could tell that his scent was all over the place. He was happy to see Cas, nervous because he didn’t know what to do or talk about, terrified he’d give something away or blurt out his secret and slightly aroused because, well. Cas.

  
They stared at each other for a few minutes before Dean was beckoned to the other side of the bar. He got the couple a few beers then returned to wiping down the clean surface.

  
“Dean,” Cas began again. “I am back permanently.” Dean looked over at him. He was sitting up straight, all hint of awkwardness gone. He was every inch an alpha now, in control of the situation and Dean couldn’t look away. “I would like to in -“ Cas began, but before he could finish Dean watched as a petite brunette put her arm around Cas and kiss him on the cheek.

  
“Hey, sweetie,” she said happily. Her scent said she was a beta, and she looked like she had just come from an office. Dean guessed she probably came from the same office that Cas did.

  
Dean could feel his shoulders slump and his cheeks heat. Dean wondered if she came with Cas from Massachusetts or she was already here. Either way, it was clear that Cas was taken, though Cas didn’t smell mated or bonded at all.

  
Dean tried not to feel rejected. He fought down the nausea that suddenly welled up inside of him at the sight of his mate with another partner. He hoped that his blockers continued to work. He was starting to sweat.

  
Cas turned to the woman and greeted her affectionately. He turned back to Dean and paused, frowning. “Are you alright, Dean?” he asked. The woman turned to him as well. Dean snapped out of his thoughts and smiled.

  
“Sure, Cas. Hi there,” he greeted the woman. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  
“Dean, this is Daphne. Daphne, this is Dean. He and I went to high school together.”

  
“Oh! Hello,” Daphne said putting her hand out. As Dean put his hand in hers to shake, he felt like he was going to throw up. He pasted on his customer service smile and greeted her back. “It’s nice to meet you,” she continued dropping his hand. She placed it back on Cas’ bicep.

  
Dean’s eyes followed her hand to where it rested and managed to mumble out a quiet, “you too.” We went to high school together. Cas just introduced him to his girlfriend as someone he went to high school with. Not, “Dean, the love of my life”, or “Dean the father of my child” or even, “Dean, my high school boyfriend.” Just someone he went to school with a few years ago. Not even a reference to their friendship before their romance.

  
“I’m going to the ladies’, then we can join everyone else, ok?” she continued to Cas. “Can I get a glass of white wine, please?” she continued, turning to Dean. Dean wrenched his eyes away from where her hand was on Cas. He looked up to see two pairs of eyes on him.

  
“Sure, I’ll get that right away,” he managed. He turned to grab the wine bottle from the mini fridge under the counter and saw her walk away. As he poured the wine he subtly inhaled trying to catch Cas’ scent.

  
He hadn’t detected a scent bond, but he wasn’t sure. Maybe he was overlooking something. He tried to smell Cas as he put the wine in front of him, but he smelled the same, no change in his scent, and he definitely didn’t smell like the beta. So, not even scent bonded.

  
That’s good, he thought. No, idiot, not good. He’s clearly taken, and clearly doesn’t want you. Dean smiled at Cas. It was his customer service smile and not his real smile and Cas faltered for a minute. He looked unsure, but before he could say anything else, Daphne returned and they moved to the table with the rest of the group. Dean watched them out of the corner of his eye. He was startled when a gentle hand settled on his arm. He turned to meet Ellen’s gentle smile.

  
“I need some help in the back. Can you move the boxes of liquor from the floor to the shelves?”

  
Dean knew this was a chore that could wait. It wasn’t something they usually did on a Friday night, but Ellen was giving him something he could do privately so that he could get himself together. He gave her a short nod and headed to the back, muttering, “thanks Mama,” as he went.

  
Dean didn’t notice the endearment, but Ellen did. She knew it was bad if Dean called her ‘mama.’ He only ever did that when he was really in bad shape. There were only a handful of times in his life he had done it and each one had been an extreme situation.

  
What really worried her was that he had called her ‘mama’ for six days during his heat a week ago and now did it again. She shook her head and glanced over to the table where Cas and his colleagues sat. He looked the same, more mature, definitely aging into his alpha. But she could still see the younger Cas. The one that was shy and awkward. She also didn’t miss the way the alpha kept glancing back at the bar every few minutes.

***

Ten minutes later a tall, lanky alpha entered the bar. He shook the hair out of his face and made a bee line for the back of the bar gathering Ellen up and giving her a big squeeze.

  
“Put me down you silly alpha,” she chided. She was smiling when Sam pulled away though. She cupped his cheek and looked him over. It had only been a few weeks that he’d been back with classes, but this was the first time she had seen him. She was glad to see him for herself, but she was doubly glad to see him tonight with his brother in such bad shape. “You look good, Sam.”

  
“Thanks El, so do you.” Sam looked around. “Where’s De?” he asked, not seeing his brother.

  
“He’s in the back, honey. We’ve had a rough night.”

  
Sam frowned. “It’s five-thirty, Ellen. What could have happened?”

  
She gave him a sad smile and indicated with her chin that Sam should look over her shoulder. He did and his eyes widened.

  
“Is that who I think it is?” he asked pulling his eyes back to Ellen. She nodded grimly. “And…does he…” She nodded again. She glanced over her shoulder to see Cas with his arm around the beta. “Shit. Is Dean ok?”

  
“I sent him to the back. You might want to check on him. He’s been back there about fifteen minutes.” Sam nodded, moving to the end of the bar. “Hey Sam,” she said, following him. He stopped and turned back to her, his eyebrows raised. She got closer before she spoke, her voice low. “He called me ‘mama’ when I sent him back there.”

  
Like Ellen, Sam knew that Dean only used that endearment when he was in a bad place. Ellen had told him that Dean had called her mama all through his heat. To Sam’s knowledge, the last time he had called her that was when Emma was born. Sam sighed. He knew the significance.

  
Sam never called Ellen his mama because he didn’t need to. Dean was his mom and dad all rolled into one. He had a childhood with a parent. Dean didn’t. Ellen and Bobby were the closest things they had.

  
Sam patted her shoulder before he headed to the back. He wasn’t sure what he was walking in to, but he knew it wasn’t going to be good.

***

  
Once Dean was alone in the darkened back storage room he collapsed again the wall. He put his head in his hands and let the sadness envelope him. He didn’t know what to do. He knew that he would forever think of Cas as his mate, but Cas clearly didn’t think that of him. He knew that he would never be able to take a new mate because of it, which in turn would make it harder for Emma as she grew up.

  
Thinking of Emma just increased his pain. She deserved to know her alpha. Would she be mad at Dean when she was old enough to find him on her own? Would she regret that Dean had kept her? Would she prefer to be a Novak? And what would happen if he did tell Cas about her now? How would he react? Would he hate Dean? Would he scorn Emma and refuse her? Would he do the opposite and take her from him? He could do it legally just to spite Dean. Just out of anger. Alpha/omega rights aside. Cas was a CEO of a company. Dean was a college drop-out who worked two jobs and only had the house he did because his parents were dead. All of these thoughts were swirling around in his head while he crouched against the wall, hands covering his face as the tears rolled down onto his chin.

  
He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. His head snapped up and he met his brother’s eyes. Sam was crouched down in front of him, mouth in a firm line, sympathy wafting from him.

  
“Hey, Dean.” Dean just stared at him. Sam was in the same town, but they saw each other so little because of their schedules. He wasn’t expecting to see him tonight.   
“Sammy?” Dean croaked, looking at him.

Sam smiled a small smile. “Hey.”

  
“What-“ Dean cleared his throat. “What are you doing here? Did Ellen call you?”

  
“No, but she knew I was coming in tonight. My friends wanted to hang out and I suggested we come here since I knew you were working tonight.” Dean nodded. He reached for his brother and Sam enveloped him in his arms. Dean was suddenly so tired. Sam stayed there on the floor and held Dean. He let him scent him and calm down before he pulled away.

  
“Do you want me to take you home?” he asked.

  
Dean wiped his face and pulled away. He shook his head. “No, I gotta make some money tonight. Plus, I can’t leave Ellen shorthanded. I’ve been back here long enough.” He pushed himself up from the floor, Sam doing the same, stepping back. “I just need a minute, ok?”

  
“Ok, Dean. I’ll see you out there.” He patted Dean’s shoulder and left him alone. Dean took a deep breath and blew it out. Ok, Winchester. Man up. Time to get over yourself and make some money. He reached into his pocket where his can of spray blockers were located and sprayed himself down again.

He thought that the blockers were still ok, but he knew that his scent was pumping out misery and rejection. There would be no money made tonight if he smelled like that. He could fake a smile, but his scent would broadcast his emotions to everyone in the bar. He capped the can and stowed it in his pocket before he put the few boxes on the shelves and then headed back out.

  
Ellen was there pouring a beer when he came back. She merely lifted an eyebrow at him. At Dean’s nod, she smiled. She delivered the beer and returned to his side.  
“So, feel like making some money or going home with a pint of ice cream?”

  
Dean smiled a small, genuine smile. “Thanks Ellen. I’m good. Let me know if I start to smell though, ok?”

  
“Only if you promise to tell me if you change your mind.” She leveled him with a stern look. He shifted uneasily, but promised her he would. “Alright then, things are picking up, so can you man the bar for a few minutes while I just get a handle on where we are?”

  
“Of course. Thanks.” She smiled at him and left to head out to the tables. Dean turned around and saw Sam and a few friends at the bar. He walked over to greet them and put Cas firmly from his mind. He steadily ignored the table on the other side of the restaurant and focused on doing his job and making money. He needed to be on his game to make sure to pay the bills this month. For Emma. Everything was for Emma.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to post three chapters today because I won't post again until after Christmas, so pace yourself! Thank you for all the comments and kudos. I have a Cas POV chapter coming! These guys will get their heads out of the asses, promise!

The next day Dean was up bright and early.  The one thing that sucked about working until close was that he averaged about 4 hours of sleep on those nights.  Even though Emma didn’t have to wake up at a set time, she was still bouncing on his bed at 6:30 the next morning.

Dean groaned and rolled over.  One of these days he was going to take Charlie and Jo’s offer of staying over so that he could sleep in, but he felt guilty about asking them to come in the first place, so he didn’t want to take advantage.  They wouldn’t let him pay them, so he was careful to only ask when he really needed help.

“Daaaaaddddyyyyyy!” his little girl squealed.  “Please!  It’s time to go downstairs!”

“Ok, Em, I’m up.  Here we go,” Dean said, giving in and sitting up.  He looked over at Emma, who was bouncing on her knees on the empty side of the bed.  He smiled at her.  She was already fully dressed in her tutu and leotard, complete with tiara.  “Breakfast?” he asked.

“Pancakes and bacon!” she cried pointing the wand Dean had missed in the air.

“Pancakes and bacon it is,” Dean agreed.  He threw the covers back and swung his legs over the side.  He pulled on his t-shirt and lifted his pants legs so he could slip his feet into his slippers.  He stood and stretched to the ceiling as Emma bounced off of the bed and down the hall.

Dean followed her down the stairs and into the kitchen.  He turned on the TV for Emma to watch while he made breakfast and made his way into the kitchen where he immediately turned on the coffee pot.  One of these days he would get it programmed so there would be hot coffee waiting for him, but for now, he was just lucky he had the energy at night to set it up.

Dean began putting things together for the pancakes and threw some bacon in the pan while hementally reviewed the tasks for the day.   He was hosting the annual “back to school barbeque” this year.  It was something that had started the year Sam went to college as a way to make sure that between Sam beginning his semester and Dean helping to launch a school year that everyone would have a time to get together.  It was also a nice time to see his extended friends. 

Dean looked around the first floor of the house.  It was clean and in good shape.  Ellen and Jo and whoever else had been here while he was in his heat had cleaned the house from top to bottom.  Dean was so grateful to them for the help that when he realized what they had done he almost cried.  He shook his head at himself, chuckling a little bit.  He was turning into a crybaby again.  He hadn’t cried this much since he was a new father. 

He peaked around the corner of the kitchen to see Emma happily playing with her Barbies on the couch while Sofia the First played in the background.  He went back to the kitchen and flipped the pancakes in the pan.  He put more bacon on and started to cut up some fruit.  Dean tried to set a good example for her and eat fresh fruit and veggies at every meal.  It had taken some getting used to while he was pregnant, but he found he liked lots of things he didn’t realize he did until he tried them.  _Well, you can’t blame me when there was only ever enough money for one person to eat well_ , he thought. 

“Emma!” he called when breakfast was on the table.

She hurried in to the kitchen and Dean grabbed her and put her in her booster seat.  She grabbed a piece of bacon first, shoving it in her mouth and grinning at him.  He laughed at her.  Yep, no doubt about her belonging to him.

“Ok, Em.  Eat up.  We have a lot of things to do today, ok?  Everyone is coming for the barbeque and we need to be ready.”

Emma clapped her hands and crowed.  She loved large crowds.  It might have something to do with how spoiled she was, seeing as she was usually the only child there.  Dean was also excited.  He had seen his friends over the summer, but not since everyone went back to their adult lives.

In the spring all of Dean’s friends had graduated from KU.  Dean had brought Emma and they had cheered everyone as they crossed the stage. He was happy for his friends, but a little sad for himself.  He wasn’t too sad though, because as tough as things could get, he still had Emma.  He wouldn’t go back and change his decision for anything.

Everyone but Kevin was coming today.  Kevin had moved to go to MIT for his masters and couldn’t come back so soon, but Dean understood.  He was so proud of Kevin and he was glad that his friend had gotten an opportunity for his masters.  Dean was even more pleased that Channing had gone with him.  They were waiting to mate, but Dean knew it was just a matter of time.

Charlie had stayed with Jo for all four years and they had mated just over the summer.  They had a traditional wedding and party for everyone to celebrate and Emma had been their flower girl.  Both of the girls had wanted Dean as their best man, and the debate had gotten pretty hot until Dean stepped in and told them that he wouldn’t choose between them and how about he get his officiant’s license and marry them instead?  He’ll never forget the looks on their faces when he suggested that.  They both stared at him with their mouths open until they were suddenly screaming and jumping on him telling him it was the best idea ever.  He was so happy to have been part of their wedding that way.  So, yea, he could marry people now. 

Jo had gotten a business degree with a criminal justice minor.  She was currently at the police academy in town training for the Lawrence force.  She wasn’t sure if she wanted to keep the bar when Ellen was done, but she wanted to have options, so she went with business.  She joked that she could just hang out in uniform on her nights off and deter people from fighting.  Jo was joking, but it was clear that Ellen liked the idea.

Charlie had graduated with honors and was currently working for herself.   Dean wasn’t sure just what she did with those computers but she was happy and was able to make a living, so Dean didn’t press her when she wouldn’t give him details.  Dean just hoped that if she was into anything illegal and that Jo would talk her out of it if she did.

Benny was also coming with his new girlfriend, Andrea.  Dean was happy for Benny.  At the end of the spring semester before Dean moved into his apartment Benny had asked Dean if he wanted to mate.  Dean had had to tell Benny that he wasn’t interested in mating.  That was a hard conversation and Dean had felt like an ass, but Benny told him he understood and reassured Dean that he had never felt like Dean had taken advantage of him.  Benny said that he offered his help while Dean was pregnant and he didn’t expect anything in return but he thought they could grow to love one another and have a good life. 

The sad thing was, though, that Dean knew Benny would be a good alpha.  He _knew_ that he would have had a good life.  But Dean also knew that Benny could still smell the pining sickness on him and it wasn’t going anywhere.  Dean knew that he would never love another alpha (or anyone really) and he couldn’t bond with someone because he would never be able to give them all of himself.  They had remained friends and Dean was relieved that the alpha wasn’t actually in love with him.

Missouri would be there, too.  Dean hadn’t seen her in a while and he missed her.  She was like his favorite aunt.

Bobby, Ellen and Sam would round out the crew along with Dean and Emma.  Dean was excited to see his friends and family and put last night out of his mind.  As he washed the dishes from breakfast he went over the list of things that he needed at the store.  He was going to make burgers, of course, but he needed other sides and drinks as well as the usual shopping.  He jotted a quick list when his hands were dry before heading up to take a shower.

When he was ready he pried Emma away from the TV and buckled her into her car seat.  They headed to the store to get what they needed.  Emma happily sat in the basket with her Barbie doll and asked questions as they went through the store.  Dean patiently answered every one, steering clear of any alphas that he smelled.  Dean wasn’t wearing his blockers, and while he wasn’t scared, he wasn’t going to try and take any chances.

When they return home Emma helped him put away the groceries then he sent her to play while he prepped the burgers.  He was just putting the finishing touches on them when the door opened and Ellen and Bobby walk in.

“Grandma!  Grandpa!” Emma ran to them immediately.

“Hello missy!” Bobby said scooping her up.  Dean chuckled.  He would never get used to the fact that the surly guy that showed affection by calling him and Sam “idjits” was so wrapped around his daughter’s finger. 

Bobby hollered a greeting to Dean as he sat on the rug with Emma and her Barbies.  Ellen chuckled as she entered the kitchen with a grocery bag, kissing him on the cheek.

“Well, he won’t be any help in here, but at least he will keep her entertained for us to be able to cook a bit.”

Dean nodded smiling.  “She’s been good today, I can’t complain.”  Dean rinsed his hands and helped Ellen unload the bag of food.  She had brought potato salad and eggs along with cookies and a pie.  Everyone pitched in to help make sure that the meal was full and the person hosting didn’t have to carry the burden of doing everything.

“You ok?” Ellen asked casually from the fridge as she put the cold things away.

Dean rolled his eyes affectionately.  “I honestly don’t know, Ellen, but I’m going to have to be one way or another.”  Dean leaned back against the sink and folded his arms over his chest.  Ellen finished and straightened up, facing him.

“You do?  Honey, you can’t will yourself into being fine, you know.”

“Watch me,” Dean told her.  She gave him a look and he deflated.  “I know.  I know!” he continued when she didn’t change her expression. “Right now…I’m just tired.  And I don’t know what to do.  And Cas said he wanted to get together, but then I freaked out and never gave him an answer.”

“Well,” Ellen began putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, “did you want to say yes?”

Dean shook his head and huffed.  “I don’t even know, El.”

She patted his arm.  “Well, then, let’s focus on getting this party going and then we can see.”

Dean nodded.  He didn’t have another plan.  Avoidance seemed the way to go for now.

***

The party was a big success.  Everyone had a great time and the weather was perfect.  Dean enjoyed hosting in his little house and felt a sense of pride that he was able to provide this life for his daughter.  The house wasn’t fancy by any means, but Dean had put a lot of work into it in the last year and it was finally coming together. 

Over the summer he and Emma had put in new flower beds along the back of the house and Dean and built a simple play structure for her with a swing and slide and a little place to climb and sit.  Sam had helped him paint the siding and the house looked neat and tidy with its fresh white paint and blue shutters.  He had mowed the lawn that week and the patio furnature (though second hand) looked nice on the small deck.

He smiled as he closed the lid on the grill.  He had a good life.  He wasn’t unhappy, even if, truthfully, he was lonely.  He thought he was doing a good job with Emma.  She certainly had a better, more stable life with him than he and Sam had had with their dad.

Dean frowned at the thought of his father.  John Winchester had not been back to see them since the big fight between him and Bobby and Dean four years ago.  Dean felt a lot of different things about that.  He felt a relief afterwards, knowing that he didn’t have to put up with his dad’s bullshit anymore.  He didn’t have to wait on pins and needles for him to waltz into town and throw everything into turmoil.  He was sad that his dad was gone though.  It was just further proof that he wouldn’t change for anyone and especially not Dean or his grandchild.  And even though he had Bobby and Ellen and Missouri and a number of other people to stand in as family for his baby girl, it hurt that they meant so little to the one person on the planet that was supposed to love him the most.

Dean physically shook himself from the thoughts as he put the spatula down.  He inhaled the smell of his burgers and the outdoors and let the sounds of his family and friends wash over him.  He settled and looked around, noting that Charlie was making her way over to him.

“Hey Red,” he greeted her.

“Hey yourself,” she replied.  She looped her arm through his and rested her head on his shoulder.  He could smell her minty scent, soothing him further.  They stood like that for a few moments before he could smell her scent become sharper little by little, like she was nervous about something.

“What’s up Charles?” he asked her finally.  She was shifting and twitching a bit.

She looked up at him and Dean knew he wasn’t going to like whatever it was she wanted to say.  “I want to talk to you about something, but I’m not sure that now is a good time, but I’ve had to pluck up my courage to do it, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to again, but-“

“Charlie, chill out,” Dean interrupted her.  He squeezed her hand where it was resting on his arm.  “I need to get a few things from the kitchen.  Do you want to help me?”

She nodded and Dean called a warning to Sam to keep an eye on the food or they would have burnt burgers to eat.  They headed in side and Charlie helped him get the rest of the food and supplies together.

“Go ahead Charlie,” Dean told her.  He knew that she would fret about it until she could talk to him and he didn’t want the day to be completely ruined.

“Jo told me who Emma’s father is.”  She looked down, away from him.  “During your heat.”

Dean nodded, shaking his head.  He assumed that everyone knew who Cas was now because of it.  He softened though, looking at Charlie.  She knew how closely he had guarded that information and for how long.  To know that it was common knowledge within his family was difficult and Charlie would recognize that.

“It’s ok.  I wasn’t going to be able to keep it a secret forever.”  Charlie looked up at him and gave him a small smile.

“Don’t be mad,” she continued and Dean rolled his eyes chuckling.  “What?”

“You can’t start with ‘don’t be mad’ and expect me to roll with it.  I’m probably going to be mad.”  Dean cocked an eyebrow at her and she ducked her head sheepishly.  “Did you do a full check?” he asked her.

He could tell by her blush that she did.

“So you know who he is.”  It was a statement.

“I do,” she continued nodding.  “And after talking to Jo a bit more, I understand why you didn’t want anyone to know.  His family is very powerful,” she continued.  She walked around the small island to meet him, looking in his eyes.  “They are really powerful,” she repeated, “but Dean I’m concerned about the legalities of keeping Cas’ pup from him.  His family would have the power to do terrible things, Dean.”

He ran a hand through this hair sighing.  “I know, Charlie.  That’s why I’ve tried to stay out of their way.  Maybe they would hear that I pupped but not know it was Cas’.  I just-“

“You two done yakkin’?” Bobby’s gruff voice interrupted them.  Dean turned to see him standing in the door to the back deck.

They shared a glance and Dean nodded, turning back to him.  “Yea, we’re done.  I’m on my way.”  Dean picked up a bowl of potato salad and moved past them out the door.

The truth was that Dean was worried now that Cas was back.  The town was not the big even if he did try and keep to himself.  He watched Sam push Emma on the swing and smiled faintly.  He had no clue what he was going to do.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have amazing fall festivals where I live and my favorite one is just like this! Enjoy!

Dean settled back into the school routine and before he knew it, it was approaching Halloween.  Dean always liked Halloween and thought back on it fondly remember his announcement four years ago.

The first weekend in October, Sam, Jo and Charlie meet Dean and Emma at a local orchard that was having its fall festival.  Dean brought the jogging stroller in case Emma wanted to ride later when she got tired, but for now it was used as a cart for the apples and pumpkin they had picked.

Emma was having a great time looking at the different vendors and sampling all the different types of food that was available.  Dean was looking at the pies while Jo and Charlie were following Emma so she didn’t get into trouble.  He was thinking about getting one of each when he heard a deep voice behind him.

“Hello Dean.”  Dean closed his eyes briefly before he turned around to see Cas.  Cas was frowning up at him, a crease between his brows, like he was trying to figure out a puzzle.  To Dean’s surprise, his brother, Gabriel, was next to him.

“Heya Cas.  Gabe, how’s it going?”

“Hello Dean-o.  It is a fine day, is it not?  A great day for a fun outing, right?”

Dean looked at him with confusion.  He missed the murderous look that Cas gave him as well.

“Oh, uh, yea, it is.  Are you guys having fun?”

Gabe snorted while Cas answered.  “We are working today.  We are hosting a small function inside the winery,” Cas gestured to the small building on the edge of the property from where they were.

“Oh, that’s nice,” Dean replied noncommittally.  Dean was thrown off seeing Cas.  He realized he wasn’t wearing his blockers and hoped that the crowd would mask his scent.  He could feel it souring into a longing scent, the pining sickness getting stronger.

“Dean, are you-?” Cas began to ask a question just ask Dean heard his name being called.  They all turned in time to see Emma running to Dean while Jo called a warning to him.  Dean instinctively crouched down to grab her as she launched herself into his arms.

“Daddy there is hay rides!  Can we go, please!?!?”  Emma’s eyes were wide and excited.  Dean smiled at her but his attention was drawn to Gabe who was choking on his lollipop.

“Daddy?  Since when are you a daddy Winchester?” he asked.  Dean looked from him to Cas.  Cas was staring at him with shock on his face.

“Daddy, who’s this?” Emma asked, laying her head on his shoulder.

Dean took a deep breath.  “Emma, these are some friends of mine, Cas and Gabe.  Daddy knew them when I went to high school.”  Dean gave a simplified version for the benefit of his child, but the inner child in himself couldn’t resist digging at Cas a little, giving him the same introduction that he had given Dean a few months ago.

“Well aren’t you the cutest thing,” Gabe said recovering the quickest.  He glanced at Cas before offering his hand to the little girl.

“Hey Emma, I’m Gabe.  It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Mr. Gabe,” Emma replied.  Dean was still holding her and she put her small hand in Gabe’s to shake.  She held her hand to Cas when Gabe let go.  Cas recovered himself after Gabe nudged him in the ribs.

“Hello Emma.  My name is Castiel, but you can call me Cas.”  He put his hand in hers and shook it gently.  Dean watched as Cas and Emma met for the first time.  This wasn’t how he had thought about their first meeting.  In the middle of a huge crowd without them knowing who each other was.  Dean had let himself fantasize about their first meeting after Cas had told him that he loved him and Dean had confessed that they had a child together.  Dean hadn’t realized his scent was turning to longing until Gabe coughed.  Dean started and tried to get control before he gave himself away even more.

He turned back to Gabe and Cas who were giving him sympathetic looks.  Dean was a little confused, but thought it could be for many reasons- including that he was clearly a single omega with a child.  Dean just hoped that Emma’s eyes didn’t give too much away.

“Well, it was nice bumping in to you, Dean, but we are working today, so we must get going.  It was good to see you, bro.  And Miss Emma, it was splendid to meet you!” Gabe was saying.  Cas was being strangely silent and it made Dean a little cautious and fearful.

Gabe was steering Cas away with a wave when the rest of his party joined him.

“Dean?  You ok? Did I just see Cas?”  Sam was there with a hand on his shoulder scenting him.

Dean shrugged him off and looked at Jo and Charlie.  Charlie was still pushing the stroller and the girls had it piled high with even more things.  “Yea, Cas and Gabe.  So.  I guess the cat’s out of the bag, huh?”  He gave a mirthless chuckle and squeezed Emma.  She squirmed but Dean held on tight.  He felt his shoulders sag.  “I think I’m beat.  Emma and I are going to head to the car.  If you guys want to hang around some more that’s fine. She can play with her Barbies or something.”

Sam glanced at the girls and they nodded.  “I think we are done here.  We can go.”  The girls nodded.

“Did you pick a pie, Dean?” Charlie asked.  Dean shrugged again.

“Nah, I’m not interested.”  With that he kissed Emma’s head and carried her in the direction of that Impala.  He missed the concerned look between his friends and brother.  Dean didn’t pass up an opportunity for pie.

Dean buckled Emma in the car and handed her the dolls she had left on the seat.  He slid into the driver’s seat and waited for the rest of them to follow.  He concentrated on breathing in slowly and deeply, then out again.  Again and again he repeated this until he was certain that his scent had calmed, deliberately keeping his mind blank.  He was ready when he heard Sam ask him to pop the trunk to put the stroller and goods away.

The drive back to his house was quiet.  The girls were murmuring to Emma and playing with her in the back seat while Sam kept sneaking glances over to Dean out of the corner of his eye.

Finally, Dean had enough.  “Out with it Sammy,” he said quietly.

Sam put on an innocent face.  “Out with what?”

Dean glanced over to him with a frown.  “What do you want to say?”

Sam ran a hand through his hair and sighed.  “Have you thought any more about talking to Cas?”

Dean’s mouth formed a grim line.  “It’s all I think about, Sam.  I just don’t know what to do.” He glanced in the rear view mirror before he spoke again.  “I’m terrified that he’s going to hate me and take Emma.”

“Dean, I don’t think Cas-“

“You don’t know that Sam.  I don’t _know_ him anymore.  I don’t know what he would do.  I can guess what his family would want him to do, though.”

“Yea, but Dean, Cas has always bucked their expectations of him.”

“He’s here, right?  He went to Harvard.  He got a law degree.  He came back to run the company here.  What part of that is bucking their expectations?”  Dean could see that he had won the argument by the slump of his brother’s shoulders.

“I just don’t want you to be unhappy.”  Dean glanced away from the road to see his brother looking at him with his full on puppy eyes.  He smiled at him, even though it was sad.  He could smell that Sam was worried and sorry he brought it up.

“I know, Sammy.  I just don’t know how to be anything else right now.  And I hate that because I have the best thing in the word sitting in the back seat right now.”  Dean shook his head at himself. 

“It’s ok, Dean.  You’ll figure it out.”  Dean nodded and turned up the music a bit, signaling to Sam that he was done talking.

***

The following weekend Dean worked Saturday night at the Roadhouse.  He was so caught up in working that it took a minute to register the smell he’d been smiling about for five minutes.  He turned his head to look down the bar and there was Cas.  He was sitting, waiting for him.  He ambled down to the other side, noting that Jo, who was helping tend bar tonight, has been ignoring Cas.  He shot her a warning look and she glared at him.  Ok, one thing at a time.  He’ll deal with her later.

He put on a smile and tried to make it real.  His throat tightened and his hands were sweating.  It was late, so things were slowing down and Dean was sure his blockers had worn off some.  He could smell himself, so he’s sure Cas could too.

“Hey Cas.”

“Hello Dean.” Cas replied solemnly.  He was wearing a suit and tie with his trench coat over the top.  He looked a little disheveled, like he was nervous.

“What’s up?  Can I get you a beer?”  Dean put both hands on the bar and leaned on them.  He noted Cas looking at them before he looked up at Dean.  He cleared his throat before he spoke, making Dean more certain that he was nervous.  He scented the air slightly, but couldn’t smell anything.  Cas must have been wearing blockers.  Dean wondered briefly if he came from a work function.  He couldn’t imagine Cas wearing a suit on a Saturday night for fun.

“No, thank you Dean.  I came here to ask you something.”  Dean straightened up pulling his hands away from the bar.  Cas looked more confident, sitting up straight and looking Dean in the eye.

“Uh, sure, Cas.  Ask away.”  Dean was nervous.  What was he going to ask?  Oh, God, did he know about Emma?

“I’d like to have a beer with you.”  His voice was steady and Dean’s eyebrows shot up.  Before he could reply, Cas continued.  “I know things are difficult for you right now, and I promise that I just want to catch up as friends, nothing more.”

Dean clenched his jaw and tried to school his expression.  He saw Jo narrow her eyes at them from the other end of the bar.  He plastered on a smile and leaned away from the bar to give himself some distance from Cas. He crossed his arms over his chest as if to protect himself while he thought about the offer.

This may be the opportunity that he’d been looking for.  This might be a way to see what kind of man Cas had turned in to and see about broaching the topic of Emma.  Dean knew that he had to, he just didn’t know how.  And Dean was weak.  He still loved Cas and the idea of spending time with him after all these years was too enticing, even if all the alpha wanted was a friendship.

He nodded once to Cas who smiled.  His eyes crinkled at the corners and Dean was hit with a wave of longing so intense it almost made his knees buckle.  He saw Cas falter for a minute, but before he could react Dean pulled out his phone.  Cas quickly pulled his out and asked Dean for his number.

 It stung a little that Cas didn’t have it in his phone, but Dean was being childish.  They broke up four years ago.  And Dean was the one that did it, so why would Cas hold on to it?  Maybe he deleted it in a fit of rage one night, who knows?  Dean told him his number and asked Cas for his, even though Cas was still his number one contact.  Dean never could get rid of it.  Sam was number two only because Cas had a phone first.

Dean looked up from pretending to put it in his phone to find Cas smiling at him again.  “Thank you Dean.  I’ll text or call you sometime next week.”  And with that, Cas was gone.   Dean just stood there for a minute, phone still in hand, staring at the spot where Cas had been sitting.  He looked over at Jo who was glaring at the door and knew he didn’t just dream that interaction.

“Jo,” Dean growled at her.

“Don’t you “Jo” me, Dean Winchester,” she hissed.   “He has a lot to make up for.  He wasn’t the one holding you every night so you could scent them so you wouldn’t lose his pup.  I was.  He didn’t hold on to you when you cried yourself sick when the pining sickness got so bad you couldn’t even get out of bed.  He wasn’t the one that watched you struggle and give up your education to have and raise his pup!  And he just sent you into the worst heat of your life!”  Dean’s eyes grew increasingly wider as Jo continued.  Her voice was getting louder and louder the angrier she got.  “He has a lot of making up to do.  I don’t care if he knew or not.  He let you go without a fight.  He walks back into your life just as you start to get to a good place and now everything is fucked up again.  I’m not going to welcome him back with open arms, Dean.”

Dean couldn’t reply.  He knew that Jo was not Cas’ number one fan, and he remembered clearly that she had been there a lot for him while he was pregnant.  He wasn’t aware that she felt that Cas had abandoned him and Emma.  Before he could come up with something to say to her Ellen was there.

“Jo, why don’t you let Dean finish the dishes and you help clean up in the kitchen for a while.”  Ellen phrased it like a question, but Jo knew it was an order.  She huffed and dried her hands.

“Fine, but don’t expect me to act any differently if he comes by again.” She said stomping off to the back.  Dean and Ellen watched her go.  Ellen moved passed Dean to pour a beer for a ticket and then nudged him towards the sink with a nod of her head.  Dean moved automatically and began to wash the dishes.  They were silent for a while.  It was late and there weren’t very many people around.

“She just wants to make sure you’re alright Dean.  We all do.  I can’t say that I am totally on board with this, but I also know that you’re a grown man and you can make your own decisions.  Doesn’t mean I don’t worry about you.”  Dean looked at her.  He was so grateful for this woman.  The woman who had helped him whenever she could.  When he would let her she would be there. 

“I know Ellen.  I just don’t know what to do.  _I_ did this though.  _I’m_ the one that broke it off.  _I’m_ the one that hid his child from him.  It’s been months now and I still am no closer to deciding what I’m going to do.  I feel like a broken record.  I feel like I should be moving forward.  I feel like I’m moving backward.  My scent will tell you that for sure.”  He sighed as he put the last glass on the rack to dry.  Ellen handed him a towel to dry his hands.  “He asked me for my number.”

“I think that’s a good place to start.  And, Dean,” she said, making him look at her.  “You might have been the one to stop calling, but he let you go.  You did it to each other.  Now, Emma, I can’t tell you what to do.  She’s your daughter and do what you think is best for her _and_ for you.”  She paused.  “Are you going to call him?  Did you get _his_ number?”

Dean huffed and ran a hand through his hair.  He looked at his shoes when he replied.  “I always had it,” he mumbled.  “It’s still my number one.”

“Oh, Dean,” he heard her say.  He kept looking at his shoes, not brave enough to meet her eye.

“Ok, I gotta go,” he said taking a deep breath.  Dean had had enough feelings for today.  He was beat and he needed to get home.  Sammy was watching Emma, and though he was staying over tonight, Dean knew that he wouldn’t go to sleep until Dean was home.  It was pushing one now.

“Alright, honey.  I’ll see you later.” 

Dean drove home thinking about Cas.  He still didn’t know what he was going to do.  For now he would just leave it in Cas’ court.  He said that he wanted to have a beer, so Dean would wait for him to call or text.  What Dean was going to say if Cas called, well, Dean would find out when it happened.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas POV from the festival. It's short, sorry. Literally wrote it this morning!

The first weekend in October, Cas and Gabe were working with clients.  Cas didn’t mind the weekend work, but Gabe had grumbled about it the entire way up to the orchard.  The clients were happy sampling the wine offerings so Cas agreed to walk around with Gabe for a few minutes to get some air.

Cas was unsurprised when Gabe popped a lollipop in his mouth the second they were away from the others.  He shook his head as one corner of his mouth lifted in a smile.

“What?” Gabe asked him, confused.

“Nothing, I’m just laughing because some things do not change,” Cas told him.  They walked around for a moment, just looking at the people milling around, some apple picking, some shopping, some enjoying the food and scenery.

Suddenly Cas caught himself scenting the air.  He…knew…

He was walking towards the scent of apples before he registered what he was doing.  He was still heavily scenting the air and didn’t respond to Gabe’s inquiries until the yanked on his arm to stop him.

“Cas!  What the he-“

“I smelled apples,” he responded curtly.

Gabe huffed a laugh.  “Uh, Cassie, sorry to tell you, but there are apples everywhere.”

“No, no, I –“ Cas stopped abruptly.  The crowd had thinned and he could see into the open barn where Dean was standing.  He was intently looking at the offerening of pie and it made Cas smile a genuine smile.  He was moving again before he consciously decided to.

He vaguely heard Gabe’s soft, “oh” before he followed him.

 “Hello Dean.”  Dean had his back to him and Cas could tell when he registered that it was him.  Now that he was closer he could tell something was not quite right.  Cas could smell that he was pining through his blockers the last times he saw Dean, but today Dean wasn’t wearing any and it smacked Cas full in the face.  Dean’s apple smell was there, his delicious, one of a kind smell that Cas wanted to roll around in forever was there, but there was grief and loss so intricately woven into it now that Cas almost reached for him to comfort him instinctively. 

Cas had to reign in his alpha quickly before he did something stupid.  Dean had obviously moved on when he left for college but something terrible must have happened.  Cas’ heart ached for him.

“Heya Cas.  Gabe, how’s it going?” Dean greeted them.  He looked uncomfortable.  He smelled uncomfortable and sad. 

“Hello Dean-o.  It is a fine day, is it not?  A great day for a fun outing, right?”

Cas shot a murderous glare at his brother.  This was not the time for jokes and antics.  He glanced back to Dean to hear him reply. 

“Oh, uh, yea, it is.  Are you guys having fun?”

Gabe snorted while Cas answered, desperate to talk to his omega.  “We are working today.  We are hosting a small function inside the winery,” Cas gestured to the small building on the edge of the property from where they were.

“Oh, that’s nice,” Dean replied noncommittally.  Cas flared his nostrils slightly as he could sense Dean’s scent beginning to turn.  He could smell the pining sickness getting stronger, but the wind had picked up and he couldn’t scent him as strongly as before.  Nevertheless he needed to check on him, make sure he was ok. 

“Dean, are you-?” Cas began to ask him if he was ok when they heard Dean’s name being called by someone.  They all turned in time to see a small child running to Dean while a blond woman pushing a stroller called a warning to him.  Dean crouched down to grab her as she launched herself into his arms.

“Daddy there is hay rides!  Can we go, please!?!?”  The little girl’s excitement was palpable and he would have smiled if he wasn’t bowled over with shock.  He could see Dean smile at her, but he glanced at Gabe as he choked on his lollipop.  Cas was grateful that Dean’s attention was away from him for a moment. 

“Daddy?  Since when are you a daddy Winchester?” he asked.  Dean looked from him to Cas.  Cas was staring at him with shock on his face.

“Daddy, who’s this?” Emma asked, laying her head on his shoulder.

Dean took a deep breath.  “Emma, these are some friends of mine, Cas and Gabe.  Daddy knew them when I went to high school.” 

“Well aren’t you the cutest thing,” Gabe said recovering the quickest.  He glanced at Cas before offering his hand to the little girl.  Cas could do nothing but stare at the two of them.  Dean had a pup.  A beautiful pup who was obviously well cared for and loved.  Cas continued to look at them both.  Dean was wearing a shirt that covered a mating spot again but he didn’t smell mated.  What was going on?

“Hey Emma, I’m Gabe.  It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Mr. Gabe,” Emma replied.  Dean was still holding her and she put her small hand in Gabe’s to shake.  She held her hand to Cas when Gabe let go.  Cas recovered himself after Gabe nudged him in the ribs.

“Hello Emma.  My name is Castiel, but you can call me Cas.”  He put his hand in hers and shook it gently.  Cas felt like he was in a daze.  Dean.  His mate, Dean, had a child.  A child that wasn’t his.  Cas’ wolf was howling in rage and despair. 

Clearly, Cas hadn’ tbeen enough for Dean.  He hadn’t been a good alpha for him.  By the looks of it Dean must have met his mate pretty quickly after he left for college to get Emma.

Then the despair crashed down on him.  Sadness not for himself but for Dean and his little girl.  Dean was clearly pining, so whoever Emma’s alpha was it was clear that they were not together anymore. 

Cas was back to rage in a second.  How could an alpha leave their mate and child?  What self-respecting alpha would leave a loving mate?

Cas felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on him.  Oh.  Him.  He was the kind of alpha that would leave their mate.  He left Dean to go to college.

_That’s not the same_ , a small voice in his head whispered but Cas mentally shook it off.  He left.  _But Dean didn’t want you to stay_ , the voice continued.  _He moved on pretty quickly didn’t he?_

And Cas was suddenly thrust back into the memory of his rut.  How he had been in the hospital, how his body was shutting down because he needed his mate.  His mate that had clearly moved on while Cas was rutting himself to death.

Something in his scent or face must have given him away because suddenly, Gabe was wrapping up the conversation.  Cas knew it hadn’t been more than a few seconds but his world had completely shifted.

 “Well, it was nice bumping in to you, Dean, but we are working today, so we must get going.  It was good to see you, bro.  And Miss Emma, it was splendid to meet you!” Gabe was saying. 

Gabe was steering Cas away with a wave before the rest of Dean’s friends joined him.

Cas let Gabriel pull him away without a fight.  He was stunned.  His brain was having trouble understanding what he just saw. 

“You with me, bro?” Gabe asked him, hand on his shoulder.  Cas was startled.  They had arrived back at the winery without him noticing.

“He didn’t want to mate me,” Cas said hollowly.  He looked up at Gabe.  “He…all that time he didn’t give me any indication that he wanted to mate.  He didn’t want pups or a mate Gabe.  I thought it was just who he was but…I guess…it was just me.  I wasn’t a good enough alpha for him.  He wanted those things, just not…with me.”

“Cassie, I think you should-“

“No, Gabe.  I don’t feel very good.  I think I need to go.”

“Bro, I know this is a shock, but is it possible that-“

“Gabe, stop.”  Cas was close to using his alpha voice he was so distraught.  Gabe stepped back with his hands up. 

“Ok bro, go home.  I’ll get a company car to come and get me.  I’ll make your excuses.”  Gabe’s hand was back on his shoulder pulling Cas’ eyes up to his.

“I’m sorry, Castiel,” he told him earnestly.  “I’ll check on you later.”

Cas nodded thanking him.  He could feel himself losing control of his wolf.  He felt itchy and hot.  He needed to get home.  He knew what was coming.

 ***

Cas’ rut lasted for four days.  Not nearly as terrible as the one four years ago, but agonizing enough that Gabe tried to convince him to hire a rut service to help him through it.  Gabe had gone straight to Castiel after he was done at the winery and Cas was already a sweaty, sticky mess on his bed.

The mere suggestion of another omega near him sent him into a blinding rage, howling and screaming at Gabe.  In the end Gabe had hired a beta nurse from the service to make sure that Cas was hydrated and to help clean up.  Cas was not happy about it and growled at the nurse every time she stepped into the room but she seemed to take it in stride.

When Cas’ head cleared and he tried to apologize she chuckled and thanked him assuring him she had seen much, much worse.  Cas thanked her for being there and caring for him and then called Gabe and thanked him.

His family knew that Cas had been in the hospital and he knew that Gabe was remembering the last time he rutted this hard.  Cas also wanted to assure him that he was ok physically and mentally.

Those four days Cas had pined for his mate and alternated between rage at Dean, that he could move on so easily, and despair and self-loathing that he was such a bad alpha for his mate.  When he came to, more clear headed and focused he knew that logically he did the best he could.  He loved his omega with everything he had.  If it hadn’t been enough for Dean it wasn’t his fault. 

Regardless, Dean had lost his mate somehow and he had a child.  Cas had come back to Lawrence in the hopes of seeing Dean and having some kind of relationship with him.  If friendship was all that it would be then he would take it.

As he showered he formulated a plan.  He would see if Dean was working the Roadhouse this weekend and ask him out for a drink.  Just as friends. 

If his alpha still hoped that maybe it could turn into more, then Cas would keep that to himself.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you had a wonderful holiday if you were celebrating yesterday! Thank you for all the comments and kudos!

Several days later Dean’s phone pinged with a text from Cas asking about a drink.

**CAS** :  Hello Dean.  I am contacting you to inquire about meeting for a drink.  Would you meet me at the Roadhouse at 8pm on Wednesday evening?  I am not sure of your schedule with Emma.  Please let me know if this is an inconvenient time and we can choose another better suited to your needs.

Dean stared at his phone and read the text again.  He had forgotten how formal Cas was.  He talked like this all the time, but it was funny to see it in print.  Ok, what the hell?  He had decided that he could do one drink and if it didn’t work out then he never had to see or talk to Cas again. 

**DEAN** : That sounds great Cas.  I’ll meet you there.

Dean took a breath and scrolled up the thread.  He had never deleted Cas’ thread on his phone and he hadn’t looked back at those texts for a long, long time. He used to take the phone out and look back through their conversations when he was up with Emma in the middle of the night.  It was painful and reassuring at the same time.  Some of those nights he questioned whether Cas had really loved him.  He knew he was being irrational, but when he was exhausted and emotional, rocking their baby, he needed a little reassurance. 

**CAS** : Love you, Dean. 

**DEAN** : Love you, Cas.

**CAS** : I have to study now.  I wish I was with you.  I will try and call later this week.  I miss you.

**DEAN** : It was a fun night.  We had a good time, but I miss you.  I wish you had been there.  I want you to meet Charlie and all my friends.  I think you’d really like Kevin, too.

**CAS** : It sounds like you all had a very fun time.  I believe you might be having the better college experience, Dean. 

**DEAN** : We went to the Roadhouse and had dinner.  It was fun to get off campus for a while.  Everyone was there.  It was so good to get a decent burger.  And man, it was so funny to watch Jo get all territorial with Charlie when she was getting hit on.  Their relationship is so new that they don’t really smell like each other yet, so this poor dude had no idea what he had gotten himself into.  Man, I thought Jo was going to jump behind the bar and grab the shotgun.  Fortunately, Ellen was standing in the way, so the guy walked away intact.

Dean smiled down at his phone.  He was glad that he had those little conversations.  It was nice to know that Cas had, at one point, loved him.  Dean was interrupted by Becky bringing the children back from lunch.  Dean didn’t get another chance to check his phone to see if Cas had texted back.

By the end of the day Dean was second guessing himself.  Maybe he should have thought about this more.  What if things go well and they are out late?  What if things don’t go well and he can’t work then next day?  Dean was working himself up into a mess.

“Daddy!” a small voice called to him.  Emma was running to him from the doorway.  Her teacher waved at him and he waved back before he caught Emma and swung her up for a hug.  They scented each other for a minute, calming and familiarizing themselves again after being away from each other for the day.  Dean nuzzled into her hair and inhaled.

“Did you have a good day?  Did you take a nap?”

Emma giggled, her father’s breath tickling her neck.  “Yes, I had a great day.  Lexi and I played together on the playground and I took a nap.  I was tired after all the painting today!”

Dean smiled fondly at his daughter.  “That sounds like a great day, Em.  Shall we head home and get some more of this great day going?”

“Yes!  I want tacos for dinner!”  She smiled sweetly at Dean, her blue eyes sparkling.  Dean chuckled and shook his head putting her on her feet.

“Tacos, huh?  I’m not sure that’s in the cards for tonight kiddo, but we can see.”  Dean mentally catalogued what he had that he could use for tacos while he put his stuff away and grabbed his bag.  He said a quick good-bye to Becky in the copy room before taking Emma’s hand and leading her out of the school.  He buckled her into the car and they headed home.  Emma chatted about her day while they drove and Dean told her about his in turn.

As they pulled into the driveway Dean heard his phone notification.  He parked the car and grabbed his bag.  He set his phone on the roof of the car while he got Emma out.  He handed her backpack to her and grabbed the phone.  He opened the lock screen while they were walking to the door and saw that Cas had sent a reply.  A thrill went through Dean.  He wasn’t sure if it was fear or excitement, or both.

**CAS** : I look forward to seeing you then.

Simple.  Like Cas.  Dean unlocked the front door and Emma went straight in.  She put her backpack on the floor by the stairs and Dean set his next to her.  They sat together on the stairs and took their shoes off, Dean helping Emma with the Velcro on one.  They headed in to the kitchen together and Dean pulled the stool over so that they could both wash their hands.  Dean sang a song while they washed and splashed Emma a little with the soap.  She giggled and squirmed away.  Dean dried her hands and set her down. As she scampered away to play with her Barbies, Dean checked the time.  It was 3:13.  He wasn’t sure if Sam would be able to talk, but he thought it was worth a try.  He dialed Sam’s number and grabbed an apple.  He washed it as the phone rang.  He was just about to give up when Sam answered the phone.

“Dean!  Hey!”  He sounded out of breath.  “What’s up?  Everything ok?”

“Yea, hey Sammy.  Everything’s fine.  Emma and I just got home.”

“Oh,” Sam said.  Dean knew he was wondering why he was calling on a weekday in the middle of the afternoon.  Usually their calls happened after Emma was in bed and Sam was done with his classes.

“Cas invited me for a drink on Wednesday.”  Dean began to cut up the apple and put it on a plate with some peanut butter.  He grabbed a juice box from the fridge and set both on the table.  He pulled the phone away from his mouth to call to Emma that snack was ready.  As she came into the kitchen he boosted her up into her chair and buckled her in.

“What did you say?”

“I said yes.  I don’t know if I should have.  What are we going to talk about Sam?  I don’t know him anymore.”

“Dean, slow down.  It will be fine.  I know you’re overthinking this.  It’s Cas.  And if he’s that different, then, well, you’ll know, right?”

Sam sounded so reasonable.  This was why Dean had called him.  He leaned back against the counter while he watched Emma eat and nodded.

“Yea, Sammy, you’re right.  I told myself that three hours ago, but now I’m not so sure if that was the right thing.”

“I know you’re worried, Dean, but there is no way you’re going to know what to do if you don’t get a chance to talk to him.  And really talk to him, not just see him at a bar or run in to him somewhere.  So, where are you going?”

Dean laughed.  “A bar.”

“Dean.”

“Sorry, Sammy.  I’m just on edge.  We are going to meet at the Roadhouse.  He chose it.  I’m not sure why he wanted to go there.  We’ve been there.  Jo has been rude to him once already, so I’m not sure why he wants to go back.  Although, I’m not so sure that he knew Jo was being rude in the first place, so…there’s that.”

Dean was quiet, thinking for a moment.  Sam broke the silence.

“Well, if it goes south, Jo can kick his ass for you if needed.”  There was humor in his voice.

“I’m sure that if I need his ass kicked, I can do it myself.”

“Daddy, you said a bad word!” Emma looked up at him with wide eyes.  She had an apple slice half way to her mouth, paused in mid-air.  On the other end of the line he could hear Sam laughing.

“Uh, sorry peanut.  It slipped out. I’ll be better behaved, ok?”

“You have to, you’re a grown up,” she told him going back to her snack.  Dean smiled and walked over to kiss the top of her head.

“Yea, Dean, you’re a grown up.  She’s got a point.  You can do this.  Do you need me to come and babysit?”

“No, thank you.  I’ll see who else I can get.  It’s Wednesday night, so it will be hard for you with school.”

“Well, I’m happy to come if no one else is able to, ok?”

“Thanks Sammy.  I’ll talk to you later.”

“Ok, De.  See you soon.

Dean hung up the phone feeling better.  It was going to be ok.  Emma finished her snack and they went outside to play for a while before they needed to do some chores and get dinner going.  Dean improvised and they had tacos with meat and cheese only with strawberries on the side.  Emma was satisfied and Dean was happy that he could get some fruit in her. 

After dinner they cuddled on the couch and read a few books before it was time for Emma to get to bed.  Dean thrived on this routine with her.  He needed to be able to maintain some control over his life, and this was how he did it.  That wasn’t to say that he couldn’t deviate from the plan.  Wednesday was a good example of how flexible he could be.  But he didn’t like to.  There was security in familiarity and Dean needed that in his life. 

The first year of Emma’s life was so insecure.  Dean wasn’t sure if he was going to have to go begging to Bobby of Ellen from one day to the next.  He guesses he’s stubborn, but he needed to do this on his own.  Especially if Cas wasn’t going to be around.  Dean needed to prove to himself that he didn’t need Cas to take care of him.  He could do it on his own. Besides, if he asked Ellen or Bobby for help, he might as well ask Cas.  And that was not a road he wanted to go down.

Emma had a quick bath and Dean brushed her hair before putting it in braids to sleep.  Her hair was so thick, just like her alpha dad’s hair.  It was blond like Dean’s, but thick with just a little curl.  That curl was enough to make Dean crazy.  It was a constant battle with her.  The solution to the long hair she wanted was braids.  He had watched video after video after video on YouTube trying to figure out how to do her hair.  The amount of used detangler alone was staggering.  Dean helped Emma brush her teeth and then tucked her in bed.  He sang her a song and gave her a hug and kiss goodnight.

Cleaning up the kitchen again, he was alone with his thoughts.  He was lonely, for sure.  But he wasn’t lonely enough to settle.  As he looked around the small house, he could see Cas here.  He could secretly let his mind daydream that Cas was upstairs right now waiting for him to finish and come to bed.  Maybe even putting another pup to bed.  Dean was surprised to discover how much that image made his heart ache.  He reigned in his omega brain and finished the dishes.  He methodically went about cleaning up the kitchen, packing lunches for the morning, prepping the coffee and folding laundry.  By the time he went to bed he was exhausted and ready for sleep to claim him.

He fell into bed with just his pajama bottoms on.  He had enough presence of mind to set the alarm and plug up his phone before he was out.  He dreamed of blue eyes and a gummy smile.

***

Wednesday came and Dean was nervous.  Becky asked him if he had a hot date and Dean dumped the bottle of paint all over the table.  Becky looked at him in shock.

“I was kidding, but _do_ you have a date?”  She quickly swept in with a paper towel to mop up most of the mess.  The kids were dipping their paintbrushes in to the mess already.  Dean poured pain where it was supposed to go and moved to the next table.

“Not a date,” he replied.  “Just meeting an old friend.”

“Would that friend happen to be tall, dark and handsome with blue eyes?”

“Becky, you remember entirely too much for meeting this guy one time.”  Dean gave her a questioning look.  He loved her, but she was the embodiment of obsessive.

“So it is him, huh?”  She smiled, not phased at all.  “I’m glad.”

“Not a date,” he repeated.

“Well, you have to start somewhere, right?”  She smiled and walked to the other side of the room to check the painting going on there.  Dean sighed.  Yea, they had to start somewhere.  But Cas was with someone else, and Dean was not going to be the homewrecker there.  This was just two friends meeting up after not seeing each other for four years.  Friends that used to be mates.  That had a child together.  Yea.  Friends.

It turned out that Alex, Dr. Mills’ daughter was able to babysit for him.  She had been over many times before, but Dean usually reserved asking her for times when he didn’t want to have to ask his family. 

Alex arrived right on time.  Dean had done Emma’s routine early, so the little girl was ready to get to bed when Alex entered the house.  They would have some time to play before bed, but Dean felt better about making sure that the routine was in place and it helped to calm his nerves.  He reminded Alex where the emergency numbers were, told her to help herself to anything in the kitchen and kissed Emma good-bye.  They stood at the door and waved to him as he pulled out of the driveway.  It was 7:45.  Dean would be right on time. 

He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans more than once on the drive over.  He was just going to have one drink then head home.  He told Alex he wasn’t sure what time he’d be back.  It could be 30 minutes or three hours, he wasn’t sure.

As he pulled into the Roadhouse, he noticed that Jo’s car was parked in the lot.  He sighed.  He hoped that she was there for fun and not working a shift.  He really hoped she wasn’t on the floor.  He got out of the car, touched Baby’s hood for luck and entered through the front door.  He saw Ellen behind the bar and Jo sitting in one of the bar stools.  The place was not crowded, the dinner rush having gone.  It was the middle of the week, so only the diehard regulars were really left.  Dean spotted Cas in a small booth close to the bar but off to the side.  Cas looked up as he entered and smiled at Dean.  Dean lifted a hand in greeting and smiled back.  His stomach flip flopped. 

_Not your mate_ , he reminded himself.  _Not yours. He has someone already.  Deep breaths._   Dean had put on two layers of scent blockers.   He didn’t know exactly what was going to happen but he didn’t want his scent to give anything away.  He noticed he wasn’t the only one that had that thought because Cas also appeared to be wearing blockers.  He couldn’t smell him as he approached.  Dean was a little sad about that, but thought it would probably make this evening easier on him, too.

He greeted Jo and Ellen as he walked passed them to get to Cas.  Cas was still smiling when Dean shed his coat and sat down.  Jo plunked a Coke in front of him and stalked off.

Cas looked at him wide eyed and Dean briefly closed his eyes.  He took a deep breath and opened his eyes.  Cas was still staring at him with the same expression.  He forced a smile.

“Don’t mind her,” he said as casually as he could.  He pulled the Coke to him and took a sip.  He saw Cas looking at him curiously.  “Ah, I don’t drink,” he told him.

“You don’t drink?” Cas was surprised.  Dean knew he was remembering high school.  Dean had definitely drank then.

Dean really didn’t want to talk about this.  He ran a hand through his hair and blew out a breath.  He looked at Cas and nodded.  “I had a hard time after Emma was born and there was one bad night when I drank too much and couldn’t hear her crying.  By the time I woke up she was in bad shape.  She was ok,” he quickly rushed to assure Cas, “but she was a mess. Her diaper was dirty and she had been crying for a long time.  She was the one thing I was responsible for and I had let her down.  To this day it still horrifies me that I was so careless.  So, between that and the ever present image of my own father’s drinking habits, I just don’t drink anymore.  At all.”  Dean took another drink of his soda to give him something to do.  That was not how he wanted to start this night.  Geez, let’s get right to his worst parenting moment to date.  Give Cas all the ammo he needs to take Emma away.

Something must have shown in Dean’s expression because Cas was leaning forward saying, “That must have been horrible for you both.”  He paused and Dean looked at him.  Cas looked like he wanted to ask something but was unsure.  Dean gave him an encouraging smile.  “So, where was your alpha?”

Dean was not expecting that.  His first thought was “Harvard,” but of course, he couldn’t say that.  He must have been silent too long because Cas quickly began talking again. 

“I’m sorry, Dean.  That’s not my place, especially since…well.  I am sorry for you loss.”  Cas looked at him so earnestly, so apologetic.  Dean was confused.

“I’m confused, Cas.  What are you sorry for?”  Dean leaned forward on his elbows.  Cas drew back a little and looked just as confused.

“Your mate?  I’m sorry for your mate, Dean.  I know that you usually wear the scent blockers, and I’m sure that helps to keep your private life private, but I have been around you several times without them and I can smell the pining sickness.”

Dean didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at this statement.  He sat there for a stunned minute.  Was Cas serious?  He thought…wait.  He thought that Dean had met an alpha and mated them and then lost them? 

He saw Cas shift, and it occurred to him that Cas might be embarrassed.

“Hey, Cas, it’s ok. I appreciate it, but you’ve got it wrong, man.  I don’t have a mate.  I didn’t mate with Emma’s alpha.”  Now Dean was uncomfortable.  This was dangerous territory and he didn’t want to go further into this topic tonight.  Cas looked surprised.  He nodded.

“My mistake,” he said.  Dean could see that he wanted to press and ask questions.  Dean knew that Cas was not mistaken about the pining sickness, just about the mate part.  “May I ask why you did not mate when you found you had pupped?”

Dean sighed and gave Cas a tired smile.  “That’s a story for another night,” he told him.  Cas accepted that answer and Jo approached their table then, so there was no further discussion.

“Hey Jo,” Dean greeted her.  The look on her face said that she was less than pleased to be at this particular table.

“Do you want to eat?” She asked bluntly.  She was only looking at Dean, going so far as to turn her back on Cas.  This could get ugly fast if Dean didn’t step in.  Jo could almost be challenging Cas.  Dean rolled his eyes and told her that he had eaten.  He gestured to Cas and asked him if he needed anything.

“Oh, um, a Coke would be nice.  Thank you-“ Jo had stalked off already. “Jo,” Cas finished.  He turned to Dean.

“I’ve managed to make her angry with me somehow.”  He said it as a fact.

Dean grimaced and slumped back in his seat. “Don’t worry about her.  Jos’ like a sister to me and in the absence of Sam or a mate she gets all defensive.  She takes her protector role very seriously.”

Ellen returned then with Cas’ Coke and sets it gently in front of him.  She leans over and gives Dean a kiss on his head.

“Hey Ellen,” Dean greets her.

“Hey honey.”  She smiled at Dean then turned to Cas.  Her eyes were a bit cooler when they land on his. “Cas.  It’s good to see you again.”

“Nice to see you too, Ellen.  It is nice to be back in a familiar place again.”  He gave her a small smile.

Ellen nodded.  “Yes, it is nice to be in familiar places.  It’s nice to have a place where everyone knows you and will take care of you no matter what.”  Ellen’s words were said in a normal tone, but there was steal and perhaps a double meaning in her words.  By the look on Cas’ face, he hadn’t missed it.  “Well,” she continued, “I’ll let you two get back to catching up.  Let me know if you change your mind about some food.”  And with that she was gone.  Dean could feel the blush on his face.  When he looked back to Cas his expression was a mixture between amused and horrified.

“Was I mistaken in coming here tonight?”

Dean chuckled despite his blush.  “No, Cas. I’m sorry about my crazy family.”  Dean took a breath.  “It was really hard when I found out I had pupped with Emma.  Since then, everyone has been a bit more protective I guess.”

Cas nodded, relaxing a little bit.  Dean wished he knew what the other man was thinking.  “Can I…may I ask how old Emma is, Dean?”

Dean stilled.  There was something about this question that told Dean this was dangerous.  Cas was smart.  Was he thinking this through already?  The dead mate theory was out the window, so would he draw the next conclusion?

Cas waited for Dean to think through.  He didn’t press, but he didn’t withdraw the question when he saw Dean was struggling.  Dean looked him in the eye, Emma’s eyes, and couldn’t lie.  “She was three in June.”

Dean watched Cas carefully as he did the math. He saw it the minute he realized when she must have been conceived.  Dean braced himself for whatever was coming.  He was not expecting Cas to deflate.  He watched as Cas shrunk in on himself and lowered his eyes.  A soft, “Oh,” left his mouth.  Dean would have missed it if he weren’t watching him so closely.

“Cas?” Dean asked.  Cas lifted his eyes and met Dean’s.  “Are…are you ok?”

Cas gathered himself and sat up, in control once again.  “Yes, Dean, thank you.  I’m fine.  I was just thinking how hard school must have been for you.”

“Oh, well, that year was tough, but I made it through.  Wish I could have gone back, but I couldn’t with Emma, you know?”

“What?”  Cas sat up straight again, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“What?” Dean echoed confused.  “That year I was pregnant was rough.  Most of my teachers were great, but I had one guy, Professor Adler, man he had it out for me.  He was a traditionalist.  Thought an unmated omega was an abomination.  I barely passed that class.  Trust me, he tried to fail me every way he could.”  Dean shook his head at the memory.

“You didn’t finish school?” Cas asked.  He was stuck on that.  Dean frowned.

“No, Cas, I had a baby to raise.  They are expensive. I needed a job.  I got the one at the school I’m working in now.  Becky and I are friends and we have a great working relationship. I’m working with pups, just like I wanted to.  Sure, it’s not my own classroom, but right now, being single with Emma to care for?  It’s probably better than the stress of my own classroom.  This way I just clock out at the end of the day.  I’m home with Emma every day by three thirty and we have plenty of time to play and do whatever we need to, even on the nights I have to pick up a shift here.”  Dean sipped his Coke again.

“Dean, that’s amazing.  You’re an amazing father.  I always knew you would be.  I’m sorry it happened like this, but I’m happy for you.  Emma is darling.”

Dean smiled.  “Thanks Cas.  It hasn’t always been easy, but she’s never been something I regretted.  I couldn’t complete school and have Emma, and I chose her, end of story.  I am happy with my life.”  _Mostly_ , Dean thought to himself.

Cas continues to ask questions about Dean’s current life, but Dean just turned it around on him and before he knew it Cas had lost half the night talking about his college years and his job with his family’s company.

Dean was happy listening to Cas.  He seemed to be genuinely happy working for his family.  He thought it was funny that Cas was living back at home though.  Cas had defended himself saying that he didn’t want to rush into buying something since he had never lived in a house except his own.  Dean agreed that owning a home was definitely not something to jump in to.

As the night began to get late Dean felt a change in Cas.  The conversation had been light for the most part, but Dean thought that was about to change.  There was a brief pause in their conversation.  Cas was playing with the paper from his straw.  He looked up at Dean.

“Dean, what happened with us?  I mean, one day I realized that we hadn’t spoken in weeks.  I always regretted that I didn’t know how to reach out to you after that.”

“It’s ok, Cas.  We were hundreds of miles away.  Things were going to be hard and people drift away.”  Cas has a sad and resigned look in his eyes again.  “Hey, look, we’re here now.  You have a great education, working for the fam and a great girl, right?  I think this move was smart, man.”  Dean takes a drink from his almost empty Coke trying not to give away how hard that last bit was.

Cas frowns at him, considering.  “Girl?  You mean Daphne?”  Dean nods to him.  Cas chuckles.  “Daphne is not my girlfriend.  She’s a family friend that has also relocated.  We’ve known each other for most of our lives.” He shuddered a little. “It would be like you dating Jo,” he continued and it was Dean’s turn to shudder.

“My mistake,” Dean says, repeating Cas’ words from earlier.  So.  Cas is not involved with Daphne.  He grabbed onto his omega brain before it got out of control.  “So, anyone special then?” he continues casually.  Something passed over Cas’ face, but it was gone before Dean could decipher it.

“No,” Cas said softly.  “No one.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes before Dean asked Cas if he’s played pool in a while and when Cas says no Dean convinces him to play a game.  They enjoy a game then Dean says he needs to head home. 

“I’ll walk you out,” he says Dean.  “Let me settle the bill,” he continued.  Ellen was at the bar as Cas walked over.

“Put your money away, Cas,” she tells him.  He starts to protest, but she silences him with a look.

“Yes, ma’am.  Thank you Ellen.  I hope to see you again soon.”  Ellen nodded at him and he and Dean exit, Dean calling a good night to Ellen and Jo, who gave him the finger.  Cas felt like that was meant more for him than for Dean.

Out in the parking lot, Cas was excited to see Baby again and ran a hand lovingly over her side as he walked around.  “I can’t believe there is a car seat in the back of the Imapla,” he says.  I think I might need a picture.”

He smiled devilishly at Dean who just shook his head.

“I had a good time tonight, Dean.”  Cas smiled at him.

“I did too,” he replied.  “I’ll see you around, yea?”

“Yes, Dean.  I’ll see you soon.”

With that, Dean got into his baby.  He’s surprised when Cas is there to shut his door, but thanked him.  Cas tapped the hood twice, like he always did before backing up to let Dean know it was safe to pull out.  Dean took a deep breath at the feeling of nostalgia that swept over him.  He wondered if Cas felt it too.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your comments and kudos!

Dean doesn’t expect to hear from Cas again, but the next day he is surprised to find several texts at the end of the day. 

**CAS** : I had a lovely time last night, Dean.  Thank you for meeting me.

**CAS** : There is a School Board meeting tonight.  Do you ever attend them?

**CAS** : My brother made me eat a burger with lettuce for a bun at lunch.  It was good, but not as satisfying as your burgers.

Dean chuckled and flushed as he read the last one.  He was checking his phone before making a quick snack for Emma. 

**DEAN** : I had a good time 2 Cas.  Thanks for asking me. 

 

And so it became normal for Dean to check his phone at lunch and right after he got home and before bed, hoping that he had a text from Cas.  Dean was never disappointed.  Cas texted Dean every day with a question or an interesting anecdote at work.  Dean was no closer to figuring out what was going on, or if he was going to tell Cas about Emma, but the warmth and joy he got from seeing Cas’ name on his phone was slightly alarming.

Dean was both surprised and not surprised when the text came in Thursday night.  Dean had just finished the kitchen clean up and Emma was sleeping soundly upstairs.  He was deciding whether or not he wanted to find something on TV to watch or just go to bed himself when his phone pinged.  He smiled slightly picking it up.  His smile grew when he saw that it was a text from Cas.

**CAS** : Dean, I would like to invite you to dinner and perhaps a movie after.  I have wanted to ask all week and now it is Thursday, so I understand if you are not able to meet with me this weekend.  I enjoyed catching up last weekend and would like to get to know you again.

Dean stared at the phone, chewing on a hang nail.  Dean wasn’t sure what to do. It was dangerous, this road he was following.  He needed to protect himself and Emma and getting close to the father of his child while always knowing he couldn’t have him as his mate might be the worst torture in the world.  But wouldn’t it be good for Emma to have an Alpha role model?  He knew she has several already, but Cas was her father. 

Dean sighed and backed out of the texting app to phone Sammy.  He picked up after the third ring.

“Hey jerk,” he greeted Dean.

“Hey bitch.  You know one of these days it’s going to be Em calling and you’re going to have to explain to her why you’re calling her a jerk.”

Sam laughed on the other end of the line.  “Yea, maybe.  What’s up?”

“Cas asked me out again.”  Dean was nervous and he needed to get straight to the point.  He needed advice.

Sam was silent for a moment.  Just before Dean was about to ask if he was still there Sam spoke.  “Did he now?”

“Yes he did.  What should I do?”

Dean could hear the bitch face in the silence.  “This is not my decision Dean,” Sam said gently.  “Did he ask you out as friends or as a date?”

“Friends I think.  He told me he’s not involved with that beta Daphne and told me there was no one else.  But wouldn’t he have said that he wanted it to be a date if it was meant to be a date?”  Dean’s voice was going up an octave.

“Dean, calm down, ok?  First, this is Cas we are talking about here.  He’s weird and awkward, so no, he maybe would not tell you he was asking as a date.  Second, do you want it to be a date?  Third,” Sam continued raising his voice as Dean started talking, “when did he tell you he was single?’

Dean took a deep breath and stopped pacing.  He wasn’t even sure when he started moving.  He pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and sat down heavily.  “I don’t think he meant it as a date.  I am not sure if I want it to be a date.  I don’t want to get my hopes up.  I’m not even sure that I want to meet him as friends.  I don’t know if I’m going to tell him that Emma is his either just yet.  And I’m so worried that it will just sneak out of my mouth in conversation somehow, or I’ll give him a detail or anecdote and he’ll put it together.  Although…” Dean paused as a stab of pain sliced through his chest.  He rubbed the spot.

“Although what Dean?”

“I’m pretty sure he thinks I was sleeping around when I got to college.”

“He what?”  Sam’s tone was incredulous, but Dean could hear the threat underneath.

“Calm down alpha.  We talked about Emma very briefly last weekend when he had drinks and he asked when her birthday was.  I was sure he was going to put it together, but the way he acted, I think he thought I cheated on him with someone.  Maybe he thinks that is why I stopped calling him.”  Dean put his head in his hands.  “Oh, God, what if he thinks that, Sammy?”

“Does it matter to you that he thinks you might have cheated on him?”

“Of course it does!  I would never!  Can you believe that after all that I’ve been through with the pining sickness and raising Emma alone that I want him to think I cheated on him?”

“Well, then I think you have your answer about going to dinner.  Even if it’s just as friends.  If you want to have some kind of relationship with him and it bothers you that he might think less of you for something that you did or didn’t do, then you should see about making that right.”

“You think I should tell him about Emma?”  Dean was curious to hear what his brother thought.  He was usually the one that tried to get Dean to think things through and usually guided him in the right direction.  Huh.  When had the roles changed like that?

“I do, but it’s not my choice.  I think that you should just to make sure that whatever relationship you’re building- friends, lovers, mates, whatever- is not developed with this lie between you two. Plus, if you don’t tell him, Emma will.  Either Cas will figure it out by her scent, or she will.  The longer you let it go on the worse it will be when the truth is uncovered.”

Damn.  There it was.  There was a reason Dean called Sam.  He sighed again into the phone.  “You’re right, Sam.  But I still don’t know him as the Cas he is now.”

“So go to dinner.  Get to know him.  I’ll be the first one to back you if he’s turned into an asshole alpha and you think he’ll take Emma.”

“Thanks, man.  Ok.  I’ll text him back and we’ll take it from there.”

“Any time, Dean.  You’re my brother and I love you.  I just don’t want you to get hurt, so be careful, ok?”

“Ok Sammy.  Now, you go study or sleep or whatever it is you do.”

Dean could hear Sam’s soft laugh on the other end of the line.  “See you soon, De.”

“Bye.”

Dean closed the phone app and opened up to Cas’ text. 

**DEAN** : What did you have in mind?  I will need to find a sitter first.

**CAS** : I have not been to Mario’s since I’ve been back.  I would like some pizza.

**DEAN** : Pizza is always good for me.  What time and Friday or Saturday?

**CAS** : Is there a night you are working?  I am free both.

**DEAN** : No, not working this weekend.  Either is good.  Can I see who is available when and then go from there?

**CAS** : Excellent.  I look forward to it.

**DEAN** : Me too, Cas.  Night.

**CAS** : Pleasant dreams Dean.

***

Dean was fixing his hair in the mirror while Emma watched him from the bed.  He gave her a funny face through the reflection.  She giggled and rolled over on her belly.  Dean smiled and finished up.

He turned to look at Emma and glance at the time.  It was 6:39.  Jo and Charlie would be there any minute.  Emma had been fed and had elected to do her normal bedtime routine early with him, so she was already in her pajamas, wet hair combed and braided for sleep.

“Daddy, where are you going?” Emma asked for the third time.

Dean sat next to her on his bed and ran a hand over her hair.  “I’m going to go out to dinner with a friend.  I will be here when you wake up in the morning and we will have pancakes like usual.”

Emma frowned up at him.  “I don’t like it when you have to go,” she told him.

Dean felt guilt stab him in the heart.  He did leave Emma way too much.  It was supposed to be less now that he had the house and didn’t have to pay for day care.  It just seemed like there were too many bills to pay even now and then there was Cas.  This was the only time he had been out with him besides the last weekend, but Dean hoped that they would be able to get together more.  He just wasn’t sure if he wanted Cas to spend time with Emma yet.

“I know honey, but it’s just for a little bit.  We spent the whole day together and we did some fun things, right?”

Emma pouted, but nodded her head.  She rested it against his thigh.  “Yea, we did.”

“What was your favorite thing we did today?” Dean asked her.  He was stroking her back, keeping contact with his pup, soothing both of them.

“I like the farmer’s market the best,” she told him.  Dean smiled.  They had met Sam at the farmer’s market downtown that morning.  They had brought home local honey, fresh fruits and veggies and had stuffed themselves on pastries from one of the vendors.

“I liked that too,” he agreed.  It was always nice to get out of the house and it was a bonus if they got to spend time with Sam.

The doorbell interrupted their conversation, but Dean was glad to see Emma launch herself off of the bed squealing in delight.  She raced down the stairs to the door, waiting for Dean.  He could see Charlie making faces at Emma through the window and Emma loved it.  Dean unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door.

“Hey Winchester!” Jo greeted thumping him on the back as she came in.  “There’s my girl!” she cried picking Emma up and swinging her around.

“Hey Jo, Charlie.  Thanks for coming.”  Dean shut the door behind them as they made their way into the living room after depositing their shoes on the mat by the door.

“We are always willing to babysit Miss Emma!” Charlie exclaimed flopping on the couch while holding his pup.  While Dean still felt guilty, some of it eased as he watched the three interact.  Jo and Charlie were family to Dean and by extension, so was Emma.  He wasn’t sure what he would have done if he hadn’t had their support. 

Dean felt so lucky that he was put in the dorm he was during his first semester in college.  Charlie and Jo (and Benny and Kevin too) had helped him to plan, to study, to feel better physically.  They made sure he ate and slept and took notes for him if he was too sick to go to class.  He knew that they had a vested interest in Emma, and he knew that because Jo had witnessed his struggle first hand she was more reluctant to accept Cas now.

“Ok, well I’m going to go.  I’m going to pick Cas up, so I need to get going.”  Three pairs of eyes swung to look up at him from the couch.  Charlie’s were excited, Emma’s were a little sad and Jo was glaring at him.  “Ok, then,” he said reaching for Emma.  She let Dean pick her up off of Charlie’s lap and he gave her a big squeeze.  She squeezed him right back.  “Love you Peanut.  Be good for your aunties, ok?”

“OK Daddy.  Have fun with your friend.”

“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow for pancakes, as promised, ok?

Her face lit up. “Ok!”  She gave him a big kiss and he set her down.  She ran back over to Charlie and jumped in her lap.  Charlie let out an “oomph!” but circled her arms around her.

“Have a good time, Dean,” Charlie said to him.  Where Jo was fiercely protective of Dean, Charlie knew, as another omega, what having Cas in his life could do.  They had talked about Dean’s fears and his desires.  He wanted Cas so badly, and Charlie could understand on a different level than Jo could. 

Dean nodded to her and turned to put his shoes on.  He was wearing a nicer pair of jeans, one that didn’t have holes in them.  He usually wore these on Fridays for work.  He had paired them with his favorite Metalica t-shirt and green plaid flannel over top.  He put on his leather jacket to ward off the October chill and pocketed his wallet and phone. He checked to make sure that he had his phone and then he grabbed his keys and headed out the door.  He locked it behind him after flipping on the porch light and walked to the Impala. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet non date night.

Dean put the keys in the ignition and backed out of the driveway before he could think of a reason not to.  He had sprayed himself heavily with blockers so that he wouldn’t give himself away and headed across town.  Dean listened to his favorite rock station on the way, hoping to calm some of his nerves with the familiar music.  Dean was desperately trying not to think of this as a date, but there were too many parallels.  Besides the fact that Cas was going to be in his car with him again. 

Cas.  In his car.  Dean was suddenly assaulted with memories of them in the car.  The rides to and from school, the weekend drives with the windows down, the nights parking by the lake fogging up the windows.

Dean coughed and shifted in his seat.  Time to think of other things.  He didn’t want to show up at Cas’ turned on.  That he couldn’t mask.

When he turned on to the familiar road his anxiety grew.  He hadn’t been in this neighborhood for four years. Cas was still living with his parents, having not gotten around to getting a place of his own yet.  Cas and Dean didn’t spend much time here when they were kids. Cas preferred to spend time with Dean at his house, especially since Sam was with them for a large amount of time.  Dean always felt inferior whenever he came here.  Tonight was no different.  He hadn’t really thought about how it would feel to ring the doorbell of the Novak house tonight.  He wondered if Zachariah, their butler, was still there.  Dean tried his best to irritate the man every chance he got when he was younger  It didn’t take much, as Zachariah held the belief that Dean was no better than a beggar and openly dismissed Dean when he was around.

Dean sat in the car for a few minutes thinking about all the memories and working up the courage to get out and go up to the door.  Fortunately, Cas must have been waiting for him, because before Dean got a chance, Cas was opening the passenger door and sliding in the front seat.  Dean was startled but Cas had a bright smile on his face.

“Still a wuss around Zachariah, huh?” he joked.  Dean gave him a face and started the car.  Dean took an unobtrusive breath, trying to scent if Cas had blockers on.  He couldn’t smell anything, so blockers all around then.

“I was just fixing my hair,” he told Cas.  Cas gives him a sarcastic nod as Dean reverses the car out of the long driveway. “So, Mario’s?” Dean asked once they were on their way out of the neighborhood.

“Yes, if that is acceptable to you.”  Dean glanced over to Cas who was looking at him with his eyebrows raised.  Dean nodded, as his throat tightened.  Emma looked so much like him.

“That sounds great, Cas.” 

They drove in silence until Dean pulled into the lot.  Cas gave a small laugh and shook his head.  Dean turned to him, one eyebrow raised in question as he killed the engine.

“Nothing, it’s just…I haven’t been here in four years and it looks exactly the same.”  Dean smiled and nodded.

Once inside they were led to a back booth and given the specials for the night.  Cas looked around, taking in the atmosphere around him.

“So, what are you feeling like tonight?”

“My usual, I guess,” Cas answered distractedly.  Dean looked at Cas’ profile.  He couldn’t believe that he was here.  That they were _here_ , even just as friends.  Dean couldn’t tell how many hours and how many pizzas the two of them had consumed over the course of their lives.

“Sounds good to me,” Dean replied softly.  A waitress came to take their orders and Dean ordered their usual pizza.  If Cas was surprised when Dean didn’t refuse the salad, he didn’t say anything.  Dean turned back to Cas who was looking at him with a soft smile on his face.

“What?” Dean asked, shifting slightly.

“Nothing, just feeling nostalgic. It feels like nothing has changed.  This place is the same, the pizza order is even the same.”  He shrugged.  “I did not realize that I missed the smaller things about Lawrence until I returned.”

Dean inhaled, calming himself.  “Yea, it’s nice here.  I thought for sure that once Sammy was old enough he’d be gone too, but he stayed.  Stupid moose,” Dean complained shaking his head.  He folded his hands together on top of the table. 

“Really?  And what is Sam up to these days?”

Dean’s chest swelled with pride for his brother.  He smiled at Cas.  “He’s at KU, finishing up.  He’s going to graduate a year early because he took summer courses.  He stayed here because that was his plan all along, sneaky bastard.  He knew that he wanted to get done quickly, and he wouldn’t be home for the summers if he did that.  I wonder though, if he would have gone if it hadn’t been for…”  Dean trailed off, glancing at Cas.  He had almost told Cas about the pining sickness.  “Emma,” he said instead, coughing in his fist to cover his blush.

“Emma,” Cas repeats.  Dean looks at him, trying to gauge his reaction.  “She’s lovely, Dean.  I only met her for a few moments, but your bond is clear.  I always knew you’d make a wonderful father,” Cas told him lowly, looking him in the eye.  Dean felt hot all over and shifted again in his seat.

“Thanks, Cas.  She’s something.  Not expected, but sometimes the best things are surprises, right?” 

“Sometimes,” Cas agrees.  The sat in silence for a few moments, just looking at each other.  Dean wished that he could smell Cas.  They were interrupted by their server setting down a large family style salad bowl on the table.  She gave each of them a bowl and told them that their pizza would be out shortly.

Cas reached for the tongs and grabbed them.  He looked at Dean, question in his eyes.  Dean smiled and handed him the bowl.

“Is salad now a food group?” Cas asked him as he gave the full bowl back to Dean.  Dean grinned at him.

“Believe it or not, yes it is.”  He picked up his fork and shoved a large bite in his mouth.  He moaned around the taste.  He hadn’t been to Mario’s in several months and their home made salad dressing was divine.  Dean enjoyed their salads for sure, however, there were other reasons that he was eating healthier.  Cas eyed him.

“I never thought I would see this.  Should I take a picture?” 

“Har har har,” Dean shot back around a mouth full of salad.  Cas shook his head at Dean. 

They chatted a little about Cas’ job while they finished their salad.  When the pizza arrived, Mario was right behind it, smiling broadly.

“I knew it!  I saw that order come in and I only knew of two people who ordered that pizza.  I had to see for myself.”  He held out his arms to Cas who shuffled out of the booth and embraced the older man.

“It’s good to see you, Mario,” Cas said as they hugged.  Dean smiled.  He had been to Mario’s frequently in the last four years, but it was nice to see Cas enjoying himself so much.

“And you, my friend!” Mario returned heartily.  He patted Cas on the back before he stepped back.  “You look good.  Older, mature.  But still with this guy, yes?” he asked pointing at Dean, his eyes crinkling with laughter.

Dean and Cas both laughed.  “Yes, I guess so,” Cas replied.  He was looking at Dean with a sweet smile and Dean felt his heart speed up and his stomach flutter.

“Good, good,” Mario continued.  “Alright, eat!  Enjoy!”  He gave a wave and then he was gone.  Cas returned to the booth where Dean was serving his slice on a plate.

“Thank you, Dean.  That was nice.  To see Mario.  I’m glad he’s still here.”  Cas set his plate on the table and waved at the steam rising from the pizza.

“Yea, he does a good job.  They keep expanding the menu.  Some of the specials are really good,” Dean returned.  Cas nodded and took a cautious bite of his pizza.

“Oh, man, I missed this,” Cas moaned.  Dean stared at his mouth where he was licking his lips.  “There was good pizza in Massachusetts, but not like this,” he continued taking another bite.  Cas closed his eyes, savoring the taste of the cheese and meat mixed with the seasoning and red sauce.  Dean couldn’t tear his eyes away. 

 _I am so fucked_ , he thought.

Dean quickly took a bite of his pizza before Cas realized he was staring at him.  They ate in silence, just enjoying their meal.  When Dean finished his piece, he went back to his salad.  He could feel Cas watching him as they continued to talk about Cas’ job.

“It’s actually more engaging than I thought it would be.  My father has done a good job at making sure that the family remains in the middle of the business and we control the day to day activities.  And there are other parts that I wasn’t aware would be expected.  Some are not so thrilling, like the weekend hosting when important clients come to town, but some are very interesting.”

Dean raised his eyebrows.  “Like what?” he asked around his mouthful of food.  Cas gave him a lopsided smile, acknowledging his bad manners.

“Like being appointed to the vacant seat on the school board.”  He smiled a genuine smile at Dean.  “I have no knowledge of how the school system works, so for now I’m just observing and listening.  I can see some ways that funds can be used more efficiently already, though.  I think I’d like to bring those up before the February budget meetings.”

Dean felt like his smile was stretching across his whole face.  That Cas was not only interested in something Dean was passionate about, but was willing to listen and learn before jumping in head first with no experience, as many people do, made Dean warm inside.  He served himself more salad and began to eat again.  Cas was quiet and Dean looked up to see him looking at him with concern.

“What?  Do I have food on my face?” he asked reaching for his napkin.

“No, no, nothing like that.  I just…is the pizza alright?  Is there something wrong?”  Cas seemed so concerned about him but Dean was taken aback.  The pizza was wonderful as always, he just- oh.

Dean swallowed and wiped his mouth with his napkin.  “No, Cas.  I appreciate it, but there is nothing wrong with the pizza.  It’s amazing as usual.”  He gave Cas a small smile.  He could feel his face warming.

Cas continued to frown at him.  “Are you sure?  If you want to order something else I can get the waitress?” Cas sounded unsure.  Dean chuckled softly.  He didn’t really want to tell Cas why he was eating so much salad, but the poor guy seemed so concerned.

“It’s fine, Cas, really.”  Dean took a deep breath feeling himself flush even more.  “I’m, um, just trying to eat better, you know, set a good example for Emma, and…uh, I want to lose the last few pounds of weight I have left from carrying her.”

He doesn’t tell Cas that he wasn’t able to eat as well the last few years because he was eating what was cheap and easy to be able to give Emma the fresh fruits and veggies.  He could only afford so much then.  He forced a smile on his face.

Dean looked up at Cas and saw his face clear of concern.

“Dean, you are such a good father.  And for the record, I think you look great.  A little extra weight doesn’t make you unattractive.”

Dean blushed harder and Cas realized what he said and blushed as well.  Dean thinks he looks adorable when he’s flustered.  They are saved by the waitress checking on them and when she left Dean continued to ask Cas about his job.  The awkwardness passed and Dean relaxed into the conversation.

When the waitress brought the check Dean reached for his wallet, but Cas beats him to the bill, quickly sliding his credit card in the billfold and handing it right back to the waitress.  As she walked away Cas turned back to him and smiled.

“Thank you for meeting me for dinner, Dean,” he says.

“I had a good time, Cas.  Thank you for dinner, but you didn’t have to pay.”  Dean was all of a sudden off kilter.  He hadn’t expected Cas to pay.  It felt like a date if Cas paid.

“I asked you to dinner tonight.  I always had intentions of paying.”  He paused then a sly grin spreads over his face.  “What would my mother say about my manners?”

Dean bursts out laughing and Cas joined in.  They finished up and before Dean knew it, Cas was holding the door for him while they exited the restaurant.

“Are you up for a movie?” Cas asked Dean as they walked to the Impala.

“Yea, Charlie and Jo don’t expect me back for a while.  I haven’t been to the movies in forever.  Emma is just now to the point where she could tolerate the darkness and noise, not to mention sitting in the theater.”

“Is there anything particular you’d like to see?” Cas asked as they got in the car.  Dean shrugged. 

“I’m not even sure what is playing.  Anything is fine with me,” he told Cas as he started the car.  Cas smiled over at him.

“Ok, then.  Let’s just see when we get there.”

Once they were settled in the theater, after Cas has paid _again_ Dean began to get nervous.  He was trying not to think of this as a date.  After all, Cas hadn’t asked him as a date, right?  Just two friends, who happened to date a long time ago catching up.  That’s all. 

 The movie began and Dean was glad he put two layers of blockers on before he left.  Dean’s arm was on fire where it was brushing up against Cas’, resting on the space between the seats.  He was sitting very still, afraid to move in any way in case Cas shifted too, and they were no longer touching.  Longing pierced through Dean and he was short of breath all of a sudden.  He felt himself get hot and he prayed he wasn’t going to go into another heat.  Damn his biology. 

By the end of the movie Dean couldn’t remember a single thing.  He didn’t even know if it was a comedy or action.  Cas was quiet as they exited the theater.

“Did you enjoy the movie, Dean?” Cas asked him.  His hands were buried in his trench coat pockets, holding it close to his body in the chilly air.

“Oh, yea, thanks.  It was great.  And you?”

Cas nods watching his feet as he walks in step with Dean.  “It was nice.”  He looked at Dean with a shy smile.  Dean smiled back.  They return to Baby once again and the drive back to Cas’ place was filled with quiet discussions of classic rock.

Dean’s palms were sweaty as he pulled into Cas’ driveway. He wasn’t sure why because this was definitely not a date.  Not like the night will end with a kiss.  Cas searched Dean’s face for a moment, hand on the handle of the door.

“Thank you for a lovely evening, Dean.” Cas’ voice is low and goes straight through Dean. 

Dean works his throat to try and respond in a normal tone.  “I had a good time too, Cas.  Thank you.”

Cas seemed to hesitate.  “Would you…would you like to do this again some time?”

Dean smiled at him and nodded.  “I’d like that a lot.”  Cas answered his smile and opened the door to exit.

“I’ll talk to you this week,” he says leaning back in once he stepped out.  Dean nodded and waved as Cas shut the door and walked up the path to the door.  H opened the door with his keys and he turned to wave at Dean before he stepped through.  Dean waved back again and sat there for a moment collecting himself.

_Ok, no kiss.  No kiss because you’re an idiot and this was. Not. A. Date.  But, he did ask to do this again and he said he had a good time.  That’s got to be a good sign, right?_

Dean groaned and banged his head on the steering wheel.  He’s a grown man with a child for heaven’s sake.  When did he turn back into a teenager?  With a low growl he put the car in reverse and headed home.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos! Things are starting to move forward with these two. The boys go Christmas shopping and Cas gets a taste of shopping for little girls! Hope you're still with me!

Over the next few weeks they text and see each other several times.  Always out in public and never with Emma.  Dead didn’t consciously exclude Emma from the outings, but Cas didn’t ask about bringing her and usually suggested that they go somewhere in the evening that wasn’t appropriate for a pup anyway, such as a movie or a bar.  Dean was ok with that, still not sure how or when or if he was going to tell Cas. 

Dean was sure to always wear blockers when they met and it seemed that Cas was doing the same.  Dean wanted to get to know Cas again and he enjoyed the time they spent together talking and hanging out.  They texted back and forth several times a day and Dean found himself smiling like a loon every time.

Becky teased him about it at school but Dean knew she was happy for him.  Sam stuck his moose nose into the subject every time Dean talked to him and Charlie was just about to vibrate out of her skin at finally getting some information on the alpha.

The only one who was still giving Cas a metaphorical cold shoulder was Jo.  Dean tried to talk to her about it but she shut him down.  Dean knew the only thing that would bring her around was time but he still felt bad about it.  He knew Jo had shouldered a lot for him while he was pregnant, but Dean was surprised at how angry she was with Cas. 

Thanksgiving approached and Dean was excited to cook and help Ellen.  Thanksgiving was held at Bobby’s house, being the largest house, but Ellen and Dean did the cooking.  Ellen indulged him and let him have four different kinds of pie. 

Emma played with her toys and snuggled with her grandpa and everyone generally enjoyed the relaxing day.  Dean was happy, he realized.  He was happier than he had been in a while and he knew it wasn’t all because he was here with his family.  He hoped Cas was having a good time with his own family, but Dean remembered how stiff and formal the Novak holidays were and doubted it.  He knew Cas would be in a suit and tie eating a formal dinner off of the best china or some shit.  Probably food that Cas didn’t even like. 

***

The week after Thanksgiving Dean tried to keep the excited children on task and learning, to varying degrees of success.  He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and made a note to check it when he got a minute.  He knew if anything serious was going on with his family they would call the school, so he knew it wasn’t urgent.

It wasn’t until Becky took the students out to recess that he had time to check it.  He was standing at the copy machine running coloring sheets and word sorts for the next week.  He opened up his phone and clicked on the text app.

**CAS** : I need to go Christmas shopping. I would like some company.  Would you be free sometime soon?

Dean nodded to himself.  Yes, shopping was good.  It was getting trickier and trickier as Emma got older.  The first few Christmases and birthdays he had just brought her with him.  She didn’t know the difference and it was much more convenient.  Last year was the first time he had to sneak out to shop.  He had been thinking about how to get the last few things he needed and this seemed like a good opportunity.

**DEAN** : Yes!  I need to finish up myself.  When were you thinking?  I need to get some things for Emma, so my timing will have to be careful.

**CAS: I await your command.**

Dean smirked as he pulled the copies out and put them into piles to paperclip.

**DEAN** : How about I meet you @ 8pm at the mall tomorrow?  Will see if someone can watch Emma.

**CAS** : I’ll be there.

Dean pocketed his phone, gathered the copies and made his way back to the classroom.  If there was a little spring in his step, no one commented on it.

***

Dean kept the normal afternoon and evening routine with Emma the next night.  Bobby was coming to watch her, but the plan was for Dean to sneak out after bedtime.  He was going to put Emma down a little earlier than normal just to make sure that she was asleep before he left.

“Daddy,” Emma began while lying in bed together reading her story.

“Yea peanut?” Dean asked looking down at her.  She snuggled in to scent his neck, sighing softly.

“Do I have an alpha daddy or mommy somewhere?”  Her innocent question stopped Dean, cold.  She continued before he could respond.  “Jake in my class doesn’t have an alpha mommy.  He said she’s in heaven with the angels.  Is that where my alpha mommy is?”  She looked up at Dean, an innocent, open expression on her face.  Her clear blue eyes were dry but there was a determination there too.  Dean took a deep breath, pulling in the familiar scents of home to help calm him before he answered.

“Pup, you have an alpha daddy and no, he’s not in heaven.  He’s just not able to be here with us.”  Dean smiled sadly as Emma’s face fell.

“Ok, daddy.  I love you.”  She snuggled back into his side.  Dean lay there for a few moments stunned until Emma nudged him.

“Can we finish the story?”

“Oh, of course, sorry,” he muttered.  He mentally shook himself and continued reading.  Dean finished tucking Emma in trying to keep his scent as calm as possible. 

After he shut the door he leaned his head against her it and took a few deep breaths.

“You ok?”  Dean is startled by Bobby’s voice from the bottom of the stairs.  He pushed away from the door and slowly walked down to meet him.

“Well, that depends.  Am I ok that Emma asked about her alpha dad just now? No.  Am I ok that I’m about to go spend time with Cas again and I can’t get wrapped around this whole friends thing? No.  Am I willing to stop seeing him now that he’s back? No again.  So, no, not really ok here.”  Dean laced his fingers together on the back of his neck and looked up at the ceiling.

“Son, listen,” Bobby said putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder.  Dean looked over at him.  “Whatever you decide to do or not do about Cas is your choice and no one will judge you for whatever you decide.  That includes telling him everything or telling him nothing and anything in between.  But I have to tell you, Dean.  What you’re doing now is not working.  I can smell how much it’s affecting you.  Hell, he sent you into a heat just by being near you for ten minutes.  I know you think that being with him in any way is better than being without him, but I’m not so sure that’s the best thing for you and your pup.”

“I know Bobby,” Dean sighed.  “I know.  I just don’t know what to do.”

“Do you think that you’re going to tell him about Emma?”

“I think so, eventually.  I’m still trying to figure out how we do this friends thing.  I don’t want to add one more thing to it.  I don’t think that Cas would take her away from me now, but I don’t know how he’s going to react.  I just need a little more time.”  Bobby nodded and patted him on the back.

“Well, go on then.  Get your shopping done and see how Cas reacts to shopping for pups.”  Bobby patted him on the back and went to settle in front of the TV. Dean put his boots on and gathered his things, spraying himself heavily with his blockers before heading out.  He quietly shut the door behind him and made his way to his Baby. 

As he drove through the cold December night, Bobby’s words echoed in his mind.  Maybe Dean would see if Cas would help him with the toys and clothes.  See how he reacted to it all.

Dean could see Cas waiting at the entrance to the mall when he pulled up.  It was still busy, even at this time of night.  Dean wasn’t the only parent sneaking out of their house at eight o’clock. 

He jogged across the lot to Cas, holding up a hand in greeting as he got closer.  Cas was bundled up in his trench coat, hair wild in the cold breeze.  He smiled at Dean as he approached.

“Hello Dean.”  Dean smiled back.  Something settled in him just by being near Cas.  Just by hearing his voice.  Dean pushed aside the worry about that and opened the door, letting Cas precede him inside.  They were greeted by a warm wall of air and they both breathed a sigh of relief as they walked further into the large entry.

“So, Cas, what do you need to get tonight?” Dean asked as they walked down the short hall connecting to the center of the building.  Cas turned his head to Dean as he replied.

“I need to get something for Gabe and my parents.  There is another gift, too, but I’m not sure what to get.”

“Well, you have a hundred stores to choose from,” Dean chuckled.

Cas smiled, nodding.  “What do you need, Dean?  You said something about Emma?”

Dean’s breath stuttered at Cas saying Emma’s name.  “Yea,” he began trying to breath in enough oxygen to his brain.  All that did was pull in Cas’ smell.  He wasn’t wearing blockers tonight and he smelled delicious.  It took all of Dean’s concentration not to embarrass himself by planting his nose right in the crook of Cas’ neck and scent him.  Dean realized that he had not completely replied and Cas was looking at him in concern.  Dean felt his stomach sour, the pining sickness coming to the forefront.

“Dean?  Are you ok?”  Cas had stopped beside him.  He reached out a hand as if to touch Dean’s arm but pulled it back.  Dean took a deep breath and tried to get himself under control.  When will this not be so hard?  He nodded at Cas and smiled, indicating they should continue walking.

“I need to get her toys and a few necessities for clothes.  Are you up for Toys R Us?”  Dean tried to put a little excitement in his voice.  He wasn’t sure if it was convincing or not, but Cas went with it anyway.

“I can’t say that I’ve been in a toy store for many years, but I will help you if I can.”

Dean smiled a genuine smile and guided him to one of the big stores attached to the end of the mall.  As they crossed into the toy store, Dean glanced at Cas.  He chuckled at the look of shock that was clearly written on his face.  Dean grabbed a cart and began to move through the store to the doll section.

Cas trailed behind him.  Dean could hear him muttering but couldn’t make out the words.  He stopped when he arrived at the Barbie section.  Emma loved her Barbies. 

Dean had done a lot of research prior to Thanksgiving.  Even though he refused to go shopping on Thanksgiving on principal, he did take advantage of the online sales.  There was already a nice pile of presents sitting in Bobby’s panic room waiting to be wrapped.  One of the reasons Bobby was at Dean’s house tonight was so that they could just transfer the presents that needed to go to Bobby’s into his car before he left.

“Dean.”  Dean turned to look at Cas who looked completely lost.  Dean burst out laughing, some of the tension abating.

“Come on, Cas.  I’ll show you how to shop for pups.”

Dean guided Cas through all the Barbie selections and told him what he had already gotten Emma.  She was going to be so excited about the Barbie camper.  Dean just wanted to get her a few other dolls that had come out recently.  These dolls were different sizes, skin colors, occupations, etc.  He wanted to broaden Emma’s options for diversity while playing.

Dean was holding two Barbies, trying to decide which one to get when Cas plucked them both from his hands and put them in the cart.

“Hey, Cas, I can only get one of those,” he told him.  Cas only nodded and went back to looking at the shelf.  “Cas?”

“It’s ok, Dean.  You will get one and I will get one.  Then she will have both.  Now, what else does she want?  A puppy pool?  Why on Earth would that be a good idea?”  He was squinting at the toy on the shelf like it was purposely there to offend him.

“They are plastic, Cas.  No wet dog smell.  But she’s not getting that,” he hurried on to say as Cas’ expression cleared.  Cas looked up at him. 

“What else can I get her?” he asked.  Dean was pleased that Cas would like to get something for Emma and he could feel himself warming into happy omega.  “What?” he asks Dean when he was silent too long. 

“Nothing,” Dean said.  “I’m…It makes me happy that you’re interested in my pup,” he said quietly, not looking at Cas.  He felt Cas gently take his arm and turn him so they were facing each other.

“She’s important to you, Dean.  She’s important to me for that reason, but also because she is adorable in her own right and I feel as though I want to spoil her.”  Cas shrugged and smiled.  Dean smiled back.  “So, what else?”

They spend the next forty minutes in the store debating about toys.  When they get to a new section Cas asks more and more questions.  Dean finds himself talking about Emma more than he normally does.  Maybe Dean was a little slow to realize that shopping for the pup would probably make her a topic of conversation.  He found he was happy to share with Cas though. 

As they finished purchasing their items and Dean was pulling his bags from the cart Cas spoke again.

“Dean, why do we never do anything with Emma?  Do you not- do you not want me to see her?”  Cas’ scent was neutral but Dean knew he was trying to control it.

Dean’s head shot up so fast he thought he might have pulled something.  “What? No!  Cas, no, why would you think that?”  _Yea, yes, that’s exactly right._

Cas shrugged, looking away from Dean.  “It’s just that I understand that it’s hard for you to find someone to watch her and you want to be with her as much as possible, but you always meet me by yourself.  It makes me feel like you don’t want me around her.”

Dean was taken aback by Cas’ statement.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want him around her, it was that he had a very big secret and he was worried that things would go south as soon as they spent any time together.  After tonight Dean was pretty sure he was going to tell Cas about Emma, he just wasn’t sure how or when.

“I’m sorry, Cas.  I’m not intentionally hiding her from you.”  _Yes you are, idiot.  You’re a terrible person Dean._   “I do enjoy spending time with just you, though.  Listen, how about you come over for dinner this weekend and we can all hang out at our house?” 

_Shit, shit, shit!  What have you done, Dean?  You idiot._  

Dean’s brain was finally catching up to his mouth.  This was bad.  This was _bad_ , bad, but Cas lit up like someone had flipped a switch on him.  His smile was wide and happy.  His scent lightened and the fresh smell of a summer day increased.  Dean wanted to roll over and bare himself for this man. 

“I’d like that very much, Dean.  Thank you.”  Dean nodded mutely and they made their way back to the Impala to drop off the toys.

“So, where to now?” Dean asked as they headed back inside, finally regaining some of his balance.  He would panic about this later.

“I think that I’ll go to the joke shop for Gabe.  I have no idea what he would want.”

Dean smiled slyly.  “Oh, I have an idea,” he said guiding Cas down one of the side hallways. 

“Dean, this is perfect,” Cas told him standing in front of the store.  “I didn’t know something like this existed.”  Dean grinned as he followed Cas into the candy store.

They spend a few minutes browsing around, just taking in all the store had to offer before Cas decided on a few things to get.  Dean was intrigued by the different jelly bean flavors.  They had one that tasted like cherry pie.

“Are you ready to go?” Cas’ voice startled him away from the candy display.  He smiled and nodded.

“You get what you need?” he asked.

“Very much so.  Gabe will be impossible after he eats all this, but I think it will be worth it.”  The happy smile on his face was contagious and Dean found himself smiling back.

They hit a few more stores before calling it a night.  Cas walked Dean to his car and helped him load up the other bags he had.  Cas shut the lid on the trunk and turned to Dean.  Dean could see the lights shining in Cas’ eyes, making them bright.

“Thank you for coming with me tonight.  And for your idea for Gabe.”  Cas was standing close, his hands buried in his coat for warmth.

Dean smiled.  “Take a video of him after he eats all that, will you?  That will be all the payment I need.”  Cas chuckled and nodded. 

They continued to stand in the parking lot in the dark staring at each other.  The wind was whipping around them and the night was cold.  Dean could see Cas’ breath in the chilly air and knew they should get in their cars, but he couldn’t bring himself to move.

“I had a nice time tonight,” Dean murmured, still looking at Cas.  Though the wind was whipping their clothes and hair around Dean caught the faint scent of clean rain deepening with warm summer sun.  He blinked, thinking he was imagining the scent.  Cas’ scent always smelled more summer sun when he was happy, but that was how Cas had smelled when he and Dean were alone.  When they were in love and happy.

Before Dean could react Cas has stepped close and brushed his knuckles across Dean’s cheek.  It was just a light brush, but Dean felt like Cas had burned him.  Cas was so close and Dean could feel his breath catch.

“I had a nice time too, Dean.  I’ll talk to you soon.”  And with that he withdrew his hand and turned to walk towards his car.  Dean stood there until Cas reached his car, never looking back.  Dean numbly took the few steps he needed to get into his Baby and started her on autopilot.  Dean tried to steady his breathing, but it took until he was all the way home for him to calm down.  His mind was racing.

_What was that?  Cas’ scent.  Did I imagine that?  Surely not if he was that close.  Why did he touch me like that?  God, it felt so good.  What does this mean?_

Dean’s mind turned these questions over and over while he drove home.  He tried to calm himself as he transferred some of the bags over to Bobby’s beater but he knew he didn’t do a good job.  His stomach felt like it was doing flip flops and his hands were slightly shaking. 

“What’s gotten into you, boy?” Bobby greeted when he entered the house.  “Thought you were just shopping?”

Dean toed off his boots and hung up his coat before settling in the chair opposite Bobby on the couch.  Dean leaned his elbows on his knees and folded his hands together.  He looked right at Bobby.

“Would I be crazy to think that Cas might want something with me besides friendship?”

Bobby’s eyebrows rose almost to his forehead in shock.  He blew out his breath and adjusted his ball cap on his head before he answered.

“I don’t know Dean.  I haven’t really seen him all that much, and have seen you two together even less.  Why?  What happened?”

Dean sat back and ran a hand over his face.  “I don’t know.  It could be nothing.  Just…when we said good-bye…he smelled like my Cas.  Like he used to when it was just us together.”  Bobby made a face and Dean rolled his eyes.  “Not like that, old man.  I just mean that he smelled like he was in love with me.  I thought I was imagining it at first but then he…he touched my cheek.”  Dean was blushing, aware that he sounded like a teenage girl.

“Alright, Princess, no need to be embarrassed,” Bobby teased him.  Dean huffed a laugh.  Bobby’s face sobered before he continued.  “Dean.  You need to talk to Cas.  If you think he might want something more then you need to tell him about Emma.  If he finds out you lied to him over this, he could take Emma and split.  He has every right by law and you’re just getting to know Cas as he is now.”

“I know, Bobby.  But there is something there.  I don’t know, maybe it’s wishful thinking on my part.” Dean paused and took a breath.  “He’s coming here for dinner on Friday.  He’s going to spend time with me and Emma both.”  Dean looked uncertainly at his surrogate father.

“If you’re lookin’ for me to tell you what to do, you got another thing coming you idjit,” Bobby told him.  He pushed himself off of the couch and patted him on the shoulder as he made his way to the door.  “I will tell you that you should start with yourself.  Figure out what you want and go from there.”  Bobby paused with his hand on the door, turning to Dean.  “And you and Cas need to figure it out before that little girl gets attached to him and it all goes to hell.”

Dean knew Bobby was right.  “Thanks, Bobby.  Thanks for listening and for taking her tonight.”  Bobby nodded and let himself out.

Dean followed him to the door and locked it behind him before heading into the kitchen to see what needed to be done.  He smiled when he realized that Bobby had cleaned up.  He had even done the few hand wash only dishes Dean had left and taken the trash out.

As Dean cut out the lights on his way through the house, he was so thankful that he had this family of his.  Sammy and Emma were his by blood, but everyone else was by choice and he loved them all.

Bobby said to figure out what he wanted from Cas.  Dean already knew that if he had a say, it was Cas as his mate.  But Dean was still uncertain.  Cas was so much better than him.  He deserved a mate that was his equal.  One that wouldn’t embarrass him during his work parties and could talk about politics and the stock market with his friends.  Dean was certain to eat too much and talk too loudly during those times. 

And as far as Cas knew, Dean was a horrible person who had cheated on him.  True, that could be easily rectified, but then it opened the conversation about Emma.  Dean had spent so long protecting her from Cas’ family and taking care of her on his own that he was uncertain about sharing the information, even with Cas. Especially with Cas.  What if Dean had misread the whole thing?  What if this was all something Cas made up because he suspected or even knew for sure that Emma was his?  Was his plan to take her away once Cas knew for sure that she was his?

Dean shook his head at himself in his bathroom mirror.  He was getting carried away worrying.  This was Cas.  Cas, who wanted their relationship to work, who wanted to stay in Kansas and be close to Dean instead of going across the country.  Cas had never lied to Dean.  If Dean was being honest, he was the asshole in the relationship.

Dean stuck his toothbrush in his mouth a little too vigorously and began to brush his teeth. 

_What do I want?_   He asked himself in the mirror.  _I want Cas.  I want him to be my mate and to be Emma’s father._  

If Cas didn’t want Dean and only wanted Emma, then Dean would accept that, too.  Emma’s question about her alpha bounced around in his head as he dried his mouth and changed his clothes.  Now that Cas was back and he was going to stay in Lawrence, Dean knew that he couldn’t keep Cas away from his pup. 

He knew that he had done what he thought was best when he found out he was pregnant, but now, those reasons weren’t the same.  Time was also not on his side. 

Bobby’s warning about lying to Cas as their relationship progressed was loud in his head too.  He knew the old man was right.  If Cas started to spend more time with Emma he was going to begin to smell her.  Her scent was already changing and she was growing into childhood quickly.  It wouldn’t be long before Cas would be able to tell, if he couldn’t already.

_Ok.  I’ll talk to him this week.  Definitely by Friday_ , Dean decided as he checked on Emma.  Regardless of his own feelings for Cas, his low feelings of self-worth and his general fear for the unknown, he knew that his precious girl deserved to have her alpha in her life.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning friends! Thank you all for your sweet and funny comments the last few days. The wait is finally over and THIS is the chapter you have been waiting for! Enjoy!

Dean meant to talk to Cas all week, he really did.  But it turns out that Dean Winchester was a chicken. 

On Monday Cas texted him.

**CAS** : Dean, did you know that the bee colonies in Kansas are dying? 

**DEAN** : Did not, Cas.  Should we do something ;)

**CAS** :  Yes, I have purchased three hives.

**DEAN** : …You bought bees?

**CAS** : Yes.  They are very important to the ecosystem, Dean.

**DEAN** :  Ok.  Where exactly are you going to put them?

**CAS** : The gardens at my family’s home.  There is plenty of space.

**DEAN** : Ok then.  You enjoy your bees, Cas.

 

Cas texted him on Tuesday.

**CAS** : Dean, the toys I bought Emma keep making noise.  How do you stand it?

**DEAN** : LOL.  See if they have an off button.  If not, unscrew the back plate and remove the batteries.

**CAS** :  I had no idea.

Dean had an opening to talk about Emma, but he suddenly couldn’t do it.  How was he going to text Cas this news?  ‘Oh, hey, thanks for the toys.  You know you bought them for your own pup, right?’  Somehow Dean just couldn’t see that happening

 

Dean texted Cas on Wednesday.

**DEAN** : The children are insane.  I think I might have to rethink the glitter project for tomorrow.

**CAS** : I would rethink glitter period.

**DEAN** :  Good point.

 

Cas texted Dean on Thursday.

**CAS** : Picture attached.

**DEAN** : Why are you sending me a picture of your lunch?

**CAS** : I was under the impression it was the “cool” thing to do.

**DEAN** :  Yea, man.  Absolutely.  You keep on.

**CAS** : Are we still on for dinner tomorrow night?  I was thinking of leaving work a little early so that I can be there when you would like and do not interrupt Emma’s routine.

Dean almost melted into a puddle when he read the last text from Cas on Thursday.  He was making dinner while Emma colored at the kitchen table. 

“Daddy, you smell happy.  Do you like my drawing?”  Emma was holding up a picture of what Dean thought was of the two of them.   Dean walked over to her to get a better look.

“Emma that is the best picture of us ever!  Thank you!  When you’re finished, can we put it on the fridge?”  Emma beamed up at him and nodded.  Dean smiled back at her and returned to the stove to stir the sauce in the pan.  He heard his phone vibrate on the counter again but wasn’t able to get to it.  He drained the pasta and put together the meal for him and Emma.

They ate together, sharing about their day and when Emma put her plate and cup in the sink before running off to watch TV Dean sighed.  He was happy.  He could be happier if Cas was with him, but he would have to see.  He had lived for years without him.  He could continue to do it for Emma, even if it meant that it would be more painful co-parenting but not being together.  Dean knew what he wanted and he was going to put the ball in Cas’ court.

It wasn’t until then that he realized he never texted Cas back.  He grabbed his phone off the counter and was puzzled to see three new notifications from Cas.

**CAS** : Dean?

**CAS** : I apologize if I overstepped.  

**CAS** : I understand if you would like to rescind your invitation.

Shit!  Cas thought he had somehow upset Dean with his question.  Dean scrolled up a bit to see Cas’ text.  He smiled again.  Cas was trying to make his first real meeting with Emma easier on her.  He didn’t want to disrupt her routine.  How could he think Dean would be mad about that?

**DEAN** : Cas, man, calm down.  I just had to get dinner on the table.  I’m not upset with you.  If you are leaving work early, can you be here at 5?  We can hang for a bit before dinner and you and Emma can play some.

**CAS** : Yes, Dean.  I would like that very much.  Thank you.

**DEAN** : See you tomorrow, then.

**CAS** :  Good night, Dean.

***

 “Hot date tonight?”

Dean practically jumped out of his skin and turned to see Becky smirking at him.  He swallowed.

“Um, not exactly. Is that your go to question now?”

Becky frowned as she began to stack the chairs in the classroom.  “Not exactly? What does that mean?” she replied ignoring his question.

Dean paused putting the art supplies away.  “It means that it’s not exactly a date.”  Becky just looked at him, waiting.  He turned to face her, glancing at the door to make sure Emma wasn’t walking in.  “Cas is coming over to dinner tonight.”

“Cas?  As in, Mr. Alpha mate, Emma’s dad, Cas?”  Dean nodded.  “Shut. Up.  Dean Winchester, why didn’t you tell me?”

He sighed and ran a hand over the back of his neck.  “I don’t know.  I’m just nervous and I don’t even have a plan for tonight.  I…I just don’t know.  I have to tell him that Emma is his, but I’m terrified to do it.  I want to tell him how sorry I am about leaving him and not telling him about Emma.  I thought I was doing the right thing, but I don’t know that I did.  I mean, I just took his choice away, right?  How am I going to tell him that?  How is he ever going to forgive me?” He looked up at Becky, nearly in tears.  “What if he takes her?”

“Oh, Dean.”  Becky quickly walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder.  “Do you really think that he will?  I don’t think you think that, otherwise you’d be doing everything you could to keep them apart.”  She raised her eyebrows in a silent question.

“I don’t think so, no.  But what if he’s angry and he does it just to spite me?”

“Do you think he’s the kind of alpha that would uproot a baby from everything she knows just because he’s mad?”

Dean stopped short.  While he really and truly didn’t think that Cas would take Emma, he hadn’t thought about it quite like that.  The answer was absolutely not.  He breathed out and shook his head.

“I didn’t think so.” She smirked.  “Dean, you’re amazing and hot and the father of his child.  I’m pretty sure you have everything going for you, mistakes aside.”  Becky patted him on the shoulder before going back to the chairs.  “I’ll want details on Monday!” she said in a sing song voice just as Emma and her teacher arrived at the door.

***

“Hey, Emma.”

“Yes, Daddy?” Emma was swinging their hands together as they walked to the car.

“We are having a special guest tonight for dinner, ok?”

Emma’s eyes lit up in excitement.  “Is it Uncle Sammy?” she asked.  Dean snorted.  He loved that Emma called her uncle “Sammy.”  Everyone else, Dean included, who called him that got a bitch face.  But when Emma did it, it was the sweetest thing ever.

“It’s not Uncle Sammy, Peanut,” he told her as he opened the door.  She climbed inside and he buckled her in.

“Who is it then?” she asked as she helped Dean slide the latches together on her straps.

“It’s a friend of mine.  His name is Cas.  Remember, we met him at the fall festival?  He was with his brother, Gabe?”

“The man with the candy!” Emma cried.  Dean laughed.

“That was Gabe.  The other man was Cas.  He’s coming to dinner tonight.”

“Ok!” Emma kicked her feet as Dean climbed out of the back seat and into the front.

_OK_ , Dean thought.  _Here we go_.

***

When they arrived home, Emma and Dean went through their routine, putting things away, washing their hands and having snack.  The familiar, predictable schedule settled Dean’s nerves a little bit and he was able to chat with her about their day as well as other plans for the weekend.

Around 4:15 Dean sent Emma in to play in the living room and pulled out the meat and spices for the burgers he was going to make.  He had gotten fresh buns at the grocery store the day before and only had to cut up the veggies for the burgers. He had five pounds of potatoes ready to wash to make fries and he turned on the oven to preheat.  He worked quickly, trying to make sure to time it so that the potatoes went into the oven right around 4:45 and the burgers were ready to cook, sitting on a plate in the fridge.

Dean took a sip of his water grimacing.  It was times like these that he wished he could have a drink, but he would never pick up a bottle again.  The scare with Emma was enough to make him put it away, but the added worry that he would turn into his father kept it there.

The doorbell rang right at five o’clock.  Emma jumped up and ran to the door, hopping from one foot to the next in her excitement.

Dean smoothed a hand down her head as he passed her and checked the peephole.  Cas was standing on the opposite side holding something in his hands.  Dean unlocked the door with a smile on his face.  His smile was mirrored in Cas as he saw Dean.  When he looked down to Emma his smile widened even further.

“Hello Dean.  Hello Emma.”

“Heya Cas.  Come in,” Dean greeted pulling the door open wider.  Cas stepped through the door and paused to look around.  Dean could see his nostrils flare, taking in the scents of his home.

“It looks different,” he commented.  “I like it this way.”

“Thanks.  Can I take your shoes and coat?  We have a shoe free house.  It keeps it a little more clean.”  Dean suddenly felt embarrassed about his habits, but Cas just nodded and toed off his shoes on the mat next to the door.

“I brought dessert.  I hope that you didn’t have anything planned.  I just wanted to bring something to say thank you for having me.”  Cas held out the bag in his hands and Dean took it from him, opening it to peek inside.  He grinned when he saw it.

“Aw, thanks Cas.  That wasn’t necessary, but I appreciate the thought.”  Dean could feel a blush rising in his neck as he looked shyly up at Cas through his lashes.  Dean could smell Cas as his scent turned richer with hot summer sun.  He could also smell his fresh apple scent responding with pleasure, mixing into Cas’.  Dean was caught off guard for a moment.  The smell was so familiar.  He didn’t think he would ever smell it again.

“What is it Daddy?  Let me see!”  Emma was tugging on Dean’s arm to try and get a look at what was in the bag.

Dean leaned down and let her see inside.  “It’s a pie, Emma.  Cas knows how much I like pie, so he brought us some for dessert.  Wasn’t that thoughtful?”

“Oh, yes, very thoughtful.  Thank you Mr. Cas.”  Emma smiled sweetly up at him as she clung to Dean’s leg.  _Well, at least I’m not the only one who likes him,_ Dean thought.

“You are both very welcome,” Cas responded scent still radiating happy alpha.  “Is there somewhere you would like me to hang my coat?” he asked, slipping off the khaki trench coat.  Dean nodded to the rack behind the door and Cas turned to hang it up.  Dean got a flash of something low in his gut at the sight of all of their coats hanging up together.  He turned quickly and jerked his head indicating for them to go further into the living room.

“Come and relax, Cas.  Dinner is going and will be just a few more minutes.  I’ve got everything ready.”  Dean turned and walked back to the kitchen as quickly as he could without looking like he was running away.  He could hear Emma’s chatter as they made their way more slowly into the main room. 

Dean checked the fries and slid the pie onto the bottom rack to warm a bit.  He pulled out the plate of burgers and began to prepare them on the stove.  Cas came in a minute later.

“Can I help with anything, Dean?” he asked.  Dean smiled over his shoulder.  Cas was amazing.  It was going to kill Dean if he was getting his hopes up only to be dashed.  Something must have shown on his face or in his scent because Cas was suddenly beside him, a hand on the small of his back.  “Is everything alright?”

Dean relaxed, feeling the heat of Cas’ hand through his t-shirt.  He nodded, focused on the burgers.  Cas was so close.  Touching Dean, comforting him, making sure he was ok.

“I’m good, Cas.  Thank you.”  He smiled, tipping his face so he could look at Cas.  “Things are under control here, if you want to wash up and grab the salad from the fridge?”

Cas returned his smile and nodded.  His hand lingered on Dean’ back for another minute before he moved away to the sink.  He washed his hands then moved to the refrigerator to pull out the bowl of salad that Dean had prepared.  Dean heard him chuckle as the door closed.

He turned again so that he could see Cas.  He lifted an eyebrow.  “What’s so funny?”

Cas shook his head putting the bowl on the table.  “I just can’t get over how much you eat like your brother now.  Does Sam rub it in much?  Dean Winchester eating rabbit food?  I can’t imagine that he lets the opportunity pass often.”

“Ha, ha,” Dean said rolling his eyes and turning back to the stove.  “But yea, Sammy does rib me about it constantly.  But I know he’s teasing.  The big moose made sure of it after the first time he teased me and made me cry.”

“He made you cry?!”  Cas was shocked.  Dean chuckled, pulling plates from the cabinet remembering that night. 

“Yea, it’s ok now, but it wasn’t so funny then.  I –“ Dean stopped, unsure how to proceed.  Was this the opening he needed to tell Cas about Emma?  Dean was a chicken, and although he knew he needed to tell Cas, and wanted to tell him tonight, he just didn’t know how to do it.

“Dean?” Cas asked softly.  He was closer than before.  “You don’t have to tell me if it’s painful.”  Cas’ eyes were full of concern.  Dean’s scent must have caught his attention.   He really needed to reign it in.  Dean had purposely not worn blockers tonight.  He wanted to be able to let Cas smell him so that he knew for sure what Dean was feeling- no matter what that feeling was.

“Ah, no,” Dean said swallowing.  “It was just when I was pregnant with Emma.  It was hard for me to carry her and I needed to eat well.  Sam was still really young and he had been so great already.  He was really supportive, but brotherly teasing won out one day and he took it a little far.  He just caught me on an emotional day.  Jo was there and she ‘had a word’ with him.  I think she scared the shit out of him, to be honest.”

“I’m sorry you had a difficult time, Dean.  Was…was the alpha not with you?”  Cas was hesitant and almost afraid as he asked the question.  Dean looked into his eyes but they were neutral, as was his smell.

Dean’s lips thinned into a line before he answered.  “That’s a story for another time.  Right now, dinner’s ready.”

Cas inclined his head in acknowledgement and Dean was glad that he wasn’t going to push. 

“Em!” he called.  “Dinner is ready!”  He heard his little girl scramble to her feet and quickly come to the kitchen.  Cas chuckled.

“Are you hungry, Emma?” he asked as Dean grabbed her and put her in the booster seat.

“Daddy’s burgers!” she replied as if it was obvious why she was excited.  Dean put a bowl of salad in front of her with dressing on the side.  Emma picked up her fork and used it and her fingers to begin happily eating. 

“Dean, you are a great father,” Cas said softly to him as he helped with the burger plates. 

Dean blushed and smiled.  “Thanks Cas.  She’s an easy kid, so I got lucky.”

“I think she’s pretty lucky too,” he responded as he took a plate from Dean.  They locked eyes and stared for a minute.  Dean was trying to figure out it Cas was as sincere as he hoped he was being.  Dean was trying to make it clear to Cas that he liked having him here and wanted it more.

“Daddy!  Burger please!” Emma called, breaking the spell.

“Coming right up, pup!” he said with a wink.  She giggled at his rhyme and continued eating her salad.

When everyone was seated, Dean made Cas take a bite first.  He groaned at the taste.  They were even better than he remembered.  Dean’s burgers had been something Cas missed far more than he should have.

Dean watched him, pleased to be able to provide something for the alpha that he clearly liked.  Dean took a breath and reminded himself that Cas was not his alpha and he had no right to think of him that way.

They were soon distracted with talk of school and Cas’ business. Emma was happy to tell Cas all about her new school and her classmates as well as her Barbies.

“Do you want to see my Barbies?” she asked.  Cas was caught off guard, but nodded quickly.

“When we are all done, Em, ok?” Dean reminded her.  Emma nodded and shoved the last bite of burger in her mouth.  She smiled around the food and Cas burst into laughter.  Dean narrowed his eyes at her then Cas in turn.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” he said sobering up and wiping his mouth with his napkin.  “That move was pure Winchester though.  She’s definitely your daughter.”  Cas smiled at him.

Dean sighed a heavy put upon sigh.  “I guess she is.”

“I’m done, can we go now?”  Emma was bouncing in her seat.  Both men were finished as well, so Dean nodded, making a move to get up.

“Allow me,” Cas said rising first.  Dean nodded and rose with Cas.  Cas went around the table to where Emma sat and Dean handed him a wipe.  Cas wiped her hands and face while Dean piled the dishes up to take over to the sink.  He heard Cas unbuckle the latch on the seat and saw him pick Emma up.  “Barbies?” Cas asked.

“Yea!” Emma cried.  Dean smiled as he watched them walk into the living room.  He turned away to put the final dishes in the sink before heading in to ask about dessert.  When he turned around the corner, his heart stopped.

Cas was standing in the middle of the living room holding Emma tightly with his eyes closed.  His nose was buried in her hair and he was breathing deeply.  He was scenting her.  Emma’s fist was bunched in the fabric of his dress shirt and her nose was firmly planted in his neck.  She was scenting him. 

Cas lifted his face to Dean and a sliver of fear made its way through him.  His eyes were open and they were ringed in alpha red.  Dean cautiously inhaled and he could smell Cas strongly.  His scent was saturated with _protect_ , _mine_ , _hope_ , _confusion_ and _anger_.  Dean stayed very still and lowered his eyes.

“Dean.”  Cas’ voice was like a whip cracking, alpha tone strong enough to make Dean whimper and bare his neck.  Dean was trying to keep calm but fear was bleeding into his scent.  He closed his eyes and waited, hardly breathing.  It felt like eternity before he heard Cas speak again.

“Dean,” Cas’ voice was gentle this time.  Dean could hear him moving closer to him.  A hand on his chin brought his eyes up to look into Cas’.  They were clear blue again.  Cas had his alpha in control.  Dean swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Please, Cas.  Please don’t take her from me.”  He could feel the tears building in his eyes and the desperation he was feeling rising in his scent.  He was searching the alpha for signs indicating how this was going to go.  Dean could still smell so many things in Cas' scent, he wasn’t sure what to think. 

“Dean.”  This time Cas said his name with shock.  “I- You- Dean.”  Cas paused looking deeply into Dean’s eyes.  Dean could feel himself shaking.  Cas’ grip on his chin was gentle but he slid his hand back to Dean’s neck as he spoke again.  “I would never take her from you, Dean.”  Cas squeezed the back of Dean’s neck and Dean felt the tension leave his body as is unconsciously submitted to the alpha.  He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them Cas was still standing close, one hand lightly resting on the back of his neck and the other holding Emma firmly to him.  She still had her neck buried in Cas’ neck and her fists were tightly gripping his shirt, but she was looking at Dean with wide eyes.

“It’s ok, Emma.  Daddy is ok, just worried for a minute.”  He gave Emma a false smile and tried to calm his scent down. 

“Dean, let’s sit together on the couch, ok?  I think you need to be close to her, but I can’t seem to let her go right now, so let’s sit together.”  Cas’ face was open and Dean knew he was pumping out alpha pheromones to reassure both him and Emma.  Dean nodded silently and they made their way to the couch.  The men sat down with Emma still on Cas’ lap, but Dean was able to touch her and he leaned in to scent her neck.  When he pulled back, Cas put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him to his side.  Dean and Emma were facing each other and it felt so natural for Dean to just lay his head down on Cas’ shoulder, that it happened without conscious thought. Dean could feel Cas relax as soon as his head landed.  They sat there for a few minutes, all together, scenting each other and calming down.  After a while, Cas spoke.

“Emma, would you like to bring some Barbies and play on the couch while Daddy and I have a minute to talk?”  Dean and Emma both lifted their heads to look at Cas.  Dean saw Emma nod out of the corner of his eye and Cas slid her down to the floor. Dean watched as Emma grabbed a few Barbies and brought them back to the couch.  Instead of climbing back up, she sat on the floor in between Cas’ feet, content to play there.  Cas lovingly ran a hand over her blond hair as he asked,

“Were you going to tell me?”  He looked at Dean for an answer.

Dean looked at Cas, searching for signs of his mood, inhaling to test his scent.  He inhaled once more and quietly responded.  “Yea, Cas.  I wanted to tell you so many times.  I almost told you before dinner.  I was going to try and tell you tonight.”  Dean could feel himself deflate.  The busy day and the emotional rollercoaster were beginning to wear on him and he was tired.

“Dean, I-“ Cas paused and took a breath.  “I don’t understand what is going on.  Why didn’t you tell me when you found out you had pupped?  Did you…know?  Before I left?”  He turned his eyes away from Emma and looked at Dean full on asking the last question, uncertainty in his voice.  Dean could easily read the confusion and turmoil in Cas’ eyes, he didn’t have to check his scent.  Guilt weighed Dean down but he held Cas’ eyes.

“No, Cas.  I didn’t find out until it was almost Halloween.”

Cas’ eyebrows drew down and his mouth frowned.  “Halloween?  Dean, that’s months!  What happened?  Why didn’t you know?”

Dean could feel himself blush and he rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously looking down.  Cas waited.  “Uh, the pining sickness was covering it.”  There was silence.  Dean glanced up to see the shock on Cas’ face.

“Pining sickness that covered a pregnancy for a Were?”  Cas wouldn’t be the first one to be shocked and confused.  Pining sickness that severe was usually what happened to mates that had died.  It could cause multiple problems for the living mate if not treated properly.

“Well, turns out the pining sickness was pretty bad, but little pup here wasn’t making it easy on her Daddy either.  It was a pretty bad time, Cas.”  Dean gave him a sad smile, remembering how horrible it had been and regretting that it was, now, causing Cas pain to hear.

“Oh, God, Dean.  Your scent.  Dean,” Cas looked at him and shook his head as sorrow filled his scent.  Dean unconsciously moved closer to him and put his hand on Cas’ leg.

“Hey, Cas, it’s ok.  I’m ok.”

Cas gave Dean an incredulous look and chuckled mirthlessly.  “No you’re not, Dean.”

“What?  I’m fine.  I don’t need an alpha to take care of me, Cas.  I’m a good enough parent for Emma alone.”  Dean growled, temper flaring.  Cas covered Dean’s hand where it still lay on his thigh.

“No, Dean, that’s not what I meant.  I meant that you’re not fine because the pining sickness is still with you.  God, I’m such an idiot.  Dean, when I saw you the first time, I could smell it.  I could smell it almost every time we were together and it only got stronger when Emma was around or when we were talking about relationships or mates.”  He looked earnestly into Dean’s eyes as he said the next part.  “When I first came back, those first few times that I saw you, I thought you had found your mate when you got to college and they had died.  Dean, I thought you had found someone that you wanted when you went to school.  I thought you had a mate that died.”

Dean drew back, shocked.  “What?”

“It was there Dean, and I thought that…it seemed to make sense.  Then you told me that you had gone through the pregnancy alone and I thought my heart was going to burst for you.  I thought, still, that you had found someone else to love and they had rejected you and pup.  And you still didn’t want me.  But then your scent started to lose the sickness smell and I thought that maybe there was a chance that you were ready for someone else.” 

“What?”  Dean asked again. He was trying to process this.  Apparently he hadn’t been as smooth as he thought about his scent, blockers or not, and Cas thought he would just throw away their…everything.

“I don’t even know where to start.  I-“ Dean cut off and blinked a few times shaking his head.  “I was afraid that you thought I had cheated on you and gotten pregnant and that’s why I pulled away.  Why would you think it was something that you had done?”

Cas squeezed his hand where they were still joined.  “Dean, I’ve loved you almost all of my life.”  Dean’s breath caught at those words.  Before he could speak, Cas continued.  “You’re so strong and independent.  I didn’t ever think that you would want to settle down and have a mate and children.  You never talked about it and any mention that I might make was always so casually brushed aside. 

“When I told you that I was going to see about Harvard you just agreed, like it was no big deal.  And when I told you about the internship, you were upset, but you didn’t ask me not to go.  I know that you loved me.  I don’t doubt that for a minute.  I know that it was hard when I left, but you never gave me any indication that you wanted me to stay. 

“When you stopped calling I just decided to let you set the pace.  All of a sudden it had been several weeks and I had had no contact with you.  I didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t think you wanted me.  I was pining too.”  Cas paused and took a deep breath.  Dean knew he wasn’t done speaking and even if he was Dean couldn’t respond yet.  “It was bad for me too, Dean.”  He looked back up into his eyes.  Dean could detect embarrassment and longing in his scent.  “Maybe one day I’ll tell you all the details, but know that I didn’t call because I, too, was very sick.”

“Cas,” Dean breathed.  “We are idiots.  I was scared and didn’t know what to do either. I have never loved anyone else.  Ever.”

“Then why?  What did I do wrong?”  Dean physically recoiled at Cas’ words. 

“What did you do wrong?  Cas, you did nothing wrong.  It was all me.  I knew that I wasn’t good enough for you.  You were going to be a big company man, a CEO, and I would be stuck here, taking care of Sam.  I was the guy who learned how to make mac and cheese seventeen ways to add variety in our diet.  I was working to support me and Sam when I was fourteen.  Cas, I was not ever good enough for you.  I wouldn’t be able to stand next to you and be the omega that you needed when you did smart ritzy business things, or even have dinner with your family.  I would only hold you back.  You had big things ahead, Cas.  I wasn’t sure I was even going to be able to graduate college.” Dean gave a short laugh.  “And that was true.”

“Dean, it doesn’t define you, you know.  You are perfect for me.  In every single way.  I never stopped thinking of you.  My friends tried to set me up, but it never went anywhere.  No one smelled like you.  No one smelled like home to me.”

Before Dean could respond, Emma gave a large yawn.  Dean realized that Cas’ hand was still covering his on Cas’ knee.  He looked at the clock and saw that it was passed seven.  Cas followed Dean’s eyes and then looked back to him.

“May I help you put Emma to bed?”

“Yes!  Daddy, yes please!  Can Mr. Cas read me a story?”  Emma turned, her Barbies forgotten on the rug.

Dean looked between the two and his breath caught again.  He blinked back tears as the resemblance between the two was startling.  He laughed, relief and joy in the sound.

“Yes, yes to you both.  Let’s head upstairs.”

They made their way upstairs after putting the Barbies in their box on the toy shelf.  Emma ran up the stairs using her hands and feet and dashed into her room.  Cas and Dean followed more slowly.

“No bath tonight, Em.  It’s late already, ok?” Dean called from the hallway. 

“Ok, Daddy!”  Dean moved into her room, but Cas lingered outside of the door.

“Cas?” Dean called.

“I’m here, Dean.  Is it…is it appropriate for me to be in there now?”

Dean chuckled.  “Yea, Cas, she’s dressed.  We’re headed to brush her teeth.”  Dean and Emma appeared as he spoke.  Emma was wearing a nightgown that looked more like a princess gown. 

“Do you like my nightgown, Mr. Cas?” Emma asked, pulling the fabric out to show him the skirt.

“Oh, yes, Emma.  You look like a proper princess.”  He smiled at her and she scooted closer to him, leaning into his leg.  Cas put his hand down on her head and just absorbed the feeling of his pup.

Dean watched them for a moment, but then herded Emma along.  “Ok, Emma, teeth time!”

Dean helped Emma up onto the stool in the bathroom and gently helped her brush her teeth.  She rinsed her mouth and patted it dry before hopping down and heading back to her room.  She went straight to her shelf and pulled down her book.  She handed it to Cas and climbed into bed, gathering her blanket and lovey to her as she settled in for her story.

Cas took a breath and moved to sit on the end of her bed.  He glanced up and Dean was leaning on the door frame watching them.  Cas opened the book and began to read in his deep, rich voice.

Emma was asleep before he finished the book.  He looked to Dean when he realized she was asleep.  Dean smiled and stepped forward taking the book from Cas.  He put it back on the shelf then gently leaned over to kiss is pup on the forehead.

“Good night Peanut,” he whispered to her. He stood up and back away to let Cas in.  Cas glanced uncertainly over at Dean, but Dean just nodded in Emma’s direction.  Cas leaned over and brushed his lips over her forehead.

“Good night Emma.  I love you already.”

Dean shut off the light as Cas stood up and together they made their way out of the room.  Dean shut the door carefully behind them and they walked downstairs in silence.

“So, do you want some pie?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was what you were hoping for! I know that some of you were sure that Cas would be more upset, but not this time! In real life if Dean had kept Emma from him I'm sure there would be some more serious issues, but I think I made them suffer enough already, right?


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad you enjoyed yesterday's chapter! Here is the rest of the night.

Dean wasn’t sure what to expect now.  Just because he and Cas had talked a little bit didn’t mean anything.  Dean had kept a huge secret and had excluded Cas from Emma’s life for a long time.

Cas’ smile was warm when he nodded.  “I’d like some pie.”

He followed Dean into the kitchen and helped to finish clearing the table before the sat down to enjoy their treat.

This time it was Dean moaning over the food.  Cas smirked as he watched Dean eat.  He was happy that his surprise had gone over well.  There had been a lot of good surprises tonight.

“Dean, can I ask you something?”

Dean paused, fork half way to his mouth.  He put it down before responding.  “Go for it.”

Cas frowned, reading Dean’s sudden anxiety.

“Why did you think I would take Emma away?  That was your first reaction.  I could smell the fear on you.  That’s what made me get control.  I’m sorry that I scared you.  I was shocked.”  Dean could see the regret on Cas’ face.

“It’s ok, Cas.  I didn’t expect you to find out about it like that.  I didn’t know what you would do.  I didn’t tell you because I don’t know you now.  I do know your brothers and all of them, Gabe excluded, I think, would have had no problems taking her from my arms and walking out the door.  It terrified me.  The first day I saw you, I was so scared, yet so happy to see you.”

“Dean, do you really think that I’m like my brothers?”  Cas was serious as he asked Dean.  They had both forgotten about their dessert.

“I know now that you aren’t.  I knew it a while ago, but I didn’t know how to bring it up.  You have to understand that all I knew was that you spent the last four years in New England with people who are just like your family.  I knew that the Cas I kissed goodbye in August four years ago would never take her from me, but I didn’t know the Cas who returned. When you suggested that we spend some time with Emma I knew I would have to tell you.  But even before that, I wanted to.  I just didn’t know how. Say, ‘hey Cas, want to grab dinner? By the way, can Emma come, since you’re her alpha father?’  Yea, I don’t think so.  Although,” Dean continued, “this wasn’t much better.”  He grimaced and looked down at his cold pie.

“Dean,” Cas spoke softly.  Cas tentatively reached for his hand on the table.  Dean turned his hand palm up and Cas slid his overtop, linking their fingers together.  “I missed you so much.  I missed you every day.  I thought about calling you, or texting you- or Sam- so many, many times.  I could have come back to Lawrence several times, but I didn’t because I wasn’t sure what I would do if you rejected me.  So, I stayed away and threw myself into my education.” 

Dean squeezed Cas’ hand.  “I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, but I hated every minute of it.  There were several times I was ready to ask Bobby or Sam to go with me to find you.  But each time I kept thinking about what a baby would do to your life.  We weren’t ready at that point.  Clearly judging by the way I handled it, I was too young.  But,” Dean continued seeing Cas open his mouth to say something, “I don’t regret Emma.  I don’t regret the love that she came from. I’m sorry I hurt you, Cas.”  Dean looked up into Cas’ steady gaze.  He could feel the tears prickling the back of his eyes and he tried to swallow.  “I kept your child from you for all this time, Cas.  How can you even stand to be here with me now?” Dean’s face crumpled.  “A relationship with her doesn’t have to mean one with me, you know,” he continued softly, eyes downcast. 

He could feel the deep twisting vines of hatred and self-loathing sneaking their way into his stomach.  He heard his father’s voice in his head.

  _What is the matter with you?  You can’t do anything right.  What alpha is going to want an omega who can’t do anything?  Every time I think you can’t disappoint me further, you prove me wrong!  This is why omegas shouldn’t have rights.  They can’t make simple decisions and act on them.  How can they hold high paying jobs and government offices?  Right Dean?  You’re not smart enough to do those things.  You’re just a-_

“-hear me?  Can you hear me, Dean? Breathe, just breathe in and out.  One, two, three, four.  In and out.  That’s good.  Are you with me?”  Dean was pulled out of his panic by Cas’ rich, even voice.

Dean was looking down into Cas’ face.  As Dean slowly came back to himself he realized that Cas was crouched on the floor in front of him.  Cas had both of his hands, using his thumb to rub circles across the backs of each.  Dean blinked and took another deep breath.  He could smell Cas’ calm scent, the smell of the summer day, right after a hard rain.  Dean pulled it in like a lifeline.

“I’m ok, Cas.  Thanks.”  He managed a weak smile.  Cas nodded and stood up.  Not letting go of Dean’s hands.

“Let’s go in the living room and talk some more.”  Dean silently followed Cas into the next room, Cas leading by their joined hands.  Cas gently guided Dean on the couch and slid the ottoman over so that he could sit in front of Dean. 

Once they were comfortable, Cas began speaking.  “Dean, I want to be very clear with you.  I feel like we have been dancing around each other for months now and I don’t want there to be any confusion about my intentions with you.  I took this job hoping that I’d find you again.  When Michael said that he wanted a change, I jumped at the idea of coming back, even if there was a chance you would reject me.  My mother assumes it’s because I’m homesick, and in a way, she was right.” Dean looked up and Cas was smiling gently down at him.  “I want to take you on a date,” Cas continued plainly.

Dean raised his eyebrows.  “What.”

“A date.  I want to take you on a proper date.  Where we both understand that it is a date and not going out as friends.”

“Oh.”  Dean felt like he was on one of those amusement park rides that jerk you around so you never know which way you’re going to go next.  Cas, his Cas, love of his life Cas, wants to take him out on a date.  “Yes.”  Dean wanted to be clear with Cas too.  If Cas was going to forgive him and give him a second chance there is no way he was going to fuck it up again because he wanted this badly.

Cas smiled, pleased that Dean so willingly agreed.  “I tried to make some of the outings more date like to see if you would be interested but I did not think that you wanted me that way.”

Dean chuckled, shaking his head.

“What?  Did I embarrass myself at some point and not know it?” Cas asked, one eyebrow raised. 

“No,” Dean said, smile lingering on his face.  “I was just remembering the dinner and movie.  It felt like a date and I wanted it to be a date so badly, but I though you just wanted a friend.  I didn’t pay attention to the movie at all because I was too busy trying to keep calm because your arm was touching mine.  I felt like I was in high school.”

Cas chuckled and leaned forward.  Dean stilled, but didn’t move away.  There was intent in Cas’ face.  Cas moved in and put both hands gently on his cheeks, cupping his jaw.

“So you’ll go on a date with me?”

“God, yes Cas.  Yea,” Dean replies grabbing onto Cas’ wrist with one hand.

“May I kiss you now?” Cas smoothly shifted his weight onto his knees, bringing him eye level with Dean.  Dean can only nod and then Cas was moving in slowly, pressing his lips against Dean’s making him whimper with relief.

Cas’ lips were the same.  They were soft and plush, yet a bit dry, almost chapped.  The pressure of his lips against Dean’s was incredible.  Dean felt his emotions bubbling up to the surface.  He was relieved and joyful.  He felt like he was coming home.  His scent burst with happy omega and he could smell Cas’ scent deepen into satisfaction.

When Cas shifted again and slanted his lips across Dean’s, Dean opened for him and Cas slipped his tongue inside.  Dean could only sigh and lean into it as Cas guided his mouth where he wanted it.  Dean was completely happy to give up control to Cas, just feeling how right it was for Cas to be kissing him.

All of a sudden something in Dean’s breath hitched and he began to purr.  Cas was startled back, pulling away from Dean, hands still cupping his face.  Deans stared with wide eyes, the purring abruptly cutting off.

Dean wasn’t sure what to do. Purring is for _mates_.  Omegas only purr when they felt safe and secure with their _mate_.  When they felt loved and love in return.  It was something intimate.  Even when they were dating in high school, Dean only purred a few times and those times were both when Cas was acting all Alpha and taking care of Dean.

“Stop panicking, Dean.” Cas said, his eyes shining with happiness.  “I can see you overthinking this already.  Stop.  This is…I can’t tell you…Dean, I have longed to hear that sound from you.  To hear that you trust me and you feel safe with me.”

“Kiss me again,” Dean said, pulling him in.  Cas leaned in again and Dean sighed in relief.  He was afraid he was never going to have this again. He never stopped loving Cas.  He needed him.  Emma needed him.  Dean wanted them to be a family. 

He could feel the rumble begin in his chest before his breath hitched this time.  Dean let go and threw everything into kissing Cas.  His purr was loud and steady and Cas pushed him back into the cushions, practically sitting on Dean’s lap.  Cas broke the kiss and moved to place scorching, chaste kisses along his jaw line and to his ear. 

“I never stopped loving you, Dean,” Cas whisperd as he kissed Dean’s skin.  “Even now, you smell like home.  You are mine, Dean, and I am yours.  Please tell me you feel the same.”

“Cas,” Dean panted.  He could feel the heat building in his gut and the happiness in his heart.  He knew Cas could tell what he was feeling between the purring and his scent but he also understood that Cas needed to hear the words from him.  “I love you too.”  His purr is lower now, but still steady.  “I have always been yours Cas.  Always.  I just didn’t think there was a way.”  Dean tilted his neck up to receive more kisses as Cas made his way around Dean’s jaw to the other side.

“Let me make my own choices, Dean.  I love you and I want you.”  Cas pauses and pulled back.  “May I scent you?”

“Fuck yea,” Dean replied smiling.  He tilted his neck up again, exposing the joint between his neck and shoulder where the scent glands are located.  Cas moved in and buried his face in the space Dean made for him.  He sighed deeply, one hand grasping Dean’s bicep and the other still cupping Dean’s cheek.  Dean’s mirrored Cas’, happier than he had been since Cas told him he was leaving.

Cas tilted his neck, an invitation for Dean to move in and scent him too.  Dean readily complied and drug in deep breaths of the alpha’s scent.  He had smelled Cas a lot over the last four months, but this, this was better than he remembered.  Cas’ scent was the same rain and sunshine smell, but more mature.  Deeper than it was.  It was delicious and Dean unconsciously reached out and licked over the scent gland. 

He froze, realizing he just scent marked Cas.  Dean wasn’t sure if he just exposed himself to something Cas wasn’t ready for and braced himself for being pushed away.  Dean was wrong, though, and Cas immediately leaned further in, starting at the base of his shoulder and licked a wide strip all the way up to his jaw.  Dean elongated his neck so Cas would have all the access he needed and smiled.  Cas had always been a bit possessive.  It was nice to be wanted.

Cas brought his lips to Deans again in a chaste but lingering kiss before he leaned back and resumed his seat on the ottoman. Not far, but not touching.  Dean began to feel uncertainty crowding in his mind and the soft rumble of his purr tapered off. 

“I got sidetracked.  I wanted to make sure you know the full extent of my feelings and intentions, Dean, and I cannot do that while I’m touching you.”  Cas smiled sheepishly and Dean blushed.  “We can move this at your pace, but Dean my full intent, now that I know your feelings, is to court you and mate you.  This is what I should have done before and I’m so sorry for leaving you.  I’m sorry for not coming after you and to think that you had Emma, alone, all this time I just feel so guilty.  I could have been here.  I should have been here, Dean.  I love you and I want to be together as a family.”  Cas looked steadily into Dean’s eyes as he said the words.  Dean knew he meant them with everything he had.

Dean was shocked.  Courting?  Cas can’t really be considering mating him, right?  Dean looked at Cas, sitting so close and really looked at him.  Dean’s eyes took in everything about him, gauging his intent.  Cas was sitting up straight and tall, asserting his alpha but not dominating.  His hands were resting on this thighs, open.  Dean searched his face.  Steady blue eyes met his when Dean’s traveled up.  Dean took in the honest expression. 

Even now, so many years later, Dean could read Cas easily.  Cas was sincere, but there was still a lingering doubt in him.  Dean could see it in the stiff way he held himself, the way his eyes were slightly pinched at the corners.  Cas was serious, but cautious.  He wanted this as badly as Dean did. 

_Let me make my own choices_ , Cas had said. 

“Yea, Cas, I want that too,” Dean told him.  He was tired of fighting this.  He thought he was doing the right thing at the end of high school, and maybe he did then, but this is the right thing to do now.

The smile that lit Cas’ face was pure joy.  Cas’ scent spiked and he lunged at Dean, pushing him back against the couch again in a passionate kiss.  Cas kissed him deeply, and Dean felt everything in him let loose.  It was like the strings that had been holding him up for all this time had finally been cut. 

And Cas was there to catch him.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter! This is a short part from Cas' POV that really isn't long enough to be it's own chapter, but I didn't want to put it with either chapter around it. Enjoy!

Cas sat in his car staring at Dean’s house.  He couldn’t believe the night he just had.  When Dean had asked him to dinner Cas wasn’t sure what to expect.  He was excited but nervous. He was unsure of what Dean wanted and hoped that he could get a bit more information about the direction of their relationship over dinner.

He laughed joyfully at the thought.  He got a lot of information out of this dinner, for sure.

He put the car in reverse and backed out of Dean’s driveway smoothly.  He drove home on autopilot still thinking about the evening.  Emma had been playing with her toys when he arrived.  She was friendly and happy to see him, which made his alpha happy to know that Dean’s pup felt comfortable with him.

He chuckled remembering her shoving the rest of her dinner in her mouth and the guilty look on Dean’s face, the silent acknowledgement of his own horrible table manners.  Cas had genuinely wanted to help clean her up and spend some time with her.  He hadn’t expected…well.

_Cas picked up Emma carefully.  He had some experience with pups as he had nieces and nephews, but not a lot.  As they headed out of the kitchen a soft scent caught his nose.  He also realized that Emma was gripping his shirt tightly._

_Cas looked at her, wondering if she was worried about being separated from Dean with Cas still being a stranger.  He tilted his face to her to check on her and looked right into her wide eyes.  Her very unique, very blue eyes._

_She was panting, open mouthed, nostrils flaring.  Something stirred inside of Cas, something protective that he was unfamiliar with.  Cas took a breath to ask her if she was ok when he smelled it.  It was faint but there._

_“Emma…” Cas whispered.  He leaned in to scent her hair and there it was.  She smelled like warmed apple pie.  It was a perfect combination of his sunshine and Dean’s apple._

_This pup was his.  Emma was his pup._

_Emma whimpered slightly and shoved her nose into his neck, scenting him, identifying him as her alpha.  She gripped him harder and Cas felt his alpha surface._

_Mine, he thought.  She’s mine.  So many emotions crashed through him at once.  He was overjoyed that this beautiful pup was his, that he and Dean had a tangible piece of their love.  He was confused as to why Dean had hid her from him.  He was heartbroken to know that not only had Dean hid her but he had chosen for Cas.  He had missed the first years of her life.  And knowing how hard those years were for them Cas didn’t understand.  He was angry at Dean for keeping her from him but he was also angry at himself for not being the alpha he should have been not to let Dean go._

_But a pup.  He and Dean had a pup.  And…Dean was pining.  He had tried to keep it from Cas with the blockers but he was still able to sense it and he could smell it when they had been together and Dean hadn’t been on blockers._

_So much made sense now.  Maybe there was a chance for them still…_

_Cas’ alpha was running circles, growling, yipping, whining, responding to all the emotions Cas was feeling._

_Cas smelled Dean a moment later and he opened his eyes, not sure when he had closed them.  He could tell they were alpha red and he was having trouble controlling his emotions._

_He said Dean’s name in his alpha voice.  He watched Dean flinch and bare his neck whimpering.  Cas could smell that he was afraid.  Cas had never used his alpha voice like that with Dean._

_Dean was afraid of him.  Afraid he was going to take Emma._

_It snapped him out of his turmoil and he firmly gripped his alpha and calmed them both down.  When he said Dean’s name again it was soft and gentle.  It was the way he always wanted to say Dean’s name._

Cas was pulled back to the present when he realized he was at home.  He quickly made his way through the house and to his room without seeing anyone.  The last thing he wanted right now was to talk to his mother.

As he passed Gabe’s old room he had the urge to call his brother.  He had pulled his phone out and started dialing before he stopped.  He was suddenly unsure if that was the best idea.  He knew that out of everyone his brother and his father would be happy for him, but he didn’t want to let them know yet. 

He knew that the rest of his family would be less than supportive of his decision to mate Dean and he wasn’t willing to take the risk that they would scare him off, especially after what Dean had told him earlier about his insecurities.  He nodded to himself and threw his phone on the dresser in his room.  He would wait to tell anyone. 

For now he would be happy with them and deal with his family later.  He fell asleep with a smile on his face for the first time in a long time.  He was hopeful for the future.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year people! Thank you all for the comments! I'm sorry I'm not able to reply to you individually right now (I have 3 kids 10 and under, you're lucky this got written in the first place ;)! I read them and think about your suggestions and questions and your happiness makes me happy too!
> 
> This is just a little fluff. Kinda got stuck on writing the dates so they aren't super detailed, sorry!

Dean was washing up the breakfast dishes the next day when his phone rang.   He had been smiling all morning and couldn’t stop.  He dried his hands and picked up the phone.

“What’s up, bitch?”

“What’s up jerk,” a female voice said.  Dean froze, silent.  There was a pause, then peels of laughter came through the line.  “Good morning, Dean,” Jess said, still chuckling.

“Uh, good morning, Jess.”  Dean could feel the back of his neck warm.  Damn, Sammy had done this on purpose.  “Sam put you up to this?”

Jess laughed again.  “I thought it would be fun, too,” she told him.  “I just wanted to confirm lunch.  Sam and I were going to head over in about an hour if that works.”

Dean had forgotten all about lunch with Sam.  “Yea, that sounds great.  We’ll see you guys soon!”  Dean tried to put enthusiasm in his voice, but he was panicking a bit.

“OK, see you then!” Jess hung up.  Dean set the phone down and looked into the living room where Emma was snuggled up on the couch.  He and Cas had spent most of the night on the couch scenting, kissing, just being together after so long.  Cas had left after midnight and Dean was tired.  He really wanted to go in and snuggle up with Emma, letting the combined scents of him and Cas envelope him. 

The same lingering scents Emma had smelled as soon as she came downstairs.  She raced for the couch with her lovey and flopped on it, inhaling deeply.  She had pulled the blanket down and had not moved.  She was currently watching TV while Dean cleaned up.  Dean could hear her sigh happily every once in a while.  _I feel ya, pup_ , Dean thought.

Dean turned away and finished loading the dishwasher.  He wiped the counters and straightened the kitchen.  As he worked his mind turned over the events of the night before and a grin spread across his face again.  Cas was his.  Cas wanted to court him.  Cas had come back for him.  Cas was not taking Emma, but he had embraced the fact that he had her and wasn’t angry at Dean.  Dean still had his doubts about the last one.  There was no way that Cas wasn’t at least a little upset that he missed out on those first years.  But…maybe there would be another chance.

Dean shook his head and crossed into the living room to Emma.  _One thing at a time, Winchester_ , he told himself.  He flopped on the sofa next to Emma.  She put her feet close to him, still engrossed in the TV, and he patted them.  He let his head fall back on the couch and he could smell him and Cas.  Their blended scents smelled like home and safety and comfort.

Which brought him back to the pressing matter of lunch.  “So Em, Uncle Sammy and Jess are coming for lunch.  We’re going to have to get dressed soon, ok?”

This got Emma’s attention and she turned to him with and excited grin.  “Yes!” she cried.  Dean smiled and nodded.  She hadn’t said anything about Cas this morning.  Dean wasn’t sure what to bring up.  Maybe he’d just leave it.  They were going to see Cas again tonight.

Dean sighed.  He really didn’t want to shower and wash off Cas’ scent.  He had enjoyed last night so much.  He was still in shock of all that had come together.  He didn’t think that dinner last night would result in all that it had.

“Daddy, you smell happy again,” Emma told him.  Dean had zoned out, thinking about Cas and he lifted his head to find the credits on Emma’s cartoon rolling and his pup looking at him with a smile.

“I am happy Emma,” he told her.  This was the second time in just a few days that she had told him he smelled happy.  Guilt suddenly enveloped him.  Had he been that unhappy that his pup felt she needed to remark when he _did_ smell happy? 

“Em,” he said sitting up and reaching for her.  She climbed into his lap willingly.  He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead, cuddling her close.  “I am happy.  If I smell happier right now, it’s because Mr. Cas is here.  I was happy before.  I was happy with you and Sammy and Grandpa and everyone.  I’m just happier now that he’s here too.”

“Me too,” she told him.  “He’s my daddy too.”

“Yea, he is pup.”

“Did you know that already?” she asked, looking up at him.  Dean suppressed his laugh, but smiled at her.

“I did, Em.  I did.”  She nodded, satisfied and let her head fall down on his shoulder, turning her nose to his neck to scent him.  Dean held her close for a moment, just enjoying relaxing with her.

***

Dean was in the kitchen when Jess and Sam came in.  He was pulling out sandwich ingredients while Emma played in the living room.

“Dean, we’re here!” he heard Sam call.  He could hear Jess’ voice in greeting and Emma’s squeals of delight.  Dean put the cheese on the counter and went around the corner to greet his brother and Jess.

“Hey guys,” Dean said as he entered the room.  Sam was in front of the couch, nostrils flared and eyebrows raise.  Jess was on the floor with Emma and her toys but she had turned to look at him when he entered.

“Hey, Dean,” Sam greeted walking closer to him and away from the girls.  “Can I help in the kitchen?” he asked all but pushing Dean back into the kitchen.

“Geez, Sammy, what’s gotten into you?”

“Was Cas here last night?” he demanded as soon as they were in the kitchen.  Dean could feel the goofy grin on his face as he looked at his brother.  His smile dimmed a bit at the frown on Sam’s face.

“He was,” Dean replied carefully.

Sam nodded, but the frown remained.  “And…?”

Dean sighed happily and rubbed the back of his neck.  “It was great, Sam.  He knows about Emma.”  Dean looked back up to Sam.  Sam was regarding him with a smaller frown than before.  Dean smiled, feeling a laugh bubble up.  He felt giddy.  “He’s not going to take her away.  In fact,” Dean paused, still not quite believing it himself, “he wants to court me, Sam.”  Dean looked up at his brother’s face.  There was a bit of shock, but a wide smile slowly spread across his face.  He sighed and pulled Dean in for a hug.  Dean returned the hug, turning to scent his brother, the smell of happy alpha, and approval and a bit of relief helping Dean to feel that this was more real.  When they broke away, they were both still smiling.

“So,” Sam said leaning back against the counter.  “What now?”

“Well, he’s coming over again tonight.  We talked a lot last night.  I’ll need a babysitter for Sunday night because he wants to take me on a date.” Dean huffed a laugh.  “It sounds ridiculous, but Cas is adamant that I know he’s serious.  If it weren’t for Emma I would have begged him to claim me last night.”  Dean flushed at Sam’s incredulous face, not meaning to reveal so much.

“Wow, Dean.  Just like that?  Like nothing has happened?”

“I’m not going to fuck it up again, Sammy.  I thought I was doing the right thing before, but I’m not sure.  Cas asked me to let him make his own decisions, so I’m going to trust him.  I can’t do anything else.  The only way Cas is going to leave is if he does the leaving.  And even then I’ll put up a hell of a fight.”  Dean looked down at the floor, hands in his pockets.  His voice was quieter when he continued.  “It would kill me this time, Sam.  I know it.  I’ve been pining for four years, nothing is going to change.”

“Ok,” was Sam’s soft reply.  Dean looked up at his brother, hands still in his pockets, unsure.  “Ok, De.  I’m happy for you both.  I love you and I know that Cas loved you.  I want you to be happy.  And I want Emma to know her father, too.”  Sam reached out and gripped his shoulder.  Dean smiled, relief in his scent.

Dean knew that Sam would be on board, but he was happy that Sam didn’t go all alpha protective on him.  Dean thought he was going to have to work a lot harder to get Sam to this place.

“Thanks, Sammy.”

“You’re welcome, jerk,” was Sam’s snarky reply.  Dean shook his head and moved back to the refrigerator to finish getting supplies.

***

Lunch was a happy affair.  Emma was excited to tell Sam and Jess that Cas was actually her alpha dad and was a little put out to realize that they already knew.  Sam and Jess left when it was time for Emma’s nap.  She went down easily after the excitement of lunch with her uncle and almost aunt.

Dean finished cleaning up the kitchen, folded the laundry and swept and mopped the downstairs.  He’d run the vacuum after Emma was up.  She would sleep through the noise while she was upstairs, but Dean was always paranoid that he wouldn’t hear her and she’d hurt herself somehow, so he waited.  He sorted through some mail on the counter and threw out the junk.  He changed the sheets on his bed and switched over the laundry.  He was tempted to bake something for Cas, but stopped himself.

He took a deep breath and sat on the couch.  He needed to rest too, but he was feeling antsy.  He continued to replay last night’s events over in his mind.  He sighed happily and began to think about what they would do tomorrow night. Maybe dinner and a movie?  Maybe they’d get coffee and hear some music?  Maybe a show?  There wasn’t much to do in Lawrence.  Was Cas planning on taking him somewhere else?

Dean was caught up in fantasizing about his date and before he knew it Emma was calling for him from upstairs.  He raced up to get her and they spent the rest of the day finishing chores and running a few errands.  Dean was trying to keep himself busy so that the time would go by faster, but it still seemed to drag.  He looked at the clock as he put the vacuum cleaner away and it seemed to not be moving at all.

He huffed out a breath when he shut the door and moved into the kitchen.  He began to prep food for the week to try and keep his mind off of the evening.

 

That evening looked a lot like the night before, only Dean didn’t cook. Cas insisted they order pizza to be able to spend some actual time together as a family.  They played Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders and Dean watched Cas and Emma get to know each other.

“This is a very frustrating game for so much to rely on luck,” Cas remarked after he lost his second round of Chutes and Ladders.  Dean couldn’t hide his smile as he shook his head at the alpha.

“It’s ok, Mr. Cas,” Emma said from next to him.  “You can just practice with me more!  We can play lots and lots until you’re really good like me and daddy.”  She smiled up at him and Dean watched as a smile spread across Cas’ face and happiness radiated from him.  He softened and reached out a hand to brush her hair out of her face.

“Thank you, Emma.  I would like that very much.”

***

Sunday night Cas picked Dean up right at seven.  He rang the doorbell and everything.  Dean was giddy.  He couldn’t believe that he was going on a date with Cas.

Of course, it seemed utterly ridiculous to him that he was this excited considering they had spent the last two nights making out on the couch and Dean had a fresh bruise on his neck below his collar.  He was pretty confident that Cas was his.

“Daddy you look nice!” Emma exclaimed when he came down the stairs. 

“Wow, you do clean up good,” Jess added from next to her.

“Thanks ladies, I tried.”  Dean glanced in the mirror on the wall to make sure his hair was ok and then opened the door.

Cas was standing there in a nice suit with a bouquet of flowers for Dean.  “Hello Dean,” he greeted handing Dean the flowers.

Dean smiled and took them from him.  “Hey Cas.  Thank you,” he replied moving into the house and letting Cas in.

“Cas!” Emma cried and launched herself at him.  She clung to his knees and he grabbed her under her arms and lifted her onto his hip.  She buried her nose in his neck and scented him.  She and Cas snuggled for a minute before he pulled away and smiled at her.

“Hello Emma.  Are you going to have fun tonight?  Who is staying with you?”

Emma turned in Cas’ arms and gestured to Jess who was rising from the couch.  “This is Jess.  She’s Uncle Sammy’s girlfriend.”

Cass nodded and extended his hand in greeting.  “It’s nice to meet you, Jess,” he told her.

“Nice to meet you too, Cas.  I’ve heard a lot about you.  Sam speaks very highly of you.”  Jess was smiling at the two of them.

“Well, thank you.  And thank you for babysitting tonight.  I know that it’s hard while you’re in school and I appreciate being able to take Dean out.”

Jess nodded.  “It’s no problem.  Sam will be here in a bit when he’s done with class.  We’ll stuff the munchkin with candy and let her stay up too late so Dean can deal in the morning,” she continued winking at Cas.

“No you will not!” Dean exclaimed from beside her.  She chuckled and shook her head.

“No we won’t.  Now, don’t worry.  We’ve got this.  You guys go have fun.  Come here Emma,” she said reaching for the preschooler.  Emma gave Cas a kiss on the cheek and went willingly to Jess.

“Ok, Em, I’ll see you in the morning.  Cas and I will be out pretty late, but I’ll give you a kiss like always when I get home.”  He leaned in and gave her a smack on her cheek before scenting her and pulling away.  “Love you Peanut.”

“Love you too Daddy,” she told him.

“Have a good time!” Jess said waving them out.

Once the door was shut Cas pulled Dean to him and pressed his lips to his.  It was a wonderful feeling to have Cas’ lips on his.  It quickly became heated and before he knew it Cas had him backed up against the front door with his body pressed against his from lips to toes, hands in his hair and tongue sweeping inside of his mouth.

Dean moaned into the kiss and gripped Cas’ hips, pulling him closer as he hung on.  Lights sweeping the road startled them apart and Dean was glad that it was the neighbors and not Sammy who would never let him live it down.  Making out with Cas on the front porch, not even at the end of the date but the beginning!  Dean really did feel like a teenager again.

Cas smiled sheepishly at him and backed away a step.  He ran his hand down over Dean’s arm and laced his hand through his before gently pulling him in for a chaste kiss.

“Are you ready?” he asked.  “You look amazing tonight,” Cas continued as they made their way down the front steps.

“Thanks Cas, so do you.”  Dean was wearing the only suit he owned, a black pin stripe with a purple shirt and matching tie.  He had put some effort into his appearance tonight knowing that Cas was taking him out and that Cas wanted to take him some place fancy.  Dean wanted to look good enough for Cas and was a bit nervous about where they were going.

Cas was wearing a grey suit with a red button up and tie.  His hair looked like he had tried to do something with it but it was perpetually messy.  Dean was ok with that.  Cas was hot when he looked messy and Dean’s mind suddenly took a turn into the gutter.  He pulled himself back before he could get into trouble and focused on what Cas was saying.

He helped Dean into the waiting car and went around to the driver’s side to get in.  “I thought we would go to Medici’s,” Cas told him.  Dean smiled.  Cas knew him so well.

Medici’s was an upscale, local restaurant that was located downtown.  It was modern and popular but it was a place Dean would feel comfortable.  It was definitely a place Dean would go for a special occasion.

“That sounds wonderful, Cas.  Thank you,” Dean told him reaching for his hand again.  It felt so natural, even after all this time.

They chatted about Emma while they drove across town, and once they were in and seated Cas took Dean’s hand again.

“I love you, Dean,” Cas told him solemnly.  Dean blushed.

“I love you too, Cas,” he replied.  “A lot.  More than a lot.  And I’m so glad you came back.”

“Me too,” Cas told him.  Dean could see the truth in his eyes and in his scent.  He was happy. 

Dinner was wonderful and they passed the time quickly chatting about work and Christmas and catching up more about their years apart.  Several times Dean’s scent broadcasted his sadness and misery about those years, but Cas was quick to reassure him that it was the past and that they were there, together now.

They held hands constantly and Cas kept his foot pressed up against Dean’s under the table.  Dean was still nervous that he would somehow spook Cas and he would leave, but overall he was able to relax and enjoy himself.  He was more and more confident that Cas really was going to forgive him wholeheartedly and they were going to be together.

Once in the car again Dean began to get nervous.  He wanted to ask Cas to come in, but he wasn’t sure he was ready for the alpha to stay the night, or even come close to anything that might imply.

Dean was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he jumped when he felt a hand on his thigh.  He looked over to Cas, who was looking at him.  Dean realized they were in front of his house already.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked him gently, nostrils flaring in the confined space of the car.

“I want to invite you in but I don’t want to have sex yet,” Dean blurted out.  Cas’ eyes widened a fraction before he smiled at Dean.

“I’d love to come in Dean.  There are no expectations.  I told you we can move this at your pace and I meant it.  I’m happy to be with you in whatever way you want,” Cas told him gently stroking over the spot where the bite from the previous night was located.  Dean shivered and nodded. 

“Yea, sorry. Just…yea.”  Dean nodded once and opened the door.  Cas caught up to him and slipped his arms around his waist to walk with him up to the front door. 

Dean looked over at him and Cas placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before nuzzling his hair.  Dean sighed and leaned in to him letting his scent tell his alpha how happy he was.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this one! Those kudos and comments make me happy!

On Monday morning the secretary arrived at the classroom door with a big vase full of pink roses for Dean.  Mildred glided in and placed them on the desk furthest from the door, making sure that all the students could see what she was doing.  The chorus of “ooohs” and “aaahs” was adorable and when Mildred turned around to wink at Dean he blushed.

“Sugar, this isn’t nothing to be embarrassed about.  You got a nice bouquet of flowers over there waiting for you.  You gonna go see who they’re from?”

Dean crossed the classroom and plucked the card from the stem.  He was already smiling.  There was only one person in the world that would send Dean flowers.

 

_Dean,_

_I enjoyed last night very much.  I can’t wait to see you again._

_All my love, Cas_

Dean felt his blush deepen and his heart rate speed up.  The smile on his face became softer the longer he looked at the card.  Cas was such a sap, but Dean loved every second of it.  He looked back up to find everyone in the room waiting.

“Uh,” he began shyly.

“Mr. Winchester, who sent you the pretty flowers?” Jennie asked from next to him.

Dean smiled at her and tucked the card in his pocket.  “My alpha, Cas.” He told her.  He wasn’t obligated to share this with anyone, but he wanted to.  He was happy and he wanted to shout it from the rooftop.  He glanced over to Mildred when she chuckled.

“I’m glad you finally got someone working for your attention, Dean,” she told him.  She gave him a final smile and left.  He looked to Becky and she just shot him a thumbs up and a wink.

Yea, this was going to be amazing.  Dean didn’t know the last time someone bought him flowers.  It had been a while and Cas had now given him flowers two days in a row.  He shook his head and got back to work.  The novelty of the flowers was wearing off and his little people were getting anxious.

***

Dean texted Cas as soon as he could, which happened to be on his lunch break.  He wasn’t sure if Cas would be able to chat then, but he wanted to make sure that he knew Dean loved the flowers.

  **DEAN** : Thank u 4 the flowers.  They r pretty.

 **CAS** : I’m glad you liked them.  I hope they brightened your day.  What are you doing now?

Dean smiled down at his phone, absently taking a bite of his sandwich.

 **DEAN** : Wishing I was with u.

 **CAS** : I miss you too.

Dean chuckled.

 **DEAN:** I’m on my lunch break.  Kiddos be back in 5.

 **CAS** : I’m headed into a meeting.  Pray for me.

 **DEAN** : No way, man.  You chose this!  But I hope it goes well.

Dean paused, feeling a new blush creep up his cheeks and heat them before he typed out the next part.

 **DEAN** : Miss you.  When can I c u?

 **CAS** : Wednesday perhaps?  The meeting is starting, I have to go now.  I miss you too. <3

 **DEAN** : <3

***

The two texted back and forth all week.  It turned out that Cas wasn’t really free much this week.  He had two client dinners and a meeting that ran late.  Dean felt frustrated because he was feeling vulnerable.  He hated that.  He hated that his biology made him crave an alpha to protect him. 

Though he and Cas texted and talked on the phone frequently, Dean could smell his scent souring as the week wore on.  His stupid hindbrain was going into pining again.  He first noticed it on Wednesday when he flopped on the couch after Cas had called to tell him he wouldn’t be over after all.  A meeting had come up and Cas had called because he knew he would be dragged into it and it would go on late.  He had thrown the phone on the coffee table and flopped back into the couch cushions only to wrinkle his nose and sit up again.  He smelled the sour smell in the couch and turned to scent his shirt.  Pining again.

By the time Friday rolled around Dean was a mess.  His higher functioning brain was telling his stupid hindbrain to calm the fuck down already.  He smelled stronger with pining that he had before and Dean was frustrated.  In turn, that only made him smell worse.  His wolf was whining and pacing pathetically.

He had worn more and more blockers as the week had gone on.  He didn’t want people to smell him.

He tried to breathe deeply as he helped Emma unpack from school and get a snack.  They played outside and since it was Friday, Dean didn’t feel the urgency to get on the chores right away.  He could relax and kick a soccer ball around with Emma.  When they were tired and thirsty they headed in.  Dean was delighted to see that it was almost 5:30.  Cas would be there any minute.  Just as Dean was drying his and Emma’s hands off in the half bath downstairs, he could hear a knock on the door.

Dean looked down to Emma and saw his excitement mirrored in her face.  They raced to answer the door to a bemused Cas.  Dean held the door open wide, gesturing to Cas to come in, but the broad grin on Cas’ face slowly slid away, his nostrils flaring.  Before he could move Emma had launched herself at him with a squeal.  He dropped the bags he was carrying and caught her to swing her up, peppering her face with kisses.  He held her tightly and she clung to his neck, scenting him.  Cas took a few breaths and whispered into her ear as he ran a hand down her hair.  She giggled and he set her down.

He turned to Dean and advanced on him.  Cas reached out and gently cupped Dean’s face in his hands before carefully leaning in and kissing him.  It was a sweet and gentle kiss and Dean could already fell the warm tingles through his body, quieting his wolf and making him feel secure again.

“Dean,” Cas began lowly, not taking his hands off of his face, “Dean,” he murmured again.  Dean’s arms came around Cas and Dean found himself pulled into the Alpha’s arms as he nuzzled his neck.

“Heya Cas.” Dean could feel Cas shift and he tightened his grip on his back, scenting him deeply.  Dean could feel one hand move to his waist while the other wrapped securely around his back, keeping him pressed up against Cas’ chest.  Dean felt Emma’s arms come around his leg as she hugged him. He glanced down and his heart melted to see that Cas had pulled Emma in and had a hand resting on her head. 

Dean continued to breathe in Cas’ calming scent.  He knew Cas could smell how upset he had gotten.  His blockers were wearing off as the day went on and the exertion with Emma playing had only aided in his scent breaking through, besides the fact that the house was saturated with it.  Cas was pumping out the protective, loving alpha pheromones.  Dean sighed as his scent continued to calm.

When Dean felt Cas nudge his neck, Dean bared it for him to scent as well.  Dean was not expecting Cas to pull his shirt back and lick a thick stripe up his neck, right over his scent glands.  Dean shivered and calmed completely at the scent marking.  Cas was reassuring him that he was his alpha, and that he wanted Dean. 

Cas pulled away slightly and Dean’s face flushed as an involuntary whimper escaped his throat.  Cas pressed his lips to Dean’s and ran his hand down his arm to clasp their hands together.

“Let’s sit down, Dean,” Cas said pulling away again to look in his eyes.  Dean nodded and looked down to Emma.  Cas had her tiny hand in his and she was leaning on his leg now.  The last of the nerves and sickness faded from his scent and they made their way over to the couch. 

Emma released Cas’ hand and went to the toy box.  She pulled several dolls out and began to play with the stroller and highchair.

Cas tugged Dean down next to him, tucking his nose in his neck again, wrapping his arm around his back so Dean was snug against his side.  He rubbed his cheek over his head further marking him.  They were silent for a few minutes.  Dean knew that Cas was waiting for him to be ready to talk. 

Dean frowned.  This was not how he wanted to start their night.  He lifted his head and Cas turned to meet his eyes.  He was smiling faintly, but Dean could see the worry on his face.

“Sorry, Cas.  I don’t know exactly what happened.”  Dean dropped his eyes and Cas tightened his arm around him.

“Dean,” Cas said gently.  He used his free hand to tilt Dean’s chin up to meet his eyes once more.  “You do not need to be sorry.  What can I do to help this?”

Dean gave him a lopsided smile.  “This was a pretty good start,” he told him.

Cas returned the smile, but continued.  “I am glad, Dean.  I want to know what I can do to prevent this from happening again.”

Dean sighed but held eye contact.  “I think it’s just going to take time, Cas.  And that’s on me.  All week I kept telling myself that I was being stupid.  I knew that we both were busy and that we had plans tonight no matter what.  I just can’t get myself to believe it.  I guess I’ve been pining for so long, and wishing things were different for so long, that I am having trouble believing that you’d forgive me and want me again.  Not seeing you, scenting you, was convincing my omega brain that you were gone again.”  Dean looked down, ashamed.  He knew that he was a mess again.

“Ok, Dean.  It’s ok.  I think that it’s normal, but I want to make sure that this doesn’t happen again.  I’m going to be right back, ok.  I am just going into the other room.”

Dean nodded, puzzled because he though he and Cas were having a serious discussion.  Dean let him go and slumped back into the cushions.  Cas returned a few minutes later, suit jacket and tie discarded and sleeves rolled up.  He held something in his hands and handed it to Dean as he sat down again.  Dean took it, realizing it was Cas’ undershirt. 

“I’ve worn this all day, so it should be good to keep for a few days.”  Cas put his arm along the back of the couch, hand brushing Dean’s shoulder.  “I will make sure you have something all the time from now on.  You can keep it and scent it if you are feeling insecure.”

Dean fingered the t-shirt and brought it to his nose.  It smelled strongly of Cas and Dean closed his eyes, thanking the heavens that Cas was the amazing alpha he was.

“Thank you, Cas.  This is…” Dean trailed off, looking at the alpha.  He surged forward and pressed his lips to Cas’.  Cas returned the kiss eagerly and when Dean was satisfied that his thanks had been conveyed he pulled away smiling.

“So, Cas, what’s in the bags?”  Dean was appreciative of Cas’ thoughtfulness, but he wanted to move on and have a pleasant evening, not wallow in his insecurities.  Cas gave him a look that said he knew Dean was purposefully changing the subject, but allowed it.

“I brought some things for dinner,” Cas replied casually, rising from his seat.  He retrieved the four large reusable bags and took them to the kitchen.  Dean checked on Emma and then followed Cas.

“What exactly are you cooking and who else are you cooking for?” Dean asked as he watched Cas pull out meat and vegetables.  He put fresh produce in the fridge along with other items that were distinctly NOT dinner. 

“I just thought it would be nice to have a variety of things to choose from,” Cas told him, head in the fridge.

“Hm,” Dean said, quirking a brown as he leaned on the island facing Cas.  “We certainly will have a lot to choose from.”

Cas pulled back out of the refrigerator and shut the door, turning to Dean.  “I wanted to do something for you, Dean.  I need to do this.  It’s silly, but there is a part of me that needs to provide for you.  I need you to know that you’re cared for and loved.  That you and Emma will have nourishing food- _both of you_ \- and that you can trust me to help you.” 

Dean’s face softened.  He hadn’t considered it from Cas’ view.  He stepped away from the counter and rounded it to pull Cas into his arms again.  “Thank you,” he whispered. 

“I- I know that you’re ok now, but I also know there were years that you weren’t.  When you told me that you had not eaten well to be able to care for Emma, I was heartbroken for you, but then, when I realized that _I_ was the one- that _I_ could have been caring for you and didn’t, I just-“ Cas broke off, nuzzling Dean’s hair and sighing.  “I needed to know that you’re cared for.  Both of you.”

Dean kept his voice soft as he whispered in Cas’ ear, arms tight around him.  “Thank you, Cas.  We are ok.  It wasn’t your fault that you weren’t there.”

“It was, Dean.  I should have tried harder.  I shouldn’t have let you go so easily.”

Dean huffed a breath.  “Yea, well we were both too stubborn for our own good.”  He pulled back and they looked at each other.  Dean stroked the back of Cas’ neck.  “We both need to let the past go.  I want to move forward and build a life together, Cas.  I know you want that too.  I’m going to trust you and forgive myself.  Can you do the same?”

Cas smiled, eyes crinkling and gums showing.  “Anything for you, Dean.  I love you.”

“I love you too, Cas.”

***

Dinner was wonderful.  Cas had brought a precooked chicken and sides.  Dean was happy to have a night off of cooking and he told Cas how much it meant to him.  They played a game with Emma after dinner was cleaned up and then put her to bed. 

Cas tenderly tucked her in.  He pulled the sheets up around her shoulders and smoothed her hair.  He leaned over her to whisper good night and gave her a kiss.  As he raised back up Dean heard her soft reply.

“Good night, Papa.”

Dean and Cas both froze.  Cas looked at her for a few second before glancing over to where Dean was leaning on the door frame.  A wide smile lit his features and Cas slowly returned it.

“Good night, my sweet girl,” Cas replied with another kiss on her forehead.

They slowly exited the room, Cas pulling the door shut quietly behind him.  He leaned his forehead against it for a moment.  Dean watched as Cas went through several emotions.  He reached out and brushed his fingers against the back of Cas’ hand.  Cas lifted his head and turned to Dean. 

“She called me “papa” Dean.  She knows I’m her father.”  He paused, looking at Dean intently.  “I’m her father.” 

“Yes, alpha, you are her father.  And I’m happy for it.  She loves you and I love you.”

“But, she just- without prompting- she accepted me and-“

Dean chuckled a little and drew Cas to him.  He kissed him softly and smiled at Cas’ spluttering.  “Yea, makes you joyful and terrified at the same time, right?”

Cas nodded, sinking into Dean’s embrace.  “Yes.  That pretty much sums it up.”

Dean led Cas downstairs and they curled up together to watch a movie.  Cas pulled Dean to him just as he did before and Dean snuggled into his side.  Dean was feeling happy and content in Cas’ arms and he soon lost interest in the movie.  He began to press his nose into Cas’ neck, scenting him.  Cas’ scent bloomed with happy alpha, which only made Dean drag in more lungfulls of his rich scent. 

He began to stroke the hand resting on Cas’ thigh gently up and down and press soft kisses on his neck.  Cas’ scent began to change and Dean knew he would have to make a decision quickly.

Truthfully, he knew what he wanted now, he was just worried about moving Cas too fast.  He missed Cas and wanted him, all of him, so badly he was physically sick.  After the week he spent pining again he knew he wanted Cas in all the ways he could have him.  He decided to go for it.  If Cas’ scent was anything to go by, and it was, Cas was on the same page. 

Dean slowly pressed kisses up Cas’ neck until he was at his ear.  Cas’ ears were sensitive and were always the spot to get him going.  While he was working his lips upwards, his hand was also inching up towards Cas’ groin.  He was just brushing the top of his thighs when Cas growled and stopped Dean’s hand.  Dean stilled and drew back, waiting for Cas.

“Dean.”  Cas was already out of breath.  “Are you sure?”

Dean smiled and stroked his thumb on Cas’ thigh where he hadn’t restricted the movement.  “I’ve never been more sure, Cas.  I love you and I miss you and I want you.  I want you to knot me.”

The look of surprise on Cas’ face was almost comical.  “Knot you?  Dean-“

“I’m sure Cas.  You’re the only one it’s ever been and the only one I ever want.”  Cas stared at him, eyes searching for a moment.  Dean kept his expression open and Cas must have seen the honesty in Dean’s features because he nodded once and suddenly he had flipped them to he was on top of Dean and Dean was flat on his back on the couch.  He was snuffling and kissing along Dean’s neck and face and as he moved down he was more vigorous.

“Below the collar, Cas.  I can’t go to work with love bites unmated.”  Cas growled in response but he moved lower, pulling Dean’s shirt up and off his head, carelessly discarding it on the floor.  Cas continued to suck and lick and mark him all over his chest.  Dean sighed in pleasure, knowing that Cas was intent on making sure everyone knew who he belonged to.  Dean was lost in the moment and didn’t notice that Cas had moved back up and had lined up their cocks together.  He ground down and Dean let out a whine.  Cas nipped his neck and Dean rolled his head, baring the clean, unmarked expanse to his alpha.  Cas licked and nipped, not hard enough to bruise, just enough to let Dean know he wanted to.  Dean pushed his hands down on Cas’ ass, effectively pushing their hard dicks together and Cas growled again.

“Dean.  Bedroom.  Now.”  The commands in Cas’ low growly voice nearly made Dean whimper again.  He could feel the slick beginning to coat his ass and he was all for the bed instead of the couch.  Cas pulled away and Dean sat up.  For a moment he wanted to run, to recreate the chase that he and Cas loved so much, but he knew if they did that then he would certainly wake Emma up.  So instead he started backing up to the stairs.  He was slowly walking backwards and when Cas began to prowl after him he knew this was going to be good.  Dean bit his lip and ran his hands down his naked chest.  He was at the bottom of the steps when he popped the button on his jeans and Cas let out another growl.  Dean turned slowly and began to head upstairs.  He let the jeans work themselves down a bit while he was walking up and before he knew it, Cas was flush up against his back, heavy cock thrusting between his thighs.  Dean moaned as Cas brushed his hands over his nipples and nipped his neck.

“Don’t tease, Dean.” He murmured thrusting behind him.  Dean could smell the arousal on his alpha as well as the slick beginning to saturate the air.  He knew they needed to get to his room where they could lock the door.  Knotting on the stairs was fun while it happened, but he didn’t want to have his first time with Cas again to be on the stairs and he certainly didn’t want to have Emma come out of her room while they were knotted.

“Yes, alpha,” he responded.  He continued to move forward and Cas let him go.  When they reached his bedroom Dean had barely crossed the threshold when Cas was on him again.  “Cas, door.  We have to shut and lock the door.  Emma.”  Dean was panting, but he knew he had to make sure that they had privacy.  Cas nipped his neck one more time then he was closing and locking the door.  Dean lay on the bed as Cas turned around.  They smiled at each other and Cas crossed to him, blanketing him with his body.

“You’re so beautiful, Dean.  My beautiful Omega.”  Cas was kissing him while his hands were trailing down to his abdomen.  His jeans were open and Cas could trail his hands all the way down.  Dean wasn’t so addled with hormones and scent drunk now and he tensed a bit when Cas got to his stomach.  Can noticed and stilled.   He lifted his head, eyes locked on Dean’s in question.

Dean blushed and looked away.

“Dean?” Cas asked.  He didn’t move.  “Do you want to stop?”

Dean’s eyes flew back to Cas as she shook his head and practically shouted “no!”  At Cas’ surprised look Dean deflated.  “No, I don’t want to stop, it’s just…it’s not as pretty down there as it used to be,” he told the alpha. 

“Dean, you are beautiful to me, no matter what.”

Dean smiled and closed his eyes.  He took a breath and nodded.  Cas kissed him gently and let his hands move down to the small pudge that Dean had.  Dean knew that Cas assumed that Dean was worried about the extra weight.  He was worried about that, he had struggled to lose the last ten pounds, but it was the scars he was really worried about.  His skin was mottled with stretch marks and lose skin and a scar about three inches long.

When Cas reached his boxers, fingers running under the elastic band, Dean held his breath.

“This ok?” Cas asked placing kisses on his belly above his hands.  Dean nodded silently, steeling himself for Cas’ reaction.  Logically he knew that he should tell Cas to go fuck himself if he was disgusted by his body.  It had housed a human.  But irrationally, he was still feeling vulnerable about Cas leaving him and he wasn’t the same as he was before, so he didn’t know what to expect from Cas.  He probably should have told him before…

“Dean,” Cas’ voice was a little loud and commanding and he wondered how many times he had called it.  Dean opened his eyes to look at Cas who was looking at him.  He had stopped kissing him and his hands were no longer in his boxers.  “You’re tensing and I can practically hear you worrying.  What is it?”  Cas’ voice had gentled once he got Dean’s attention and Dean bit his lip while taking a deep breath.

“Um, it’s not pretty down there, Cas,” he said again. Cas tilted his head in that wonderful way and Dean knew he was trying to figure out what Dean was talking about.  “There are scars, Cas.  Lots of them.  Stretch marks and loose skin.  And…a C-section scar,” he whispered.  Though many omegas had to have a         C-section these days, Dean still felt shameful because his body couldn’t do what it was made to do.  As an omega he should have been able to birth Emma naturally without any problems.

Cas’ hand came to rest protectively on his lower stomach, cupping the small swell that will never go away.  “Dean, you gave me a child.  It’s going to leave a mark and I love you more for them, not less.”  He bent down and gave Dean a gentle kiss on the lips.  “Let me show you how much I love you.  All of you.”

Dean smiled and let himself relax as Cas began to kiss him again.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So things can't be all roses and sunshine. Updated the tags for this chapter. I put notes in the end if are worried about reading. If you want to skip it, stop reading when Dean leaves the Roadhouse after his shift after the first line of @s. You can pick back up after the second line of @s for the aftermath.
> 
> As always, thank you for the comments and kudos!

“Come in!” Dean yelled from upstairs.  He was in the bathroom putting the finishing touches on his hair for his Saturday night shift at the Roadhouse.

“Dean?” he heard his brother call out as he opened the front door.

“Upstairs!” Dean called back as he heard Emma squealing Sam’s name in her room.  Dean had put the baby gate across her doorway so she couldn’t escape while he got ready for work.  Dean heard his brother come up the stairs and greet Emma.  He appeared not long after with the toddler in his arms.

“Daddy pretty!” She told him.  Dean smiled at her as he dried his hands.

“Thanks princess,” he said.  “I have to get going now, ok?  Sammy will put you to bed after dinner, ok?”

Emma pouted.  She didn’t like it when Dean went to work on the weekends, but he had to. Christmas didn’t come cheap and he needed the money, especially since he didn’t get paid over the school’s break.

“I know, baby, but you’re going to have so much fun with Uncle Sammy!  Maybe he’ll let you braid his hair!” Dean flashed her a grin while his brother gave him his best bitch face.

“Oooooh!  Yes! Yes!  Please Uncle Sammy, please?”  Dean tried to smother his laughter in his hand, but it didn’t work.

“We’ll see, Em,” he told her noncommittally.  Behind her back he glared at Dean.

Dean clapped his hands together.  “Ok, do I look good?” he asked.

Sam rolled his eyes.  “Who are you trying to impress?” he asked. 

“Everyone,” Dean told him seriously.  “I need tips, jerk.”

“You look great, Dean.  You always do.  You worry too much.  Now, go and earn some money and I’ll be here when you get home.”

Dean quickly gave Sam the run down, kissed Emma good-bye and was off to the Roadhouse.  He was bartending tonight, and he felt a little excited.  He liked being able to feel his age every once in a while.  Being so young with a baby made it difficult for him to connect with people his own age.  While working at the Roadhouse he didn’t have to worry about Emma, he could just be himself and make some money while having fun, like any other 22 year old.

Jo was on the other end of the bar tonight with him.  It was busy and festive.  There were several large groups of people out. While not unusual for a Saturday, there were more friends partying for the holidays than usual.  Dean was having a great night.  The tip jar was filling, he and Jo bantered back and forth and they were busting their asses, so the time was flying.  It was after ten before they got a breather.  Ellen appeared with two cheeseburgers and made him and Jo sit down and eat something.  He loved Ellen, but he loved her burgers more.

“So, what’s up with you and Cas?” Jo asked before he even planted his butt in the seat.  He chuckled and shook his head.  He pulled out his phone to look at the time.

“Damn Jo.  It took you more than six hours to ask.  I’m surprised at the restraint.”  He took a big bite of his burger and winked at her as she glared at him.

“Not restraint, just not had time.  In case you didn’t notice, it was pretty busy tonight.”  She arched an eyebrow when he continued to wolf down his burger.  He hadn’t realized he was so hungry until now.

He wiped his mouth, but spoke around the big bite he had taken.  “He’s courting me,” Dean told her.  Jo’s expression didn’t change.  “What?”

“Courting you?” she asked.  Dean nodded, not sure what was going on.

“And you’re sure?  He’s actually said those words?”

“Jesus, Jo, yes. I’m not stupid, I know when someone –“

“Don’t be an idiot,” she cut him off.  “Dean, I’m just worried.  You are happy.  Your scent it lighter than I’ve smelled in years.  Emma is happy to know who he is and you just seem willing to slide right back into everything with him.  I’m just worried about you.”

“Don’t be,” he told her polishing off his meal.  “Cas wants to court me.  He told me so and I know he’s telling me the truth.  I’m all in on this Jo.  I can’t be anything else. He’s back and…” He glanced down at his hands.  “He’s it for me.  If it’s not him, it’s not going to be anyone.  Maybe I was stupid to not tell him about the pup, but I can’t change the past.  I’ll tell you like I told Sam.  The only way this is going to end is if he leaves and after last night, I’m sure he’s not going to.”

Jo gave him a knowing look.  “And what happened last night?” she asked with a sly smile.  Dean’s answering blush was all the answer she needed before she began cackling, clapping her hands together. 

“Stop it, Jo,” he muttered as other patron began to look around at them.

“You are so smitten!” she cried.  “Dean, I’m happy for you,” she continued sobering.  “We all are. But don’t forget that I’m one of the people who was closest to you at the beginning of all this.  I’ve seen the whole cycle and I know what it did to you the last time.  I don’t want it to happen again.”

“Last time wasn’t his fault.  If it’s anyone’s it’s mine.  It was just a shit situation.  I had already convinced myself I wasn’t good enough for him so I didn’t fight it when there wasn’t a reason to.”  He looked at her then.  “I love him and I’ll fight for him now.”

Jo’s smile turned soft and she reached out to brush her fingers over his shirt collar.  “Well, I think you’re pretty secure.  He’s marked you well.”

Dean felt his face heat again and shifted uncomfortably.  He did smell like Cas.  Even after a shower Cas’ scent lingered.  He had scent marked Dean last night and he was practically giddy with it.

“Yea, he did.  He did more than that, too,” he told her wiggling his eyebrows up and down. 

“Ew, gross!  I do not need to know the details!” she threw he napkin at him as he laughed.  “Time to get back to it,” she told him standing up.  They discarded their trash and got back behind the bar.  When Dean walked down the length he noticed a big alpha sitting at the far end sipping a drink.  When he looked up Dean flashed a smile in greeting and went over to introduce himself.

As he approached he got a whiff of his alpha musk and Dean was almost bowled over.  It was strong and intimidating and Dean had to force himself to keep moving.  His smile faltered, but he put on his best customer service face and stopped in front of him.  He didn’t relax his posture as he usually would.  Something about this scent told him to be wary. 

“Hey there,” he began.  The man had noticed him and made eye contact while he had been walking towards him.  “I’m Dean.  I’ll be taking over for Ellen, so you just let me know what you need.”  Dean’s skin was crawling and he wanted to back away quickly, but he didn’t want to be rude.  The alpha raked his eyes up and down Dean’s form before he spoke.

“I’m sure there are many things you could give me,” the alpha stated, continuing to eye Dean.

Dean felt very uncomfortable but he plastered on a smile and a friendly tone to tell the alpha, “That’s very flattering, but I’m taken.  Can I get you another drink?”

“Yes,” the alpha told him, sliding his glass across the counter.  “You’re not mated.”  It was a statement made as Dean poured more whiskey in the glass.  Dean continued to smile as he put the bottle back and handed it to the alpha. 

“Almost.”  Dean was no stranger to strong alphas hitting on him, but this was one to be wary of.  He was glad he had put an extra layer of blockers on before he left the house.  He always wore them when he worked at the Roadhouse for this very reason.  Dean didn’t look like the typical omega and so without a scent, people usually figured he was a beta. 

Dean tried to be friendly but on guard while the alpha was sitting at the bar.  He had several more drinks before he threw some money on the bar and left.  Dean let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“You ok?” Jo asked a little while later.  They were cashing out the drawer and counting tips from the servers.

“Yep, just tired.”  It had been a busy (and lucrative) night.  Dean made over one hundred fifty dollars, which was good even for a Saturday night, but he earned every penny.

When the bar was clean and everything was done Dean called a good night to Bobby and left.  Jo beat him by about 15 minutes so the parking lot was deserted when he exited the building.  He had parked around back to keep space open for the customers and there wasn’t much light here.  Dean was cautious because it was late and he did have a wad of cash on him.

**@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@**

He was just about to his car when something solid slammed into him.  He was caught off guard as a hard hit landed in his rib cage.  Dean was reeling from the breath being knocked out of him from being slammed into the car and the punch to the ribs.  He didn’t have time to react before he felt another punch to his ribs and a fist slammed into his face.  The hit was hard enough to daze him but he was able to smell the attacker and it was the alpha from the bar before.  While Dean was still reeling from the pain of the punches and trying to get his bearings the alpha had twisted his arms brutally behind his back, pressing him again into the car.  He was behind Dean, when he could feel the alpha scenting the air and he had a second to panic before the alpha had his nose pressed into Dean’s neck.  Dean tried to jerk away, but the alpha was strong and held him fast.  Dean could feel fear rising inside of him.

The alpha chuckled darkly as he continued to scent Dean.  “Well, well, well.  Didn’t think you were an omega.”  He sniffed again, and Dean recoiled and tried to desperately dislodge the alpha.  He could smell the alcohol on his breath and the arousal bleeding in to join it.  “Mmmm, not mated,” he continued, repeating his words from earlier.

“Almost,” Dean ground out, making the alpha growl and tighten his grip painfully.  One of Dean’s arms was pulled at an odd angle and the pain was beginning to make him nauseous.  Dean could feel the alpha press his body into him from behind as one hand left his to work on his fly.  Dean tried to throw the alpha off, but he tightened his grip again and got a solid punch to Dean’s exposed cheek.  He was seeing double after the last hit and his head was swimming. 

“Don’t be all high and mighty, slut.  I can see the marks on your neck.”

“Get off of me!” Dean cried, fear rising swiftly with the realization that he was alone in the parking lot and there was no one around to hear him even if he did scream.  Tears were pricking his eyes from fear and pain as he tried to wrench away.  He was causing the alpha to curse and have to hold him more securely with both hands.  “Leave me alone!”

“Now don’t be like-“  
  
“I think the boy asked you to leave him alone,” a gruff voice said behind them.  Dean and the alpha froze.  He was able to peer over his shoulder a little bit to see Bobby, shotgun raised to the alpha’s head.  “Let him go.  Now.”  Bobby’s normally gruff voice was lowered and the alpha rage simmering under the surface was making Dean cower a bit, even if it wasn’t directed at him.

The alpha released him abruptly and Dean sagged against the car, using the uninjured arm to support himself.  He turned to see the alpha stepping back and turning to face Bobby.

“I think there has been a misunderstanding,” the alpha began but Bobby cut him off.

“You messed with the wrong boy you son of a bitch,” and he lowered the shotgun and pulled the trigger.  The alpha grabbed his thigh and howled in pain as he collapsed on the ground.  Dean could hear sirens in the background getting closer.  Bobby made sure the alpha wasn’t going anywhere before he was at Dean’s side, supporting him.  “Son, you ok?”

Dean managed a weak smile.  “Sure, Bobby.”  His smile disappeared as he tried to take a step forward.   His eyes found Bobby’s face, still a bit blurry, before he pitched forward, blackness enveloping him.

**@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@**

Dean woke up before he arrived at the hospital.  His eyes fluttered open and for a minute he was confused because he didn’t know where he was.  He looked to the side and a friendly looking beta smiled at him.

“Hi Dean, I’m Tessa.  You’re in the ambulance and we are taking you to Lawrence General Hospital.”

Dean went to nod his head but pain shot through his entire body.  The beta seemed to understand and she smiled again.

“We’re almost there.  You have a mask on your face for oxygen.  We think that you have some cracked ribs and it’s making it difficult to breath.”  Dean blinked at her and whispered, “ok.”  He closed his eyes and tried to breath without it hurting.

His mind drifted back to the night and he suddenly remembered that he was supposed to be home.  His eyes flew open and he jerked, sending pain like lightning through his side and head and the beta automatically put her hands out to sooth him.

“Dean?”

“My- my daughter,” he gasped.  “She’s home with Sammy.  They don’t know where I am,” he was struggling to breath and talk.

She gave him a gentle pat on his leg, one of the only places that didn’t hurt.  “The alpha that was with you?  He told me to tell you that he’d call Sam and Cas.  Is that who you need to notify?”

Dean sighed in relief.  He relaxed again and the beta smiled and patted his leg once more. 

“Just try and rest, we’ll be there in a minute.”

 

Before Dean knew it he was wheeled into the ER in an explosion of x-rays and doctors and needles and medicine, finally, thank God, before he was put into a curtained area to wait for the results.

He was in a gown, resting while sitting up, his left arm in a sling laying over his chest trying to breathe without pain when the scent of the air shifted and Dean opened his eyes just as the curtain was pushed back roughly.

Dean took in Cas’ rumpled and wide eyed appearance for a second before Cas was next to him.  Dean leaned in, greedily sucking in the alpha’s scent, and it was comforting, even though the acrid scent of fear and sour smell of worry tainted it.  Cas was scenting him too, while gently stroking his hair with one hand while the other was wrapped gently around his shoulders.  Dean relaxed more as Cas’ scent mellowed and Cas pulled away slightly to look at him.

Dean took in his appearance.  He was clearly asleep when someone called him.  He was rumpled and his hair was everywhere.  His ever present trench coat was flapping around him and he had a crease imprinted in his cheek from his pillow.

While Dean has taken his fill, Cas has done the same.  He gently cupped Dean’s face, mindful of his split lip and bruised cheek.

“Hello Dean.”

And just like that, Dean Winchester fell apart.  It was like his strings were cut.  Knowing his alpha was there, that he was safe, if a little damaged, gave him the permission he needed to let out his fear and anger.

Cas quickly wrapped his arms around Dean again, sliding onto the bed halfway to bring Dean as close as possible.  Cas held him while Dean quietly cried, images of the night flashing back to him as he processed through what had happened.  Close.  It had been so close.  Dean would forever be grateful to Bobby that he had found him and intervened.  Dean shuddered and sobbed into Cas’ chest, thanking the angels for protecting him.

Cas let him cry and when he was quiet again, he tilted Dean’s head up to look at him.  “I love you.”

That made Dean start to cry again, but it was just tears spilling down his cheeks while he looked at Cas.  He felt raw and exposed.  His physical pain was minimal right now because of all the medicine, but inside he was terrified.  He could imagine so many horrific outcomes of tonight.  Cas must have seen something because he leaned forward and kissed him, mindful of his split lip.  When he drew back he pulled Dean into his arms and exposed his neck for Dean to scent.

Once Dean quieted, he told Cas about the attack.  He knew Cas was controlling his anger because Dean could smell traces of it in his scent.  He knew Cas was keeping a lid on it for Dean’s sake and he felt comforted and loved by the actions of his alpha.  Cas continued to hold him, scent him, let Dean scent him and listen patiently to the entire story.

“Dean, I love you.  You’re brave and strong and I’m so lucky to have you.”

Dean huffed because he didn’t feel strong.  Not tonight.  Not physically or emotionally.

“I don’t feel very strong.  A strong person wouldn’t have come out looking like me,” he told Cas as he gestured to his face.

“Dean, you _are_ brave and strong,” Cas repeated.  “You are the bravest person I know.”  He stroked Dean’s hair and the omega closed his eyes in pleasure at the grooming, watching the room slowly lighten as the sun came up.

Their comfort was interrupted by the curtain being pulled aside gently.  A doctor and nurse entered and closed the curtain behind them.

“Good morning Dean, I’m doctor Crowley.  How are you feeling?  How is the pain?”

Dean tried to shrug but he winced.  He gave Cas a sheepish smile when Cas frowned at him.  “Dean.”

He rolled his eyes and looked at the doctor.  “Mom says I have to be truthful,” he snarked.  The doctor chuckled and Cas’ frown turned to a glare.

“Well, you must be feeling ok if you’re able to make jokes,” Crowley continued.

“That’s where you’re wrong, doctor.” Cas’ voice was low and growly, clearly not pleased with Dean trying to shrug off his pain.  “Dean here will always lead with bravado and lock the pain away like a secret.”  Cas threw him a ‘so there’ face.

“That so?” Crowley asked turning back to Dean from sanitizing his hands.  “Well then, let’s try again.  How is the pain?”

The nurse that had accompanied him held up a picture scale for Dean to review.  He reluctantly put his finger on the 6.

“Very good.”  He turned to the nurse and gave her instructions.  Once he was done she bustled over to the equipment and began to make adjustments while Crowley stood at the end of the bed with his laptop open.

“Alright Dean, let’s see what we’ve got here.  No fracture in your skull, lucky for you, just a bad bruise on that cheek.  You have three right ribs cracked but not broken, more good news, and your kidneys seems to be functioning well despite the bruising on your lower back.  All good news.  Unfortunately, the arm is the bad news.  You’ve pulled the tendons in your bicep, so your movement is going to be restricted.  No heavy lifting and you’re going to need to ice it daily as well as manage the pain.  If it’s not better in a week, we’ll refer you to physical therapy and they can do some light work with you around your other injuries.”

Dean and Cas absorbed all the information.  Dean’s attention caught on the “no heavy lifting,” rule.  “Uh, doc, what do you mean by heavy lifting?  I’ve got a three year old at home, so…” He let his sentence trail off.

Dr. Crowley frowned.  “Dean, the more you rest the arm the faster it will heal.  Now, I’m sure that you can find someone who could possibly help you while you’re healing,” he continued looking pointedly at Cas.

“I know, I know.  I just-“

“Want to care for Emma,” Cas finished for him.  “We’ll take care of her, Dean, don’t worry.”  Dean was so grateful for Cas’ unwavering love and support. 

“Thanks Cas.”

“Alright,” Dr. Crowley continued.  Here are the medical instructions.  We are going to keep you until tomorrow, Mr. Winchester, just to make sure the kidneys are working properly and there are no issues with the ribs.  Make yourself comfortable.  Someone will be along for you shortly and take you to your room upstairs.  Just ring the bell if you need anything.”

And he and the nurse exited, pulling the curtain closed once more.

“Cas,” Dean began.  Cas looked down at him.  “Will you stay?  With me?”  Dean was hesitant and unsure if Cas would be willing to stay with him, but he didn’t want to be alone.

“Of course Dean, I’ll always be here for you.”  Cas placed a chaste kiss on his forehead and settled more firmly against Dean, being careful of his various injuries.  They stayed like that for another quarter hour before someone came to get Dean to take him to his room. 

Once transferred Dean was exhausted.  His nurse had given him another dose of pain meds and he was happy, safe and warm wrapped up in his alpha’s arms.  He was just about to let the medicine knock him out when he remembered something.

“Is Bobby ok?” Dean asked.  Cas frowned at him, realizing the alpha wasn’t here.

“I think so, why?  Did he intend to follow and come to the ER?  He sounded fine when I spoke with him.”

“Oh, well, he shot the alpha,” Dean said, words beginning to slur as he dropped off.  Cas almost jumped off the bed, startling Dean.

“He did WHAT?”

“He shot the alpha in the leg.  It was pretty bad ass,” Dean told him trying to wake up and remember what happened.

“Remind me never to get on his bad side,” Cas muttered as he readjusted, pulling Dean close again.  Dean smiled at him.

“Don’t worry Cas.  Everyone loves you.”  Cas shook his head at Dean.

“I’m sure everything is fine. If what you told me is true, Bobby was within every right to shoot him.”

“Huh.”  That was the last thing Dean said before he slipped into a dreamless sleep.  He didn’t know that Cas was awake a long time wondering how much longer he could hold out until he claimed his omega.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The alpha from the bar attacks Dean after he leaves late at night. He intends to rob him then realizes he is an omega and tries to push himself on Dean. Dean gets punched and his arm gets hurt but nothing more. Bobby saves the day!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And because I'm sorry about the last chapter and I know some of you will be upset, here's a bonus chapter! Cas' POV from the attack. What took him so long to get to the hospital?

Cas groggily reached out to bat at his phone.  It had been ringing but it was too dark to be his alarm.  He finally grabbed it and pushed the call button.

“Hello?” his voice was deep and growly at being disturbed from his sleep.  His alpha was waking up, knowing that middle of the night phone calls were never good, but his body was following slowly.

“Cas?” It was Bobby.  Cas was instantly alert, already sitting up and throwing the covers off of himself.

“What’s wrong?” He was moving on instinct, pulling on his pants from the day before, searching for a shirt.

“Dean is ok, but he is headed to County General Hospital.”

“What happened?” Cas demanded again as he pulled on his shirt and buttoned it up.  He moved to the bathroom, putting Bobby on speaker as he grabbed his toothbrush.

“Some alpha knothead attacked him in the parking lot.  He got in a few good hits and twisted his arm pretty bad before I got there.”

Cas took a deep breath before answering with a clear mouth.  “I am on my way.”

“Cas, he’s going to be ok.  I’ve got to talk to the police now, but you get to the hospital.  I’ll call Sam.”

The phone went dead and Cas finished brushing his teeth and quickly grabbed his phone heading to the front door.  He grabbed his coat and stuffed his feet into this shoes, trying to keep a tight grip on his alpha.  He could feel the protectiveness and anger wafting from him.  He knew that alpha red was seeping into his eyes and he needed to keep a clear head in order to drive.

He gunned it down the street, repeating everything Bobby had told him in his head.  Dean had been attacked.  He had been hurt.  Punched, Bobby said.  It was bad enough he called the ambulance and Dean was headed to the hospital.  Had Dean been seriously hurt?  Had the alpha tried to take Dean?  Cas’ anger grew at the thought of another alpha on his mate.  He knew he had marked Dean well.  Both his scent and his marks on his skin.  There was no reason that another alpha should have approached Dean.

Cas made it to the hospital in record time.  He threw the car into park and ran to the emergency room doors.  He knew his alpha was getting the better of him, but he couldn’t control it. Protectiveness and aggression were radiating from him.  He needed to get to his mate.  His mate who was by himself.  His mate who was hurt and traumatized and Cas didn’t even know the extent of it was yet. 

 _Mate.  Hurt.  Mate.  Must get to mate.  Now.  Mate._   Cas’ inner wolf was focused on one thing.

He was stopped before he even got to the doors.  Two alpha security guards blocked his way.  They were much bigger than him, but Cas didn’t let that stop him.  He let out a low growl, narrowing his eyes as he slowed down to a walk. 

_My mate.  I need my mate.  Alphas.  Keeping me from my mate.  Hurt mate.  Need mate.  Two alphas.  Tranquilizer guns.  Radios.  Two doors.  Mate.  Hurt mate._

“Alpha,” one of the guards said softly.  “Alpha, we can’t let you in like this.”

Cas growled louder at him, nostrils flaring, bright red eyes flashing.  The guard held up both hands. 

“We know you’re upset, alpha,” he continued.  He wasn’t looking directly at Cas, but he wasn’t submitting.  Cas continued to growl, shifting his weight.

_Mate hurt.  Mate.  Two doors.  Mate._

“Can you tell me who you’re here for, alpha?  A name?”

“Mate,” Cas growled.  He could only think about getting to Dean.  He had to get through these alphas and get to his mate.

“A name, alpha?”

_Mate.  Mate.  Dean.  Mate.  Dean.  Dean.  Need Dean.  Now._

“Dean.  Winchester.” He growled out, his inner wolf howling and snarling to get to him.

The other guard spoke into his radio.  Cas could hear his mate’s name and his eyes snapped to the guard.  He crouched and took a step forward.  The other guard shifted until he was in front of Cas again.  His hands were by his side and his scent was neutral, but Cas snarled at him.

_Dean.  Mate.  Guards.  They know where Dean is.  They are keeping me from him.  Mate.  Need mate.  Dean._

“Alpha, we are going to get someone to come and tell you what is going on, but we need you calm down so you can go to your mate.  We can’t let you in the building like this.”

Cas only heard that they wouldn’t let him in.  His growl intensified and he was on the cusp of charging when the sliding doors opened and another wolf stepped out.  He was wary, now. 

_Three.  Need mate.  They are keeping me from my mate.  Dean.  Hurt.  Mate hurt._

“Alpha,” the new wolf said.  Cas glanced at the man, a snarl ripping from his lips.  Cas scented the air heavily. 

 _Beta.  No threat.  Easy to get through._ Cas turned back to the other alpha closest to him.

“Alpha,” the beta said again.  “I can take you to your mate.  We need you to calm down before we can do that.”  Cas looked at the beta again. He was tall and lanky with a mop of brown hair.  The beta motioned to the guards to back away.  They did so, slowly.  Cas stayed where he was, scenting the air, still crouching slightly.  “Come on, alpha.  It’s ok.  I know where your mate is.  I need you to calm down so I can tell you.”

_Mate.  He has my mate.  Need mate.  Now._

Cas hadn’t even made the decision consciously to jump, but he was in the air before he knew it.  He collided with something solid and they went down together.  Cas knew it was the other alpha.  They wrestled on the concrete for a minute before Cas felt a sharp pain in his thigh.  He let out a howl and snarled but he got no further before darkness enveloped him.

 

***

When Cas woke up he was confused.  He was a bit groggy and he was laying on a hospital bed in a single room.  He sat up and wiped a hand down his face.  What the hell…

_Dean._

He stood quickly, intending to open the door when it swung open from the outside.  The beta from outside the ER came in wearing a smile.

“Welcome back Mr. Novak,” he said.  “I’m Garth.”

Cas swallowed hard as the events before he blacked out came rushing back.  He could feel the faint heat in his cheeks and closed his eyes briefly.  He had never lost control like that.

“I’m sorry,” he told the nurse, opening his eyes.  Garth was fully in the room, but he was still several feet away.  He looked at Cas for a moment, smile still in place, before he took a step forward.  When Cas merely stood there Garth continued to approach.

“It’s ok.  First time you raged out?”  He gently pushed Cas back until he was sitting on the bed.

Cas sighed.  “Yes, I can’t believe I did that.  Thank God I didn’t hurt- wait.  The guard.  Did he- did I…?”

“Not to worry, he’s fine.  I got that needle in your leg quick enough.”  Garth took his vitals and smiled again.  “Alright, looks like you’re ok.  Right now you’re in the rage ward.  I just need you to sign some papers, then I’ll take you to your mate.  He’s still downstairs in the ER.”

“What time is it? How long was I out?” Cas asked as he followed Garth out of the room.

“About an hour.  Mr. Winchester has finished with his evaluation and tests, so he’s resting now, waiting for the doctor.  We wanted to let you wake up naturally.  Sometimes when we force it with the meds alphas aren’t out of the rage yet.  Whew!  It can get nasty.”  Garth chuckled as he made his way around the nurse’s station to get the paperwork.

“I’m sure,” Cas mumbled, mortified still at what he’d done.  Guilt and worry started seeping into his scent and Garth quickly handed him the last of the papers to sign before coming around the desk again. 

“Follow me,” he told Cas, who was already hot on his heels.  “I’ll take you down now.  But, Mr. Novak, your omega has been through a lot.  You need to try and keep your scent neutral and focus on what he needs.  You might consider not telling him tonight that you raged out.  It will distress him more.”

Cas nodded taking deep breaths.  Garth said that Dean was resting, that they had done everything they needed to and was waiting on the doctor.  He said that they would have gotten him if things were really bad.  He tried to focus on that and calm himself.  By the time they were walking down the hall towards the ER he felt more like himself, even though he couldn’t erase all traces of worry and fear.

“Third curtain down,” Garth told him clapping him on the back.  “Just holler if you need anything.”

“Thank you,” Cas murmured before he quickly walked towards the curtain.  He stopped just outside for one deep breath, trying to calm himself even more, but all that did was alert him to Dean’s distressed and fearful scent.  Pain was laced in there and Cas had pulled back the curtain before he even knew what he was doing.

Cas was next to Dean, scenting him, wrapping his arms around him as best he could while the omega pressed his nose into Cas’ neck.  Cas held on to him, stroking his hair while they scented each other and calmed down.  When he felt Dean’s body relax he pulled away slightly.  He took in the sight of his omega and held his alpha on a tight leash.

Dean’s eye was blackening and a large bruise was high on his cheek bone.  His lip was split on the opposite side and Cas could see his mouth held tight with the pain.  Dean’s eyes were clear of medicine, but Cas could see the fear and exhaustion in them.  He gently cupped Dean’s face, mindful of his split lip and bruised cheek.

“Hello Dean.”

While Cas was not surprised that Dean would cry, he was unprepared for Dean to collapse into him.  Dean was more comfortable with his emotions on some levels than others, but for him to fall apart like this just at a greeting from Cas meant that this had been very bad.  Cas could see physically, obviously, it was bad, but this was deeper.  Cas could smell the salt from Dean’s tears and the sour smell of his pain, but under that he could smell the rotting apple smell of Dean’s self-loathing and worry.  Cas had not forgotten that smell, and he reacted with the same instincts that he had so many times, years ago.

Cas quickly wrapped his arms around Dean again, sliding onto the bed halfway to bring Dean as close as possible.  Cas held him while Dean quietly cried, murmuring reassurances and phrases of love to him.  Dean shuddered and sobbed into Cas’ chest harder.  Cas pulled him as close as he could, worried about causing Dean pain and about the monitors and needles Dean had hooked up to him.  He nuzzled Dean’s hair, continuing to whisper in his ear, while trying to push out his love and protection through his scent.

When he felt Dean begin to quiet, he pressed several kisses along the top of his head.  Cas tilted Dean’s head up to look at him.  “I love you.”

Dean began to cry again, tears spilling over onto his cheeks.  His eyes, so expressive, were unfocused, and Cas knew he was thinking about the attack.  The sour smell increased with each breath.  Cas moved forward on instinct and pressed his lips carefully to Dean’s.  Cas tried to be gentle while still conveying how much he loved Dean, how he was safe now.  He drew back from the kiss and tilted his head to the side, encouraging Dean to scent him more.

Dean took several deep breaths and his scent became lighter, though still acrid.  Cas counted it as a win.  Cas was content to sit on the bed like this all night if Dean needed him too.  He wasn’t going to push him for details now, and he was absolutely not going to tell him about raging out. 

Dean was quiet for a few minutes before he spoke.  As he began to tell Cas about the alpha who attacked him, Cas had to work to keep his scent calm.  He clenched his jaw and nuzzled the top of Dean’s head as it rested on his chest. 

Dean told him about how he had misgivings about the alpha while he was inside and was relieved when he left.  He told him about being out in the parking lot by himself, not an unusual occurrence, but one Dean would be more wary of now.  Cas listened as his mate told him that his blockers had worn away enough that at close proximity, the alpha could tell he was an omega.  The plans changed after that and Cas almost crushed Dean to him, to try and keep his alpha controlled. Cas didn’t say anything while Dean was talking, just listened.  Dean needed to get it out and Cas was glad to be there, even if it was painful to hear.  He almost couldn’t stand the thought of how scared Dean must have been, how powerless he thought he was in that situation.  Cas was angry at the alpha, but he was also angry at a society that would give this alpha a slap on the wrist even if he had raped Dean.

When Dean was done Cas pulled in one more breath of his omega before he spoke.  He wanted to choose his words carefully.

“Dean, I love you.  You’re brave and strong and I’m so lucky to have you.”

Dean huffed at him, which was like a silver lining shining through.  If Dean was ok enough to be uncomfortable with Cas’ praise then he was doing ok.  Not great, not fine by a long shot, but not irreparably broken. 

Cas ran his hand down Dean’s back and up again, repeating the movement slowly.

“I don’t feel very strong.  A strong person wouldn’t have come out looking like me,” he told Cas as he gestured to his face.

“Dean, you _are_ brave and strong,” Cas repeated.  “You are the bravest person I know.”  He stroked Dean’s hair and the omega closed his eyes in pleasure at the grooming.  Cas continued to repeat the motions, watching the room slowly lighten as the sun came up.

Their comfort was interrupted by the curtain being pulled aside gently.  A doctor and nurse entered and closed the curtain behind them.

“Good morning Dean, I’m doctor Crowley.  How are you feeling?  How is the pain?”

Dean tried to shrug but he winced.  He gave Cas a sheepish smile when Cas frowned at him.  “Dean.”

He rolled his eyes and looked at the doctor.  “Mom says I have to be truthful,” he snarked.  The doctor chuckled and Cas glared at him.  He didn’t like it when Dean brushed off his wellbeing.  He would open up with him, but he also needed to be honest with the doctor.

“Well, you must be feeling ok if you’re able to make jokes,” Crowley continued.

“That’s where you’re wrong, doctor.” Cas’ voice was low and growly.  He was not going to let this go.  His mate, the father of his child, needed the best care.  “Dean here will always lead with bravado and lock the pain away like a secret.”  Cas looked at Dean in triumph.  He didn’t care if Dean was mad at him for it.

“That so?” Crowley asked turning back to Dean from sanitizing his hands.  “Well then, let’s try again.  How is the pain?”

The nurse held up a picture scale for Dean to review.  He reluctantly put his finger on the 6.

“Very good.”  He turned to the nurse and gave her instructions.  Once he was done she bustled over to the equipment and began to make adjustments while Crowley stood at the end of the bed with his laptop open.

“Alright Dean, let’s see what we’ve got here.  No fracture in your skull, lucky for you, just a bad bruise on that cheek.  You have three right ribs cracked but not broken, more good news, and your kidneys seems to be functioning well despite the bruising on your lower back.  All good news.  Unfortunately, the arm is the bad news.  You’ve pulled the tendons in your bicep, so your movement is going to be restricted.  No heavy lifting and you’re going to need to ice it daily as well as manage the pain.  If it’s not better in a week, we’ll refer you to physical therapy and they can do some light work with you around your other injuries.”

Cas tried to breath and be calm.  He checked to make sure that he was not hurting Dean by holding him close.  Dean’s scent was showing exhaustion, pain and Cas could smell the moldy self-loathing creeping back in.  Dean had been viciously attacked and his assailant had almost violated him.  Cas hoped that the police caught the alpha quickly. 

“Uh, doc, what do you mean by heavy lifting?  I’ve got a three year old at home, so…” He let his sentence trail off.

Dr. Crowley frowned.  “Dean, the more you rest the arm and the ribs the faster they will heal.  Now, I’m sure that you can find someone who could possibly help you while you’re healing,” he continued looking pointedly at Cas.

“I know, I know.  I just-“

“Want to care for Emma,” Cas finished for him.  “We’ll take care of her, Dean, don’t worry.”  As if Cas was going to let his family suffer any more than they had already.  His omega needed him.  His pup needed him.  He would do everything for them.

“Thanks Cas.”

“Alright,” Dr. Crowley continued.  “Here are the medical instructions.  We are going to keep you until tomorrow, Mr. Winchester, just to make sure the kidneys are working properly and there are no issues with the ribs.  Make yourself comfortable.  Someone will be along for you shortly and take you to your room upstairs.  Just ring the bell if you need anything.”

And he and the nurse exited, pulling the curtain closed once more.

“Cas,” Dean began.  Cas looked down at him, scenting his nervousness.  “Will you stay?  With me?”  Dean was hesitant.

“Of course Dean, I’ll always be here for you.”  Cas placed a chaste kiss on his forehead and settled more firmly against Dean, being careful of his various injuries.  They stayed like that for another quarter hour before someone came to get Dean to take him to his room.  Cas alternately fussed around Dean and glared at the nurse as he winced in pain at moving.  His senses were on high alert, as if the alpha could be in the hospital waiting for Dean again.  Cas’ logical brain understood that there was no threat, but his alpha was going to make sure of it.

Once transferred Dean was exhausted.  His nurse had given him another dose of pain meds and he was happy, safe and warm wrapped up in his alpha’s arms.  The private room Dean was given was on the omega wing.  It was closed to alpha staff except for the doctors, and they were required to wear blockers while on the floor.  There was a larger bed, made for an alpha and omega.  Omegas needed to be close to their alpha if they were hurt.  They would be able to scent comfort and family and their bodies would be able to relax.  Pain levels reduced and healing skyrocketed.  Cas made Dean as comfortable as he could before stripping down to his boxers and shirt and climbing into the bed with Dean.  He pulled the omega close and Dean scented him.  The drugs were working and Dean was already drifting.  Cas kept his breathing steady and pumped out as much love and comfort as he could with his scent.  He thought Dean was already asleep when he spoke. 

“Is Bobby ok?” Dean asked.  Cas frowned at him, realizing the alpha wasn’t here.  Sam was with Emma.  There would be very few reasons the alpha would not be here with Dean.

“I think so, why?  Did he intend to follow and come to the ER?  He sounded fine when I spoke with him.”

“Oh, well, he shot the alpha,” Dean said, words beginning to slur as he dropped off.  Cas almost jumped off the bed, startling Dean.

“He did WHAT?”

“He shot the alpha in the leg.  It was pretty bad ass,” Dean told him.  Cas could see he was trying to fight the medicine to talk to him.

“Remind me never to get on his bad side,” Cas muttered as he readjusted, pulling Dean close again.  Dean smiled at him.

“Don’t worry Cas.  Everyone loves you.”  Cas shook his head at Dean.

“I’m sure everything is fine. If what you told me is true, Bobby was within every right to shoot him.”

“Huh.”  That was the last thing Dean said before he slipped into a dreamless sleep. 

Cas was awake for much longer.  For a few long minutes he just held Dean and thanked every deity he knew that Dean was safe.  He loved Dean and didn’t know how much longer he could hold out until he claimed his omega. It would have to wait, obviously, until Dean healed, but he knew that he wanted Dean.  Dean wanted him, he was sure.  They had dated for two years and though they had been separated for four, the last months had seemed like no time had passed.  He missed being with Dean when he wasn’t around and he loved Emma more than he thought he could love a child.  It was part of him, and Dean and she was part of the love that they shared.  He wanted to mate Dean.  Dean needed to heal and Cas wanted to make it special.  He wasn’t around to make sure that Dean had the pregnancy and birth that he should have, so he was going to be damn sure that he got his mating properly.

As he thought about how he wanted to ask Dean to mate, a nurse came in quietly to check on them.  She brought water and juice for both of them and checked Dean’s vitals.  Cas was worried that she would wake Dean, but she just smiled and told him she would be gentle and the meds they gave him would have him knocked out for several hours.

Cas asked her what Dean would need when he was released and she gave him a few suggestions and information.  Cas listened intently and picked up the phone to call his assistant as soon as she was gone.

“This better be good,” was the grumbled greeting.  Cas knew it was Sunday.  He pulled the phone away from his ear and checked the time.  8:39. 

“Sorry to wake you,” Cas apologized softly. 

“Clarence?”  He voice sounded clearer and Cas could hear the rustling of fabric.  “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Dean.  He’s ok, but he’s in the hospital.  I need some things.  Can you help?”

“Tell me.”

 

Once he was off of the phone with Meg his thoughts drift back to the topic of mating.  They were cuddled up together in the bed.  Dean was still sleeping, scenting Cas’ neck, but Cas was still awake.  Fatigue was beginning to pull at him, the adrenaline rush calming now, but his mind drifted back to the topic.  He didn’t know how much longer he could hold out without claiming Dean.  It’s all he’d wanted to do since he saw him in August.  This incident only made him surer that he wanted to do it soon.  He told Dean that they would take it at his pace, and he wanted to honor that.  He would never mate Dean without his permission.  He just hoped that Dean would be amenable to mating soon.  He was still arguing with himself when he drifted off to sleep.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Dean's POV!

“So that’s it?” Dean asked as he handed the signed paperwork back to the nurse.  She smiled at handed him his packet of discharge papers and prescriptions.

“That’s it, Mr. Winchester,” she told him paper clipping her set of sheets together.  “You’re free to go.  I’ll send an orderly in with a chair and we’ll get you out of here.”

Dean sighed in relief.  It had been a long night.  In spite of the great medication they had given him Dean was still in a lot of pain.  He couldn’t take a deep breath without pain, he couldn’t move his body without pain and the small smile he attempted when he woke to Cas snuffling his hair in his sleep had cracked his split lip open and Cas woke to blood dripping down Dean’s chin.

“I have your clothes, Dean.  Would you like help?”  Cas was next to Dean’s bed holding what looked like new sweats and a t-shirt along with clean boxers and new sneakers.

“Yea, Cas.  Thanks,” Dean replied confused.  He looked as his alpha curiously but Cas just smiled at him.  He cautiously tried to sit up and Cas put his arm around his shoulder to support him when he winced. 

Between the two of them they were able to get Dean dressed before the nurse came in with the wheelchair.  Dean was transferred carefully and before he knew it they were making their way into Cas’ car slowly.

“Bobby said that he would be by to drop off Baby later and check on you, so don’t worry about her,” Cas told him pulling out of the parking lot.

Dean dropped his head back on the head rest and rolled it to the side to look at Cas.  He gave him a soft look and a very small smile, conscious of his lip.  “Thank you, Cas.  Did you talk with Bobby?  Is everything really ok with him?”

Cas could smell the worry in Dean’s scent under the pain and fatigue.  He glanced at Dean with a reassuring smile.  “He said he’s fine.  The police agreed that he was within his rights to defend you, especially since he’s your father figure.”  Cas continued to drive to Dean’s house for a moment.  “I’ll be forever grateful to him for finding you and protecting you,” he said softly.

Dean wanted to touch Cas, comfort him, but he couldn’t move for the pain.  “Me too,” he said softly.  “I don’t even know how he came to be there though.  One minute I thought…I thought…” Dean shuddered recalling the fear and pain.  He took a shallow breath and swallowed.  Cas reached over the put his hand on his leg.  Dean rested his uninjured right hand on top of it.  “And then he was just there.  He was there and it was over.” Dean shook his head.  “I didn’t even get to thank him for saving me.  Damn.”

“You’ll have time, Dean, but I assure you that Bobby did it because you are important and he’s your family.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that I couldn’t protect myself and God knows what could have happened.”  Dean felt the tears begin to build behind his eyes and squeezed Cas’ hand.

“It’s ok now Dean.  It’s over.  Now we will focus on getting you healed.”

They were silent until they pulled into the driveway.  Dean tried to focus on breathing without pain and blocking everything else out.  It must have worked because he was startled when Cas parked his car and turned off the engine.  Dean made no move to get out.  Cas turned his head to look at him.

“Dean,” he said softly.  Dean turned to look at him. Cas was looking at him with so much tenderness and love Dean almost couldn’t stand it.  “I love you.  So much.”  He brought Dean’s hand up and kissed his knuckles. 

Dean felt something release in him.  Cas had been with him this whole time, had held him and comforted him, but Dean’s insecurities were floating to the surface and he had unconsciously been steeling himself for a rejection. 

“I love you too,” he told Cas, voice soft.  “I’m glad you were with me last night,” he continued.  He wanted Cas to know what it meant to him that his alpha had cared for him.  “I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t there, Cas.”

“I wouldn’t have been anywhere else, Dean,” Cas told him, surprise in his voice.  “Of course I would be with you.  I know this is still new again, but I meant what I said about being with you.”

They gazed at each other for another minute before Cas released his hand and they made their way out of the car and into the house.  When Cas called out that they had arrived a blond blur came running out of the kitchen.

“Daddy!” Emma cried.  Sam was right behind her, but Cas caught her up before she could barrel into Dean.  Dean reached out with his good hand and stroked her hair.  His injured arm was tightly bound in a sling close to his chest.  Cas pulled him close, supporting both him and Emma while she tucked her nose into Dean’s neck, huffing softly.

“I’m ok, Em,” Dean soothed.  He kept his voice calm and tried to ease his scent into something peaceful and reassuring.  He could smell Cas doing the same thing, trying to comfort them both. He could hear a little hitch in Emma’s breathing and he rubbed his nose over her hair reassuring her that he was fine and that he was safe and so was she.  Dean stood there with his little family for a few minutes just breathing in Emma and Cas.  He was so thankful that he had this, especially after the terrifying events of last night. 

“Emma, Daddy needs to rest.  Can we go sit down on the couch?” Cas’ voice broke through the silence, soft and calm.  Emma lifted her head from Dean’s neck and looked at him, taking in his face.  Her little mouth formed an “o” and she gently reached up to touch his lip and cheek.

“Daddy,” she whimpered. 

“It’s ok Emma.  Just a little accident.”  They had decided to tell Emma that Dean had an accident at work, but he was going to be fine.  Dean didn’t even consider telling her what had actually happened, but they needed to tell her something.

Cas herded them into the living room and got Dean and Emma settled on the couch.  Emma tucked right into Dean’s side while Cas positioned a small pillow under Dean’s injured arm. 

“I’m going to get out of your hair,” Sam said as Cas fussed around them for a few minutes, getting water for all three of them, a blanket to throw over Dean and Emma and making sure the remotes were in Dean’s reach.

“Thanks for watching her last night, Sammy,” Dean told him.  Sam nodded and folded himself gently down into a soft hug for Dean.  They scented each other for a few minutes before Sam pulled back.

“I’m always glad to,” Sam said.  “I’ll call later to check in,” he told Dean standing.  “Let me know if you need anything, ok?” The last part was directed more to Cas than Dean.  Dean huffed a short breath, breaking off to grit his teeth in pain.  He could feel Emma’s body tense beside him at the spike in his scent.  Two sets of alpha eyes locked on to Dean, but he waved them away, trying to get control of his scent.  He ran his hands gently through Emma’s hair, smoothing it and soothing them both.  “I’m ok, Em.  It’s ok. Daddy hurts a little when I breathe deep, but I’m ok.”  When he felt Emma nod and her body relax again he looked at the other men.

“Let me know,” Sam told him sternly, pointing at Dean.  Dean nodded while rolling his eyes.  Cas clapped Sam on the back and walked him to the door.  When he returned he resumed his smothering. 

“Cas,” Dean chided softly after the alpha adjusted the blanket for the third time, “we’re ok.”  Dean kept his voice soft and calm, easing himself into the comforting smell of cared for Omega.  It was easy, Cas was a good alpha.  Dean’s hindbrain was overjoyed that his alpha was taking care of him and Emma.  But Dean was starting to feel the pain a bit more and Cas’ constant movement was jostling him.  Dean knew Cas needed to do whatever he needed to do to make sure that Dean and Emma were ok, but Dean just wanted Cas to be near him.

Cas stared at Dean intently, nostrils flaring, scenting for a few breaths.  Dean saw him visibly relax and nod to him once.  Dean smiled gently at him.  “Thank you, Alpha,” he murmured, eyes downcast. 

He heard Cas rumble deep in his chest and Dean’s smile grew.  He knew that would get a good reaction out of Cas.  Maybe now he would really sit down.  Dean inclined his head to his other side and Cas moved to sit down carefully.  He pressed himself up against Dean gently, mindful of the pillow and his arm.  Dean turned on the TV and put on Disney Junior for Emma.  She was happy, scenting their mixed fragrances together before sinking more into Dean and the couch cushions.

Cas gently nuzzled Dean’s hair, continuing to rumble and Dean felt himself relax.  The pain was beginning to increase, but he knew he didn’t have another dose of meds for a while.  He closed his eyes and focused on breathing in Cas and Emma’s scents.

***

“…Dean, Dean, babe, I need you to wake up.”  Dean cracked his eyes open to see Cas peering down at him.  One hand was a solid weight on his thigh and Cas was holding a glass of water in the other hand.  He smiled when Dean fully opened his eyes.

“Wha..?” he asked, trying to get his bearings.  He must have dozed off. Emma was no longer next to him and the TV was muted.    Dean ran a hand down his face to try and clear his mind and wake himself up.

“You fell asleep.  It’s ok.  I’m sorry to wake you, but the nurse told me not to let you get off of schedule for your pain meds the first few days.  It’s time to take them now.”  Cas held out the glass and Dean took it with his good hand.  He got a few swallows down before Cas produced the pill bottle from his pocket and Dean downed two of them.

“Thanks Cas,” he said handing the empty glass back to him.  “Where’s Em?”

Cas smiled and gestured behind Dean.  “She’s eating at the table,” he told Dean.  “It’s lunch time.  I’ve made some soup for you if you’d like something.”

Dean’s heart melted again.  “Thank you Cas,” he said.  “I feel like I’ve said it a hundred times today, but you have no idea how much I appreciate you being here.”  Cas smiled at him, and cupped his jaw.

“And I’ve said just as many times that I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”  He kissed Dean’s forehead whispering, “I love you, Dean.”  He pulled back.  “Do you want to eat?”

Dean nodded.  Food would probably be good.  It had been a good while since his burger.  Dean made to move the pillow but Cas stopped him.

“I’ll bring it to you, Dean.  I want you to move as little as possible.”  He was gone before Dean could even reply.  Dean tried to stretch a bit while he waited for Cas to bring his lunch but he couldn’t do much between the ribs and arm.  Everything ached and he could feel the pain in his arm more clearly the more he woke up.

Cas was preceded by Emma into the room a few minutes later.  Emma handed Dean a napkin and spoon and kissed his knee before moving to her toys on the floor.  Dean quirked an eyebrow at Cas because that was a bit weird. 

Cas shrugged as he sat down with the bowl.  “I told her you had a lot of places where you were hurting but your legs were ok to hug and kiss.  She needs to be able to touch you and feel secure without hurting you.  It will reassure you both.”  Cas’ voice was soft, but he was serious. 

Dean could only nod past the lump in his throat.  He could feel the hot sting of tears as he tried to breathe them away.  Cas was amazing.  He was taking care of them like, like…their alpha.   “Thank you, Cas,” Dean whispered softly.  Cas set the bowl on the coffee table and ran his hand through Dean’s hair, grooming him gently. 

“You have nothing to thank me for, Dean.  I love you both.  And right now, I need to take care of you just like you need me to be here for you.”  Cas ran a hand, feather light along Dean’s cheek, fingers gliding gently over the bruised areas.  His face was soft, loving and Dean leaned into the touch slightly.  A small smile worked its way across Cas’ lips and he leaned forward and kissed Dean’s forehead again.  Dean tilted his head until his nose was just right in Cas’ neck and scented him with shallow breaths.  Cas smelled so comforting, so familiar, like home and mate.  Dean gave a small sigh, wincing slightly at the pull in his ribs.  Cas pulled back, eyes searching Dean’s face for pain.

“I’m good,” Dean told him.  Cas stared a moment longer, eyes slightly narrowed.  It was Dean’s turn to smile.  “Really, Cas.  Promise.”

“Promise me, Dean,” Cas told him in a low gravelly voice.  It was close to his alpha voice, but Dean didn’t feel the pull of the command.  “Promise me that you will tell me the truth.  I need to know if you’re in pain or uncomfortable.  There could be complications and at the very least, you could suffer in pain for no reason.” 

Dean nodded, eyes on Cas.’  “I promise, Cas.  I heard what the doctor’s said about getting ahead of the pain.  Thank you for taking care of us.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Now, let’s eat some soup.” 

Cas proceeded to help Dean eat his soup with one hand.  He managed about half the bowl before he put the spoon down and told Cas he was done.  Cas hoped that Dean would eat more, but he knew that the pain and the trauma had stolen his appetite.  He would be content with what he was able to get in him. 

Dean finishing his soup must have been some kind of sign for Emma because she abandoned her toys and approached the couch.  At her fathers’ encouraging smiles she quickly crawled up onto the cushions between the two men.  Cas helped her get settled against Dean’s good arm before scooting closer and putting his arm around her back and over her onto Dean’s knee.  She burrowed into the cushions, sighing happily, nostrils flaring slightly as she pulled in their combined scents. 

Cas knew he was radiating happy alpha pheromones being nestled with his little family, but he couldn’t help it.  He knew Dean was injured and it was serious.  The trauma was serious.  But right now, he was safe, Emma was safe and cared for and Cas loved them both so much he couldn’t feel badly about being happy.  He squeezed Dean’s knee and glanced from Emma to Dean.  Dean was looking back at him with a happy smile on his face. 

Dean breathed in shallow breaths, scenting the three of them together just like his daughter was.  Having Emma so close helped and breathing Cas’ crazy happy alpha smell was making Dean even more content.  He turned his head and looked at Cas.  He was watching Emma as she snuggled in closer.  Dean wished he could pull her into his side but he knew that was a bad idea.  He would have to be ok with her between him and Cas. 

Dean was steadily not thinking about what had happened the night before.  He had broken down with Cas in the hospital, but Dean knew that was just the beginning.  He could feel the terror creeping into his gut even as he tried not to think about it.  He didn’t want to ruin this moment.  He tried to calmly take another breath, as deep as he could. 

Emma.  Emma was what he needed to focus on.  Make sure that she was ok.  She looked fine.  More than fine, actually.  She looked happy and carefree.  Sam and Cas had done a great job reassuring her and making sure that things continued to run as normal for her.  He sent a silent prayer up again, thanking whomever put Cas in his path all those years ago.

A slight squeeze to his knee brought his attention back to the alpha.  Dean raised his eyebrows, not willing to break the spell that was holding the three of them together.

“When is Emma’s naptime?” Cas asked him softly.  It seemed he was unwilling to end this time as well.  Dean glanced at the clock on the TV.

“About now.  She usually naps around one.”  Cas nodded silently and bent over to whisper in Emma’s ear.  Her eyes flew open and she pouted her lip out.  “Come on, Peanut,” Dean said softly.  “It’s time for nap.  Be good for Papa, now, ok?  I need your help like you’re a big girl.”

Emma didn’t look entirely convinced but she nodded and sat up.  She slid off of the couch with Cas’ help and hugged Dean’s leg, giving him another kiss on the knee before pulling away.  “I love you, Daddy,” she told him taking Cas’ hand.

“I love you too, baby,” Dean told her.  He watched as Cas followed her up the stairs to tuck her in bed.  Dean hoped that Cas remembered that she should go potty before naptime, otherwise he was going to have a mess to clean up after nap.  Dean couldn’t get enough breath to breathe properly, so shouting a reminder to Cas was out of the question.  A sharp twinge as he shifted on the cushion put any thought of actually getting up to help Cas out of his mind, too. 

As he settled back into the couch he felt a yawn creeping its way up and he steeled himself for the pain he knew was coming even though he tried to stifle it.  He got through and realized that he was tired again.  He really should move to his bed though.  Dean closed his eyes just for a moment, intending to ask Cas to help him get to his room when he came back down.  He was out as soon as his lids closed.

***

Dean felt a sense of de ja vu when he opened his eyes again.  Cas was in front of him, earnest face, hand on his knee.

“…Time is it?” Dean mumbled running his good hand down his face to try and clear the sleep from his brain.

“You fell asleep with Emma.  It’s about 4 now.  Time for another dose of medicine.”  Cas held out the pill for Dean and he obediently put it in his mouth.  Cas picked up a class of water that was next to him and Dean took several swallows, wetting his mouth.  He smiled at Cas and handed it back to him.

“I think those things knock me out, man,” Dean observed.  Cas chuckled and nodded.  “Where’s Emma?”

“Ellen and Bobby came by to bring Baby and they took her with them for a while.  They said that they’d bring her back after dinner for bed.”

“Wow.  I slept through all of that?  Those things are pretty good, huh?”

Cas quirked his lips and nodded.  “We tried to be quiet and they got here right about the time Emma woke up, but yes you did.  I’m glad though,” Cas continued.  “The rest will help you heal quickly.”  Cas paused and Dean knew there was something else Cas wanted to talk about.  His tells hadn’t changed and Dean could see the small tightness around his eyes and the slightly stiff way he was holding himself.

“Spit it out Cas,” Dean said after a moment of silence.  Cas sighed and moved to sit next to Dean, laying a hand on his knee.  Dean shook his head, smirking.

“What?” Cas asked.

“My knee is getting more action that all the rest of me combined right now,” Dean told him with a smile.  Cas returned the smile and Dean was glad he was able to dissolve some of the tension in Cas’ eyes.  “Talk to me, please.”

Cas nodded before he spoke.  “Dean, I want to talk to you about what happens next.  I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone with Emma.”  He quirked an eye brow as if to ask if Dean had a different opinion.  Dean shook his head.

“I think you’re right, Cas.”  Dean wasn’t sure where this was going.  Was Cas going to suggest a nursing service to come in and help?  Was he going to see if Ellen or Bobby would come and stay?

“Dean, I…I would like to stay with you.  If you are amenable to that.”  Cas let out a big breath like he was nervous and Dean just stared at him with a frown.  There was a beat of silence before Dean spoke.

“Cas, I know you have a lot of shit going on in your life too.  I mean, you’ve already been here the whole day.  You have work and a life too.  You can’t mean to stay and play nurse to me and take care of Emma?”  Dean wasn’t sure what was going on.  He knew that Cas loved him and he felt secure, finally, in knowing that Cas was there, but he also knew that this was a big test in their relationship that was still very new again.

“Why not?  Dean, I want you to be my mate.  You and our daughter are the most important things in my life.  I can work from here.  I can ask for help with Emma if I need it and I will know that you are being properly taken care of.  Please, Dean.  Let me stay.”

Cas voice was strong and sure, but he was asking to stay, not demanding it.  Dean couldn’t deny that he was happy Cas wanted to stay.  His omega needed his alpha right now while he was in pain and scared.  He wanted Cas there to be able to scent him and comfort him.  And he didn’t want to be separated from Emma.  Dean nodded and covered Cas’ hand with his own.

“Thank you, Cas.  I want that too.”  He smiled as much as he was able with his hurt face and Cas flipped his hand over to lace their fingers together.

“Thank you, Dean.  Now.  Emma won’t be home for a while, so do you want to try and shower and change?  Do you want to stay here or get in bed?”

“Yea, Cas, thanks.  I actually would like a shower, but I’m not sure how that will work.”  Dean frowned as he thought through his ribs and arm. 

“Not to worry,” Cas said standing up.  He suddenly looked sheepish and Dean wondered what could cause Cas to be embarrassed.  He cleared his throat before he spoke again.  “I had my assistant, Meg, get a few things.”

Dean raised his eyebrows.  “What things?”  Dean asked.  “And when was this?”

“I was awake for a long time last night, Dean.  I did some research and asked her to pick up several items that will aid in your recovery and make things easier on you.”  Cas bent down and gently began to help Dean move to the edge of the couch.  “She bought a chair for the shower so you can sit.  She also bought several bags specifically designed for your arm to keep the wrappings dry.”  Cas slowly helped Dean stand up.  “She also picked up the breathing device the doctor prescribed to help you breathe deeply to avoid pneumonia.”  Cas snaked his arm around Dean’s waste and they began to shuffle to the stairs.  “I knew you probably had adequate clothing here, but I also asked her to purchase several pairs of pajama pants for you along with several soft button down shirts.”  Cas paused at the bottom of the stairs and winked at Dean.  “Not that you needed more flannel.”

“Thank you Cas,” Dean breathed.  He knew Cas was a good alpha and all his efforts just reinforced it.  “When did all this happen?  While I was asleep too?”

Cas smiled.  “Apparently, those pills really do knock you out.  How are you feeling right now, actually?”

“Tired, but I think it’s just the regular post trauma, hospital stay tired.  I would really like a shower and more comfortable clothes.”

“Alright.  Now.  I would like to carry you up the stairs.”  Dean gaped at him.  But Cas was serious about this.

“What?” Dean asked him.

“Dean.  There is no way you are going to be able to manage the stairs.  Please, just let me carry you.”

Dean looked up the stairwell.  There were thirteen stairs.  He knew that because he and Emma had counted and counted every time they went up or down.  Cas was right.  There was no way Dean was going to do those stairs and come out of it alive.

“Sure thing, Cas,” Dean told him smirking.  Dean was actually looking forward to seeing Cas’ alpha strength. 

Cas bent at the knees and gently pulled him into his arms, carrying him bridal style up the stairs quickly and efficiently, hardly exerting any effort.  When they reached the top of the stairs Cas didn’t put him down and Dean didn’t protest.  Cas carried him to his bedroom and into the bathroom.  Dean could see the stool in the shower already and shook his head.  Cas was a force to be reckoned with.  He hoped that this Meg person hadn’t snooped in his bathroom or anything.

When Cas set Dean down, he did so with the instructions for Dean to sit on the closed toilet seat and let Cas get everything set.  He carefully divested Dean of his clothing with a running commentary from Dean.

‘I had hoped that the next time you saw me naked it would be a little bit more fun.’

‘Cas, I am not made of glass, come on.’

‘Castiel, the bag is fine.  Leave it alone.’

Dean mostly tried to get a rise out of his boyfriend to keep his mind off of how much it was hurting just to get undressed.  Cas was either really good at ignoring him, or he knew what Dean needed and let it go.  Probably the latter, the bastard. 

How could Cas still know him so well after all this time?  Dean was also pretty sure that the pain was leaking into his scent a little bit and that Cas had probably detected it before Dean had.

When he was undressed Cas turned on the water and helped Dean to sit on the stool.  The bag was firmly in place so his wrappings would be safe.  Dean expected Cas to leave him to it, but to his surprise, he knelt down next to the tub and took the shower head out of Dean’s hand.  Cas smelled like protective alpha and Dean knew that Cas needed to do something to soothe his wolf, so Dean just relaxed and let Cas wash him and fuss over him.

When they were done, Dean was exhausted.  Cas helped him change and tucked him in bed.  Cas brought him more water and stretched out next to him on the bed as his eyes drooped.

“Shhh, Dean,” he rumbled, stroking Dean’s hair.  “Do you want me to sleep in the guest bedroom?”

Dean’s eyes flew open as his scent spiked with shock and confusion.  “What?”

Cas immediately shifted closer, nuzzling Dean’s hair and sliding an arm under his neck at his pillow.  “I’ll be right across the hall, Dean.   I won’t leave you.”

“No, Cas, it’s not that.”  Suddenly, Dean’s face flushed and his scent turned slightly sour.  Of course.  Cas wouldn’t want Dean after all.  He was broken and damaged now.  When Cas asked to stay he didn’t mean to _stay_.  Why would any-

“Dean,” Cas’ alpha voice broke through his jumbled thoughts.  He glanced up to meet Cas’ concerned eyes.  “I’m not leaving you,” he repeated in his normal tone.  “I’m not abandoning you.”

Dean could feel tears again, damnit.  He swallowed hard before he spoke again.  “Then why are you leaving me?”

“Dean, I’m n-“

“No, Cas.  I mean, why don’t you want to stay here?  With me?”

“Dean, of course I want to.  I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.  I didn’t want you to feel pressured or worried.  I thought that maybe after,” Cas swallowed hard before continuing, “after last night, you’d like a little space.  I wasn’t sure how you were feeling today.”  Cas resumed grooming his hair and Dean’s eyes fluttered closed.

“I want you to stay.  Here.  With me,” Dean told him opening his eyes again.  “Please, Cas.  I need you.”

Cas nodded and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips.  “I want that too.  I need you too.”


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy weekend! Hope you're still enjoying the story!

Dean’s recovery was slow progress.  Cas spent the week with him and Emma, caring for them both while continuing to work from the house.  Cas spent a lot of time on his computer and phone, but was able to take breaks to make sure Dean was comfortable and fed and had taken the medication he needed.  He was great with Emma and it was clear she was quickly settling in to life with her alpha dad.

Cas took care of everything, leaving Dean to spend time with Emma and heal.  Dean had had several nightmares during the first few nights and Cas suggested that he talk with someone to help him.  Dean brushed him off at first, but after the third night waking up shaking, sweating and in agonizing pain from flailing around, he thought Cas might be right.

***

When Dean woke on Friday morning, almost a week after the accident, it was later than he normally woke up.  He- _carefully_ \- turned to look at the clock which read 7:17.  He has just enough time to wonder where Cas and Emma were when he heard peals of laughter float through the closed door.  He knew the high pitched laugh of Emma, but the matching, lower voice of Cas’ is something new that he is not used to having.  Dean closed his eyes and lay there just listening and feeling happy.

Eventually he got himself up and made his way downstairs.  His steps faltered as he was greeted with a huge mess in the kitchen and what looked like pancakes piled high on a plate warming on the stove.  There was bacon in another pan on the stove and a bowl of fruit sitting on the kitchen table.

Emma darted across the kitchen to see him, grabbing him by his legs.  Dean smiled and sat down slowly in the kitchen chair.  He helped her to crawl up on his lap, being careful not to put too much stress on his ribs and scented her, breathing in her sweet baby smell that was starting to disappear.

“We made breakfast!” Emma told him, still clinging to his neck.  He wrapped his good arm around her tighter and smiled.

“I see that.  Thank you.”

 Cas walked over and placed a cup of coffee in front of Dean, just the way he liked it before kissing his temple.  “Good morning.”

Dean leaned into the kiss and his smile grew.  He was still sore, still healing, but he had his little family and right now, things were perfect.  He sighed as deeply as he could and happiness bled through his scent.

They ate and then Cas left to take Emma to school.  Dean tried to do small things around the house to keep himself busy.  He was slowly recovering, his face healing first, his strength returning and the ache and fear leaving.  He suspected that having Cas here was doing more for that than anything else.

When Cas returned he helped Dean create a nest on the couch and put in his favorite Star Wars before kissing him and handing him the remote. 

“I have some work to do, so I’ll just be in the kitchen at the table, ok?”

Dean smiled up at him.  “Thanks, Cas.”  The truth was that the half hour of movement had tugged on his ribs and he was tired again.  He was healing, but it was slow going.  He had an appointment this afternoon and he hoped that the doctor would take him off of his most severe restrictions.  Cas had hovered so badly that Dean thought he might suffocate, not to mention the fact that he hadn’t been out of the house since he was released from the hospital. 

Dean tried to take a deep breath, wincing at the pain.  He kept his breathing regular, but tried to take a deep breath every now and then.  He flexed his fingers and rolled his neck. 

Feeling a little better he focused on his movie.  When it was over he thought about what to do.  Cas was still in the kitchen and Dean could hear him on the phone.  Dean glanced at the coffee table littered with magazines, books, crossword puzzles and Sudoku.  They had turned the coffee table so that one of the short ends butted up against the side of the couch Dean was reclined on so things were in easy reach for him.  He grabbed one of the Sudoku books and worked out two puzzles before his attention began to wander.  He put the book down and grabbed one of the car magazines.  He had looked through them all twice already but Dean was willing to look again.  He got half way through the main article before he huffed and tossed it back on the table.

He was bored.  Cas had tried to engage him with board games, but Cas still had to work.  He bought the puzzles and a new video game for Dean, but it was hard to play with his arm in the sling.  Dean had read a book a day and made a little video to send to the school to show the students he was ok.  The lack of movement was difficult for him, but the lack of his routines was making him antsy.

His scent must have alerted Cas because he was in front of him, blue eyes staring intently into green, before Dean really even knew he was agitated.

“Are you in pain?” Cas asked crouching down to Dean’s level while he was sprawled on the couch.

Dean smiled faintly.  “No, Alpha.  Well, not a lot at least,” he amended.  “I’m just bored and grouchy.  I need my routines and I’m getting anxious without them in place.”

Cas smiled at him and ran a hand through his hair.  Dean closed his eyes and let his scent calm.  He breathed in Cas’ smell, the smell of rain was tinted a little with a moldy smell, showing Cas’ concern.  “Your appointment is after lunch and we’ll see what the doctor has to say, ok?”

“’K, Cas.  I’m sorry I’m such a bad patient.”

Cas chuckled, continuing to card his hand through his hair.  “You’re not a bad patient Dean.  Trust me, if our roles were reversed it would be much worse.”

Dean smiled up at him, wondering for the thousandth time what he did to deserve this alpha.  “Love you, Cas.”

“I love you, Dean.”  They were silent for a minute, just breathing in each other’s scents, calming each other.  “Would you like to take a shower?”

“Yea, that would be great.”

“Ok, let’s get you up then.”  Cas helped Dean up and into the shower then fixed a quick lunch for both of them while Dean sat at the table and chatted with him.  After lunch Cas helped Dean into the car and they headed for the doctor.

Fortunately, Dr. Crowley was pleased with his progress and told Dean that he no longer needed to wear the sling and could begin to use his arm again.  He also told Dean he could resume normal activity with his ribs, slowly increasing his movement and activity as the pain allowed.  He cautioned him to be careful because though both injuries were healing, but they were still there.  The bruising on his face was healing slowly and his split lip was almost closed.  He still looked bad physically but Dean was healing.

“Don’t push yourself too hard,” Dr. Crowley told him.  He glanced at Cas for confirmation the alpha was listening too.  Dean rolled his eyes.  He didn’t need his alpha’s permission.  “Dean, don’t mistake me.  I would make sure that anyone with you today would understand the instructions I’m giving you.  Am I incorrect that you would go straight back to your normal routine if there was no one there to stop you?”  Dean pouted but nodded his head.  “Alright, then.  Keep using the breathing machine until it no longer hurts to breathe deeply.  I’ll see you again for a follow up in 6 weeks.”

Dean was elated.  He was off the harshest restrictions.  He had the weekend to get things together at the house, but he would be able to go back to work for the last three days before winter break. 

Dean made his follow up appointment and they were out the door.  Cas still helped him to sit down in the car because, let’s face it, it still hurt like crazy, but Dean’s excitement was not diminished.  He knew he could move at his own pace and do what he thought he could handle. 

His happy scent must have been permeating the car because Cas chuckled when he slid in the driver’s seat.  He backed out of the parking space and gently took Dean’s hand, smiling as he drove them home.

 

Dean’s happy mood didn’t last long.  Having permission to resume activity and actually being able to do anything were two different things.  Dean wasn’t sure what he thought would happen between the morning and the afternoon, but soon he was frustrated and on the verge of tears and he leaned heavily on the side of the dryer, trying to massage his shoulder and catch his breath at the same time. 

Damn, all he had wanted to do was to fold the laundry.  He had even put the basket on the washer lid to fold it right on the dryer.  He only had to bend down to get the clothes from the dryer.  That had been more painful than he had thought it would be, but caught his breath and brushed it off.  After folding for a few minutes his arm had begun to twitch and pain began to radiate from his shoulder again.  He had to stop.  He couldn’t even do a simple chore in his home.

Cas found him, nostrils flaring as he took in the scent of salty tears and sour apples, clearly showing Dean’s pain and sadness.  He pulled Dean into his arms and rubbed his back.

“It’s ok, Dean.  It will take time.”

“I feel useless.  It’s not that I don’t like you being here and don’t’ get me wrong, not having to do everything on my own and make every single decision about everything is wonderful in its own right, but Cas, man, I feel useless.  I’m used to doing everything and now I can’t do anything.”

“Oh, Dean.  You’re not useless. Let’s just try and find a way for you to do some things that won’t aggravate the injuries until you feel a little more like yourself.”  Cas slowly guided him out of the laundry room and back to the kitchen.  Emma was in her chair eating an after school snack.  She smiled and reached for him when they entered. 

Dean immediately went over to her and sat next to her chair.  Dean sat gingerly and even though there is some pain, happiness bled through to his scent at the sight of his pup.  This is what he had always wanted.  Emma hugged him and Dean nuzzled her neck, scenting her, breathing in her smell.  He was happy she was home.  It was Friday and they had the weekend to be together before he went back to work on Monday.

Cas turned to him and smiled softly, reading the happiness in Dean’s scent.  Dean could smell that Cas had the same scent. Their combined scents, along with Emma’s served to help Dean’s pain lessen more than anything.  After their snack, Cas suggested that they all relax and watch a movie instead of going outside to play like they normally would. 

“I want a Disney movie!” Emma cried, hopping up and down in front of Cas. Dean agreed. 

“Sounds good to me.  Which one, Emma?”  Cas cocks an eyebrow at him for his ready agreement.  “Hey,” Dean said, “you’re new here.  She’ll suck you into everything princess before you know it.”

Cas nodded with a smirk on his face.  “Yes, but I’m not also a Disney princess like you, am I?” Dean scowled but didn’t deny it.  “Why don’t you go sit down?  I’ll finish cleaning up and meet you in there.”

Dean slowly got up from his chair and made his way into the living room.  Emma was looking along the row of Disney movies on the holder in deep concentration.  Dean was tired and the pain was still a bit much.  He glanced at the clock and noted that he had two more hours before he could take another dose of medicine.  He was distracted by Cas joining them.  He helped Emma pick a DVD then they both sat with him on the couch.  Dean was next to the arm, using the couch to rest his injured arm and Cas sat close to him, Emma tucked in next to him with his arm around her.  Dean sighed happily and let Cas wrap an arm around him as the music for the movie began. 

***

Dean fluttered his eyes open.  He had fallen asleep before the movie had even begun.  He turned his head where it was resting on the back of the couch to look over at Cas.  Emma was curled up in his lap with her thumb in her mouth and her lovey clutched in her fist.  Cas glanced over at Dean’s movement and a small smile lit his face.

“Did you have a good nap?” Cas asked him quietly. 

“Yea, sorry.  Didn’t mean to fall asleep on you guys,” Dean said sheepishly.  Cas pulled him closer and nuzzled his head, spreading his scent over him. 

“You’re still healing, Dean.  Besides, I’m sure you’ve seen this movie many times.”  Dean huffed a laugh and pressed into Cas’ side.  “How about pizza for dinner?  I don’t really feel like moving, do you?”

“Nope.  Pizza sounds good to me.  Thanks Cas.”

“Any time Dean.  I love you, you know.  Both of you.”

 

Dinner was delicious and afterwards Cas helped Emma bathe and get ready for bed.  He didn’t question Dean’s instructions, knowing that the Omega needed to have a few pieces of routine during this time.  Dean read Emma a story and they both tucked her in.  As Dean shut the door, his anxiety spiked.  _What now?_ He thought.  _I’m technically better and off of restrictions.  Would Cas be happier going home?  I’ve gotten so used to him being here, I don’t know…what if…_

“Dean, you’re thinking very loudly over there.”  Cas’ gentle voice broke through to Dean.  He still had his head leaning on Emma’s door, back facing Cas.  He took as deep of a breath as he could before standing and turning to Cas.

He swallowed several times before he found his voice.  “What now?” he asked Cas in a small voice.  He risked a glance up to see Cas staring at him openly with an expression that was somehow fond and exasperated at the same time.

“Well, for starters, I’m going to help you into the shower and I’ll wash your hair for you.  Then I’m going to tuck you in bed with your pain medicine while I pop some popcorn and you pick out a movie for us to watch before bed.  Sound good?”

Dean closed his eyes.  Yea, that sounded really good.  He had gotten used to Cas being there every night, and even though the last week had been purely for comfort, he liked waking up with Cas. 

“Yea,” Dean breathed, exhaling the breath he had been holding.  He winced as it tugged on his ribs and Cas reached for him.

“Come on, Dean.  Let’s get you in the shower.”

Cas was true to his word and before he knew it, he was snuggled in his bed with Cas, sharing popcorn and watching Die Hard.  Cas had argued about the fact that it wasn’t technically a Christmas movie, but didn’t mind watching it in general.  Dean fell asleep with Cas’ arm snuggly around him, breathing on his neck, spooned up behind him.

 

***

Saturday morning they woke up to Emma burrowing between them in the bed.  Cas grumbled and pulled his pillow over his head in an attempt to block out the chipper three year old.  Dean chuckled at him as he snuggled into Emma’s embrace, her little arms winding around his neck.

“Papa’s not a morning person, is he pup?”  Emma giggled and shook her head at him.  “Maybe he’ll get up if we make some breakfast, hm?”

Dean was feeling better this morning.  He was able to move with Emma with minimal pain and he thought that today would be a better day.

He and Emma carefully extricated themselves from the bed and padded down the hallway.  Cas had grunted at them as Dean kissed him on his back and told him there would be coffee waiting for him.  Emma pulled her stool up next to Dean at the counter and he handed her a butter knife to cut up strawberries and bananas while he mixed pancake batter.  Dean turned on his iTunes and they sang along to the music.  It was the first day Dean had truly felt like himself again and that did more for lifting his mood and decreasing his pain than anything else.

Dean smelled Cas when he reached the kitchen and there were strong arms gently circling his waste as Cas put his chin on his shoulder and kissed his neck, scenting him gently.  Dean was swept with a wave of nostalgia and longing so fierce that he had to grab the counter.  Cas stilled.

“Dean?” he asked softly, still not moving.

Dean closed his eyes and tried to tamp down the feelings, taking a few breaths before answering.  “Yea, Cas, I’m ok.  It’s been a long time since you’ve done that and I hadn’t realized how much I missed it.”

Cas nuzzled into his neck again.  “I didn’t realized it was something I did a lot,” he told Dean softly.

Dean was surprised.  He thought that Cas greeted him like that on purpose.  “Oh.  Well, it’s how you said good morning most mornings at school.  I guess it just became a thing because I was usually at my locker when you got there and my back was to you.”

“Well, I like it.  I want to greet you like this every morning.”

“I’d like that a lot,” Dean agreed.  They stayed like that for another moment, just reveling in the fact that they were together again.  Emma broke the spell when she held up her empty banana peel.

“Daddy, I’m done.  Can we eat soon?”

Cas reluctantly withdrew his arms and kissed Emma on top of her head in greeting before whisking the empty peelings and strawberry tops off of the counter and into the trash.

“Pancakes are almost done pup.  Why don’t you get in your chair and maybe Papa can get you some milk?”  Dean raised his eyebrows at Cas who was nodding, already moving to the fridge.

Once everyone had gotten their food, and Cas had downed a cup of coffee, they sat down to breakfast together.  It was relaxed and comfortable and Dean marveled at how easily Cas just fit back into his life.  He took to being a father so effortlessly. 

“So what are we going to do today?” Cas asked as he finished his second cup of coffee.  Emma had long since finished her food and dashed into the living room to watch cartoons.  Dean and Cas lingered at the table, talking and enjoying being together.  Their hands were loosely connected across the table.

“Well, Emma and I usually make gingerbread houses the weekend before Christmas.  I didn’t get to make the molds this year, so I guess we either need to get making some or go get some.  Sam and Jess usually join us, but I’m not sure if they can today since I didn’t plan anything.”

“Hmm.  Let’s call them and see and Emma and I can go out and get some things if you want.”

“I could go with you, you know.  Not an invalid, remember?”  Dean was only half joking.  He very well could make it to the store with the two of them, but he wasn’t really sure that being on his feet like that, with a crowd of shoppers the Saturday before Christmas was a good idea.

Cas smiled at him shaking his head.  “I know, Dean, but I think you also know that it’s more than that.  Besides, I know there is wrapping that you need to do.  You could take time to work on that.”

Cas had a fair point.  “Ok.  Let me call Sammy and see what’s up.”

Dean’s call to Sam was short and ended with the plan that they would be by around 10 and plan to stay for lunch.  Cas was already getting Emma ready and they were out the door quickly with a list Dean had hastily written down on a piece of paper.

Dean did have wrapping that he needed to do, but he was afraid that by the time he got everything organized he would have to stop and still hide everything from Emma.  He decided to just work on some light chores instead.  He straightened the living room and folded a load of laundry.  He was happy to see that where yesterday he was feeling a lot of pain in his arm, today it was just an ache.  Granted he was sitting on the couch today and moving at a snail’s pace, but it was still progress.

After that Dean wiped the counters and got out the materials he had already for gingerbread making.  He was smiling, still puttering around when Emma and Cas returned.  They were both pink cheeked and excited when they burst through the front door.  They were loaded down with bags of candy and several kits to make houses and a train.

Dean laughed at them both as he helped them unpack and organize the materials.  Sam and Jess would be there in a few minutes and Dean was looking forward to it.  This was a tradition that he and Sam had started a long time ago.  Sometimes the houses were just cheap graham crackers held together with cheaper icing and that was it, but it was something that they both looked forward to each year that was something just for them.  It had expanded to include Emma and Jess and now Cas.

Dean took a breath, conscious of his ribs tugging, just looking at Emma who was hopping from one foot to the other while looking over the loot.  He felt Cas’ arms come around him and his chin settle on his shoulder.  Dean smiled and sighed, sagging slightly into the embrace as he gripped Cas’ strong forearms.  Cas rubbed his nose against Dean’s pulse point, scent marking him lightly.

“She looks enchanted,” Cas whispered in his ear.  Dean shuddered at the contact and the soft puffs of air on his neck.  “Mmmm,” Cas hummed, feeling Dean’s reaction.  He placed a chaste kiss on the side of his neck and whispered, “later,” as he pulled away to stand with Emma.

“Caaaas,” Dean whined.  His mate only chuckled as he crouched down.

“Daddy, what’s wrong?” Emma asked turning to him.

“Nothing, Princess,” Cas told her.  “Your dad is just spoiled, apparently.” 

“Hey!” Dean exclaimed and only further gaped when Emma gave Cas a knowing look and a nod.  Cas barked out a laugh at both of their faces.  “Whatever, I’m going to finish getting set up.”  Dean turned to get the icing bags and plates, but hissed in pain when he reached for them.

Cas was immediately at his side, strong arms gently holding him while Dean held onto his side, willing the pain to subside.  Cas’ strong scent was calm and soothing and Dean tried to pull in as much as he could with his rib on fire.  Cas stroked his hair and kissed his temple, murmuring sweet words to him while he regained the ability to breathe.

Dean nodded silently when the pain was subsiding and Cas turned him so they were facing.  He cupped Dean’s face and placed a chaste kiss on his forehead.  Dean’s good mood had evaporated with the sharp stab of pain.  His shoulders sagged in a different way than before and he could feel his scent begin to turn bitter.  Dean closed his eyes trying to shake off the melancholy feelings, but the images that flashed in his mind were anything but soothing.

Cas pulled him in and tucked his nose into his neck.  Dean huffed a few breaths but even the calming, reassuring scent of his alpha couldn’t completely shake the feelings.  Dean pulled away trying to calm his scent. 

“I’m going to go lay down for a while.  Tell me when Sam and Jess get here, ok?” His voice was a quiet murmur, his eyes downcast so he didn’t have to see whatever Cas was thinking. 

“Ok, Dean.  Whatever you need,” Cas replied softly.  Dean shuffled out of the kitchen and slowly made his way upstairs.  He just needed a few minutes to get himself together.  He couldn’t fall apart in front of Emma first of all, and he desperately wanted to have good memories of the first Christmas with Cas.

Dean slowly sat down and maneuvered onto his pillow.  He was breathing as deeply as he could, trying to both calm his heart rate and pull in the soothing scents of him and his alpha in the bed, but he could feel the panic starting.  Though he had only been once, his therapist was great and Dean was happy that he had, for once, listened to Cas and gone to see someone.  He practiced some of the breathing techniques that they had discovered didn’t hurt too badly and tried to talk himself down.

_I’m ok.  I’m safe, at home.  Emma and Cas are safe.  My body is damaged but not irreparable.  I am safe.  I am safe.  I am safe._

Dean’s not sure how long he lay there, chanting to himself before he could feel his body relax and his mind quiet.  Once he felt better he continued to lay there.  He knew that Cas would be in to check on him and Dean waited.  He wanted to make sure that he was ready to go back downstairs, but also that the pain was really under control.

Minutes later he smelled Cas enter the room and there was a dip on the bed next to him where he sat down.  He gently stroked the back of Dean’s hand where it lay over his stomach, intertwined with the other.

“Sam and Jess are here.  They are working on the first batch of gingerbread sculptures with Emma.”  Cas kept his voice low, but knew Dean wasn’t asleep.  He cracked open his eyes and saw a concerned alpha next to him.

“Ok.  I think I’ll come back down now.”  He took a deeper breath, noting the pull on his ribs, but no stabbing pains.

“It’s ok if you don’t want to, Dean.  We all understand.”  Cas was gentle, obviously concerned, but still left the decision up to Dean.  He smiled faintly at his alpha.

“I’m ok, really.  I did some breathing and talked myself down.  I’m good.”

Cas helped him to sit up and they slowly made their way downstairs.  Sam and Jess greeted him with gentle hugs and soon Dean was absorbed in constructing a gingerbread train with Emma and Jess.  Dean was able to shake off the negative thoughts and enjoy himself.  He wanted Emma to have wonderful Christmas memories and was determined to make sure that their traditions were kept.  It was even more special this year because Cas was with them.

They ended up eating pizza on the living room floor because the kitchen was a mess but Dean didn’t care.  He focused on the warmth from his alpha next to him and his pup’s eyes shining in the Christmas lights.  He was happy and safe.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter you guys, sorry! I added this one because so many of you were interested in Cas' work and finances and the police investigation. This is just the first part of answering those questions! I'm not a lawyer, so I don't know how things work, so sorry! Some of your questions will be answered later and are written in already, but here is the first part of some discussion and maturity for these boys. :) Next chapter will be the meeting with the lawyers.

Later that night Dean brushed his teeth and then made his way to his side of the bed to lay down.  He smiled thinking of how now he had a side of the bed.  He knew it was silly because he really only ever slept on this side of the bed before, it wasn’t like he slept in the middle, but now it was more official.  He had Cas with him and there was a definite place for them both. 

Dean smiled at Cas as he made his way out of the bathroom as well.  Dean knew there was a matching toothbrush in the holder for Cas along with his hair products, razors and a few other things the alpha used on a regular basis.  Dean felt the happiness leak into his scent as Cas maneuvered into bed and pulled him into his chest carefully.

“Are you alright, my Omega?”

Dean sighed and nodded.  Cas had been calling him ‘my Omega’ ever since the accident.  It served to remind them both that Dean only belonged to Cas and that Dean was safe.  “I’m glad you’re here.  I don’t ever want you to go.”

Cas chuckled.  “I’m not going anywhere Dean.  There is nothing in the world that would make me leave you a second time.”

Dean shifted a bit, wincing as his shoulder and ribs shot pain through his body, but he nuzzled into Cas’ neck, breathing in the deep scent of summer sunshine.  Dean felt himself relax.  “Love you, Alpha.”

“And I love you, Omega.”

***

The following morning, when Emma had disappeared in the living room to play and watch cartoons, Cas took Dean’s hand.  They were both still sitting at the breakfast table, plates finished, just relaxing a bit.  Cas had been on his tablet, working, Dean assumed, while he was looking up recipes on Pinterest for Christmas.

He glanced up from his phone at Cas’ touch, smile drooping some at the look on his alpha’s face.  It was somehow apologetic, hesitant and angry at the same time.  Dean quirked a brow at him, inhaling his scent, which matched his face.

“What’s up alpha?” he asked.  Cas squeezed his hand.  Dean tried to put on a brave face, but his scent had spiked in response to Cas’.  He knew he wasn’t going to like whatever Cas was about to say.

“Tomorrow we have to meet with the lawyers to talk.”

Dean stiffened and gripped Cas’ hand harder.  “I already talked to the police at the hospital,” he replied.  The morning after the police had arrived and Dean had had to tell his story all over again.  It had helped the Cas was there with him that time and that Cas already knew the details from the previous night.

Logically he knew that he would have to do more than just give a statement.  He needed to make sure that Bobby was ok and that the asshole alpha never hurt anyone again, but he was scared.  He didn’t want to think about that night anymore and he certainly didn’t want to have to face the alpha again, regardless of where it was going to be or who would be with him.

Cas smiled sadly at him.  “I know, Dean, but we have to.  The lawyers need to meet and Amara said that it should be quick.  But you need to be there.”

“I don’t want to.” Dean told him.  It was already obvious he didn’t want to, and it was more than just petulance.

“I know.  I’ll see if Ellen or Sam can pick up Emma and you can meet me there.  I scheduled the meeting so you could have your first day back without leaving early.  But, I’m worried that you’re going to overtax yourself.”  Cas scent showed his concern and he stroked his thumb over where their hands were still joined on the table.  “I know that you want to get back to your routine, and I don’t blame you, but I also don’t want you to push yourself.” 

Dean nodded.  He thought about yesterday and how things had gone downhill for a bit.  He knew that these ribs and the other injuries would take some time, he just had to be patient.  “I know, Cas.  I love you for taking care of me.  I’ll go to school as planned and I’ll meet you…where exactly?”

“We will meet at a conference room in the library, actually.”  Dean stared at him.  He was confused.  For all the placed he thought a meeting with lawyers would take place, the library wasn’t one of them. 

“What?”

Cas sighed and rubbed his hand over his face.  “Yes, the library.”  He looked back at Dean.  “I requested a neutral place because of the situation.  I have asked my aunt, who is also a company lawyer who specializes in prosecution, to help us with this.  She will be representing you. Amara is amazing, but very intense.  The lawyer representing the alpha is, to put it mildly, an asshole, and I don’t want him anywhere near you.  Unfortunately, that will be necessary,” Cas continued, still stroking Dean’s hand.  “I don’t want to go to the office, for various reasons, I don’t want to go to _his_ office and having two alphas in the house right now, for this reason is unthinkable.  So, neutral ground.”  Cas shrugged, apologetic, but Dean just smiled.

“Thanks, Cas.  I appreciate the thought.  I’m not really looking forward to meeting with two new alphas myself.”

“I’ll be with you the whole time.  I’ve asked Amara to do this for me, as a favor, and she has agreed.”

Dean nodded, breathing rhythmically, shallowly, trying to get himself together.  He was worried and uncomfortable with this, but he knew Cas would be with him.  He didn’t like Cas’ family, and he was glad his alpha wasn’t going to ask him to go to Novak Company for this.  He was always thoughtful and caring, putting Dean’s comfort first.

“I wish you would not go back to work until after break, though,” Cas continued.  Dean looked up into his worried face.  “I know we’ve talked about this, and I know you want to for a lot of reasons, but I’m worried that you’re going to overtax yourself and it will exhaust you and impede your healing.  I also want you to be ok for Christmas, I know how much you love it.”

Dean smiled and shook his head.  “We’ve been over it Cas.  I know what you’re saying, but it’s just three days, and it won’t be too bad.  It’s all parties and crafts anyway.  Plus, Becky will be worried about me just as much as you, so she’ll help make sure I’m not overdoing it too much.”  He winked at Cas.  His smile faded a bit at his next thought.  “Plus, I need to get back to work for financial reasons, Cas.  I have a bit saved, but it’s been a rough fall.  I didn’t get paid for the heat I had earlier, I don’t get paid over bread, Christmas is here-“

“Dean,” Cas interrupted him.  “Dean, do you-“  Cas cut himself off and took a deep breath.  Dean looked at him wondering why Cas was upset all of a sudden.  “Dean, when I told you I’d take care of you, I meant it.  Money is not an issue and I don’t want you to worry about it.”

Dean was taken aback.  “Don’t worry about it?  Cas, what do you mean, don’t worry about it?  I can’t help it.  I don’t want you to have to use your money to support us.  I can’t do that.”

“Dean, we are team now.  This is what it means to take care of each other.  It’s not just sharing meals and helping with the chores.  It’s taking care of each other in every way.  This is something that is not a burden for me to be helping with.  In fact, I’ve been practically living here, so it’s only right that I contribute to some of the financial aspects of life.”  He paused, looking like he wanted to say something more but stopped himself.  His scent was off too.  Dean sniffed and narrowed his eyes.

“What?” he asked.  “What else is it?” he asked.  When Cas still looked uncomfortable he continued.  “I don’t want there to be secrets Cas.  I know you want to say something else.”  He gentled his voice.  “I’ll try not to be upset.”  He smirked when Cas looked at him.  Dean knew Cas was holding back because whatever he was going to say was going to upset Dean somehow.  But Dean wasn’t lying when he said that he didn’t want there to be secrets and lies.  It had gotten them in trouble in the past and he didn’t want miscommunication to ruin what they had now.

“I feel like I need to make up for lost time.  I wasn’t here to help you financially when you needed it the most and now I can.  Please let me help you.  I want to, I need to.  I need to provide for you and Emma, Dean.  I _need_ to, Dean.”

And Dean understood.  He understood that Cas, as an alpha, needed to care for them.  He could understand the guilt, even if it was misplaced, that he couldn’t or didn’t care for them when they needed him the most.  Dean got it, and Cas’ scent was so distressed and worried that Dean knew he was sincere. 

He got up from the table and went around to Cas.  He pushed the chair back and straddled Cas’ lap, facing him, lacing his hands around his neck.  Dean kissed him gently on the mouth and drew back, looking in his eyes.

“Thank you, Cas.”  He nuzzled at Cas’ neck, smiling a bit at Cas’ shock.  “Thank you for taking care of us.  I know you feel like you need to make up for lost time, but you don’t.  That doesn’t mean,” Dean continued when he felt Cas inhale to defend himself, “that we don’t appreciated it.  And it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t now.  I like being taken care of, if I’m honest.  It’s a new feeling and it feels damn good.”  He chuckled and shook his head pulling back to meet Cas’ eyes.  “I can’t remember when someone took care of me this completely.  And honestly, I haven’t let anyone do it. Ellen and Bobby would have when I was younger, but I wouldn’t let them. I had something to prove.  But now, with you, it’s different.  You’re my alpha, you’re my mate.  And I want to take care of you and be taken care of by you.  Thank you, Cas.  I love you.”

Cas leaned forward and kissed him softly, his scent mellowing and deepening to match Dean’s.  “Thank you, Dean,” he sighed.  “I love you too.  I do want to take care of you both.  And we will take care of each other.”

They stayed like that, in the kitchen chair, kissing and nuzzling each other, scenting and comforting until Emma called from the living room. 


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have zero knowledge about how these things might go, so sorry if it's totally not how things are in the real world. Who guessed who the other lawyer is?

Dean sat in the Impala trying to breathe.  He inhaled as deeply as possible and let it out.  He was sitting in front of the library, psyching himself up.  He knew Cas was waiting for him, he could see him nervously pacing just inside the doorway.  But Dean also knew that Cas was waiting for him to get himself together and exit the car. 

Though Dean was healing he was still struggling.  His body was working on itself and he was working on his mind and emotions.  He was using the breathing techniques and reassuring himself with his routine and regular comforts.  Cas had been a great resource for him, too. 

If Dean was honest though, after the day he had had, Cas had been right.  He probably should have waited to go back to work.  But he couldn’t help it now.  The kids had been so glad to see him.  Dean had felt guilty because he had been in and out so inconsistently this year.  First his unexpected heat and now this.  They weren’t even half way through yet! 

Becky had put him in a chair at a table and told him in no uncertain terms that he was not to leave that spot for any reason.  She had organized things so that the kids would come to him there and he wouldn’t need to move too much.  Dean was happy to be back with the class and with Becky, but he was exhausted in a way he wasn’t prepared for. 

_Ok Winchester, you can do this.  Cas will be right there, no problem.  All you have to do is tell them what you already told the cops and it will be over.  Cas won’t let anything happen to you._

Dean nodded once, and opened the door.  As soon as his foot hit the asphalt Cas was there.  He held the door and took Dean’s hand.  He nuzzled him and scented him, wrapping his arms around Dean.

Dean clung to him, letting Cas’ scent wash over him.  He calmed with Cas there to hold him and he let Cas embrace him for several long moments.  When Dean began to pull away, Cas let him go.

“Hello Dean,” he greeted him.

“Hey Cas,” Dean replied.  “I’m ready.  Let’s go.”  Dean clasped Cas’ hand and they walked into the library together.  Cas seemed to know where they were going so Dean was happy to let Cas lead him down the hallway into another corridor Dean had never been to before.

As they got closer to an open door, Dean heard voices.  He was instantly alert and on guard, anxiety spiking again.  Cas must have smelled it because he slowed and brought Dean under his arm.

“Don’t be afraid, my omega.  You’re safe and nothing will harm you while I’m here.  We are just here to talk.  The lawyer is here but the alpha is still in jail.”

Dean nodded silently and was able to calm himself a little.  They continued to make their way down the hallway to the door.  When they crossed into the room, Dean stopped, rooted to the ground.

There was no way this was happening. Dean sniffed and knew part of the reason for the sudden anxiety was the familiar smell of an alpha he had hoped never to see again.

Dick Roman sat at the table facing the doorway, smug smile on his face.  Dean stopped, feeling dread settle in his stomach.  His scent must have changed abruptly because Cas was pushing himself in front of Dean and growling before Dean took his next breath.

The other alpha at the table turned at the growl, eyebrows raised.  Dean felt very vulnerable all of a sudden.  He clung to the back of Cas’ trench coat trying to anchor himself.  There were three alphas in the room, one of which he knew was a threat, one of which he knew would protect him and one he knew nothing about.  This was so much worse than he thought it was going to be. 

His ribs were burning with his rapid breathing and he was shaking.  Cas was tense as he continued to growl and look around for the threat that had Dean so on guard.

“Castiel?” the other alpha asked.  Dean assumed this was Amara, Cas’ aunt and lawyer.

Dean watched as Cas sniffed the air, scenting. He honed in on Dick, whose scent was smug and congratulatory, sitting back in his chair, smile still on his face.  Cas’ growl increased and Dean began to panic more.  He needed to get some control for himself and his alpha.

Amara sat still, hands visible.  She wasn’t submitting to Cas’ growl but she was trying not to provoke him while she figured out what was going on.  She eyed Dean, and while he could tell she was a strong alpha, she didn’t seem to be a threat.

“Cas,” Dean whispered, tugging feebly on his coat.  “Cas, I need…I need…”  Dean didn’t know what he needed.  His thoughts were all over the place.  He needed to get away from Dick.  He needed to get Cas away from Dick.  He didn’t want to be introduced to a new alpha, threat or not.  He wanted to leave.

Dean took a half step back and Cas mirrored his movements.  Dean stepped back again, a little to the side this time and Cas came with him, still alert, eyes trained on Dick, but moving to protect Dean.

“Cas, please, come with me.  He won’t hurt me, but I need you,” Dean managed to whisper.  Cas snarled at Dick one more time before he let Dean pull him from the doorway and out of sight of the others.  Once out of sight Cas didn’t turn around, but continued to shuffle Dean backward down along the hallway a safe distance from the door. 

Dean tried to focus his breath and calm himself.  His pain was high still and the panic wasn’t helping.  Dean pulled Cas’ shoulder and he half turned, keeping his attention on the door.

“Cas I need you,” Dean whispered again.  Cas finally turned his head, satisfied that Dick would stay where he was and gave his attention to Dean.  He pulled him in and let Dean scent his neck while he stroked through his hair and up and down his back.

“It’s ok, Dean.  I’m so sorry.  It’s ok.  I love you,” Cas was crooning to him, trying to calm him down while supporting Dean’s sagging weight.

Once Dean’s scent had calmed from the panic and pain Cas pulled gently away.  Dean was reluctant to let him go because he knew that he would have to talk and he didn’t want to have to tell Cas about Dick Roman right now.

It wasn’t that he was afraid of Dick, really.  It was shock in seeing him without warning, remembering how he was so hell bent on getting Dean fired.  It was knowing what kind of alpha was representing the asshole who had attacked him and what that battle was going to look like. It was the fact that Dean had to admit to Cas that the incident at the Roadhouse was the worst encounter he’d had with an alpha, but not the first. 

“Dean, are you alright?” Cas’ gentle voice broke through the haze in his brain.  He blinked at Cas as he pulled away from his shoulder.  He let out a shallow breath, wincing again at the pull of his ribs.

“I guess.  I’m sorry, alpha.  I didn’t know it would be like this.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Dean.  I’m just not sure what is going on.  Your scent, it, it was alarming.”  Cas gazed at him, one hand still on his hip while the other stroked his cheek.

“I didn’t know Dick Roman was the lawyer for the alpha,” he told Cas.  Cas frowned and his eyes narrowed.

“How do you know Dick Roman?” he asked.  His voice was low and dangerous and Dean was quick to try and neutralize Cas’ alpha.

“Nothing happened, Cas.  I’m ok, he didn’t touch me.”  He looked into Cas’ eyes, only seeing blue and felt relieved.  “He tried to get me to sleep with him and then when I wouldn’t he tried to get me fired.  He slandered my name and dragged Emma into it-“  Cas’ growl erupted from his throat again and it was Dean’s turn to sooth him with soft strokes up and down his arm.  “It’s ok, Cas.  It’s ok.  Becky may be a beta but I’ve never seen her so angry.  She put Roman in his place on her own and the principal backed her up.  It was unpleasant but he didn’t touch me and Emma was ok too.”

Cas’ growl was still there, low and threatening, but he was listening to Dean.  “He is not a good person,” Cas said eventually.  Dean shook his head in agreement.

“I’m ok, I just wasn’t planning on ever seeing him again.  I didn’t expect to see him here.  And judging by the look on his face he _was_ planning on seeing me and looking forward to this.”

They stood there a moment, eyes locked, just holding each other.  Cas taking comfort that Dean was unhurt and Dean taking comfort that Cas was there to help him.

A rustling from the other end of the hallway had Cas flip around, moving Dean behind him in a lightning quick movement.  Cas had a protective stance in front of him and Dean could see him ready to attack if needed.

He peeked around Cas to see Amara slowly making her way down the hall, hands by her sides, eyes level with Cas, but not making direct eye contact.

“Castiel, is everything alright?” she asked him in a neutral tone.  Upon seeing his aunt and her nonthreatening stance, he relaxed a bit, but kept Dean behind him.

“Amara, my apologies.  It seems we have an issue with the other alpha.”  She seemed curious and tried to peer around to see Dean, but Cas growled at her.

“Don’t you growl at me, pup,” she scolded him just as Dean lightly punched him on the arm saying “Lay off, Cas, she’s trying to help.”

Cas scowled at both of them while Dean shared a slightly amused look with the other alpha.  He stepped up next to Cas and took his hand in his.  He looked at Amara and smiled slightly.  He didn’t extend his hand, which was more for Cas than for him but he greeted her.

“Hello, alpha.  I’m Dean Winchester.”

She smiled at him, a genuine smile.  “Hello, Dean.  I’m Amara Novak.  It’s nice to meet you.”  She paused looking at Cas.  He looked torn between wanting to growl at her again and whisk Dean away.  “Castiel?”

“It’s ok, Cas.  I’m ok now.”  Dean watched as Cas searched his face and scented the air.  He must have found Dean was telling the truth because his shoulders lost the rigidity and he exhaled a huff.

“Amara.  I’m sorry about that.  I wasn’t aware that Dick Roman had a history with Dean.  We were both caught off guard.”

“History?  What history?” she asked.  Dean told her a quick version of the events that had happened with Dick and her frown became more and more pronounced. 

“What an asshole,” she said matter of factly when Dean was done.  Dean chuckled and nodded. 

Cas was not amused.  “Yes, he is.  Now, what do we do?”

“Well, unfortunately, there is nothing we can do.  He hasn’t done anything wrong, there is no legal documentation that there was a report issued, otherwise we would have known before today and unless he decides that he shouldn’t morally be part of legal representation, we have to work with him.”  She paused and Cas and Dean shared a look.

 _Of course_ , Dean thought.  _He loves the fact that he gets to defend another asshole against me._

Amara’s smile was predatory when they looked back at her.  “Don’t worry,” she told Dean.  “I eat alphas like him for breakfast.”

***  
When they walked back into the room Dick was on his phone, still smirking. 

 _Probably congratulating himself_ , Dean thought. 

He looked up when the three entered and sat down.  He threw his phone on the table like he didn’t have a care in the world.  Dean thought that maybe he didn’t.

“Well, Dean, you’re looking lovely as usual,” Dick said, eyeing Dean up and down.  Dean was instantly uncomfortable and Cas looked like he wanted to murder him.  Amara had asked that she be the only one to address Dick and Cas agreed.

“Do not address my client,” Amara said sharply.  Dean glanced over and he drew back a little.  Her face was cold and severe.  She looked very different from the friendly alpha in the hallway.

Dean could feel Dick reevaluating his stance as well.  “As you wish,” he said flippantly.  “Now, if we could move this along.  It seems pretty open and shut.  I have other things to do today.”  He opened a folder on his side of the table.  “First, my client will be seeking damages for his pain and suffering as well as medical bills, of course.  He will-“

“He will do no such thing.”  Amara’s voice was cold still, but there was that predatory look in her eyes again.

“Come now, Amara.  You know as well as I do this omega has a history.”  He sneered at Dean.  “My client stated that he was led on during the evening at the bar and things were consensual.  He said the omega was willing and ready until things god to a point then suddenly he has a bullet in his leg.  It seems to me that this omega-“

“This omega has a name.  You will refer to him as Mr. Winchester from now on.  Furthermore, Mr. Roman, nothing was consensual according to my client and the eye witness.  Mr. Singer was within his rights to fight off an aggressive alpha intent to abuse an omega.”

“An omega, who by all accounts, has a history of loose morals and behavior,” Dick continued.  “He has a child out of mating and has, in fact, come on to me on several occasions.”

Dean could feel himself blushing.  He was angry and scared and felt ashamed, even though he hadn’t done anything.  Cas’ anger was palpable in the room.  Dean clung to his hand, trying to keep his own from shaking.  Dean knew that most of what Dick was saying was a lie, but he still felt cheapened by the words. 

He felt sick to his stomach that he lived in a world where an alpha would be able to go around saying anything that they wanted about an omega and not fear the consequences whether they were true statements or not.

Amara seemed to be able to handle him though.  And maybe Cas knew that too, because he was clenching Dean’s hand and the arm of the chair, keeping himself restrained.  Cas was a business lawyer, not a prosecutor, but he knew enough about how this sort of thing worked to let Amara do her job.

“First of all, Mr. Roman, I do believe that the claims you made against my client two years ago were unfounded.  Mr. Winchester was not reprimanded at work for your claims either, which makes them more than likely unfounded.  Second of all, what Mr. Winchester does in his private life has no bearing on being attacked.  Mr. Novak had marked Mr. Winchester as his omega very well according to the doctor’s reports.  There should have been no reason that another alpha would approach him.  Third, in his line of work, tending bar, there is a sort of unspoken rule that flirting is expected but nothing more.”  She paused for a second and took a breath. 

Dean could see that Dick was slightly unbalanced.  He hadn’t planned on Amara being this aggressive with him.  When she spoke again her eyes had narrowed and her voice had lowered. It was almost threatening. 

“Finally, I would be very, very careful how you speak about my niece.”  She paused again as Dick blanched slightly.  He glanced at Cas, who was now leaning forward, his free arm holding his weight on the table.  He was glaring at Dick, lip curled, alpha barely checked.

Dick seemed to realize that not only was Dean being represented by a Novak, but he was protected by them too.  Dean had never felt so glad that Emma was a Novak.  He was sitting between two alphas that were ready to battle, one with their wits and the law and one with his hands and teeth.  Dean was impressed with both of them and so very, very grateful.

“Now,” Amara continued.  “Mr. Winchester will be pressing charges against the defendant, Azazel Beezelbub.  Because of Mr. Singer’s eye witness and hearing Mr. Winchester cry for help, I would be willing to offer a plea deal.”

The lawyers talked for a few minutes and Dean tried to follow, but he was so tired.  He was in pain and beyond ready for this day to end.  Cas must have sensed it, or it was leaking into his scent because he relaxed his aggressive stance and pulled Dean to him while Amara and Dick talked.  She occasionally looked at Dean for confirmation, but eventually, Cas answered all of her questions. 

Dean didn’t particularly care that he looked like he couldn’t speak for himself or needed his alpha to do it for him.  He could only focus on Cas’ strength and presence protecting him and making sure he was taken care of.

“Well,” he head Amara say, her tone indicating things were wrapping up, “I think we have an agreement.  Mr. Winchester will accept a plea deal with Mr. Beezelbub in the form of ten thousand dollars in payment for medical bills, lost wages and pain and suffering along with serving six months jail time and a restraining order indefinitely.”  She turned to Dean and Cas.  “Mr. Winchester, does this meet your approval?”  Dean nodded and whispered a yes.  He couldn’t believe that Amara had worked that out.  Dean glanced up at Cas who was still looking murderously at Dick.  “Well, then, let’s wrap this up, shall we?”

It was only moments before they were all standing.  Amara guided Dean closer to the door, leaving Dick and Cas at the table.  Dean caught Cas’ movement out of the corner of his eye and looked over.  He was leaning over the table, alpha red bleeding into his eyes, aggression strong in his scent.  He was right in Dick’s face.

“If you ever even say my mate’s name again I will rip your limbs from your body before I rip out your throat, do you understand?”  Cas’ voice was as low as Dean had ever heard it. The alpha timbre vibrating, threatening and overpowering the less powerful alpha, a low growl rumbling through his chest.  Cas' eyes were bleeding red and he seemed to tower over Dick.  Dick’s eyes widened in shock at the explicit threat and glanced over to where he and Amara were standing.

“Did you hear him threaten me?” he asked, his voice, in contrast, slightly higher than normal.

Amara looked up from her phone.  “I’m sorry, what did you say?  I was speaking to my client.”  She smiled at Dick, a little too sweetly.  When he didn’t respond she nodded, smile still plastered on her face.  “Good day to you, Mr. Roman.”  She gestured for Dean to proceed out of the room. 

Seeing Dick’s pale face and knowing Cas would be right behind him, Dean moved through the door, breathing a sigh of relief when he crossed into the hallway.

Cas caught up to him in the next step and wrapped his arms around him as they walked, the aggression replaced by concern.  Amara walked several paces behind them, through the lobby and out the main doors.  Cas continued to hold Dean when they stopped to turn and say good bye.

“Thank you, Amara.  I appreciate it.”  Cas shook her hand and she smiled.

“Please, I have been looking for a reason to put that smug asshole in his place for a long time.”  She turned to Dean and extended her hand to him.  He grasped it lightly.  “Dean, I’m happy to meet you.  I hope that things turned out the way you wanted.  I’ll be in touch.  Please let me know if you need anything.”  She paused, releasing his hand.  She looked hopeful for a moment.  “And maybe, at some point, when this is over, I could meet my niece?”

Dean was taken aback.  He wasn’t prepared for a Novak to genuinely want to care for and protect Emma.  And she had asked him, not Cas.  He gave her a timid smile and nodded. 

“Alright, then.  I’ll be in touch!”  She gave a wave and walked to her car.  Cas enveloped him in his embrace and scented his neck.  They stood like that for a moment before Cas pulled away.

“Come on, I don’t want to be here when Dick walks out,” Cas told him, tugging him gently towards the Impala.  Dean couldn’t move fast enough at that comment.

They were quiet for a few minutes as they drove home.  “Are you mad at me?” Cas finally asked.  Dean could smell his worry and anxiety right before he spoke.  He turned, surprised, to look at Cas.

“For what?” Dean asked, genuinely shocked.  “For taking care of me?  For standing up for me and protecting me?  For making sure a dangerous alpha gets punished for his actions?  For putting Dick Roman in his place? No, Cas.  No.  I’m not mad at you at all.  Why would you think that?”

Cas looked so ashamed that Dean couldn’t understand what was going on.  “I threatened him, Dean.  Does that make me no better than the alpha that attacked you?  I just couldn’t hold my alpha.” He shook his head, but before he could say anything else, Dean was speaking.

“No, Cas, you listen here.  First of all, you weren’t attacking someone who was minding their own business just because you could.  Second of all, you didn’t touch Roman.  Third, you were protecting me.  And Emma.  You were protecting us.  It is not the same thing.”  He paused, watching the road as he drove.  “And I liked it,” he muttered, not looking at Cas.

“You liked it?” Cas asked, disbelieving.

“Yea, Cas.  I like that you get possessive of me.  I like it that you love me enough to go all alpha rage to protect me.  I like that side of you.”  Dean could feel his cheeks heat at the admission.

“Oh.  Well, then.  Ok.”  Cas reached for his hand and squeezed it.  “So, this might not be the best time to bring this up, but since you said you kind of like it and you mentioned alpha rage, I need to tell you something.”

“Uhhh,” Dean began.  He wasn’t sure he could take any more today.  He took a shallow breath.  “Ok, hit me with it.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get to you in the hospital.”  Dean looked at Cas in confusion.  That was not what he was expecting.

“It’s ok, Cas.  I know it was the middle of the night.  I just figured it took a while to get in touch with you.” 

“Actually, Bobby called me before the ambulance even left the Roadhouse.”  Dean glanced over in surprise.  Cas nodded, swallowing thickly.  “I left right away and probably arrived right after you did, but…”

“But what, Cas?” Dean prompted.  He was worried now.  What was going on?

“But by the time I got to the hospital my alpha was out of control and they wouldn’t let me in.  I…I attacked the guards and they had to put me down.  I woke up an hour later in the rage ward.”

Cas was gripping Dean’s hand, refusing to meet his eyes.  Cas was embarrassed about it, Dean realized.  His alpha had been so worried about him that he had raged out and the guards had to sedate him before he could go to the emergency room.

Damn his alpha was fierce.

“Wow, Cas.  You raged out, huh?  You ever done that before?”  Dean’s scent was calm, if surprised.  Cas scented the air trying to get a read on Dean’s feelings.  “It’s ok, Cas.  I know that you try really hard to keep it together and I honestly couldn’t tell you what I would do if I got a call in the middle of the night telling me that you had been attacked and were on the way to the hospital.  It’s ok.”

Dean brought Cas’ hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles lightly.  Cas sighed in relief.

“I was afraid you’d be scared of me,” he said quietly. 

“What?  No, Cas.  I keep telling you.  I love you and I trust you.  It’s nice to have someone care for me and that was a very extreme case.  I mean, the hospital has a rage ward for a reason, right?”  He glanced at his alpha who was still looking unsure.  “We’re ok, Cas.”

Cas gave him a genuine smile and they rode the rest of the way home in silence, just holding onto each other’s hands.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

The last few days before winter break are almost worse than the last few days before summer break.  The students are hyped up on candy and excited for their holiday festivities and travels and Dean wanted to pull his hair out.  He was stressed, in pain and had no patience.  He had desperately wanted to return to work for the short week before break, but at the end of the massive party at the end of the last day before break began he was regretting his decision.

He was trying to clean up as much as he could to help out the poor custodians.  Dean grimaced as he wiped icing off of the back of a chair.  As much of a rough day as they had had, the custodians were the ones who really suffered.  He threw the wet wipe into the overflowing trashcan and grabbed another for the table.  He was just finishing when Becky strolled through the classroom door.

“Dean, you shouldn’t be doing that!” she exclaimed rushing over.  “You’ll hurt yourself again.”  She moved to take the wipe away from him but he yanked it out of reach, giving her a pointed stare.

“I’m fine, thank you very much,” he told her. She lifted one eyebrow at him, clearly taking in the shallow breathing and thin sheen of sweat on his face.  He lowered his arm with a grimace and shrugged, giving her a lopsided smile.  “It’s done now, so don’t worry about it.  I’m going to get Emma and we will be out of here.” 

Becky shook her head and took a step to close the gap between them.  She gave him a gentle squeeze and a kiss on the cheek.  Dean inhaled her lemon scent and squeezed her back.

“Have a merry Christmas, Dean,” she told him pulling back.

“You too, Becky.  Get some rest, ok?”

She smiled at him and pointed a finger against his chest.  “You should take your own advice,” she lectured. 

“I will.  And if I don’t I’m sure that Cas will.”  Dean smiled remembering Cas’ fussing in the mornings and evenings this week.

Dean gathered up his things and was just shrugging on his coat when Emma leapt through the doorway to the classroom.  Ms. Stone poked her head in and waved.

“Have a great break, Dean.  I’ll see you next year!” she told Emma, who laughed at the joke.  Dean carefully moved his bag on to his shoulder and grabbed Emma’s hand.  He sighed internally when he felt how sticky she was.  He looked her over carefully and noted her braid had almost come out and she had a smear of green icing on her chin.  He shook his head and called a final farewell to Becky before heading out.

Once buckled into the Impala, Emma began to chatter away.  Dean could feel the karma smacking him in the back of the head.  He shouldn’t have let his own students have so much sugar.  Dean turned the opposite way out of the school from usual and Emma perked up even more.

“Where are we going, Daddy?” she asked.  Dean looked in the rear view mirror and smiled at her.

“We have to get Papa some Christmas gifts, don’t we?  It’s getting close to Christmas and we need to get a move on.  Ok with you?”

Emma’s squealing and clapping served as her confirmation.

Dean pulled into a parking space at the mall a few minutes later.  He pulled Emma from her seat and they walked hand in hand into the overly warm building. 

“What are you thinking, Peanut?  Do you have any ideas?”  Dean looked at her while they slowly walked along.

“I think Papa might like a new scarf.  He doesn’t have one and he always says his neck is cold when I mention that he needs a haircut.”  Emma looked pleased with herself.  Dean didn’t have the heart to tell her that haircut or no, Cas’ hair was going to be wild.

“That’s really thoughtful, Em,” he told her instead.  “I think this store might have what you want.”  Dean gestured to the department store they were passing and Emma pulled him into it without another word.

They ended up getting Cas a new scarf, hat and gloves.  Emma was happy with her presents and was even more amazed to watch the woman at the counter wrap them up for her.  Emma held the bag tightly in one hand while she held Dean’s in the other.

“What about you, Daddy?” she asked as they exited the store back into the mall.  “What are you going to get Papa?”

Dean coughed a bit into his hands, hoping to hide the faint blush on his cheeks.  He did have a gift for Cas in mind, but he was going to have to be by himself when he purchased it.  “I don’t know, pup.  What do you think?  Do you have any more ideas?”

“Boxes,” Emma stated mater of factly.  Dean frowned at her.

“Empty ones?” he asked, not sure where this was going.

She looked at him exasperatedly.  “No, Daddy.  Moving boxes.  So Papa knows that all his stuff can come live with us too.”

Dean smiled down at his daughter as she walked along, looking into the shops and Christmas decorations.  “Maybe I could do that, Emma.  That’s a great idea, thank you.”

When they pass a kiosk that has key chains, a bee one catches his eye.  He stops and Emma approves of the purchase.  Dean knows Cas already has a key to the house, but this might be a good way to suggest that he keep it as his.

They leave the mall a short while later and Dean is feeling antsy about being off of his schedule.  He pulls into the driveway and puts the car in park before turning to look at Emma over the back seat.

“It’s straight to routine, got it?  I know it’s later than usual, but everything on your chart, ok?”

“Ok, Daddy,” she agrees and Dean helps her out and into the house.  They do their normal routine and Dean even has a few minutes to play with her before he needs to get dinner started.  He’s sautéing vegetables when Cas walks in the door.  He hears him greet Emma and a few minutes later he enters the kitchen.  He wraps his arms around Dean and nuzzles his neck.  Dean sighs into the embrace and turns his head for a kiss.  Cas had been intentional about greeting him this way since he mentioned that he loved it so much.

“Hey, Cas,” he said rubbing their cheeks together.  Dean breathed in their combine scents of happy, mated family and pecked Cas on the lips.

“Hello Dean,” he replied pulling away.  Dean had almost finished dinner so he shooed Cas away to get changed and have a few minutes with Emma.

Dinner was noisy and fun.  Emma was excited to tell Cas about her day at school and Dean could tell Cas was overwhelmed with just one child.  He looked at Dean at one point, wide eyed, as if to say _are they all like this?_   Dean just chuckled and patted his knee under the table.

***

It’s Thursday.  Christmas is on Saturday.  Dean is feeling antsy because he hasn’t been able to find any time to get out alone to get Cas’ present.  He calls Charlie, hoping that either she or Jo are off and can watch Emma for a bit.

“What’s up?” she greets him.

“I need a favor,” Dean says immediately.  His conversations with Charlie are amazing and she’s the best friend he’s ever had, but the phone is a different beast.  Neither likes talking on the phone so they usually just get right to the point.  “I need to get Cas’ Christmas present and a few other things and I don’t want to take Emma with me,” he continued.

“Sure, when do you want to go?  Today?  Jo and I can come over after nap, or is that too late?  What time does Cas get home?”

“No, that’s great.  Three ish?  I know what I need, so hopefully it’s going to only take a couple of hours.  You and Jo are welcome for dinner, too.”

“Thanks.  I’ll check on that with Jo, but one or both of us will be there in a few hours!”

“Thanks, Charlie.  I owe you,” Dean tells her, relieved.  She laughs before replying.

“Yea, yea, I’ve heard that one before.  See you later.” 

“Later,” Dean echos and the line goes dead.  He takes a breath and puts the phone on the arm of the couch, noticing as he does that his ribs twinge a little, but they are allowing him to almost breathe fully without pain.  He smiled and reclined on the pillows.  Emma was playing on the floor infront of him with her Barbies.

“Hey, Emma,” Dean calls softly.  She looks up from her play, a Barbie in each hand.

“Yes?”

“Aunt Charlie and Jo are going to be here after your nap, ok?  I have to go out for a few hours.  I need to get Papa’s Christmas presents, ok?”

“Ok.  But you should have just gotten the boxes while we were out before,” she told him going back to playing.

“You are probably right, but I think that there is something else I’d like to get him.  I got him the key chain to put his house key on, so I’m pretty sure that will translate to him to bring his stuff.  If not, you can inform him yourself and we will get boxes next week.”

Emma side eyes him for a moment before nodding her head.  Dean glanced at the clock and noticed that it was 11:40.  Time to start lunch.

 

Dean was folding laundry and going over his mental checklist of things to do before Christmas when there was a light knock on the door.  He quickly got up and made his way to the front to see who was and unlocked the door when he saw Charlie and Jo.  He waved them in, thanking them for coming on short notice.

“It’s fine, Dean.  We are happy to have the time with her,” Charlie told him while she hung up her coat.  Jo nodded while she divested herself of her hat and gloves.

“Ok, well, I’m going to go then,” he told them reaching for his shoes.  “I know you know the drill.  Snack is in the fridge for her when she wakes up with her water bottle.  Text me if there are any problems, ok?” 

Charlie and Jo assured him it would be fine and all but pushed him out of the door.  Dean took a big breath of the cold air.  It smelled like snow.  He glanced up at the sky and wondered briefly if they would have a white Christmas this year. 

He started the Impala and let it idle for a minute, warming up.  He knew he needed to go across town to the trendy boutiques on the strip mall.  He was second guessing himself about this idea.  He wasn’t sure that Cas would like it.  He’d never said anything about trying something like this, but Dean was curious enough to want to try himself. 

Decision firm, he carefully backed out of the driveway and was pulling into a parking space fifteen minutes later.  He sat in his car staring at the store for a few minutes.  He noticed the pretty Christmas display in the window with manequins decked out in red teddies with pompoms on them.  Dean wasn’t sure about those, but he wanted to see what else they had.

He approached the door and before he could chicken out, he opened it and stepped into a sweet smelling warmth.  He was greeted by a petite woman with a wide smile.

“Welcome to Heavenly Delights,” she told him.  Her name said Ashley with little festive stickers on it.  “Can I help you find something today?”  She was polite but seemed genuinely ready to help him.  He took another breath and rubbed the back of his neck.  He could feel it warm and spread up to his cheeks.  He looked back at the woman, who was waiting patiently for him.  She smiled more encouragingly when he met her gaze.

“Um, I uh, just wanted to look for something for my mate for Christmas.  I mean- for me, for my mate.  For me, to like, wear, you know?”  Dean clamped his hand over his mouth to stop his word vomit.

Ashley chucked and gestured to the bins behind her.  “Why don’t we start here.  Have you ever worn lingerie before?”  She guided Dean over to several sections covered in different colored panties.  There were different cuts and styles.  Some had lace and some were sheer.  Dean fingered a pair of bright blue satin ones with a bow.

“No, but I know enough about the basics of it.  Is this the omega male section?”

“Yes, so anything you choose should fit you just fine,” Ashley told him.  Dean nodded, knowing that was the answer he would get.

When he had thought about this idea, he wasn’t sure about it.  He was intrigued and to be honest,  he had always wanted to have a few pairs of panties for special occasions.  They were expensive though, and Dean didn’t feel like he could justify the expense with Emma to feed and no mate to show them off too.  Dean knew he could get them just for himself, but the idea had first come about when Cas mentioned something off handed and it just didn’t feel right without knowing Cas would be the one to see them.

With Ashley’s help Dean found three pairs of panties and a sheer baby doll teddy.  He forked over his credit card, wincing internally at the expense.  He was mollified though, when the pink bag was given to him.  He grinned, knowing he had looked good in all of the pieces and he knew Cas wouldn’t be able to resist him.

Dean arrived home just at the two hour mark.  He opened the door and was greeted by a knight, brandishing a sword (that looked suspiciously like an umbrella) at him, demanding payment to cross into the queen’s realm.

Dean chucked and did his best flourishing bow before slapping Jo a high five in payment.  She grinned and pulled off her mask as Emma came running over in her yellow Belle dress up gown.

“Daddy!” she cried wrapping her arms around his leg.  “Did you get what you needed for Papa?”  She looked up at him.  “No boxes?”

Dean brushed his hand over her hair and shook his head.  “No boxes.  I think a key will be enough.”  Emma pouted but returned to playing with her dolls.  Charlie made her way over to where he and Jo were still standing.  A knowing smile was growing on her face.

“What’s that?” she asked quietly when she was next to him.  She motioned with her chin towards Dean’s hand at his side.

Dean could feel himself blush and went to jerk the bag behind himself before he could stop.  Charlie’s eyes went wide with delight.

“Dean Winchester, did you buy something special?”  Jo was looking at him and then the bag.

“I…uh…” Dean was stuttering.  He looked quickly between the two of them before he abruptly made his way to the kitchen, leaving his two friends staring after him.

He put the slightly crumpled bag on the kitchen table and went to the fridge to get some water.  He was quickly joined by Charlie and Jo.  He put his water down with a thud and looked at them.  He knew his face was flaming and he knew there was no reason, but he was a little embarrassed.

“Yes,” he said defiantly.  “I bought something special for Cas, ok?  It’s for Christmas.”  He rubbed the back of his neck, any confidence gone replaced again by insecurity after his outburst.

“Dean,” Charlie began.  Her voice was soft but he could hear the excitement.

“I’m not showing you, Charlie.  I’m going upstairs to put this away and then when I come back down we are going to forget that I have it, ok?”  He glares at both women before he makes his way out of the kitchen again and up the stairs.

When he returns Emma is still playing happily.  She looks up at him with a wide smile when he kisses her head.  “You ok?  I’m going to talk with Charlie and Jo for a bit, ok?”

“Ok Daddy.”  She waves one of the dolls at him.  “She has a new outfit.  Do you like it?”

Dean smiled at her, looking at the new outfit.  “Emma that’s great.  You’re so creative.”  She giggled and he kissed her head again.

Dean hauled himself off of the floor and made his way into the kitchen.  He was tired and it was getting late.  Cas would be there soon.

Charlie and Jo were sitting at the kitchen table when he walked in.  They had been talking but stopped when they saw him. 

“You two staying for dinner?” he asked as he made his way over to the sink to wash his hands.

“Not tonight, but thanks,” Jo told him.  She and Charlie were quiet until Dean finished wiping his hands dry.  He glanced over at them and they smiled.  Dean frowned.

“Stop it,” he told them firmly heading to the fridge.

“We didn’t say anything!” Charlie exclaimed.  Dean rolled his eyes as he bent into the fridge.  He took out the chicken and carrots and set them on the counter.  He went about prepping the meal while the girls stayed silent behind him.  Once the chicken was cooking and the carrots were steaming he turned to face them again.

“What?” he demanded.

“Nothing, really Dean,” Charlie told him standing.  “We are happy for you. We just-“

“Just want to make sure that we won’t have to punch Cas in the face for real this time.”  Jo crossed her arms defiantly.

Dean sighed.  “Guys, I thought we were passed this.  I mean, it’s been months now.  If Cas was going to leave he would have gone already.  It’s not been a picnic, you know?  He could have bolted the second he found out about Emma.  He could have bolted _with_ Emma just to spite me.  He could have done any number of things any number of times up to and including the accident.  He’s not going anywhere. I’ve accepted that he wants me and I’m done feeling insecure.  Now, you two have got to stop it.  Cas is my mate.  We are in this together.”

“We know, Dean, and we love Cas too.”  Charlie paused and looked sideways at Jo.  Jo huffed and uncrossed her arms, rolling her eyes.  “We just want to be sure, Dean.  Things seem to be going really well and you’re healing and everything, and don’t get me wrong, it’s a good thing to see you excited and confident.”

“Then what is the problem?  Everyone is just waiting for the other shoe to drop, right?  Am I not good enough?  Still?

“No!’ Charlie cried.  “Dean it’s not that-“

“Then what is it?”  Dean realized he was shouting and his ribs were beginning to ache with the speed of his breathing.  He tried to calm himself before he alerted Emma to any drama.

Charlie stepped closer to him and wrapped him in a hug.  He was still for a moment before he relaxed and brought his arms around her.  They stayed like that for a moment before she pulled away.  Jo had crept closer too and though her frown was less pronounced she still looked concerned.

“Has-“ Charlie cleared her throat, glancing at Jo before continuing.  “Has Cas mentioned anything about his family, Dean?  Do they know about you guys?  Do they know about Emma or plans you two have for the future?”

Whatever Dean was expecting, it wasn’t that.  He jerked back and blinked at them both.  Had Cas talked to him family?  He had seen Gabe that one time in the early fall, but since then…  Dean couldn’t remember Cas talking about his family.  He wasn’t actually sure that they knew about him and Cas at all.  Or Emma.  Dean had been ok with not talking about the Novaks as they had not been his biggest fans, but now that Charlie and Jo were bringing it up, it did…actually…worry him.  He could feel the uncertainty creeping into his scent but before he could worry any more there was a throat clearing heard from the doorway.

Dean jerked his head up to see Cas in the doorway.  He had clearly just come in, his briefcase in hand and trench coat on.  Cas’ eyes were steady on him and Dean tried to scent him but couldn’t get anything over the other strong smells in the kitchen.

“I seem to have interrupted a private moment.” Cas’ voice was steady and calm.  Dean felt his heartrate evening out and his breathing becoming more normal as Cas continued to stare at him. 

“Oh, uh…yea.  I mean, no.  It’s ok,” Charlie was babbling now, clearly embarrassed about Cas having heard any part of the conversation.

Cas placed his briefcase down on the floor and shed his coat, throwing it over the back of the kitchen chair closest to him while Charlie was bumbling her way through an answer.  He stepped right up to Dean and wrapped his arms around him, drawing him close for a kiss.  He nuzzled at Dean for a few minutes, both of them taking comfort in each other. 

Dean knew that Cas was trying to be calm for him, but he could feel the tension in his body.  When he pulled away slightly, Dean searched his face for any clues about how he was feeling.  Cas leaned in again and placed a chaste kiss on his mouth before letting go with one hand and turning to face the girls.  He kept his other hand securely on Dean’s waste and drew him into his side.  Dean went willingly, wrapping his arm behind Cas as well.

Charlie and Jo were looking anywhere but the two of them, but Cas’ low voice got their attention.  “I know that you both have some valid concerns.  By all standards Dean and I have moved quickly.  However, I have known Dean most of my life.  I know that I want him in it for the rest of my life, too.  I’m not going to abandon him or Emma.”

Cas smiled at Dean and nuzzled along his jaw again briefly.   Dean sighed and continued to look at his profile when he turned back to talk to Jo and Charlie. 

“I haven’t told my parents about him or Emma.”  Dean’s quick intake of breath and Jo’s scowl made him pause.  He turned to Dean and spoke directly to him.  “I don’t want my family near you, Dean.  I know that they were less than pleasant to you when we were dating and I can only imagine the horrible things they would say about you now. 

“I’ve been over and over it in my head a thousand times.  They will say you got pregnant on purpose to try and trap me and they will say you kept Emma from me because I wouldn’t be trapped and who knows whatever else they might come up with.  They are manipulative and have no respect for omegas.  If I could shelter you from them forever, I would. 

“I don’t want Emma near them because I don’t want her to hear anything that might make her feel unwanted or that she was only wanted to get to me.  I also don’t want her hearing anything disparaging about you.”  He brought his hand up to cup Dean’s jaw, careful of the slight soreness that lingered in the bone.  “I love you, Dean.  I love you and Emma and you are my family.  You always have been and you always will be.  I don’t want them to destroy any of the happiness that we’ve found again.  And make no mistake, they will try. 

“I contacted Amara privately and asked her for a favor after you were attacked.  When I asked her for the favor, part of it was that she would not tell my father, or anyone else that I was with you.  Amara has always been good to me and she agreed to help and keep her mouth shut.

“She has also been the one to help cover for me while at work.  She told my parents that she needed my help and that I wouldn’t be in the office much and had some of my work delegated.  When I called her the night you were in the hospital she told me that she would help with whatever I needed her to.  Like I said, she’s been very good to me my whole life.” 

Cas gave Dean a small smile and cleared his throat before he continued.

“I wanted to wait until after we mated to tell the rest of my family.  I don’t want anything to happen and I want you and Emma to be secure when you meet them.  Some will be less pleased than others.”  Cas sighed, looking deep into Dean’s eyes.  “I’m sorry, I should have talked with you about this.  I just wanted to spare you from it.  I thought that if you brought it up I’d talk to you, but since you didn’t I didn’t think you were worried about it.  I’m sorry, I was wrong.  I should have just talked to you and I’ll remember that for the future.”

Dean rubbed his cheek against Cas’ hand slowly and smiled at him.  “I know, Cas.  I know how they can be.  Trust me, I’ve spent the last three years trying to make sure I avoided them as much as possible.  It’s ok.  I just hadn’t thought of you talking to them and I just got caught off guard.”  He looked to Charlie and Jo who were standing close to them, expressions mixed between worry and embarrassment.  “They mean well.”

Cas chuckled and looked at them as well.  “I know.  And I thank you for that.  I know I have said it before, but Dean couldn’t ask for better people in his life to support him.  I know you both have been there for him for a long time, and Charlie, you’ve never seen us together, but Jo, I know you have.  This is it for me.  I’m here for Dean and nothing is going to take me away this time.”  Jo was still frowning a little but she nodded.

“Sorry, Cas,” Charlie murmured.

“Don’t be,” he told her, shaking his head.  “Don’t be.  Dean is lucky to have people who care for him so much.”  He turned back to Dean and kissed his forehead, releasing his hold on him.  “I’m going to change.  Emma said she was hungry when I came in.”

Dean nodded and glanced at the stove then the clock.  “Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes.”

“I’ll be back,” he replied and was gone.  Dean watched him go then turned his attention back to his friends.  Charlie was still looking at him sheepishly but Jo’s frown hadn’t completely disappeared.

“What?” Dean asked her, exasperated.

“I like Cas, but until he puts a mating mark on your neck I’m still going to worry.”

Dean threw his hands up in the air and turned back to the stove.  “Jesus, Jo.  I know you mean well, but, come on.  Everything that we went through was my fault.  I made a decision without Cas and this is the result.  You should be more worried about me abandoning him that the other.”

“Ok, Dean,” Charlie cut in.  He could hear Jo huffing behind him and he assumed Charlie was cutting her off before she could say more.  “Cas has a logical thought about his family and even I can see the reason in it.  Even if we take you out of the equation, we should be grateful to him that he wants to keep Emma away from them for as long as possible.”  She paused, but Dean didn’t turn around.  “Right, Jo?”  A muffled ‘ow’ followed a short pause and then Jo was grunting an affirmation.

“Right, well-“ Dean began turning back to face them.

“We will get out of your hair!” Charlie exclaimed grabbing Jo.  “We had a great time with Emma and we will see ourselves out.  Have a great night!”  And they were gone, Charlie dragging Jo through the doorway.  He heard them give their good-byes to Emma and the door shut softly after them.  He only registered he was still staring after them when the timer on the stove went off, indicating that the food should be ready.  He turned back to the stove and finished up the meal.  Cas reentered the kitchen with Emma on his hip just as he was finished plating her food and cutting it.

“Hungry sweetheart?” Dean asked as Cas put her into her chair.  Cas gave him a lingering kiss once he was done, but said nothing more on the subject.  They talked about their days and helped Emma organize some of her doll materials after dinner.  Once she was in bed and the kitchen cleaned, Cas took his hand and led him upstairs.  He pulled Dean into bed and wrapped himself around Dean who was sinking into the bed, scenting Cas and their combined scents in their nest.

“I love you, Dean.  I’m sorry.”  Cas had his nose buried in Dean’s collar bone when he spoke. 

Dean pulled back to see more than the back of his head.  “What for, Cas?  Everything is alright.”

Cas sighed and lifted his head to look at Dean.  “It’s not.  I should have talked to you about this.  It was selfish of me and I’m sorry.”

“Cas, seriously, I believe you when you say you were trying to protect us.  I don’t want to have anything to do with your family if I can help it, mark or no mark, ok?”  Cas raised his eyebrows at him and Dean flushed. 

“Uh, I mean, I know they are your family and all, but it’s true, what you said.  They never liked me when we dated and I’ve thought of every one of the scenarios you said before too.”  Dean took a breath and closed his eyes, breaking the eye contact between them.  “And, I just couldn’t stand it if they said those things and you realized they might be right.”

“Dean,” Cas’ voice was firm.  He didn’t use his alpha voice, but it was close.  “Stop it, right now.  I will protect you both and they can all go to hell as far as I’m concerned.  If they don’t love you and Emma for my sake then they don’t love me.  Its’ that simple.  If I had to choose, and I don’t think I will, I’d choose you and Emma every time. I hope that you know that.”  Cas’ voice was so soft and earnest at the end of his speech that Dean opened his eyes again.  He sucked in a breath at the intensity in Cas’ eyes.  There was certainty and protectiveness and love all at once.

“I know, Cas.  But,” he paused.  “But, do they not know?  I mean, we have been nesting and we are scent bonded again.  Where do they think you’ve been these last two weeks?”

Cas sighed again and Dean thought he might not like what was coming.  “They don’t know, Dean.  I’ve been a coward since we began to see each other again and I’ve worn scent blockers and neutralizing spray to work or when I’ve gone home.”  Cas looked so ashamed that Dean couldn’t help but laugh.  Cas quickly looked back up, confused as to why Dean was laughing.

“Cas,” Dean gasped out.  “Cas, you perfect idiot.”  Dean was shaking his head and pulled him in for a kiss.  “You look so ashamed.  It’s just blockers.”

“But Dean,” Cas persisted, pulling back to look him in the eye again.  “I wasn’t ashamed of you or Emma.  I knew that they would smell it and I just wanted to keep you to myself for a while longer.”  His fingertips softly traced the outline of Dean’s face.  “I want you and there is nothing they can do to stop me.  Not now.  I shouldn’t have left you in the first place.”  Dean tried to protest, but Cas placed his finger on his lips to stop him.  “No, I shouldn’t have.  But I did and we are together now.  I can’t change the past but I can make sure the future is secure too.  I don’t want them to taint what we have.  I want you to be sure and confident in the knowledge that I am not going anywhere before they start in.  I know I can’t keep you two hidden forever, and I don’t want to.  I want everyone to see my beautiful mate and perfect pup.  But I also know that my family can be harsh and unrelenting and if I can shelter you both from that for a little while I will.”

Dean smiled at Cas.  He understood.  Dean ran his hand through Cas’ hair, grooming him.  “I know, Cas.  And I love you for it.  I’m good with whatever you want to do with your family.  I know it won’t be a picnic, but they won’t drive me away.”

Cas released a sigh and brought his forehead down to meet Dean’s.  “I love you,” he whispered.

“Love you more,” Dean replied.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas for these two! Three guesses on what Cas gives Dean? 
> 
> Thank you for your comments and kudos! We are getting close to the end.

“Daddy, daddy, daddy!  When will they be heeeeere?”  Emma was practically jumping up and down in front of the glass storm door, watching for the guests.  The afternoon was gloomy and cold, but the house was warm and cheery inside.

Dean sighed as he put the last of the presents under the tree.  “Twenty more minutes or so, Em.”  Dean had been counting down the time for the last two hours.  Emma had woken from her nap early and it was barely four now.  He stood up and looked around the house.

Cas had a fire going and the tree was lit.  Dean had put out the snacks on the coffee table and he could smell the delicious dinner in the oven as well as the cider he was warming on the stove.  He was ready for hosting Christmas Eve dinner and Emma was beyond ready to get the show on the road.  Dean looked up as Cas came down the stairs.  He caught Dean’s eye and gave him a thumbs up.  Cas had finished wrapping a few surprise presents and hidden them in their closet to be put out later.

Dean smiled and felt a surge of contentment as Cas walked to him.  He was wearing dark wash jeans that fit perfectly with a green sweater over top of his white t-shirt.  His hair was messy where he perpetually ran his hand through it and his eyes sparkled so brightly with happiness that Dean couldn’t breathe for a minute.  Dean grabbed Cas’ outstretched hand and was guided over to the couch.  They sat together, bodies lined all the way from shoulder to knee. 

“Emma, come here with us,” Cas called to her.  Dean saw her jump up and race to them, launching herself between them.  Cas cradled her against his chest and Dean petted her hair.  He laid his head on Cas’ shoulder, nose just touching Emma’s hair, getting a whiff of her scent.  It had continued to get stronger and he could definitely smell Cas on her without trying too hard.  Dean was happy.  They sat together, just scenting and feeling content until they heard car doors slamming.

Emma flung herself off the couch, jumping up and down and announcing that their guests were arriving.  Sam and Jess came through the door first, loaded down with presents and food.  Bobby and Ellen were behind them similarly weighted.

Emma was hugging Jess’ knees while she was laughing.  Jess quickly put the dish she was holding on the table close to her and picked Emma up.

“Merry Christmas!” Jess exclaimed.

Emma threw her arms around her and squealed while she gave Jess a tight squeeze.  Jess laughed and spun her around.  Dean was happy to see that they were happy.  Dean and Cas rose from the couch to help everyone with their burdens and once coats were hung and food was set in the kitchen, everyone found a spot and enjoyed the snacks and drinks Dean and Cas had put out. 

It was a festive day, only made more so when Charlie and Jo arrived.  Dean felt like he was floating.  He couldn’t believe that he had his whole family together, and that included Cas.  Every time Dean looked at him, he couldn’t help the goofy smile on his face.  He blushed when Cas caught him looking, which resulted in lots of ribbing and commotion until Bobby finally called a time out and called them all idjits.

Emma was in her element, too.  She was excited and chatty.  She helped get food prepared and ate well.  Dean telling her that she would get no dessert and that Santa was still monitoring his list made sure that she got more than just sugar for dinner.  He decided that picking a fight with Bobby over him slipping her sweets when he thought Dean wasn’t looking was not worth it tonight. 

After dinner Ellen, Jo & Charlie volunteered to clean up the kitchen and shooed Dean away.  He stood next to the tree with his homemade eggnog watching his family.  Emma was nestled between Jess and Sam on the couch watching a Christmas movie, Bobbby was dozing in the recliner, the tree was lit and casting a soft glow over the room and Dean sighed in contentment. 

He felt Cas’ arm snake around his waist and he smiled up at him.

“Everything alright?” he murmured to Dean.  Dean nodded, not being able to speak through the sudden lump in his throat.  Cas just pulled him in gently and kissed his forehead whispering “I love you, Dean.”

Dean inhaled Cas’ alpha scent, still carefully but the pain in his ribs was minimal now, it soothing and calming him and he was able to whisper and “I love you too, Cas,” back.

Jo flying out of the kitchen hollering, “All right you two, that’s enough,” broke the moment.  “It’s time for presents!”

Emma immediately perked up from her reclined position on Sam’s chest.  “Presents!  Yay!”  She scrambled down off of Sam’s lap and went to sit on the floor in front of the tree.  “Me first?” she asked blinking up at Dean and Cas.  Dean chuckled as Cas just stared at her. 

“Those eyes, man.  Every time.  Every single time.  I’m gonna kill Sammy one of these days for showing her how to do that.”  Dean was muttering under his breath as he moved to the tree to play Santa.  Everyone had gathered around and Dean passed out presents.  Christmas Eve had turned into a mini Christmas morning.  When Emma was born, Ellen had demanded that she have a few presents to pen on Christmas Eve as well, even though she was only six months old.  In the years since, everyone had banded together against Dean until Emma opened a set of presents on Christmas Eve, then Santa’s presents on Christmas morning then more when they got together later on Christmas day.  Dean tried to complain that she was too spoiled but he was overruled.  Ellen and Bobby had told him that she would get the same amount of presents regardless, so why not spread it out a bit?  Plus, he realized, she was the only “grandchild” right now.  So Dean let it go and enjoyed the festivities. 

Tonight was no different.  Emma was spoiled by everyone, but Dean was ok with that.  It was Christmas.

 

***

 

Later that night when everyone was gone, Dean and Cas were cuddled in bed together.  Dean had given Cas his special present after Emma went to bed and it was currently crumpled on the floor next to the bed.  Dean smiled secretively and made a mental note to try and get back to the store soon.  His alpha liked him dressed up.

Dean sent a silent prayer of thanks to the universe for bringing Cas back to him.  He shifted slightly to see the outline of Cas’ face, relaxed in sleep. 

“You know,” came Cas’ deep voice, “you keep telling me I’m creepy when I stare, but you do it just as much.”  He opened his eyes to smile at Dean.

Dean shook his head and smiled back.  “I know.  I’m a complete hypocrite.  What are you going to do?”

“Nothing.  Absolutely nothing,” Cas told him pulling him into his arms and kissing him full on the lips.

“Merry Christmas, Cas,” Dean whispered to him.

“Merry Christmas, Dean.”

Dean fell asleep quickly afterwards, looking forward to sharing Christmas Day with him and Emma.

***

Emma was up early, as usual.  Dean was half way hoping that the late evening the night before would exhaust her enough for her to sleep in a little, but no.  In true form she bounded into Dean’s room just before six o’clock.  Dean groaned and rolled over on his side to face her small frame standing next to the bed.  He blearily looks at the clock noting the time.

“Merry Christmas Emma,” he greeted her quietly.  He ran a hand down the back of her head as he spoke.

“Merry Christmas Daddy,” she replies.  “Is Papa awake?”

“Yes,” came a muffled reply before Dean felt Cas scoot closer to him and raise up on his elbow.  “Merry Christmas.”  Emma beamed at both of them.

“Presents,” she demanded.  Dean and Cas both chuckled.

“Coffee first,” Dean said.  Emma frowned but nodded.  “And hot chocolate for you,” Dean continued.  An enormous grin broke out on her face before she was kissing Dean’s cheeks, nose and forehead.  “Alright, alright,” he told her chuckling again.  “Here we go.”

Dean and Cas followed Emma down the stairs into the kitchen where Dean made Emma hot chocolate while Cas filled the coffee pot.  As Dean waited for the milk to warm he smiled to himself.  It was Christmas and his little family was intact. 

Emma was happily humming Christmas carols under her breath while she played with her stuffed animals at the table.  Cas was squinting at the coffee pot, willing it to brew faster, and Dean was at the stove monitoring the milk.  He couldn’t believe that this was his life.  Six months ago he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to keep going.  He was so tired and lonely then, but now, he was content.  He was happy and if he were to have Cas forever they would have many more Christmas mornings like this.  Maybe…maybe with even more pups.

Dean was moving on autopilot while he was thinking.  He knew that he was smiling, but he couldn’t stop.  And he shouldn’t have to.  After all, it was Christmas.  Dean had everything he’s ever wanted right in the room with him.

Dean filled Emma’s mug and turned back to the table.  Cas was just bringing two mugs of coffee to set down in their places.  He smiled at Dean and leaned in to kiss him tenderly on the lips.

“Merry Christmas.”  Cas was still not fully awake yet, but Dean could see he was awake enough to scent Dean’s happiness and reciprocate it.  Dean kissed him again, returning the greeting.

“How about some food to go along with this hot chocolate?” Dean asked Emma.  She was blowing on her mug as Dean had taught her and nodded.

“Rolls?” she asked hopefully.

“You bet!” Dean told her moving to the refrigerator.  He ignored the slight twinge in his ribs telling him to slow down.

“Rolls?” Cas asked. 

“Special rolls, Papa,” Emma told him.  Dean pulled the box out of the fridge and began to transfer several of the large sticky cinnamon rolls onto a plate to heat. 

“Are they?” Cas asked her.

“Yes.  For special occasions!” she cried.  Dean smiled over his shoulder at the pair of them.

“Well, it is Christmas after all,” Dean told them setting the plate down in the middle of the table. 

“Mmmm,” Cas breathed.  “These are quite the bakery feat.  Where do these come from?” he asked, gently grabbing Dean’s hand.  He pulled him closer and nuzzled his ear.  “Slow down,” he whispered.  “I can smell your pain.”  Dean sagged into him and kissed his temple.

“There’s a bakery downtown that we sometimes go in to if we are down there,” he replied pulling away.   “We discovered these about a year ago, right before the holidays.  Emma decided that these were ‘special rolls’ so we have them on very special occasions.” Dean put an oversized roll on Emma’s plate and her eyes widened comically.  Cas looked at Dean who just shrugged.  “Whatever, it’s Christmas, right?” he told Cas.

“It is indeed,” Cas replied picking up a roll for himself.  He bit into the sweet treat and made appreciative noises while he chewed.  Emma giggled around her mouthful and Dean just beamed at both of them.

When the rolls were gone and Emma had reached her breaking point, Dean relented and they all went into the living room, fresh coffee in hand for the grownups and some orange juice for Emma.

It was a flurry of activity while Emma tore into her presents from Santa and the squeals and cried of excitement were something Cas would never forget.  Dean was taking pictures and giving Emma some information about some of the things she was unwrapping but she was delighted that there were presents just for her.

When the last present was opened and the room tidied up they turned on the television and let Emma watch Christmas movies for a while.  No one was supposed to be anywhere until the evening, so they were happy just to spend a little quiet time together.

When Emma was fully engrossed in her show, Cas slid over closer to Dean and captured his lips.  Dean smiled into the kiss, noting how his ribs were just slightly uncomfortable while twisting around a bit.

“I love you, Dean,” Cas told him when they pulled apart.  He said it quietly, but with such steady conviction that Dean melted.  He cupped Cas’ face in his palm and smiled at him. 

“I love you too, Cas.  I’m so glad that you’re here with us.  Merry Christmas."

Dean could see something flash is Cas’ eyes before he leaned over and kissed Dean again.  He gently slid his arms around Dean, pulling him closer, conscious of moving him gently.  When Cas pulled away he had a sad smile on his face.  Dean looked at him questioningly.

Cas sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  “I wish I hadn’t left you, Dean.”  He looked up to meet Dean’s eyes.  He could see the regret there, and Cas’ smell was turning sour.

“Hey,” he said, pulling him even closer, “it’s ok.  It’s in the past and you’re here with us now.”

“Dean-“

“Cas.  I’m serious.  Enough.  We can’t change the past and there is no use dwelling on it.  It was what it was and now we are here together.  We have Emma and I’m happy.”

Cas sighed again, but the tension drained from his shoulders.  “You’re right.  We can’t change the past.” He glanced over at Emma who continued to play, unaware that her father’s conversation had turned so serious.  “But we can plan for the future,” he continued turning back to Dean. 

Dean stared at him as his scent morphed into the rich summer sun that Dean associated with his mate.  He watched as Cas pulled a small box out of his pocket and held it up to Dean.   Dean could feel his mouth go dry, not daring to hope that the box was what he thought it was.

“Dean,” Cas’ deep voice began, “I love you.  I want to be your mate and Emma’s father and have a family together with you.  Will you mate me?  Marry me?”

He slowly popped open the box and Dean could see a simple white gold band nestled in blue velvet.

Mate.  Cas wanted to mate him and marry him.  He wasn’t shocked.  Cas had talked about this.  Dean knew it and had even told Sam that he was all in.  But talking about it and having it actually happen were two different things, and Dean had never been one to put his faith in words alone.  How many times had his father said he would do better?  Try harder for the boys?  Often enough Dean could recite the speech along with his father.  But nothing ever changed.  Those were just empty words.

Cas’ words had never been empty, but Dean had struggled on his own for so long that he wasn’t willing to completely put all his trust in something based on words.  Now, here it was again.  Cas. It always came back to Cas.  He was Dean’s steady.  He was his constant.  The love of his life.  And now he was making good on his words and wanted to marry Dean.  Had officially asked him.

Dean could feel his eyes blinking back tears as his brain caught up with his body.  He looked at Cas, who wore a hopeful expression on his face.  He was everything Dean ever wanted.

“Of course I’ll mate you, Cas.  I love you.”

“I love you too, Dean,” Cas told him pulling the ring out of the box.  He gently took Dean’s hand and slid the ring on his finger.  It fit perfectly. 

Dean beamed at him and leaned in for a kiss.  He smiled at his alpha and chuckled.  At Cas’ questioning face Dean reached behind him and pulled out the small box that had the keychain in it.

“Looks like we were thinking along the same lines.”  He handed Cas the box.  Cas tore into the paper, excitedly opening the flat box.  He gasped when he saw what was nestled in the soft fluff.

“Dean, is this…?”  He lifted the keychain out of the box.  It dangled on his finger, one side with the bee and the other with a shiny new key to the house.

“Yea, thought you could use your own.  I know you kinda already have one, but it was the spare.  I just…wanted you to have your own.  Know that I want you here.”

Cas looked at him and Dean could see his love and hope wrapped up in his shimmering eyes.  “Thank you, Dean,” he whispered, clutching the key in his palm.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of this chapter is from Cas' POV, but it starts with Dean's. Cas goes home for Christmas for a little while. 
> 
> You guys are so wonderful and encouraging! Thank you for the comments and kudos!

The rest of the morning passed quickly.  Emma was excited to play with her new toys and Dean and Cas were euphoric.  They couldn’t seem to stop touching each other.  Innocent touches on their shoulders, the small of each other’s’ backs, sweet kisses.  Emma was almost as affected by the scent of happiness and she was snuggled up to them most of the morning.

Dean was just finishing up the dishes from lunch when Cas came in the kitchen.  “Emma’s asleep,” he told Dean.  Dean hung the dish towel on the hanger and turned to him, smiling. 

“Ok.  You look great, Cas.”  Cas was dressed in a grey suit with a navy button down and a Christmas tie that Emma had given him.

Can sighed and rolled his eyes.  “Thank you, but I’d rather be in sweats with you for a while longer.”

Dean gave him a sympathetic look, pulling him in to straighten the ever crooked tie.  “I know, but it’s just for a few hours.  You can deal.  And we will be waiting when you get to Ellen’s.”

Dean and Cas had talked about when to inform Cas’ family that they were going to mate.  Dean felt uneasy bringing Emma to the first meeting, especially since he was already feeling uncomfortable.  They had been discussion the topic ever since Charlie and Jo had brought it up. 

Cas repeatedly told him that he had nothing to worry about and that he had no problem putting his family in their place.  But he also recognized that Dean would feel anxious and agreed that perhaps the first meeting shouldn’t be during a major holiday with all of the Novaks in one place.  They agreed that Cas would go over for the late lunch his family was having then join him and Emma at the Roadhouse for dinner.

“Thank you, Dean.  I won’t be long.  I’m sure there will be enough of an uproar as it is.”  Dean took a deep breath of their mingled scents.  Cas had practically moved in with them already and their scents were intertwining like mates.  Cas not only smelled mated, but he could smell himself and Emma on him too. 

Dean nodded and kissed him briefly.  “I know.  Are you going to be ok?”

“Of course.  The worst that can happen is that I get to leave early.  I won’t-“ he broke off.  “I’ll be fine.  There is nothing to worry about.”

Dean looked at him uncertainly but nodded.  Cas pulled him in again and placed a kiss on his forehead, wrapping his arms around him, breathing in their scents.  Dean pushed his nose in the crook of Cas’ neck and did the same.  They stood there for a few minutes taking comfort in each other and their smells before CAs pulled away.

“I’ll be at the Roadhouse shortly.”  Dean nodded and Cas kissed him once more before leaving.  Dean sighed, hoping that everything would be alright.  He made his way into the living room with a trash bag to try and contain some of the mess they had made earlier.

 

***

**CAS POV**

 

Cas was the last to arrive.  He knew he was late but there was nothing to be done about it.  Emma wanted him to put her down for her nap and Cas was not going to say no.  He would be late and his family could wait.  While he was not looking forward to facing everyone the moment he walked in, maybe it was better to just inform everyone once and be done with it. 

Cas loved his family and they loved him.  They had never disapproved of Dean outright, but there had always been the air of barely concealed tolerance.  Cas suspected it had to do with the fact that his family assumed that Cas was just biding his time with Dean and would go away to college (as he did) and find a suitable mate for himself there.  Cas had never argued the situation with them and wasn’t quite sure what he might be walking in to. 

He opened the door himself, letting him enter on his own terms.  He met Zachariah in the hallway and gave a curt nod on his way to the formal living room where he knew everyone had gathered before lunch.  He could tell that Zachariah had smelled him and disapproved, but as a beta he was wise enough to keep his mouth shut.  Cas knew he never liked Dean, but liked his job enough to not comment out loud.  Cas had never like him and he doubted the feeling would change.  But Zachariah didn’t matter right now.  He was approaching the doorway and he could hear the hum of quiet chatter and Christmas music in the background.  Cas slowed his stride and took a deep breath.  He counted to ten and was just about to enter the room when Gabriel strolled out.

“Cassie!  My favorite brother has arrived at last.  You know, Mother thought you weren’t going to show.”  He moved in to embrace Castiel as he talked and Cas could feel the moment Gabriel registered his scent.  He pulled back laughing and patting Cas on the shoulder.

“Cassie, Cassie,” he said still chuckling.  “So, worked it out did you?”

Cas stared at Gabe.  “What?”

“You know, you are supposed to be the observant one,” Gabriel told him taking a large gulp of his drink.  “How long did it take you to realize that beautiful pup was yours?”

“Gabe-how-wha-“  Cas shook his head trying to make sense of what he was hearing.  “Wait.  Are you telling me you knew?  All this time?”  Cas wasn’t sure what he was feeling.  Had Gabe kept this from him too?  Why?

“No, no.  I didn’t know until we saw them at the festival.  Cas, she looks like you.  She has your eyes.” Cas took a deep breath.

“I realized right around Thanksgiving.”

“Did Dean tell you?”

“He was going to tell me that day, actually.  But I beat him to it.  I was holding her and I could smell her scent.  It’s still faint, but we both knew it.”

Gabe’s face broke into a wide smile.  “And you smell mated,” he commented.  Cas didn’t miss the glance to his neck, covered by his shirt.

“Not officially, but Dean’s wearing my ring today and has agreed to make it official soon.”  Cas couldn’t help but smile, mirroring his brother’s.  He loved Dean and Emma and was proud of them.  He wanted everyone to know that he belonged to them.

“I’m glad for you, Cassie.  Really.  It’s great.  I liked Dean a lot back in school and I always thought this was where you were headed.”

Cas nodded, a pang in his chest, regret clouding his scent.  “I should have, Gabe.  I should have never left in the first place, but when I did I should have tried harder.” He ran a hand through his hair.  “Christ, Gabe.  When I saw him for the first time- it was like nothing had changed.  Everything was still the same.  And-“ he broke off taking a breath before continuing.  It hurt him to be reminded of how much Dean had suffered while he was enjoying all the comforts of his high status.  He looked back at his brother.  “When I first came back and saw him, I thought he had had a mate that died.”  Cas looked right into Gabe’s eyes and he could tell that the older man understood his meaning.  He let out a low whistle.

“Wow, Cassie.  That…wow.  And with a pup to care for?  Why didn’t he say anything?”

Cas stiffened at the question, but Gabe reached out to touch his shoulder again.  “I’m not angry, God knows there are ten thousand reasons why he didn’t, but we could have helped him at least.”

Cas snorted and shook his head.  “Right.  I’m sure that would go over well.  Dean was sure that I was going to take Emma when I found out.  God, Gabe.  The fear and the-“ Cas swallowed remembering Dean’s reaction.  “I never want him to feel like that again.  And he was right to be wary.  I could do whatever I wanted, up to and including walking away from him that second with Emma.”  He looked into the crowded room behind his brother as he continued.  “I would never do that, but he was right to be wary.”

Cas could smell the horror coming off of Gabe in waves and was glad that at least someone would have looked after Dean if anything had happened.  He nodded to himself.  “Tell me I’m wrong.”  Gabe just shook his head.

“You’re not wrong, but Jesus, Castiel, I would have stepped in if I had known.  I would have helped and kept the secret if that was what he wanted.”

“Thank you, Gabe.  It means a lot to me that you would do that.  But everything is ok now.  They are safe and Dean will soon be my mate.”  He pulled out his phone to check the time.  “Now, I’d like to get this over with so I can go and spend Christmas with the rest of my family.”  He smiled, his scent deepening into love and happiness at the thought of Christmas with his family.

“Lead on, brother.  I’ll be right behind you.”

Cas took a deep breath and moved past Gabe into the room.  His mother spotted him first, making her way swiftly to his side, already tutting under her breath about his wild hair and nonexistent wrinkles in his suit.

“Look at you,” she said as she brushed his shoulders of imaginary lint.  “You look like you just rolled out of bed.”

Naomi Novak was a strong beta who brooked no nonsense and expected her orders to be followed.  She was always immaculately dressed in suits.  He hair was artfully and simply quaffed and pulled back into a bun.  She could command a household staff of 25 with little to no effort.  She was the backbone of the family and had been the one to really push their father into moving the company forward into the twenty-first century.

“Hello, Mother.  Thank you, I’m fine.  I did not just roll out of bed.  I’ve been up for a while.”

“Mmmhmmm,” she told him regarding him with her shrewd eyes.  “You smell like you just rolled out of bed.  Really, Castiel.  I just want you to settle down with a mate.  I would like grandchildren, you know.”

Cas snorted again.  “I’m sure that Luc and Michael have that covered.”  His mother’s stern glare made him sigh.  “Mother, there is something that I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Whatever it is, I’m sure it can wait.  Here comes your father.”

Cas turned to see his father walking toward him.  His father was an alpha in name only. Chuck was a shorter man, wiry in frame with a milder manner than his mother’s.  Chuck would have been happy to have a small local company if not for his mother’s ambition.  The company was long established as a powerhouse before Castiel was born. 

His father smiled at him and pulled him in for a much warmer welcome than his mother’s.  Cas returned the hug, scenting his father and finding comfort in his familiar scent.  He wasn’t sure how his father was going to react but he could predict how the rest of the family would and he needed the calmed, settled feeling he got from his father.

Cas could feel it when his father recognized his altered scent.  His mother hadn’t been able to pick up on anything other than an omega scent between her beta nose and all the scents combining in the room.  His father was pressed right up to his neck though.

Chuck gripped him tighter and whispered in his ear.  “Dean?”  Cas nodded, unsure of what to expect.  “And…Cas?”

“Yes, dad.  We have a daughter.”  His father gave him another squeeze before letting him go, looking at him.  When Cas made eye contact he could see the joy in his eyes and his scent was morphing from confusion to excitement and happiness.  His father laughed and clapped him on the back.  By now the room had quieted and everyone was staring at them.

“Is there something you’d like to announce?” Chuck asked him quietly.  He knew his father was giving him a chance to ask for a private meeting, but Cas wanted everyone to know.  He wanted his happiness to be known, even if his family didn’t share it.  Knowing he had his father and Gabe happy for him gave him more confidence. 

“Yes.” He nodded once and turned to face the room.  They were mostly still in the doorway, so he was facing everyone into the room.  He took a deep breath and looked around.  He could see his other siblings, Michael, Uriel, Luc and Anna.  Their mates were close by but all his nieces and nephews were probably playing together in the nursery.  He took a breath and raised his voice so that everyone could hear him.

“I’ve decided to take a mate,” he began.  He could see the surprise on his sibling’s faces.  His mother was close enough to scent her shock and confusion.  He knew they were surprised.  He had kept his relationship with Dean as private as he could.  Since they were usually together places that his family and associates didn’t frequent, it had been relatively easy to keep things a secret.  As far as his family knew, he wasn’t seeing anyone, let alone courting.  “I asked Dean Winchester to mate and marry me this morning and he accepted.”

There was a moment of silence before he heard his mother’s brittle laugh.  He turned to look at her calmly, expecting a scene.  “Don’t be ridiculous, Castiel.  This is not the time for jokes.  It’s Christmas and you’re causing a scene.”  Though Cas was expecting something like this from his family, it still hurt that they would brush it aside.  That they would brush Dean, and in turn Emma, aside as nothing.

“It is not a joke, Mother.” Castiel replied, trying to keep his scent even.  “Dean and I have been seeing each other for several months.”

His mother bristled further and opened her mouth to reply when his father cut in. 

“Castiel, Naomi, let’s go into my office.”  His father’s voice was quiet, but the authority rang clearly.  Naomi shook her head and swept out of the room.  Cas turned and found Gabe right behind him.  Gabe’s face was serious, which was so out of character that Cas stopped.

“Where are they?” Gabe asked softly. “Do you want me to go to them?”  Cas’ eyes widened a fraction.

“Do you think they need protection?” Cas asked.

“No, son, they do not.”  His father was standing beside of him now.  “Your mother can be manipulative and sometimes cruelly so, but she will not hurt them.  I promise.”  Before Cas could even process the fact that his own mother might have hurt Dean and Emma, his father gave him a gentle push out of the door.  Cas automatically walked across the house to his father’s office where his mother was already sitting on the sofa.

Cas stood behind one of the chairs facing her.  “Sit down, Castiel,” his mother said sharply.  Cas heard his father shut the door softly and cross the carpet.  He took the other chair and Cas reluctantly sat down next to him.

Cas could feel his alpha rising to the surface.  He needed to keep himself in check.  The last time his alpha surfaced he had to be tranquilized.  That was not a scenario he wished to repeat tonight.  It was difficult when his mother was so cold and clearly disapproving. 

Cas suddenly realized that he was right about her. She never saw Dean as a potential mate, just someone that was ok for Cas to be with in high school.  Until he found someone more suitable.  He fisted his arms on his legs and breathed deeply.  The strong smell of disapproval and anger coming off of his mother did little to help him.

“Now, son, why don’t you tell us a little more about what is going on.  How did you reconnect with Dean?”  His father’s voice was calm, but the alpha authority was still there.  It helped Cas to be able to calm a little more. 

“I saw Dean at work right after I returned to town.  He is a teaching aid at the elementary school where the Board toured the first day of school.  I saw him again several times, just bumping into him and we started seeing each other again.”  He swallowed before he continued.  “I’ve loved Dean all of my life,” he said turning to his father.  “I am lucky enough that he loves me back and wants to mate.”  Cas wasn’t going to talk about Emma yet, if he could help it.  He wanted to make sure that his parents knew that he wanted Dean _and_ Emma.

“This is incredible,” Naomi’s sharp tone grabbed both alpha’s attention.  “Castiel, that omega sees you as a meal ticket and nothing more.  Don’t you see?  And besides, that slut went out got pregnant as soon as you left!  Who knows how many alphas he tried to get to bite him.  He’s trash Castiel.  Did he even tell you he has a daughter?”

Castiel was dumfounded.  He looked at his mother for a moment before replying.  He couldn’t believe that she was this cruel.  He knew that she was entitled and snobbish, but he didn’t really think that she would be deliberately cruel, especially to someone that Castiel loved so deeply.  But one thing stuck out to him that he addressed first.

“How did you know he has a pup?”  Cas was almost growling, his alpha wanting to protect his mate from a threat, even if it was his own mother.

She laughed again, a terrible, sharp sound.  “Don’t be naïve, Castiel, of course I’ve kept tabs on him.  Clearly not close enough, if this is a surprise to me.  But I knew.”

Cas was growling now.  Gabe may have been correct in his worry for them.  He stood up, towering over his mother.  “That’s enough, Mother.  Maybe it was for the best that you think so little of him, but he is a good man who has done everything he could to take care of our pup.  _My_ pup.  Emma is _mine_ , mother.”

The look of shock on his mother’s face was satisfying to see.  It only lasted a moment before she glared at him and spoke.  “ _Your_ pup?  And he kept that from you all this time?  See?  He is manipulative and unfit, Castiel!”  She stood up, facing him.  “She should be brought here this instant and taken from him.  She belongs here.”

Castiel could feel his growling continue to grow and he knew his eyes were bleeding into red at the threat to his mate and pup.  “No.  You will not take her away from her omega.  I am her alpha and you would do well not to tell me what to do with my mate and pup, mother or not.”  His voice was dangerously low, his body coiled tight, ready to spring into battle if needed.

“Alright, that’s enough, both of you.”  His father’s alpha voice was not enough to make him obey as it did his mother, but he was shaken out of his red haze sufficiently to get his own alpha under control again.  “Sit down, both of you.”  His father’s voice was quieter but still held the alpha undertone.  His mother sank gracefully back onto the sofa, but glared at them both.  Cas followed slowly.

“Now,” Chuck continued, watching them both closely.  “While I’m sure there is a very interesting tale to tell here, let’s put that on hold for a moment and discuss the immediate concern.” He paused long enough for Cas to nod. “Well, then.  Dean has agreed to mate you after you asked him?”

“Yes, father.  I realized recently that I can’t let them- I need-“ he took a breath.  “I have been thinking about it for a while, but Dean was attacked a few weeks ago outside of his work and was injured badly.  If we had been mated then he would not have been in that situation for many different reasons and I could not wait.  I know it seems quick to you, but-“ he broke off, glancing at his mother’s stony expression.

“What, Cas?” his father prompted.

“I wanted to mate him and take him to New England with me four years ago.  I was under the misapprehension that Dean did not want to mate.  When I returned and we saw each other again, I realized that I was wrong.  That I had been wrong and that if I was going to have another chance with him, I wouldn’t waste it.”  He swallowed.  “He and Emma mean everything to me.  And, like it or not,” he said, his voice growing harsher as he turned to his mother, “Dean will be my mate.  I have asked and he has accepted and that is final.  You have no say.”  His mother’s only response was to turn her head away from him.

“Well, then,” Chuck said, drawing Cas’ attention back to him, “that is settled.  We are very happy that you have found a mate, son.  And we are even happier that you have found joy with your omega and daughter.”  His father smiled warmly at him and rose.  “Now, our meal should be waiting, so let’s not keep everyone else from dining.”

He ushered Castiel out of the door, leaving their mother to gather herself and follow behind them.  When they returned to the party Cas was surprised to see that Gabe was not only still standing at the door, but he was with Anna, her husband Inias and Luc.

When Anna saw him, she embraced him tightly, saying, “I’m so happy for you and Dean.  I know how much you both love each other.”  Anna was the next oldest after Gabe and had been around more when he and Dean were dating.

“Thank you, Anna,” he told her quietly, returning the hug.  She squeezed him briefly before letting her arms slack.  As she began to pull away, she scented him closer and he arms tightened again, surprising Castiel, who stilled.  She breathed in again and he knew what she was looking for.  He could smell her confusion, then happiness slowly bleed into her scent, mirroring Castiel’s.  She pulled away smiling brightly.  Cas couldn’t help but return the smile.

“I get the feeling we are missing something,” Luc said.  Cas turned to him as Anna stepped back.

“Dean pupped right before I left.  I didn’t know until I returned but I have a daughter.  Her name is Emma and she’s three.”

There was a heartbeat of silence before Luc burst into laughter.  “I bet Mother had kittens, didn’t she?”  He shook his head, regaining his control.  “Congratulations, Castiel.  I am happy for you.”

They shook hands, not being as close or familiar as Gabe and Anna, but Castiel felt pleased that at least some of his siblings weren’t turning on him.  He could see his mother talking to Michael and Uriel by the fireplace.  He didn’t need to watch long to know their feelings.  He turned back to his sister who had been watching too.

“What did father say?” she asked him.

“He is happy that I am happy.  But Mother…” he trailed off, looking again at his mother’s stony face.  “She was watching Dean.  She knew he had a pup.”  He turned back to Gabe.  “Thank you, Gabe.  For wanting to keep them safe.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Gabe told him with a smirk.  “Besides, Dean is easy on the eyes, so it’s nice to have him around.”

“Gabe,” Cas growled warningly.  Gabe just chuckled as their father entered, followed by Zachariah.

“Lunch is served,” he said.  Cas was dreading the meal, but at least he knew that some of his family supported him.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note to self: do not post when you're still half asleep. I missed a chapter! Sorry guys. Yesterday was Chapter 40 and I missed Chapter 39, which was the rest of Christmas. So, the chapters are posted now in the correct order and Chapter 39 is the new one for today. Sorry!
> 
> Also, Chapter 41 will be the last chapter then an epilogue. I know many of you have expressed hope to see other parts of the story and Cas and Dean's relationship. I may write some more for these guys and do timestamps in the future!

Dean couldn’t help but look at the door again.  It was almost five o’clock and he hadn’t heard from Cas.  He was getting nervous.  The ring was sitting heavily in his pocket and his hand itched to put it on.  But he waited.  They had decided that they wanted to tell Dean’s family together, so he had put the ring in his pocket to put on later.

Dean reached into his pocket and thumbed the small box that held it.  He was excited to put it on, but worried about what was taking Cas so long.  He didn’t really think his family would prevent him from returning, but Dean couldn’t help the worry that was starting.

“Hey Winchester,” Jo greeted him, knocking his shoulder as she hopped on a bar stool next to him.  “What’s up?  You’re over hear looking nervous and happy all at once.”

Dean took a pull of his coke and shrugged his shoulders.  “I’m happy it’s Christmas and I have my family together but I’m worried about Cas.  He was supposed to be here half an hour ago and I haven’t heard from him.”

Jo nodded thoughtfully taking a sip of her beer.  “Well, you know his family like I do.  They have a giant stick up their ass, so I’m sure he’s fine.”

Dean grimaced and glanced at the door again willing Cas to walk through it.  “Yea, but he was going to tell them about us today and I’m worried that it didn’t go well.”  He looked up at her to see her reaction.  She was, after all, the one that was upset about Cas not telling them they were back together.

Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline and she almost choked on her beer.  “Excuse me?” She snorted a laugh and shook her head.  “Merry Christmas Novaks!” she cried sarcastically.  “I have to tell you, Dean, that alpha has some balls.  The entire Novak clan will be at his house and he’s just going to tell everyone at once?  Balls. Of. Steel.”  She giggled again and nodded to the door.  “And it looks like he’s still intact, so I think things went well.”

Dean whipped around and took in Cas’ disheveled appearance.  He looked like he was stressed out but whole.  He spotted Dean and headed straight for him.  Dean met him half way, patting him down to reassure himself he was fine.

Cas face softened and he smiled at Dean.  “I’m ok Dean, really.”  Dean nodded and ran his hands through Cas’ hair a few times as Cas pulled him in to his chest.

“How did it go?” Dean asked, nostrils flaring, trying to take in all the nuances of Cas’ scent.

Cas ran his hands over Dean’s hips and leaned down for a chaste kiss.  The last of the tension melted away from each of them and Dean opened for Cas to slip his tongue inside of his mouth.  He felt calmed and reassured that Cas was ok and with him now. 

“It went as well as could be expected,” he replied as he pulled away.  “My father and Gbe, along with Anna and Luc were happy for us.  Mother…Mother was colder than I thought she’d be.  I honestly thought she’s be happy that I had found a mate, but she was…it was terrible.  I’m sorry Dean.”  Cas looked so sad, heartbroken really.

“Dude, I’m the one who should be sorry for you.  Your mom was apparently not a great support today and I’m sorry for that.  I’m not sorry for being the one you chose, but I am sorry that she can’t recognize your happiness.”

Cas smiled slightly and Dean could sense he was holding something back.

“What else Cas?  There is something else isn’t there?”  Dean held his breath.

“Nothing to worry about my omega.  Nothing to worry about.  We can talk about it later but it’s fine.  Right now I want to kiss you again and let everyone know our happy news.”

Cas kissed Dean soundly and they only broke away when the hoots and hollers started.  They both laughed and Cas slipped his hand into Dean’s jeans pocked and found the box he knew was in there.  He discretely slipped the ring on Dean’s finger and laced his hands through his.

“Love you,” he told Dean quietly.

“Love you, Cas,” Dean replied.  Dean let go of the hand with the ring and gently guided Cas into the restaurant with the other.

“Hey Charlie, I need your help a sec, can you come here?” Dean called to her.  She was on the other side of the table that everyone had mostly gathered around.  Emma was sitting with Ellen and Bobby coloring a picture while they waited for Cas so they could eat.

Charlie bounded over and looked questioningly from Cas to Dean and back.  Dean smiled at her and said, “I need help getting something off my hand.  Can you help me?”  He held up his left hand so she could see the ring clearly and he was not disappointed in the reaction from Charlie.

She squealed, gaining the attention of everyone in the room, before she grabbed his hand and started asking a million questions.

“OMG Dean!  Cas!  Is this what I think it is?  OMG!  You’re getting married?  I can’t believe it!  You two were such idiots for so long!”  She spun around to the noise and chaos of congratulations and other questions and pointed straight to Jo.

“You owe me fifty baby!”

Jo’s smile faded a bit and she rolled her eyes.  “Yea, yea, and so do several other people.”

“Wait a minute!” Dean exclaimed looking around at his family.  Cas began to chuckle beside him and Dean could not believe what he was seeing.  “Did you all _bet_ on us?  On when or if we’d get married?”

Everyone was laughing now and Dean just watched his whole family come apart while standing there with his mouth open.

Sam was the first to recover.  “Sorry De, but we knew it was coming!  We had a bet going for about two weeks now.  Charlie was so sure Cas would do it for Christmas but none of us thought you’d make it much past the new year.”

Dean could not believe what was happening.  He turned to look at Cas who was wiping his eyes.  “Dean, it’s ok.  They are happy for us.  And after what I just went through with my own family, I’m glad that they are happy for us.”  He leaned over and pulled Dean in for another kiss.

Dean continued to grumble and shake his head but he was smiling.  They broke away from each other when a small body collided with theirs.

Dean looked down to see Emma holding on to both of their legs.  “Daddy, are you going to marry Papa?” she asked Dean.

He leaned down and scooped her up in his arms nuzzling her neck.  He pulled back and smiled at her.  “Yes, Papa asked me to marry him and mate him.”  Emma hugged him, her little arms squeezing around his neck as she squealed in delight.  When she pulled back she was smiling so broadly Dean could see all of her teeth.  He smiled back. He was relieved that she was excited now.  They had decided to wait to tell her with everyone else because she wouldn’t be able to keep the surprise. 

“Does that make you happy?” he asked.

“Yes!” She cried turning to Cas.  “Now you’ll never leave and we can be together forever!”

The wide smile Cas had mirrored on his face fell at her words.  “Emma,” he said gravely reaching to take her from Dean, “I am not leaving no matter what.  I love you both and I can’t imagine my life without you. I’ll always be here for you.”  He glanced up at Dean and continued, “For both of you.”

Dean felt warmth spreading through him at Cas’ words.  He knew that they would be together forever now, ring or no ring, bite or no bite, but he was happy that he would have those things.  That they would have them together as a symbol that they were a family.

***

Dinner passed by uneventfully after that.  Presents were opened and everyone was happy.  Emma was spoiled beyond belief and Dean joked that it was a good thing he had a big house now and not a small apartment because there was so much stuff to tote back for Emma to play with.

He got a slightly sour scent emanating from Cas at the comment and he squeezed his knee in acknowledgement.  Cas kissed him on the cheek in reassurance and they continued with the celebrations.

When the presents were opened and everything was cleaned up they were just settling into dessert when the door opened and two unexpected guests arrived.

Cas stood as the two alphas made their way into the restaurant.  “Dad, Gabe, what are you doing here?”  Cas was on guard, standing in front of Dean and Emma but his family smelled calm and happy.

His father spoke first.  “We didn’t want to intrude, but we wanted to see Dean and wish everyone a merry Christmas.”

Cas glanced at Dean who was still seated, slightly behind him.  Dean shrugged and stood up to stand next to Cas.  He was slightly nervous at seeing Chuck but the fact that Gabe was there put him at ease.  Emma was sitting with Jess and Sam on the other side of the table and she stayed there for now.  He shot a glance at his brother and silently communicated to keep Emma over there with them.  He turned back to Chuck and Gabe.

“Merry Christmas,” he said extending his hand to Dean.

Chuck grasped it first and to Dean’s surprise the alpha pulled him into a hug.  It took a second for Dean to register what was happening before he returned it.

“Thank you, Dean,” Chuck whispered to him.   Dean stiffened a little in surprise but Chuck held on.  “Thank you for making Cas happy.  He was miserable without you.  He tried to hide it from us but I could tell.  I realized today when I could smell how happy he was that he had truly been pining for you.”  He took a breath to let that information sink in to Dean’s brain before continuing.  “I wanted to thank you for Emma, too.  I don’t know her and I would like to, but please know that you have nothing to worry about from the Novaks.  We are pleased to welcome another grandchild to the family.  I know that there are several members who have not been welcoming of you, but know that I will always be happy to see you and I would like to have a relationship with Emma and any other pups that may come.”

Chuck released him from the extended hug before Dean was able to respond to him.  He patted him on the shoulder before he moved to Cas to embrace his son in similar fashion.  Dean couldn’t hear what Chuck was saying to Cas but he could see the tension release in his mate.

“Merry Christmas Dean-o,” Gabe said, diverting his attention.  Dean turned to see Gabe in front of him.

“Merry Christmas Gabe.  Thanks for stopping by.”  They made small talk for a few minutes before Chuck and Cas finished talking.  Cas beamed at Dean, a smile of pure joy and happiness.  Cas leaned in and kissed his temple and Dean could smell happy alpha all over Cas.

“Well, we don’t want to intrude so-“ Chuck began but he was quickly cut off by Ellen making her way over to them.

“You’re not.  Stay and have a beer at least,” she said.  Dean was surprised at the invitation.  He thought for sure that Ellen was coming over to ask them to leave.  She would do it in a nice way, but she would do it.

Chuck smiled at her and extended his hand.  “Thank you, we would like that.  I’m Chuck Novak, Castiel’s father.  This is Gabriel, one of my other sons.”  They shook hands with Ellen and she led them to the table for more introductions.

Dean went to Sam and Jess and picked up Emma who had not been interested in the new people.  He nuzzled her and felt Cas’ arms come around them both.

“Are you ok Dean?” he whispered, running his nose through Dean’s hair.

Dean smiled and relaxed more.  “Yea, Cas, thanks.  I’m good.  I know Gabe’s ok and I think it says a lot that your dad came here tonight, especially unannounced and uninvited.”

Cas hummed as he watched the rest of Dean’s family interact with introductions.  When they made their way around the table to where they were standing Emma, who had laid her head down on Dean’s shoulder, suddenly looked up.

“Daddy, it’s the man with the candy!” she exclaimed, looking toward Gabe.  Gabe chuckled and took that as an invitation to move closer to her.

“How on earth did you remember that Emma?” Dean asked her.  He was amazed at how her mind was growing and her memory was working more and more.

“Aw, Dean-o, I’m just that memorable!” Gabe exclaimed smiling at Emma.  “Hello again, blue eyes.  I’m your Uncle Gabe!”  His smile grew tenfold as he was speaking. 

Emma frowned slightly and tipped her head to the side looking at him in confusion.  Gabe burst out laughing and turned to his father.  “Did you see that?”

Chuck was nodding, smiling himself.  “Yes.  No doubt about who her father is for sure.”  Chuck winked at Cas who huffed behind Dean.  “Hello Emma, I’m your Grandpa Chuck.”

Emma looked confused again.  It must have been strange to her to suddenly have another uncle and grandfather.  Dean cuddled her closer trying to reassure her with his scent that she was safe and ok and everything was fine.

“Hello,” she said to them both.  She turned to Gabe and looked at him for several heartbeats.  Everyone sort of held their breath.  “Did you bring any candy?” she asked him finally. 

Cas let out a breath he was holding and everyone chuckled. 

“I have something, but you’ll have to ask your Daddies, sweetie,” Gabe told her.  She turned her pleading eyes to Dean and Cas and Dean heard Cas sigh again.

“Ok with you, Dean?” Cas asked him.  He nodded and Gabe produced a candy cane for her.  She squealed happily and demanded he unwrap it for her.  Gabe was surprised when she reached for him, but he grabbed her and they sat down to enjoy their candy together.  Chuck sat next to him and they chatted with Emma while she had her treat.  Everyone else had gone back to their own discussions and whatever else they had been doing when the pair arrived. 

Dean turned to Cas, pulling him close.  Cas’ arms came up behind Dean and squeezed him.  “You ok, alpha?”

“Yes, my omega.  Thank you.  This was…unexpected and I’m still not sure how my father and brother are sitting there with Emma.  But…I’m glad. I’m happy they decided to come over tonight.”

“I’m glad too, Cas.  Merry Christmas.”


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets a little more info about Cas' pining experience and then a little...heat! Thanks for all the comments and kudos!

A week after Christmas Dean’s heat was due.  Charlie and Jo usually took Emma for the 3-4 days it lasted but Dean was worried.  He had cleaned the house from top to bottom while trying to organize his thoughts and make a plan to speak with Cas.  Logically he knew that Cas would jump at the chance to spend Dean’s heat with him.  They had never done it before, though they talked about it during high school.  Dean laughed to himself, a little hysterically, when he remembered the reason Cas had been adamant about his no heat/rut sex rule.  They didn’t want Dean to accidentally get pregnant.

So.  Dean had never spent his heat with anyone before and he was nervous about asking Cas to spend it with him.  He didn’t think he would be rejected, but he was not sure that Cas was ready to mate him, and it would be the best time.  Dean on the other hand wanted Cas to spend his heat with him so badly it was making him crazy. 

Cas had been good about letting Dean work through his issue.  He could see his alpha watching him, frowning at him when he didn’t think Dean was looking.  Dean appreciated the space and made sure to show his alpha all the love and affection he could when they were together.  Dean was ok, he just needed to get his thoughts in order and he needed time to do that.  He also needed to keep busy.  Cas had given Dean several days but Dean knew that he would press him soon about it.  Dean decided that he would talk to his alpha that night.

He waited patiently for Cas to finish his nightly routine and they were snuggled together in bed before he spoke.

“Cas?”

“Hmmm?”  Cas rubbed his cheek on Dean’s head where it was laying on his shoulder.  Dean took a deep breath, noting how the sting wasn’t as prominent as it had been.  He was healing both inside and out.

“My heat will be coming in the next few days.”  Dean felt the alpha go completely still.  Dean quickly scented the air trying to gauge Cas’ reaction.  He got a small whiff of happy, hopeful alpha before Cas spoke.

“And what would you like to do?” Cas asked, tone carefully neutral.  Dean knew that it he told Cas that he wanted to complete his cycle alone that Cas would remove himself and Emma to his family’s house and leave Dean in the care of a heat nurse.

“I want Jo and Charlie to take Emma and I want to share my heat with you.  I want you to claim me and mate me.”

“Oh thank God,” Cas sighed, sagging further into the mattress and pulling Dean closer.  “I want that too.”  Cas peppered his face and hair with kisses, finally landing on his lips.  When he pulled away he was smiling and his scent was rich and full of warmth.

Dean chuckled.  “I’m glad alpha.  I haven’t ever had anyone during my heat, so I’m not sure what to expect.”

“Well, I haven’t ever shared a heat or rut either, so we’ll learn together, ok?”  Cas cupped his face and continued to smile.  Dean was a little taken aback by the fact that Cas had never had that experience.  He pulled away slightly, still within the confines of Cas’ arms, but enough that he could see his face again.

“Really?” he asked.  He wasn’t sure what he was expecting of Cas, but the confused frown on his face was not it.

“Of course, Dean,” he replied seriously.  Dean still looked at him silently.  Cas sighted and closed his eyes for a moment.  “I never wanted anyone but you,” he continued softly looking at Dean again.  He swallowed thickly before continuing.  “I…I had a horrible rut when I got to college.  It was the worst one I ever had.  It was towards the middle of September and we hadn’t had a lot of time to talk.  It seemed like every time we got a minute, something came up.  And I tried to put on a brave face for you so that you wouldn’t see how badly I was hurting, but I was so miserable.  At that point I thought that you didn’t really want me to stay and you were just happy to check in.”

“Oh, Cas,” Dean whispered.  He clung to him a bit harder remembering how painful it had been on his end to think that Cas was completely fine without him.  “You did a good job asshole,” he told him without heat.  “So good I thought you didn’t want me.  That was about the time that the pining was getting bad.  And I was pregnant but I didn’t know it yet.  I was a mess.  And then, that’s…that’s when I thought I would let you take the lead and wait for you to call me.”  Dean paused for a moment.  Their scents were clouding, souring together into their shared memories of longing and loneliness.  “And you never did.”

Cas clung to him tighter, rolling them so they were laying on their sides facing each other and Cas burried his face in Dean’s neck.  Cas scented him, nosing along his neck and shoulder.  “Dean, I rutted.  It must have been the same time.  I had such a bad one that my roommate had to take me to the campus clinic.  I woke up in the hospital afterwards.”

Dean jerked back.  “What?”  He was still clinging to Cas, legs tangled, arms around him securely.  “What do you mean the hospital?”  Dean was shocked and worried.  What had happened?

“After seven days the doctor’s sedated me because my organs were starting to shut down.  I was out for ten days total.”

Dean’s breath caught.  Ten days.  It took him out for ten days.  Sedated.  Cas’ rut was so bad that he almost died.  Dean felt nauseous and started shaking. 

“It’s ok Dean, I was ok.  I’m ok now.  It’s ok,” his alpha soothed.  Cas’ scent was burnt with fear, remembering, and Dean knew his smelled the same.

“Cas,” Dean let out a sob.  Cas stroked up and down his back continuing to sooth him.  He jerked back, tears streaming down his face.  “Why?  Why didn’t someone call me?  You were my mate!  Why didn’t someone call me?” Dean cried. 

Cas thumbed away his tears and smiled sadly.  “My mother.”  It was so simple yet so powerful.  Cas caught him as he fell forward again, shaking with sobs and sadness. 

Dean was devastated.  None of the last four years would have happened if someone would have called him.  There would have been nothing, Dean was sure, that kept him from Cas if he was rutting so hard they were sedating him.  He should have been called before that.  But because Cas’ mother hated Dean that much she chose to let her son suffer rather than call him.  And that suffering continued for years.

Dean realized that if this all happened when he thought it did, then that meant that Cas did all of that by himself then woke up to find out his omega hadn’t even tried to check on him.  The guilt weighed him down and he was sobbing again realizing how stupid he had been.  How none of the last few years had to have happened if he had just tried and gotten his head out of his ass.  And it was his fault.

“I’m sorry, Cas.  I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he was babbling into Cas’ neck between sobs.

“Shhh, Dean.  It’s not your fault.  We were both young and stupid, thinking we knew what the other wanted.  We should have talked more openly.”  Cas paused, still stroking his back and holding him tightly.  He pressed kisses to any part of Dean he could reach.  “My mother should have taken better care of me, too.  If she truly loved me she would have called you to come help me.  I could have died and she cared more about the fact that she thought you weren’t a suitable mate for me than she cared for my life.”  Cas sounded so resigned to this fact that is broke Dean’s heart even more.

And just like that Dean was angry.  It burned through the sadness in his scent so fast that Cas sneezed.  Dean pulled back, lashes wet, eyes burning and looked at Cas.

“She…” Dean couldn’t even begin to process the fact that Cas’ mother would have acted that way.  “I’m sorry Cas.  You deserve better than that.”

Cas couldn’t mistake Dean’s anger and they clung together.  “I do.  And now I have better,” he told Dean pressing a kiss to his lips.  When he drew away he continued.  “It was a bad time.  When I realized that you had not contacted me at all it was…well.  Then I realized that my own mother would rather see me dead than with the omega I loved and that changed something in me too.”  Cas’ eyes were so sad Dean almost couldn’t look at him.  He felt silent tears slipping down his cheeks again in response to the ones pooling in Cas’ eyes.  Dean gently drew his hand through Cas’ hair in comfort letting the anger go so his scent could try and even out into something more loving for Cas.  Their bodies were still pressed close and intertwined together.  “I’m sorry it happened this way Dean.  We lost so much time.”

“I’m sorry too, Cas.  I should have told you about Emma right away.  It was selfish of me to make that choice for you.  And I know the rest is my fault too.”  He swallowed around the lump in his throat.  “I love you and I’m so sorry. I can’t believe you came back after all of that.”

Cas gave him a sad smile, his eyes blinking the last of the moisture out onto his cheeks. “I never stopped loving you Dean.  I needed to get myself together and when I thought that I could handle whatever was waiting for me here I returned.  I wish it could have been sooner.”

Dean felt weighted down by the sorrow and regret they shared.  He wiped the last of the tears away from both of their faces and pressed his lips to Cas’ in a reassuring kiss.  “I’m here with you now and forever.  I love you.  And I want to mate you and share my heat with you and only you for the rest of my life.”

“I love you too, Dean.  I want those things too.”

They lay there together, just breathing and kissing and scenting each other for a while.  As their scents gradually evened out their kisses became more passionate and demanding.  When Cas moved to press Dean into the mattress Dean welcomed his weight on top of him.  They spent some time reaffirming their bond and reassuring each other they were there together.

***

Later after they had cleaned up and were laying together again Dean brought up one more topic they needed to discuss. 

“So,” he began quietly head on Cas’ chest.  He was drawing random patterns on Cas’ skin, not looking at the alpha in the eye. 

“So?” Cas asked when it became clear that Dean needed a little more prompting.

“We are going to mate during my heat.  It should be here in two or three days.”  He paused again to gather his courage.  “So, what about pups then?” He asked in a rush of words.

He felt Cas still beneath him and risked looking up at him through his lashes.  Cas’ face was surprised, like he hadn’t considered pups.  Dean breathed in and confirmed Cas’ shock.  Dean sat up so that he could fully look at his alpha.

“Cas?”

Cas tilted his head a fraction and looked at Dean.  Before Dean could become uncomfortable or doubt his mate Cas had him flat on his back, kissing him and nipping at his neck and shoulders.

Dean was startled into a laugh, inhaling the excited and slightly aroused scent of his alpha.

“Is that a yes?” he asked, breathlessly holding on to Cas’ shoulders as he continued to lick and suck at his skin. 

“Mmmm, yes Dean.  Yes, yes, yes.  I want more pups with you.  As many as you’ll give me my omega.  I love you.  I want to be there with you this time.  To love you and cherish you and dote on you the way it should be.”

Dean’s excitement dimmed slightly, remembering how Cas missed out on Emma’s pregnancy, but Cas either caught his slightly souring scent or he just knew Dean that well because he kissed up to his ear and whispered in it.

“I want to make new memories with you Dean.  We cannot change the past and there is no guarantee that we would be here now if we did.  I want to look to the future and plan ahead.  I can’t wait.”

Dean relaxed and drew Cas in for a long kiss.  When they pulled away they were both smiling.

“So, yes to now?” Dean asked, still not sure if Cas was excited about the idea of future pups or pups now.

“Yes to whenever you’d like to have them Dean.”  Cas was laying half on top of him, boxing him in, keeping his weight on his arms.  He looked right into Dean’s eyes when he spoke.  “If you want to work towards your degree and teach for a few years before we have more then we can wait.  If you want to have another pup now then we’ll do it now.  If I’m honest, I want pups now.  I grew up with lots of siblings close in age and I always thought that would be how I would have my family too.  But I can wait.  I have you and Emma and I’m happy with what we have right now.”

Dean looked at his mate.  Cas was amazing.  He really was a dream come true.  He pressed forward to kiss him full on the mouth.  When he drew away Cas was cupping his cheek.  Dean took the opportunity to nuzzle into his palm before he spoke.

“I’d like to have another now, too.”  He smiled at Cas who’s smile grew wide at Dean’s words.  “I’d like to teach eventually, but Emma’s three already.  I know we are still young, but a house full of pups sounds good to me too.”

***

“Love you Peanut,” Dean told Emma as he kissed her one last time.  “Be good for Auntie Charlie and Auntie Jo, ok?” Dean told her.  Emma smiled sweetly at him and kissed his cheek.  Dean turned to Charlie handing Emma over to her.  “She’s got everything in her bag and her lovey is on top.  I put her favorite DVD in the front pocket and-“

“Dean.”  Charlie cut him off with a chuckle.  “I know the drill.  I’ve been taking Emma since she was weaned.  We’ll be fine.  Are you ok?”  Charlie looked at him closely.

Dean let out a deep breath and ran hand through Emma’s hair.  The gesture was more to calm himself than to comfort her.  “Yea.  Just feeling itchy and hot already.”  Charlie cocked a brow and Dean rolled his eyes.  His friend knew him too well.  “And maybe I’m a little nervous.”

“Well, I would be too if I were you,” Charlie said matter of factly.  It was Dean’s turn to raise his eyebrows.  “What?  You’re mating Cas.  Cas, Dean!  This whole thing has been like a fairy tale and now that you’re almost to the happily ever after part it is scary as you know what.  It’s ok to be nervous, but just remember.  It is _Cas_ you’re mating.”  She smiled at him and winked.  Dean chuckled and nodded.

She was right.  It was Cas.  He was a little nervous about it, but to be honest, he was more excited.  He knew that Cas was going to be there for him and that they were going to see about another pup during the heat, but he just wanted to belong to Cas.  He wanted that mark to show off to everyone.

“Thanks Red,” he told her hugging both of them tightly.  “Now, you guys have fun.  I’ll call when things die down, ok?”

“Hopefully sooner than later!” Charlie exclaimed.

“Hopefully sooner than later,” Dean parroted.  They had not told many people they were going to try for another pup during this heat but Dean needed someone to talk to about it and Charlie was the logical choice since she knew everything about him anyway.  

They said their final good-byes and Dean locked the door behind them.  Cas would be home in several hours.  Dean had called him when he felt the first indications that the heat was approaching.  He and Emma had made it home from school before Dean realized what was happening but when he started to get hot and irritable he knew he needed to make some phone calls.

He told Cas not to hurry, that it could be hours before it fully hit, but he should wrap it up for the next few days and officially take his leave.  He had called his principal and let her know after that.  Then he had called Charlie who was on standby and helped Emma pack her bag.  Though Emma hated the nights when Dean worked at the Roadhouse she loved going to visit her aunts for a few days every few months. It was a time when she got spoiled rotten and she loved every second of it.

Dean began to gather supplies to take upstairs and organize.  Cas had brought home a small refrigerator to put in the bedroom for drinks.  Dean had laughed at him at first but when Cas informed him that many online sites suggested this item for heats he shut his mouth.  Cas had been doing some research and Dean was touched that his alpha was going to such lengths to make sure that he was taken care of.

Cas had insisted they go shopping for supplies the weekend before so Dean was loaded down with bottles of water, juice and Gatorade.  He put them in the fridge and then brought up the trail mix, granola bars and crackers Cas had also bought.  There were several meals in the freezer ready to heat and serve as well as soups if Dean’s stomach was upset.

Dean set out the extra towels and washcloths and stripped the bed down to the sheets knowing that no blanket would ever cover him during a heat.  He took the comforter and wrapped it around the end of the bed along with a few other blankets.  He had taken the one from the back of the couch and Emma’s bed and put them both on.  He had gotten the extra pillows out of the back of his closet that he liked and worked on his nest.  He was still arranging things the way he wanted them when he heard the front door open.

He hadn’t been paying attention to his heat while he was working but once he stopped and knew his alpha had walked in the door Dean was suddenly sweating.  He was itchy and panting and he let out a whine when he heard Cas call his name.  He threw off his clothes and met a surprised alpha on the threshold of their bedroom.

“Dean,” Cas growled, grabbing by his hips.

“Alpha,” Dean whined again baring his neck.  Cas leaned in and licked a stripe up from his collar bone to his jaw before nipping at his scent gland where his mating mark would be soon.

As soon as Dean felt Cas’ teeth on his skin his body exploded and he was in full heat.  He could feel the slick running down his thighs and his scent turned sweeter and more intoxicating.  Cas growled and started pushing him back towards the bed.

Dean went willingly to the mattress and Cas pressed down onto his back.  “Love you Dean,” Cas panted against his neck.  “I’m going to take care of you.”

Dean sighed and relaxed into the mattress.  “I know Cas,” he told him.  “I trust you.”

Cas kissed his neck and licked across the mating gland on Dean’s neck.  He scented Dean as his hands continued to run up and down his sides.  Dean closed his eyes and let himself feel the sensations, feel how good Cas was making him feel.

“Cas…” Dean moaned.

“Dean,” Cas whispered.  He paused.  “Dean,” he said, his voice dark and low.

Dean shivered and looked into Cas’ eyes.  He was surprised to see that they were still completely blue.  The pupils were blown wide, but there was no trace of alpha red.

“Now, Dean?  Can I mate you now before we get lost in the pheromones and lose control?  I don’t want it to be…I just want it to be…”

“Yes, Cas.  Now.  Mate me now.”  Dean stroked over Cas’ jaw, breathing deeply trying to calm himself.  He wanted to be present for this so that his memory would be clear.  He knew that was what Cas wanted to.

Cas leaned forward and kissed him passionately before trailing kisses along is jawline over to his neck and down to his shoulder joint where the mating gland was located.  He snuffled around, licking and sucking until he found the perfect spot.  Cas placed a chaste kiss on the spot before he sank his teeth into Dean’s flesh. 

Dean was prepared for the pain but the jolt of adrenaline he got when Cas’ fangs sunk into his neck was unexpected.  He felt tingly throughout his body and suddenly his mind felt like it was opened and he could feel Cas through his half of the bond.  Dean sighed and wrapped his arms around Cas’ neck while Cas continued to lick over the wound. 

When Cas tilted his neck in invitation to Dean he didn’t hesitate.  He knew where he wanted his bite to be and he went right for it, sinking his teeth into Cas’ neck, tasting the blood that flooded his mouth.  Cas hummed against Dean, still nosing his mark.

They lay together for a moment, just enjoying the feeling of being close together physically while getting used to the bond as it solidified.

“Cas,” Dean whispered in awe.  Suddenly, his heat was the last thing on his mind.  The fact that they had finally done it, they were finally mated, stunned Dean.  It had happened so naturally.  Dean had not questioned it or worried about it and he was ecstatic.  He could feel Cas’ wonder coming through the bond as well and underneath the excitement and astonishment, Dean could feel his steady devotion and adoration.  “Cas,” Dean breathed again.  “Oh Cas, it’s…”

Cas smiled at him, radiant and pure.  “I know Dean.  I can’t describe it.  It’s perfect.  You’re perfect.  I love you.”

Cas pressed his lips to his with such tenderness Dean was overwhelmed.  He never thought he would get to have this and here he was.  Cas was his forever.  He gently thumbed over the mating mark on his alpha’s neck, making them both shiver. 

Cas adjusted his weight over Dean, pressing him more firmly into the mattress and Dean was suddenly very aware that he was naked and his alpha was not.

“Off,” he grumbled pulling at Cas’ shirt.  “Take it off.  I need you Cas,” he continued.  Cas quickly drew back and stripped completely.  Dean could feel his heat ratchet up and suddenly all he could think about was touching Cas.

“Please,” he whispered.  Cas smiled at him, eyes bleeding red.

“Yes my omega.  My mate.”

***

Dean’s heat lasted three days.  When it seemed to naturally wind itself down, Dean couldn’t contain his disappointment.  

Dean lay awake, Cas at his back sleeping and tried to work through his feelings of sadness and regret.  He chastised himself because he had everything he asked for, had been asking for for years, and it still wasn’t enough. 

“You’re thinking awfully hard, Dean,” Cas murmured in his ear.  He tightened his hold on Dean’s chest, nuzzling softly in his hair.  He couldn’t keep any emotions from Cas now that they were mated, scent notwithstanding.

Dean sighed.  “I’m sorry, Cas.  Didn’t mean to wake you.  I was just thinking.”

“You know there will be lots of times to try,” he continued softly.  “Just because it might not have taken this time doesn’t mean anything.  And just because your heat didn’t stop abruptly doesn’t mean anything either.  Remember, it took a few weeks with Emma too.”

“I know,” Dean told him.  And he wasn’t worried anything was wrong or overthinking in that direction. He was just sad.  He was so sure that he would pup.  “I thought it would be easy, you know?  I mean, we got Emma without trying on the tail end of my heat. I thought for sure that spending a whole heat together would be certain.  But then I feel guilty because I feel like I’ve gotten greedy.  I have Emma.  I have you.  I have a good life now.  We mated at the beginning of the cycle and it’s all I’ve ever wanted, Cas.  I should be over the fucking moon right now, and I’m not.  So I’m kinda pissed at myself too, because, yea, I guess I’m greedy like that.”  Dean huffed and turned his face into the pillow.

“You’re not greedy Dean.  I want a pup just as much as you do.  But I’m happy to wait and have more time with just you and Emma too.”

“And so am I Cas, which is why I’m not sure what my issue is.  I think I just go my hopes up.”  Dean was still turned into the pillow but Cas’ gentle fingers pulled him away.  Cas shifted so he could see Dean’s eyes.

“It’s ok to be disappointed Dean.  But we’ll try again if this time didn’t take.  We just need to wait and see.”  He kissed him then and Dean forgot about being disappointed for a little while.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok you guys, this is the last chapter! Tomorrow will be the epilogue and then it will be done! I hope you enjoy!

The following week life had gone back to normal.  Cas officially moved in, which just consisted of moving two or three boxes of items and the rest of his clothes to Dean’s house.  Dean’s satisfaction when he saw their clothes together in the closet was palpable.

“See something you like?” Cas had teased him.  Dean had just nodded and wrapped his arms around his mate, scenting him. 

Cas was tight lipped about retrieving his belongings meaning that there had been drama but he didn’t want to talk about it.  Dean could wait.  He didn’t want to taint their happiness but he knew Cas would need to process whatever it was together soon.

It was customary to throw a small mating party after the couple had made things official, so Dean and Cas were hosting a small gathering at their home two weekends after.  Dean was excited to show off his bite to everyone and share their joy. 

He and Emma had been playing outside in the mild weather while Cas was cleaning and working inside.  They had a quick lunch and settled Emma for her nap.  Their guests would be arriving in the late afternoon.

“How about a shower?” Cas asked him when he had closed Emma’s door.

Dean yawned.  “I think a nap would be better,” he replied.  He smiled at Cas as he took his hand and he let Cas lead him into their bedroom.  He stripped them both and walked into the connected bathroom to start the water.  Dean followed slowly, enjoying the view from behind.

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and pressed a kiss to his forehead.  He had been extra affectionate since their mating the week before.  His alpha had always been attentive, but since their bond had formed he could more easily read Dean and he was always in tune with his mood.

His heat had exacerbated his ribs a bit and when it was over Dean was hurting again.  He had continued to see the therapist and probably would for a while but the renewed pain had brought up memories and flashes that he thought he was taking care of.

Cas had been able to sense his moods and had been there to help him breathe through the pain and scent him to remind Dean he was safe and his alpha was there to take care of him and protect him.  Dean was grateful for the love and support and only grumbled a little bit about being coddled.

As he stepped into the shower after his alpha he sighed as the warm water beat down on his back.  He had worked up a sweat chasing Emma and his ribs were protesting a bit.  His arm was regaining strength and was back to normal.  Both his eye and his lip had healed completely by New Year’s.  The ribs would take the longest to heal and Dean was irritated that it was taking so long.

Cas pulled him close and kissed him again.  He kept it simple and chaste on Dean’s lips before he bent to scent him.  Dean’s nose was pressed into Cas’ neck as well and he relaxed into the strong hold of his alpha.  They stood there for a few moments, just breathing together under the hot spray.

Suddenly Cas stiffened.  His hold tightened on Dean and he pressed his nose firmly into Dean’s neck.  Dean could smell the change in Cas’ scent from relaxed to cautious to shocked and finally, notes of joy were bleeding through.  Cas’ scent burst with sunshine and Dean was smiling in response to it before he could process what was going on.

Dean pulled away slightly to try and get a look at his mate.  “Cas, wha-“  Dean stopped.  Cas had pulled away and was looking in his eyes.  The joyful smile on his face stopped Dean’s question.  Cas was radiant, happier than Dean had smelled him since their mating and there were tears in his eyes.  Dean was smiling stupidly in response to Cas’ excitement, still not knowing what was going on.  Cas began to chuckle as he gently grasped both sides of his face.

“We did it,” he whispered.  He pressed his lips to Dean’s telling him again, “we did it.”

Dean returned the kiss and grabbed onto Ca’s hips but asked a confused, “did what?” between kisses.

Cas pulled away, keeping one hand on Dean’s face while sliding the other down to rest gently on Dean’s stomach. “Your scent has changed, Dean.”

Dean blinked at his alpha for a minute before a huge grin broke out on his face.  “Yea?” he asked.  Cas nodded.

“Yea!” Dean crowed, happiness spilling over into his scent.  He flung his arms around Cas and peppered his face and hair with kisses.  “It’s early, how can you tell?” 

“I can just scent it.  You were sweaty and I could just faintly smell it, but it’s there.  You’re sweeter.  You pupped.”  Cas chuckled again.  “We’re going to have another pup!  Oh, God, Dean.”  Cas pulled him in for a hug, scenting him again.  “Thank you, Dean.  Thank you for giving me this.”

“Cas…” Dean began, clinging to his mate, squeezing his eyes shut to stop his emotions.  Cas had it wrong.  Dean hadn’t given Cas anything.  It was the other way around.  “You’ve given me everything.  I love you so much.  Emma’s going to be a big sister!”

In the end they did wash but the party was forgotten for a while as they lay together in bed absorbing this new discovery and sharing their happiness.

 

***

In the end they didn’t have to make a big announcement, Emma did it for them.

After all the guests had arrived and Dean had been working in the kitchen to get the food together, he had grabbed Emma to help tell everyone the dinner was ready.  She was sitting on his hip when she exclaimed,

“Daddy, you smell funny!  Like a cupcake!”  She giggled and scented him again, not noticing how quiet the room at gotten.  Dean nervously looked at Cas across the room.  He was standing with Sam and Jess who looked happy, but not surprised.  Dean glanced at Bobby and Ellen who looked hopeful with slight smiles on their faces.  He quickly shot a look to Charlie who was silently jumping up and down clapping.  Jo was next to her with an unreadable expression on her face.

Dean cleared his throat and looked back at his pup.  “Ah, yea, Em.  That can sometimes happen.”

“Why?” she asked innocently.  Dean chuckled, looking at her curious blue eyes.  He glanced at Cas who just continued to smile at him.

“When an omega has a pup in their belly their scent changes.”

Though Emma wasn’t quite sure what to make of that statement, it was enough for the rest of the family to confirm their hopes and suspicions.  Cheers erupted and there were hugs all around.

Dean could fell his face starting to ache from smiling so much.  When Charlie got to him she squeezed them and held on tight for a long time. 

“Hey Red,” Dean murmured squeezing her right back.  He went to release her but she just held on tighter.  Dean’s arms pulled her back to him and he realized that she was crying.  “Charlie, what is it?” he asked gently.

Her nose was pressed into his neck and her voice was muffled but he could sort of make out her words.

“Just happy for you.”  They hugged for another minute before she pulled back.  Her eyes were watery but her smile was genuine.  “I’m so freaking happy for the two of you I can’t stand it.  I just can’t believe it.  You found your alpha and you mated and now you’re going to have a pup!”

Dean laughed and nodded.  He sighed a happy sigh and realized that something was off.  His brain began to work and he realized that he didn’t know Charlie was crying until he felt her shaking a bit.  And he couldn’t smell her.  He took another breath and narrowed his eyes at her.

“What’s going on?” he asked her.  He knew he was right when her eyes widened a bit before she could school her expression.  “Charlie.  Why are wearing scent blockers?”

“It’s nothing!” She cried trying to placate him.  “Everything is great, actually, but we can talk about me tomorrow, ok?”

“Charlie…” Dean began, eyes narrowing.  He was looking her over, eyes roaming and searching.  She was glowing, radiant and not just in a way that was happy for her friend.  She looked softer somehow.  A slow smile began to creep across his face, hope and excitement leaking into his scent and over his face.  “Charlie, is there something you want to tell me?” he asked her, trying to keep his grin in check.

“Tomorrow,” she told him nodding her head, smile plastered across her face, joy radiating from her eyes.  “Today is your day.”

Dean bit his lip and pulled her in close.  “Ok, Red.  We’ll talk tomorrow if that’s what you want.”  He laughed and suddenly, she was laughing with him. 

Dean couldn’t believe it.  He had pupped, and his best friend had too.  Not only did he get to have another pup, but he got to go through it with his bestie. 

“What are you two laughing about?” Cas asked as he approached them, bringing some water for Dean.

“Nothing!” they both said in unison.  That only made them giggle harder and Cas just looked at them. 

“Don’t worry Cas, it’s a good thing.”  Dean smiled at him, letting the elation and excitement flow through their bond.  Cas smiled at him and pressed a kiss to his forehead. He reached for Emma and she gladly went to him.

“Let’s go get some ice cream, hm?” he asked her.  Charlie and Dean continued to smile fondly at them as Emma’s squeals could be heard all the way to the kitchen.

***

A little while later Dean was looking for Cas.  He stopped short of the corner into the kitchen when he heard Jo’s voice.

“So it’s official?” she asked.

“Yes, Jo.  It’s official.  I love Dean more than anything.”

“And he’s pupped again.”  Dean rolled his eyes and huffed a breath.  Jo was overprotective in the extreme.  He had tried to let her work through it on her own, but this was getting ridiculous.  They were mated and having another pup.  Jo needed to be more worried about her own mate than Dean.

“Yes, he has.  He and I both agreed that we didn’t want to wait.”

There was silence for a moment before Jo continued.  “You leave him now and I’ll gut you and throw your body in the river.”

Ok, that was enough.  Dean went to step around the corner, showing himself.  The chances that they had smelled him standing so close already were high, but he needed to actively participate in this conversation.

Before he could open his mouth though, his alpha pulled him close and nuzzled his mating bite, calming Dean and bringing them both comfort.  He stroked his hand over Dean’s stomach and he melted against his mate.

“Don’t be mad at her, Dean,” Cas whispered in his ear.  “She’s working through it and she’s going to be ok.”

Dean growled a little, shooting Jo a glare.  She just shrugged and sipped her beer.  Dean pulled away from Cas’ nuzzling and faced her.

“Jo, I know you mean well, but we are good.  We’re mated, having another pup and I couldn’t be happier.  I need you to be happy for me too.”  He looked at her pleadingly.  It was wearing on him that she was still hung up on the fact that he had been without Cas when he pupped Emma.  It was in the past and they couldn’t change it. 

Cas had firmly continued to reiterate that to Dean and he was starting to believe it.  He wanted to look towards the future not get lost in the past.  Just like Cas did. 

He and Jo stared at each other for a few long minutes before she nodded once.  “I know.  I am happy for you, Dean.  And if this is for real and I can see it is, I’ll try and be less protective and focus on being happy for you both.”  She paused.  “But, just so you know, even if you had mated four years ago, I would have told him the same thing.”  She winked and sauntered out of the kitchen. 

Dean watched her go, mouth slightly open.  Cas silently shook with laughter behind him, arms still around his middle.  Dean turned to look at him, prepared to reprimand him, but found her couldn’t.  They giggled together and Cas kissed him gently on the lips.

“I’m glad you have her, Dean.”

***

When everyone was gone and Emma was tucked in bed sleeping soundly, Cas and Dean curled up in their own bed together.  They lay facing each other, arms around one another, kissing.

Dean was so thankful to anything and everything for this man.  He was so happy to have a second chance to have Cas as his mate.  To have Emma and another pup on the way.  He thought for a while his life would be lonely and sad, that happiness was for other people. 

Instead he had a protective, possessive, hot alpha in his bed with his claim on his neck.  No matter what happened in the future, Dean knew that he and Cas would face it together.  Dean had learned that he needed to communicate more and let people help him.  He knew that they wanted to help him and it was a way to show their love.

As he burrowed into Cas’ chest to sleep, he pressed a kiss over his heart.  “Love you, Cas,” he murmured as he started to purr.  He barely heard Cas’ reply as he drifted off to sleep.

“Love you more, my omega.”


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the Epilogue. Enjoy!

**1 year later:**

A piercing cry woke Dean from his sleep.  He groggily sat up, and swung his feet into the small space between the bed and the bassinet. 

“Hello Claire,” he murmured as he picked up the squalling baby.  She continued to cry and began to root around Dean trying to find milk.  He quickly moved to the make shift changing table on the top of his dresser, quietly shushing and bouncing his 8 week old baby girl.  “Sorry baby, I know you’re going to be mad, but diaper first, then milk then sleep,” Dean whispered to her.  Cas grumbled in his sleep and sat up, looking over at Dean.

“Can I help?  What do you need?”  Cas was already moving to throw the covers back to help Dean.   

“We’re ok, Cas.  Go-“  Dean was cut off by another shrill cry from the other side of the bassinet.  He gave an apologetic half shrug as he glanced over his shoulder to where Cas was padding around the end of the bed.  

Dean finished with Claire and zipped her back up just in time for Cas to bring Jack over.  Cas laid him down next to his twin and they calmed slightly being back together. 

Dean began to change Jack just like he had with Claire, but Cas stopped him with a gently kiss to his temple and an arm wrapped around his waist.

“Let me change him,” he murmured.  “Take Claire and get settled and I’ll bring him over when we’re done.”  Dean leaned into him for a moment before the noises began again on the table where the babies were.

He pulled his t-shirt off and threw it on the bed before he scooped up Claire and headed across the hallway to the nursery and the rocking chair.  He settled in the extra-large chair and in seconds Claire was nursing greedily. 

Dean sighed, letting his head fall back against the plush cushion.  He was so grateful for a good rocking chair this time.  He didn’t have one with Emma until she was almost a year old and he remembered having to maneuver pillows and walking while nursing to settle her.  When he and Cas found out they were having twins Dean told him the only thing he wanted was a comfortable rocker that he could have to nurse both of them. 

Cas had started looking that day and had surprised Dean with the light brown micro suede chair at the baby shower.

Cas entered the nursery with Jack on his shoulder and Dean reached for him.  Cas helped him balance and get both babies latched on then sat on the floor next to them while Dean gently rocked back and forth.  Cas comforted them with his presence and soft touches, stroking the babies’ heads and Dean’s thigh.

When he noticed Claire starting to slow down he rose to take her.  “Do you need a bottle for Jack do you think?” he asked softly burping the baby.

Dean smiled and shook his head watching Cas hold their daughter.  Dean was still not used to the surge of love he felt every time he saw Cas hold one of them.  He had seen Cas with Emma and he loved their bond, but there was something about seeing Cas for the first time with their newborns that really got to Dean.

He knew that it was because he hadn’t had Cas the first time.  Cas had been amazing during the pregnancy and the differences between the first and second pregnancies for Dean was astonishing.  Dean was still sick with morning sickness, but there was no pining.  Dean gained weight and enjoyed snuggling with his alpha every night.  He was happy and content and the pregnancy and delivery were infinitely easier on him.

Now, watching Cas hold Claire, he was sad that Cas had missed this with Emma, but he was glad that they were together now.  He hoped, even in his sleep deprived and crazy state, that there would be more pups.

“I think we are ok, Cas.  I’m not sure they really need this feeding anymore, I think it’s just more habit.  He’s slowing down now,” Dean continued nodding down to Jack who was just mouthing at Dean now.  Dean gently reached up and detached him.  Jack smacked his lips and nuzzled into Dean’s chest, but his eyes stayed closed in sleep.

Dean stood and met Cas in the middle of the floor, both babies held between their bodies.  He kissed Cas softly and patted Claire’s back.  He sighed happily and Cas wrapped an arm around him, drawing him close.   They stayed wrapped together for a few minutes, listening to the babies’ breathing and comforting one another before Cas pulled away.

“Let’s get back to bed,” he suggested.  They walked across the hall and put the twins back into the bassinet together before collapsing down on the bed.  Cas gathered Dean in his arms and gently spooned up behind him so they were both facing the babies.

“I love you all,” Cas whispered to him.

“And we love you too, Cas,” Dean told him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who read this fic! It was just an idea that I had bouncing around in my head and it turned into a monster of a story. Thank you for all your kudos and comments, especially those of you who commented often. This is a much richer story on Cas' part because of you. I hadn't planned on putting in a lot of his POV and in fact, the only scene originally written from his side was the Christmas scene.
> 
> I was able to post quickly for this fic because it was mostly done when I started, so there will be a bit of a break between the end of this one and another, but I'm already working on it!
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed reading this story as much as I did writing it!
> 
> <3


End file.
